Matthew McConaughey Well Read

The University of Houston paid Matthew McConaughey $135,000 to deliver a commencement speech to their graduating classwho at some point must have wondered why their tuition was high. You'll soon be unemployed and McConaughey's cornball platitudes make for great cardboard sign material. The University received some backlash when it was discovered they were wasting people's money but they stand by their decision because...read more

Matthew McConaughey Goes Against The Grain

Matt McConaughey said he doesn't think the Washington Redskins should change their name in a GQ interview. He feels he's an authority on this issue since he identifies with being vaguely spiritual and doesn't know any surly res dudes who would kick his ass when he wears his Redskins gear. His poor rationale for his own drawling flighty rambling makes you wonder why you should give a fuck about anything he says that...read more

Brad Pitt Throws Like a Girl

Nobody gets everything in life. You got the A-list movie career, the hot wife who is only half crazy with self-mutilation and third world adoptions, and the adoration of millions of fans. Men want to be you, women want to be with you. You've succeeded simply by being super fucking charming. The world is your god damned oyster, except, you throw like a girl. And you're standing next to Drew Brees. He throws like a man....read more

Matthew McConaughey Is Just Like All Of Us

Because we need constant reminders that a lot of famous people were once ordinary losers like us, people are going crazy over this photo of Matthew McConaughey dressed up for his high school prom. After Matthew won the Oscar for Best Actor on Sunday night, a girl Tweeted this photo of her aunt and the Dallas Buyers Club star from their big night many years ago, and I guess it's cute in a folksy kind of way. But what...read more

Matthew McConaughey is doing great

The good news for Anthiony Cumia is that he looks like Matthew McConaughey now. The bad news is that it's because Matthew McConaughey looks like Ground Zero for the AIDS epidemic. But here he is in New Orleans filming 'The Dallas Buyers Club', and that mustache really makes him look like a paranoid scumbag. Like like he'd tell you Jews have a dewclaw that can poison you, just like a platypus. (image source = pacific...read more

Matthew McConaughey needs lots of attention

Matthew McConaughey went for a jog around Malibu, again, with his shirt off, again, and apparently it was cold enough to keep his little hat on but not his shirt. What an asshole. Yeah, we get it, you have nothing to do all day because being an actor is great. Only two kinds of people take their shirt off and run around in public: narcissistic attention whores and feral children who were left in the woods and think...read more

tuesday headlines

CAMERON DIAZ - is in a bikini in Hawaii. Is she as fug and pale and flat chested as she seems? Let's find out together my friend! (the sun) AL GORE - filed for divorce recently, and now Star says he's been having a two year affair with the ex-wife of Larry David. When asked for a comment, Bill Clinton nodded proudly. (star) BIG BOI - has released a second single from his next record, and after I become a UFC fighter...read more

monday morning headlines

AVATAR - has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it's only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months. Weeks. I don't know, one of those two. What am I, on trial here? Leave me alone! (los angeles times) MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep...read more

Afternoon headlines

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child. I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks. One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse "My Fair Lady" with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because...read more

McConaughey looks like a fool

I bet Mario Lopez is gonna have a good laugh when he sees Matthew McConaughey throwing out the first pitch at last nights Dodgers game. "What is he doing, haha!", Mario will probably say. "Why is he on the mound? You're supposed to scooch way way up, like I did (1). Or like that 100 pound girl from "the Hills" (2). Or the Kardashian girls (3). And then spaz out when you throw it, as if you were a retard trying to...read more

matthew mcconaughey was smooth

Matthew McConaughey says in this month’s Elle magazine that when he was a young man getting to know the pleasure of life, the vagina was still a confusing pit of mystery, a riddle that not even softcore porn could unlock. "From checking out Playboy I always thought — jeezum, we still don’t have a better word for it than vagina, do we? —I thought it was behind the pubic hair, and it faced horizontal. You know,...read more

A LITTLE SOMETHIN' FOR THA LADIES...

Matthew McConaughey was of course another participant in yesterdays Malibu Triathlon, finishing the race in a fraction over 90 minutes. Which was, for the record, an hour faster than Jennifer Lopez, who has been telling anyone who will listen how amazing she is for doing this just 7 months after having a child. Well McConaughey had a child just TWO months ago, but you don’t see him clamoring for attention. God I hate...read more

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY IS IN A GANG

TMZ has some shocking video today of a fight between the paparazzi and a group of surfers that hang out on the break frequented by Matthew McConaughey. And I say "shocking" because that makes it sound interesting. The truth is it’s surprising dull for a video that starts out with someone throwing beer bottles. At first it's exciting, but then it's over and there’s some minor crying and bleeding and you realize it was...read more

WHAT A SEXY PREMIERE

I have absolutely no idea what "Fools Gold" is, I've never heard of it and I'm skeptical that it's even a real movie, but it had a premiere last night, and it featured Matthew McConaughey, his pregnant girlfriend Camilla Alves, Kate Hudson and 800 mile per hour winds. Where were they, the airport? Camillas skirt kept blowing up and whatever the hell Kate was wearing kept blowing over her face. When asked for a comment,...read more

MCCONAUGHEY MUST BE HIGH

Matthew McConaughey could pretty much bang whoever he wants, so why he's doing it with Brazilian model Camilla Alves is beyond me. Obviously her body is fantastic but her face is rough. I could carve a softer, more feminine looking face out of a block of wood. I can't explain why exactly but she looks like Usher. And that shit would creep me out. I guess some guys only got enough play to get girls with hot bodies. I...read more