By Lex December 17, 2014 @ 10:11 AM
Lindsay Lohan got the latest nod to dance creepily for Love Magazine’s ode to Quaalude Christmas. Video producers had the foresight to put Lindsay in an oversized sweater so viewers can pretend drinking since puberty hasn’t left her looking like an aging madam in an Old West saloon. I couldn’t think of anything more Christmas than watching Lindsay Lohan trying to be coquettish. Perhaps the reindeer pulling a train on Mrs. Clause while Kris films with a GoPro mounted to his hat. Or the birth of Jesus.
Photo Credit: Love Magazine
By Lex December 05, 2014 @ 1:33 PM
Lindsay Lohan just launched her line of skater wear for young men at Pac Sun. I know teens are impressionable fucks, but I’m wondering which part of the myth of Lindsay Lohan might attract even the most moronic freshman mall rat. The line is called My Addiction, lending the street cred of Lindsay’s losing battle with drugs and alcohol to the purchase inducement of her spread eagle in advertisements. Now I’m wondering which kid doesn’t buy this merch. If you’re going to get your ass kicked by seniors in the bathroom, why not doing it dressed in Lindsay Lohan’s clothes. That’s the stuff of high school legends.
Photo Credit: Civil Clothing
By Lex November 25, 2014 @ 9:33 AM
Michael Lohan decided not to tell his kids that he was making an honest woman out of Kate Major the second she got out of jail gestating his second bastard child. It’s kind of romantic in an abandoned building shooting gallery love affair kind of way. Having his celebrity kids attend the wedding would’ve turned the entire event into a media circus rather than the quiet Satanic letting of the blood in the name of the Dark Master Michael and Kate were hoping for. After a quick service, the couple fed each other pieces of cake Michael had laced with human growth hormones and Rohypnol as he turned on a taped message for their toddler son to put a pillow over mommy’s face as she slept because it’s so funny.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex October 28, 2014 @ 10:53 AM
When nobody wants to see your tits anymore, you’ve got two choices. Breastfeeding selfies or commissioning a street artist to paint you as a naked Marilyn Monroe. Lindsay Lohan’s probation terms don’t allow her to handle infants, so she paid a dude in London to paint her tits. The great families of Europe have been sitting for portraits for generations. The less great families have been paying street artists and latex sex toy manufacturers to model their genitals for a while now too.
I love Lindsay, she is beautiful. She has had such hard times, but comes back even more beautiful. I loved painting her. — Pegasus, street artist commissioned by Lindsay.
Looks like some street artist just got a fat check. Lindsay fancies herself as Marilyn as both women famously abused alcohol and prescription drugs and slept with more people than they could possibly remember. Next stop, Elton John’s house to down pay on a Candle in the Wind requiem. You can’t take the chance the Pinball Wizard might forget you when you’re gone.
Photo Credit: Instagram/Splash
By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 9:21 AM
Photo Credit: Instagram/FameFlynet
By Lex September 29, 2014 @ 8:51 AM
It’d be a real knee slapper to go through all the crappy reviews of Lindsay Lohan in her British stage debut. All the tweets and rants and pans about how she forgot her lines, clearly wasn’t well-rehearsed and had to have the nervous bald dude who lives in every theater feeding her lines from the trapdoors. But, fuck you, people who get involved in obviously horrible shit just to complain about it. You don’t cast Lindsay Lohan in your fancy West End play because you want a dramatic performance for the ages. You don’t pay some bit of quid to go see Lindsay Lohan on stage so you can Facebook your Cambridge college gal pals and gush about the most wonderful performance. You pay to see a train wreck. Why not go to a Harlem Globetrotters game and bitch about the Washington Generals phoning it in. Or yell at the rodeo clown to stop being such a dufus. You’re there to see that sad, overly made-up buffoon take a painful horn to the ass. I’m talking about Lindsay now.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI