In the first full trailer for Queen Oprah’s ultimate spin machine ‘docu-series’, Lindsay, the former talk show host and current network head learns what everyone already knew about Lindsay Lohan – that she’s a spoiled, misguided, arrogant has-been. But Oprah thinks that the actress deserves yet another chance, because there’s a huge chunk of the public that loves watching a former child star continuously trip over her own stupid errors and blow every last opportunity that she receives. In addition to watching Dina Lohan pretend that she’s mom of the year while Michael Lohan takes the direct blame, Lindsay’s sober coach tells the camera that she’s still not sober, so Oprah has to board her chariot and take matters into her own hands to tell Lindsay to knock her spoiled baby bullshit off. Honestly, it looks pretty decent.
On Sunday night, OWN will air the show “Oprah: Where Are They Now?” so Oprah Winfrey can ask Tori Spelling, Sully Sullenberger and Jenna Jameson about how boring their lives have been since Oprah last interviewed them. Jenna will probably talk about her book and maybe her divorce from Tito Ortiz, and probably the promise that she made to her children five years ago, when she retired from the porn industry and vowed never to return. She might also talk about why she lied to her children back then, because she’s been spreading for a web cam lately to make ends meet.
Jenna told TMZ that this is still about her kids, though, because this job gives her a steady paycheck to support them. And hopefully she’ll still find steady work in another few years, when her kids are going to need therapy after their classmates keeping playing clips from Jenna Loves Rocco.
Photo Credits: Getty
As Lamar Odom continues to try to keep his marriage with Khloe Kardashian together for the sake of the giant paychecks they receive from E! for their reality series, he also reportedly believes that there’s a snowball’s chance in Los Angeles that another NBA team would give him a shot again after he spent most of the last two months either smoking crack or denying it. But now TMZ reports that the always opportunistic and shamelessly exploitative Oprah Winfrey is trying to land a tell-all TV interview with Lamar with the hopes that her relationship with the Kardashians will earn his trust.
Know what else might earn his trust? A large check. Or just cut out at the middle man and tell him to look under his seat. What’s in that gift box, Oprah? “IT’S CRACK COCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE!”
Photo Credit: JP/JFXimages/WENN.com
Lindsay Lohan’s interview with Oprah Winfrey finally aired last night on OWN, and this is just a wild guess, but I assume that the $2 million she was paid for it has already been blown. That’s because Lindsay finally admitted that she was an addict, hooked on alcohol, cocaine and Adderall, and if everything that movies and TLC shows have taught me about addiction is true, she was probably offering Oprah’s assistants rimjobs for a can of air duster by the third question.
Lindsay might have also revealed a lot of additional personal information, but I couldn’t hear her over Oprah cutting her off during every answer to ask the next question. I’m starting to think the way Oprah gets her guests to cry is by frustrating them and pissing them off so much that they just want to rip her throat out. Then they unwind later by smoking some crack and have to come back and do it all over again. It’s genius, really.
I wouldn’t fuck with Oprah. She’s big and rich and vindictive. But, somebody has got to speak truth to fat power and that somebody is the anonymous store clerk from the Swiss store where Oprah claims she was the victim of vile designer handbag racism.
‘I wasn’t sure what I should present to her when she came in on the afternoon of Saturday July 20 so I showed her some bags from the Jennifer Aniston collection. It is absolutely not true that I declined to show her the [expensive] bag on racist grounds. I even asked her if she wanted to look at the bag.’
So, sort of the opposite of what crying Oprah said. Not that there’s any proof. But now that Switzerland has apologized, from the store owner on up to the Burgermeister Meisterburger, and Oprah apologized back to all of Switzerland from atop her floating island lair, can’t we all just agree that the real villain here is Jennifer Aniston. Does she really need to be hocking purses? Friends money running dry? Jennifer Aniston ruins everything.
The Swiss Paula Deen, the woman who wouldn’t show Oprah Winfrey the expensive purses in her Zurich store, has finally been exposed. Meh, I couldn’t be bothered to look up her actual name, but suffice it to say, she’s a cross between Bull Connor and the plantation owner played by Leonardo DiCaprio in Django Unchained. Our long international nightmare is over. In typical Swiss fashion, everybody in the entire country of Switzerland apologized to Oprah, everyone duly admitting that had they known she was an important black person and not a broke-ass stealing ghetto crack smoking black person, they would’ve let her shop for the high end purses. Apologies accepted, everyone in Switzerland went back to work making clocks and hiding stolen gold from Jewish Holocaust victims.