Because we need constant reminders that a lot of famous people were once ordinary losers like us, people are going crazy over this photo of Matthew McConaughey dressed up for his high school prom. After Matthew won the Oscar for Best Actor on Sunday night, a girl Tweeted this photo of her aunt and the Dallas Buyers Club star from their big night many years ago, and I guess it’s cute in a folksy kind of way. But what I’d rather know is how dirty they got in the back of their limo or back in their hotel room that night. Did Matt give her an epic, all-night fit of sexual ecstasy or did he pump two times, jizz on her leg and then cry and apologize as he drove her home? That’s the kind of shit we need to know to determine just how normal this guy really was before he became a huge star.
The good news for Anthiony Cumia is that he looks like Matthew McConaughey now. The bad news is that it’s because Matthew McConaughey looks like Ground Zero for the AIDS epidemic.
But here he is in New Orleans filming ‘The Dallas Buyers Club’, and that mustache really makes him look like a paranoid scumbag. Like like he’d tell you Jews have a dewclaw that can poison you, just like a platypus.
(image source = pacific coast)
Matthew McConaughey went for a jog around Malibu, again, with his shirt off, again, and apparently it was cold enough to keep his little hat on but not his shirt. What an asshole. Yeah, we get it, you have nothing to do all day because being an actor is great. Only two kinds of people take their shirt off and run around in public: narcissistic attention whores and feral children who were left in the woods and think they’re wolves. McConaughey has a full body wax, so guess which one he is.
CAMERON DIAZ – is in a bikini in Hawaii. Is she as fug and pale and flat chested as she seems? Let’s find out together my friend! (the sun)
AL GORE – filed for divorce recently, and now Star says he’s been having a two year affair with the ex-wife of Larry David. When asked for a comment, Bill Clinton nodded proudly. (star)
BIG BOI – has released a second single from his next record, and after I become a UFC fighter this will totally be my entrance music. (youtube)
CAMILA ALVES – and her husband Matthew McConaughey (image not available) walked around New York yesterday, and she’s actually not that great looking. It’s weird. And yet here I am, not caring. (splash news online)
twitter …….. facebook …….. refrigerator apartheid
AVATAR - has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it’s only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months. Weeks. I don’t know, one of those two. What am I, on trial here? Leave me alone! (los angeles times)
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep her pants on for 10 minutes. (us magazine)
OLIVIA MUNN - Despite telling Maxim last month that she was single, Olivia was out this weekend with her on again/off again boyfriend, ‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine. More like Chris FINE, am I right?! Wait. No. No it is Pine. With a P. My mistake. (people)
MELISSA SATTA - is an Italian actress and model, and I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she was in Miami this weekend and that her ass is fantastic. It’s so firm looking, I feel like if I tried to hump it and missed my penis would crumple up like an empty beer can.
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child. I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks. One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse “My Fair Lady” with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because Hollywood thrives on completely retarded ideas. (source = e! online)
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – the brand new second trailer is out (see it here), and Hitler seems really upset. I should send over a Pick Me Up bouquet. It has bright daisies in a colorful keepsake vase.
MEL B – celebrated her 34th birthday this weekend at the MGM pool in Vegas. That deck looks too slippery to be wearing heels. She should take her top off and dry it. (7 more pics here. hq jump here. image source = splash news online)