OPRAH WINFREY - had Charla Nash as a guest on her show yesterday. She’s the woman from Connecticut who had her face and hands bitten off by a pet monkey last year. It’s hard to describe what she looks like now, so just scream at the top of your lungs. There. She looks like that. (oprah.com)
DONALD TRUMP - is number 2 on this list of the ten highest paid men on television. He somehow made 50M off ‘the Apprentice’, which must mean the 10 people who knew that dumb shit was even still on the air all own around 900 tv’s each. (ny post)
DEAD PEOPLE - The ABC obstacle course game show ‘WipeOut’ had a contestant die after performing on the show. The 33yo man complained of pain in his knee, then had a stroke and later died. A disease that left him prone to blood clots is being blamed, at least if you listen to the Jew-run media. What’s the real end game here? Out in my car I’ve got some stuff you should read. (the wrap)
SELENA GOMEZ - went to the TV Guide Hot List Party last night, and she turned 17 in July, meaning I can finish writing this post in just about 8 months. (getty images)
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER - wrote a letter to the California state assembly yesterday (read it here) after they approved some new plan to give away more free money, and it was all TLDNR, but I somehow feel I got the gist of what he was trying to say anyway. (wall street journal)
OPRAH WINFREY - is a drunk and a drug addict, and her longtime boyfriend Stedman Graham has dumped her because of it. Not only that, now she’s ready to pay him 150 million dollars to keep him quiet. I would take it if I were him. This bitch is evil. In fact I heard she can throw fire from her hands. (the enquirer)
BRITTANY MURPHY - was visited by the cops this morning around 2:30am because she was on her balcony screaming and claiming she heard gun shots. No evidence of foul play was discovered, but still, Brittany did the right thing. If you ever hear gun fire, and you suspect a killer may be on the loose, go out into the open and flail around and yell at the darkness. If you have time, call 911, but first things first. (tmz)
LINDSAY LOHAN - could be dead within a year if she doesn’t get to rehab, according to her dad. Thankfully, Lindsay agrees and has decided to seek help. “I have not spoken to my father, nor have I responded to his threatening and erratic messages … he should try to be a real father.” Oh okay never mind. I was thinking of someone else. (the sun and wenn)
JAY LENO IS MOVING TO PRIME TIME – In one of the more staggering Hollywood comebacks you'll ever see, Jay Leno has somehow gone from fired to promoted. He’s already been replaced as the Tonight Show host by Conan O’Brian starting next year, but now NBC has announced he will essentially be doing the same show in prime time, at 10:00 pm, 5 nights a week. His salary, rumored to be around 30 million a year, is expected to stay the same, saving the network almost 13 million dollars a week when compared to typical prime time programming. It also means NBC will have two hours of original programming a night, then three and a half hours of talk shows. My, what creative thinking that is. How do they do it! I'm gonna go pitch them a show called "Duck Pond". Basically we show a live shot from a duck pond for 60 minutes. I figure it can be on at least three nights a week, along with a Christmas special where we put the ducks in little Santa hats.
HAROLD AND MAUDE WANNA BE NEIGHBORS – Alex Rodriquez insists that he's not moving in with Madonna but the Daily News says she wants to buy him a house right next to hers, so it's pretty much the same thing. And by that, I mean boring.
SCOTT RUFFALO IS DEAD - Scott Ruffalo, the brother of actor Mark Ruffalo, died last night after suffering a gunshot wound last week. The two prime suspects, Brian Scofield and Shaha Mishaal Adham, turned themselves in to the Bev Hills PD yesterday. The good news is, I'm fine. The picture of health and vitality.
OPRAH IS A FAT COW – Oprah says she now weighs over 200 pounds, having gained 40 pounds in the last two years. She says, "I'm embarrassed … I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, 'How did I let this happen again?' " and "I felt like a fat cow. I wanted to disappear." That makes two of us. Her closet must look like a sleeping bag display.
Oprah Winfreys tubby ass got duped yesterday by a posting on her message board that the savvy team of old fat women who work for her couldn’t crack. Oprah said…
"… if you still don’t understand what our children are up against, let me read you something that was posted on our message board, from someone who claims to be a member of a known pedophile network, it said this, 'he does not forgive, he does not forget, his group has over 9000 penises, and they’re all raping children.' "
I realize Oprah is part of the aristocracy and has no idea what’s going on in the world, but does her dumb ass really think there’s a network of pedophiles out there, an army of 9000 perverts acting in coordinated attacks on people like teen girls? Because there’s not. Trust me. I only see like half that at our meetings.
(oprah, if you're reading this, anytime you see “we do not forgive, we do not forget”, it's Anonymous, and anytime you see “over 9000”, its /B. and anytime you see that little packet inside your box of chocolate bacon, that keeps it fresh, don’t eat it.)
People magazine says that Oprah Winfrey paid a secret visit Sunday to the private school she owns in South Africa. Earlier this month it was revealed that one of the teachers had been molesting some of the students. Oprah went down there to figure out what went wrong, and why the school was admitting such sexy kids. Rawr!
"The meeting went well. It took about two hours, and I appreciate that Oprah took time to listen," the girl's father told PEOPLE exclusively. The session with Winfrey included him, his wife and their daughter. "Oprah looked beautiful and was so easy to talk to. It went very smoothly." The meeting, which he described as very emotional, is one of several Winfrey had throughout the day. "I think they are planning new rules and staff for the school," he said, expressing happiness that his daughter will return to complete eighth grade there. "I am so excited because we were invited to the end-of-year school party, which will be on Tuesday," the father said. "The other pupils and families knew about the party, but we were never told. So it was a big surprise for us when Oprah asked us to join the party."
I like to think that if I ever saw Oprah Winfrey I would punch her right in her fat stupid face. Or at least whack her in the ass with a canoe paddle or something. God I hate that sanctimonious bitch. There's no difference between her and the woman you see on TV at 4am who can't believe how well these pans lock in the flavor. Except the Oprah ends her sentences with "sister" when talking to black people. What an entertainer!
Oprah Winfreys shameless "Favorite Things" episode aired today, the famous once-a-year episode where every member of the audience gets everything on Oprah's list. She pretends these are some awesome gifts from her to her audience, but in reality companies fight to get on the show, they donate all the stuff that Oprah pretends is a gift and her fat ass doesn't spend a dime, except on humiliating her staff by making them dress like elves. She probably makes money off it. The Post says:
Oprah, who stages the "Favorite Things" show every year at holiday time, usually tries to find a deserving group to put in the audience. This year, she took the show to Macon because it consistently has the nation's highest percentage of viewers tuned into her afternoon talk show. Local reports say that 45 percent of homes in Macon watch Oprah at 4 p.m. - a huge market share. (In New York, the local share of audience is closer to 20 percent.)
Macon, Georgia must be the worst place on earth. And now it's filled with a bunch of crappy nick-nacks. In the past, she's given away diamond watches, blackberrys and Sony notebooks. This year the audience got screwed. The big gift was a refrigerator with a TV in it. It might as well come with a defibrillator too because you know fattys are just gonna park that thing right in front of the couch. The other gifts were cupcakes, sorbet, a panini maker, a mixer and some big baggy clothes. Yeah Oprah, we get it, you're fat.
