Rae Dawn Chong Calls Oprah a Field N***er

By Lex July 19, 2013 @ 12:56 PM

This entire audio tape is rather shocking. First, who knew that Rae Dawn Chong was still alive? Well, she is. And she’s complimenting Oprah by saying how amazing it is that such an unattractive fat black woman has been able to accomplish what she did. Back in the day Oprah would’ve been lucky to be picking cotton and raped by the Master’s blind son. Wow. High school girls bathroom (from what I’m told). Both these women filmed The Color Purple thirty years ago. Rae Dawn quickly faded into obscurity. Oprah went on to become the single most powerful person in the entire fucking world. When Oprah takes a leak, 10,000 Chinese villagers die in a flood on the other side of the world. You lost Rae Dawn. You’re the punk fighter beaten to a pulp on the canvas. Stop talking shit about the champ.

Oprah Is Giving Lindsay Lohan A TV Show

By Travis July 16, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Lindsay Lohan’s “people” were claiming as recently as last week that as soon as she gets out of this latest rehab stint, she wants to move somewhere off the grid and focus on remaining sober and keeping out of the public eye. Of course, that will never, ever, never-ever-ever-ever happen, because as soon as she smells a Parliament Light, she’ll probably be on the first pilot’s lap back to Los Angeles.

But now there’s a surprise twist to Lindsay’s upcoming July 31 release from rehab – she’s going to get $2 million and two personal assistants from Oprah Winfrey for an 8-episode “documentary series” that will chronicle her struggles and her latest attempt at a comeback. And we could rip on Oprah for empowering this freckled nightmare, but Lindsay is 27 now and strange things happen to celebrities at that age. So there’s a decent chance Oprah just bought first class seats for the last stop on this train wreck.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Oprah did something really nice. Oh wait no she didn’t.

By brendon April 26, 2012 @ 10:03 AM

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Oprah Winfrey has everyone kissing her ass again today thanks to a planted story on Page Six, which got picked up by AOL and the Huffington Post and others, except now the headline says, “Oprah Feeds Homeless Man Dinner, Gives Him A Fat Wad Of Cash.”

A homeless man named Eddie saw Oprah Winfrey eating dinner on the patio of Scarpetta in Beverly Hills recently. Eddie asked her for a bowl of soup, (but) the media mogul did him one better.
“Please, can we get him some money, get him a meal?” asked Oprah. As Scarpetta staff brought him a “feast,” one of Oprah’s dinner companions handed over a bunch of cash.

Oh hey so it turns out Oprah did not feed a homeless man dinner or give him a fat wad of cash. Other people did. Her idea of charity is to oink orders at her staff, then wallow in the spotlight and take credit for things she didn’t do or pay for.

In a related story, Gayle King was in a total panic when she heard Oprah lost her “fat wad”, because that’s her nickname for Oprahs clitoris.

(the pictures of seleta ebanks aren’t relevant to anything, if you were wondering. well they are in the sense that i looked through a few pictures of oprah and panicked.)

being around Rosie O’Donnell is a nightmarish hell

By brendon March 19, 2012 @ 12:56 PM

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OWN, Oprah Winfreys new network which she of course named after herself, has been a much deserved failure, highlighted by the fantastically awful talk show hosted by Rosie O’Donnell. That was finally cancelled on Friday, thus giving staff members the freedom to tell The Daily Beast what a miserable cunt she is.

…staffers were very upset when O’Donnell clashed with Winfrey’s longtime director Joe Terry. People thought she humiliated him when she scolded him in front of a live audience for using the wrong camera shots, suggesting he didn’t know what he was doing.
She fired Winfrey’s stage manager because she felt like he was ignoring her and not doing his job properly.
She also wasn’t connecting with her bandleader, Katreese Barnes, a two-time Emmy winner from SNL. O’Donnell was frustrated because Barnes couldn’t play obscure Broadway songs off the cuff right when she named them on live TV.

In her defense, other staff members said she was the first to arrive and the last to leave every single day, seven days a week. Granted those staff member worked at a Honeybaked Ham store, but still.

Oprah gives terrible baby presents

By brendon January 10, 2012 @ 1:03 PM

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Oprah Winfrey has sent a gift to Beyonce and Jay Z for their new baby girl; a trunk full of children’s books. In other words, a giant ugly black thing filled with simple messages from someone who isn’t actually good at anything but wants lots of money anyway. It’ll be just like having the real Oprah right there in the room!

OJ did or did not confess his murders to Oprah

By brendon June 23, 2011 @ 4:41 PM

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Oprah Winfrey said last week that she was determined to interview OJ Simpson and get him to finally confess that he murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman on June 12, 1994.

Well that was easy.

According to the National Enquirer, the interview is set to be filmed after Simpson confessed he killed the pair in self-defense to a producer from inside prison.
“He told the producer: ‘Tell Oprah that yes, I did it. I killed Nicole, but it was in self-defense. She pulled a knife on me and I had to defend myself.’
“O.J. said he went home and kept getting angrier and angrier and worked himself into an absolute rage.”
Simpson allegedly told the producer he ‘didn’t like the way she treated me in front of the kids at the restaurant. I didn’t like that she was routinely having guys have sex with her at her condo with the kids there.
‘I went over there to give her a piece of my mind.’
When he arrived and no one answered at the house, he started pounding the door and shouting.
The door allegedly then swung open and Nicole was standing there with a kitchen knife in her hand.
‘O.J. told the producer, “she was yelling go away! Go away! And waving the knife around at me. At one point she was lunging at me with the knife and I was just trying to talk to her. Nicole stepped out of the apartment – slashing the knife in the air.
“I was in such a rage that something just snapped. I couldn’t take her constant taunting of me with other men or her using drugs and drinking while my kids were living with her. I went beserk.
“Before I knew what I was doing I took the knife away from Nicole and started slashing at her. I cut her over and over again until she was lifeless. I was shocked at my own anger – I had killed the woman I had loved for so long..”‘
He allegedly went on to tell the producer he also knifed Ron Goldman in self-defense as he tried to attack Simpson when he turned up at the home soon after and spotted Nicole’s body on the floor.

Unfortunately, today a spokesperson for Oprah said, “It’s not true.”

So does that mean OJ didn’t tell her producer this? Or are certain parts not true, and she’s pouting and issuing this blanket denial because the Enquirer got the details out before she did.

Because it sounds true. That story had a lot of details, and it totally sounds dumb enough for OJ to have thought up. According to the autopsy, the wound that killed Nicole was, “gaping and exposes the larynx and cervical vertebral column. It measures 5 1/2 x 2 1/2 inches.” In other words he damn near chopped her head off. The only time you can chop someones head off in self defense is if you’re a Jedi.