To give you an idea of just how average last night’s Billboard Music Awards show was, two of the top selling points were Robin Thicke’s pathetic groveling to get his wife back and the first ever American performance of an Australian boy band called 5 Seconds of Summer. I’m sure all of the idiot teenage American girls just went crazy over that one. But the biggest spectacle of the night was a performance by a hologram of Michael Jackson, because there’s no point in having actual music artists who are alive perform their actual hit songs when you can just play a glorified music video for a bunch of clapping morons. The standing ovation for a computer image was short-lived, though, when several hologram adult men came forward and said that hologram Michael Jackson had molested them when they were just hologram children. A hologram investigation is pending.
A douche named Wade Robson is alleging that Michael Jackson really did molest him when he was little, he just forgot. He previously testified in Michael Jackson’s 2005 child molestation trial that he had not been molested. Wade’s shitty parents used to let little Wade hang out with the weird pop superstar when he was a kid. Wade would often even spend the night, you know, because who wouldn’t want their kid sleeping alone with a creepy grown man? Now Wade claims that he just didn’t remember because he had repressed the memories. While I admit that I might try to forget it if a pop icon stuck a glittery-gloved finger in my butt while he rambled about his daddy beating him, I can’t help but question his motives. Why go after MJ after he’s been dead for four years? Was he afraid that a less decomposed Michael zombie might come after him with his army of the break-dancing undead? The only thing worse than people who exploit children are people who exploit dead child molesters. Actually, that’s not true, but it’s still pretty horrible.
A 51-year old ambulance driver and former real estate agent named Brian McDaniel is trying to sell Michael Jackson’s old medical records from his infamous burn accident on the set of a Pepsi commercial in 1984. Seen above in a hilarious scene from The Jacksons: An American Dream, the accident is believed by many to have led the King of Pop to a life of pain killers and plastic surgery.
McDaniel claims that he conveniently found the records next to a dumpster at the hospital, and now he is hoping to sell them again, after he was denied last year.
McDaniel sought last year to sell the documents via an online auction house, but the firm yanked the items in the face of objections from Jackson fans and representatives of the singer’s estate. At the time, Pristine Auction generously estimated that the records could sell for between $100,000 and $500,000. (The Smoking Gun)
I don’t know who on Earth would want to waste a half million dollars on some medical records that probably feature the phrase “enough activator to suffocate an ox”. Unless Jackson himself shows up wearing a fake mustache and offers to trade naked pictures of Macaulay Culkin for them. But McDaniel shouldn’t accept that offer because he can probably get those pictures for $20 and a pack of Newports.
Corey Feldman tells the Sun he’ll write a book that names two Hollywood celebrities that molested him as a child, though it’s not clear in this article if these will be two new names or if one is Michael Jackson.
Either way, yeah, we get it Feldman. You were a very cute kid and people wanted to fuck you. You don’t have to brag. If you were trying to make me feel bad because I was chunky and no one wanted to have sex with me, well then mission accomplished.
Dr. Conrad Murray was sentenced to 4 years in jail today, the max allowed, for his part in the death of Michael Jackson. Which seems like a lot since he was convicted of involuntary manslaughter. “Involuntary”. It’s not like he was trying to kill Michael Jackson. Sometimes emaciated drug addicts just die, ya know. No one knows why but they do.
(source = usa today)
Michael Jacksons mansion in Holmby Hills and pretty much everything in it are going up for auction next month, including the bed that he died and probably molested kids in, presumably with new sheets. They should throw in a showerhead from the Penn State locker room and make it a theme.