By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 9:55 AM
Childhood trauma, drinking, drugs, anorexia, prison, failed careers. These are among the things that simply can’t keep the Lohan sisters down. Those two chin-up girls donned some ill fitting bikinis for their respectively awkward shaped bodies and hit the high seas about ten feet off the coast of Capri, lest probation officer helicopters come swooping down. The girls swam and suntanned and played the liars poker game of ‘Daddy did worse to me’ which as always ended in a mix of giggles and violent tremors. It was a nice chance for the sisters to get together and talk about the latest summer fashions and how they never want to bring babies into this cruel world.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 2:47 PM
Lindsay Lohan’s desire to remain out of the spotlight off the gossip columns continues to be thwarted by her rather strong desire to fall down in public and promote her tits off on social media. It’s like watching the Scarecrow try and point the way to Oz. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be helpful.
Photo Credit: Lindsay Lohan/Instagram
By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 8:49 AM
Lindsay Lohan’s slide rule calculations proved a little off in her effort to achieve beyond-camera distance on her rented boat in Italy. Lindsay didn’t want anybody to see her making out with what everyone is calling her new boyfriend because journalists are uncomfortable using the term fuck buddy. Lindsay’s attempts at privacy only persist in the daylight hours. In the evening she was vomiting down his throat as she tugged on his thumb for half an hour wondering why he wouldn’t cum. He’s an English reality TV tool who’s going to have to figure out some better excuses when Lindsay follows up on her threat to move to London. It’s one thing to get some quick fame points by being Lindsay’s latest lay, it’s another thing when she shows up in her flannel PJs in tears at your flat asking you if you know how to buy tampons in British.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 15, 2014 @ 9:15 AM
Lindsay Lohan announced she’s moving to London because they don’t have TMZ on TV there, just thoughtful news and music programming.
“It feels really good to be able to turn on the TV and not see everything be about gossip.”
I take this to mean she hasn’t figured out how to change the channel yet on her hotel room remote. Like so many not so super intelligent ex-pat celebrities running from bad reputations, Lindsay has been drawn to the European sensibilities concerning privacy and personal space. Lindsay was expounding on such in Italy when she took a dive on the red carpet and was surrounded by thousands of cameraman trying to get pictures of her urine soaked panties. It was at that low moment Lindsay realized the pointless effort to out-run her demons and decided to finally face the childhood trauma that led her to such a fallen place. Just kidding about that last part. But not the part about the urine soaked panties.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet
By Lex July 03, 2014 @ 11:47 AM
I’m sure Lindsay Lohan has an explanation for the cuts and nasty bruises on her legs. I’m sure it’s nothing close to the truth, which to be fair, she probably doesn’t remember. Lindsay turned 28 yesterday, which completely fucked over my ghoul pool bets. She celebrated the day by suing the shit out of Rockstar Games, claiming the ditzy slutty self-absorbed celebrity character Lacey Kunis in Grand Theft Auto V is based on her life story and likeness. Just on its face, that certainly seems plausible. GTA always maintains it uses no real people or locations in its games, though it renders a very close virtual approximation. In the game story line, the Lacey character visits what is clearly the Chateau Marmont and rushes into alleys saying shit like:
Can you give me a ride past them [the paparazzi], please? I’m hardly wearing any makeup. This is a disaster. I’m so fucking fat. How’s my hair? Do I look cute?
I don’t know. It’s shallow. But where’s the slurring and spoonerisms? Where’s the 50-year old named Dina Kunis who creeps up and steals her stash? As a juror, I’m probably going with jury nullification. Lindsay maybe employees two or three personal assistants slash hookup girls. But there’s an entire industry of jobs and livelihoods built up around mocking Lindsay Lohan. Our economy can’t suffer that kind of loss right now. Lindsay must sacrifice so that others might live. Though we could probably buy her some battered wife makeup for her legs.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex June 18, 2014 @ 3:28 PM
With all the disturbing allegations against Terry Richardson, the creepy fashion photographer wants to be clear on one thing: he didn’t bone Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay has made such suggestions in the past about post-shoot coitus. Just because you made a few young models call you Uncle Terry while you shimmied your cock into their nooks and crannies shouldn’t subject you to the charge of copulation by Lohan.
Terry Richardson is on an ever sinking island of fetish shots and sex toys. While mindless celebrity boobs still have his back, his friends and peers are abandoning him for fear of being labeled a pedo-rapist-WMD co-conspirator:
I don’t want to be against these girls. Anyone who questions any of it is attacked with death threats – Dian Hanson, editor at Taschen
Nothing says honest debate like a death threat. Maybe it’s Dylan Farrow with a hatchet. A little catharsis would do her good.
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson