AVATAR - has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it’s only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months. Weeks. I don’t know, one of those two. What am I, on trial here? Leave me alone! (los angeles times)
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep her pants on for 10 minutes. (us magazine)
OLIVIA MUNN - Despite telling Maxim last month that she was single, Olivia was out this weekend with her on again/off again boyfriend, ‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine. More like Chris FINE, am I right?! Wait. No. No it is Pine. With a P. My mistake. (people)
MELISSA SATTA - is an Italian actress and model, and I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she was in Miami this weekend and that her ass is fantastic. It’s so firm looking, I feel like if I tried to hump it and missed my penis would crumple up like an empty beer can.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child. I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks. One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse “My Fair Lady” with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because Hollywood thrives on completely retarded ideas. (source = e! online)
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS - the brand new second trailer is out (see it here), and Hitler seems really upset. I should send over a Pick Me Up bouquet. It has bright daisies in a colorful keepsake vase.
MEL B - celebrated her 34th birthday this weekend at the MGM pool in Vegas. That deck looks too slippery to be wearing heels. She should take her top off and dry it. (7 more pics here. hq jump here. image source = splash news online)
I bet Mario Lopez is gonna have a good laugh when he sees Matthew McConaughey throwing out the first pitch at last nights Dodgers game. “What is he doing, haha!”, Mario will probably say. “Why is he on the mound? You’re supposed to scooch way way up, like I did (1). Or like that 100 pound girl from “the Hills” (2). Or the Kardashian girls (3). And then spaz out when you throw it, as if you were a retard trying to catch a butterfly (4).”
“52-year-old Tom Hanks made the same silly mistake last week in Japan (5). So did 62-year-old President Bush when he threw that strike after 911 (6). The Dodgers must have played a joke on Matt. They told me the same thing. They said, ‘don’t you think people will notice that you’re a boy and you’re standing in the middle of the grass like a woman?’ But I don’t think anyone noticed. I was very sensible. It’s dangerous to throw from the mound. It’s too far, and I heard that rubber strip is made of poison.”
(image source = splash)
Matthew McConaughey says in this month’s Elle magazine that when he was a young man getting to know the pleasure of life, the vagina was still a confusing pit of mystery, a riddle that not even softcore porn could unlock.
"From checking out Playboy I always thought — jeezum, we still don’t have a better word for it than vagina, do we? —I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know, east/west, not south. So the first time I got to third base, man, I was hunting for a long time."
I never know what the hell stoners are talking about and this is no exception. At the risk of making a fool of myself, I’m pretty sure it is behind the pubic hair, and it doesn’t really go any direction as much as it just kind of “opens’. There’s no zipper if that’s what he was expecting. If all he remembers is that he discovered it was not behind the pubic hair and it went north-south, I think he’s suppressing that he first got to third base with a dudes ass. I think he was raped.
Matthew McConaughey was of course another participant in yesterdays Malibu Triathlon, finishing the race in a fraction over 90 minutes. Which was, for the record, an hour faster than Jennifer Lopez, who has been telling anyone who will listen how amazing she is for doing this just 7 months after having a child. Well McConaughey had a child just TWO months ago, but you don’t see him clamoring for attention. God I hate that fat bitch so much!
(picture source = splash news)
TMZ has some shocking video today of a fight between the paparazzi and a group of surfers that hang out on the break frequented by Matthew McConaughey. And I say "shocking" because that makes it sound interesting. The truth is it’s surprising dull for a video that starts out with someone throwing beer bottles. At first it's exciting, but then it's over and there’s some minor crying and bleeding and you realize it was disappointing. Just like that teen prostitute I ordered. TMZ says…
Private security was hired to patrol the beach where Matthew McConaughey surfs — but that didn't stop another brutal beach beatdown from taking place yesterday between a band of violent locals and the paparazzi.
After a beachgoer chucked a beer bottle at one of the paps on the shore, an all-out brawl took place by the water — ending with some badly busted-up faces and a lot of ruined camera equipment.
Surfers are weird because they’re stoned yet also violent. You don’t see many people get stoned and then run around fighting. Most stoners you could poke with a stick for 20 minutes and at best you’d get a "… (long pause) … aww c'mon man…"
(picture source = inf daily)
