Britney Spears Black Lingerie

By Lex January 26, 2016 @ 9:38 AM

Britney Spears Black Lingerie For Instagram
Britney Spears has been posting dark brooding pictures of herself in in her underwear again. She looks like a bat. Or a crazy person who thinks she’s a bat. This is precisely the kind of evidence her dad uses against her in court to keep the Vegas dollars flowing directly to his PayPal. Something’s about to break. Ask now if she’s trying to impress Jodie Foster. She looks good. Somebody’s already dead.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Lindsay Lohan Calls on the Forces of Dead Maya Angelou

By Lex December 17, 2015 @ 7:19 AM

Maya-Angelou-Quote

Maya Angelou was the poet of super lazy people. A Nike slogan writer for the largely unread. Death was no end for Angelou Pablum. Re-posters of her shlock continue to feed at the trough. Lindsay Lohan reached for a little Angelou in time of Twitter beef. It’s like the Gatlin gun in old Westerns. The fight is now over.

Jennifer Lawrence invoked Lindsay Lohan’s name  in a metaphor to describe how tired she’s been lately, exhausted to the point of vomiting. Though she disclaimed any drug or alcohol use. Sort of an unnecessary pile-on. Lindsay’s anorexic sister, Ali, who is force fed hummus through a tube like black site Jihadi detainees came to the defense of her sister:

Ali-Lohan-Tweet

She @LindsayLohan so her sister could see her work and quit moaning about having to help her with rent each month. That’s when Lindsay went Gatlin with Angelou:

@aliana thank you sister.. Maybe who you’re referring to should learn to support others like #mayaangelou

The Lohans fight scrappy. Since neither attended high school, you know it’s innate. Jennifer Lawrence might be some hot shot queen of Hollywood earning equal pay to her male co-stars, but she’s not Long Island rugged like the Lohans. Tussle with an L.I. girl with an ex-con daddy and you will come away with some open thumb punches landed. Keep it to Twitter. The Lohans stretch just to get to sixty characters. Wake me when there’s hair pulling.

Photo credit: Lindsay Lohan/Twitter

Lindsay Lohan in A Bikini

By Lex December 08, 2015 @ 9:49 AM

Lindsay Lohan Bikinis For Notofu
In her first magazine appearance in over a year, Lindsay Lohan modeled for a series of blown out bikini pictures in NoTofu magazine. That’s No Tofu. Wait a few minutes. Somebody back at HQ rotated the brightness and contrast buttons until Lohan looked less fat. Or visible to the naked eye. The images meet the proof of life standards that keeps Lindsay’s creditors from filing final paperwork. In this era when so many American youth are off to the Middle East for decent shawarma and Jihadi terror training, it’s reassuring to see one ex-pat content with ditching her homeland just to get snoggered in peace. Is that a bomb in your knickers? Just kidding, I can see you’re not wearing any panties.

Photo Credit: NoTofu

Lindsay Lohan Suffers From Coincidence

By Lex November 13, 2015 @ 9:14 AM

Lindsay-Lohan-as-Sharon-Tate

Lindsay Lohan posted a photo of herself in 60′s garb on Instagram citing her love of Sharon Tate. Tate being the ingenue actress who Charles Manson family members stabbed to death while eight months pregnant in her home. Lohan posted the photo yesterday on Charles Manson’s birthday which Lohan defenders are claiming is purely unfortunate coincidence. Sort of the way her mom coincidentally borrowed the one purse where Lindsay keeps her stash. It’s hard to know what’s more unbelievable. That Lohan randomly selected to homage a rarely mentioned 60′s murdered actress on the birthday of that actress’ world famous murderer, or that she has defenders. When Lohan posts her I Love Nicole Brown get up on O.J.’s birthday, I’m calling bullshit. Wet brain is a valid medical condition, but it doesn’t explain that double chin.

Lindsay Lohan Mus Musculus

By Lex October 29, 2015 @ 11:48 AM

Lindsay Lohan Goes As Sexy Mouse For Halloween Party In London
Lindsay Lohan gears up for Halloween around mid-March after she wakes up from New Year’s. It’s a brutal schedule, but Halloween is her favorite holiday. In her newly adopted home of London she went as a mouse you might like to fuck after a couple or three spiked ciders. Lohan got heavily into character and ate nothing but moldy cheese out of the dumpsters where she slept for seven weeks leading up to the evening. It’s unclear if the blood from her mouth is part of the costume or that’s just fucking blood coming out of her mouth. Make that six ciders. Don’t meow when she’s in character if you’d like to keep your dick.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lindsay Lohan’s Freckly Nips And Shit Around The Web

By Michael September 21, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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There was a time when Lindsay Lohan was considered desirable. She was probably underaged then now that I think about it. Now she looks like a freckled purse with tits. So, you’d still do here, you just wouldn’t brag to your friends.

Look upon her nipples if you dare. (Drunken Stepfather)

Marcela Vivian sports some see-through lingerie. (Last Men On Earth)

Behold Julia Nobis’ naked titties. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Rose McGowan’s partly naked music video for Rm486 is bonkers. (TMZ)

Your mom’s favorite sleazy author, Jackie Collins, died. (Dlisted)

Jennifer Lopez is cleavy is as fuck. (Popoholic)

Let’s start the week off right with thigh gaps. (The Chive)