being around Rosie O'Donnell is a nightmarish hell

OWN, Oprah Winfreys new network which she of course named after herself, has been a much deserved failure, highlighted by the fantastically awful talk show hosted by Rosie O'Donnell. That was finally cancelled on Friday, thus giving staff members the freedom to tell The... read more

Oprah gives terrible baby presents

Oprah Winfrey has sent a gift to Beyonce and Jay Z for their new baby girl; a trunk full of children's books. In other words, a giant ugly black thing filled with simple messages from someone who isn't actually good at anything but wants lots of money anyway. It'll be... read more

OJ did or did not confess his murders to Oprah

Oprah Winfrey said last week that she was determined to interview OJ Simpson and get him to finally confess that he murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman on June 12, 1994. Well that was easy. According to the National Enquirer, the interview is set to be filmed after... read more

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Thursday headlines, with the return of Dave Chapelle

DAVE CHAPELLE - is creating a new show that will air on a subscription service like Netflix or Hulu, where all the best comedies are found. (the daily) TUPAC - would have been 40 today, and his 1996 murder is still unsolved, but yesterday a man claimed that he was... read more

afternoon headlines

NO STRINGS ATTACHED - was the only new movie in theaters this week, and it made 20 million to win a very slow weekend box office. So finally we've discovered that people will watch an Ashton Kutcher movie, as long as they have nothing else to choose from. (box office... read more

Oprah tried to kill Hugh Jackman

Hugh Jackman rode a zip line from the top of the Sydney Opera House down to the stage where Oprah Winfrey was filming one of her Australia shows today, but then instead of stopping, he crashed into a lighting rig which broke and sent a small piece of glass into his eye.... read more

Oprah Winfrey and her gay lover went camping

(NOTE: the picture in the headline is an artists depiction of what this story would look like if it was awesome, as opposed to gross) If there's one thing that all straight women love, it's camping, so no wonder Oprah Winfrey and her longtime companion Gayle King went... read more

Oprah Winfrey is paying for everything this time (update!)

Oprah Winfrey has been ridiculed in the past for her "My Favorite Things" episodes, where she gives her studio audience extravagant gifts, because, among other reasons, they still have to pay taxes on those gifts, the most famous example being the $7,000 they had to pay... read more

Oprah Winfrey is screwing Australia for $3,000,000

Oprah Winfrey loves all the free press and adulation she gets when she has her big giveaway show and everyone in the audience gets some amazing gift. What she doesn't love is being the one that pays for any of it. Like when she gave away 276 Pontiac G6‘s. Pontiac paid... read more

"you were a size 4 and people were calling you fat"

Jessica Simpson will be on tomorrows Oprah Winfrey show, and she won't really talk about John Mayer saying how good she is sexually ("I don't want people to know how I am in bed!") but she does address the fact that she's real fat now. Simpson opens up about her weight,... read more

i dont feel so good

For the past 10 years Kirstie Alley has been in a contest with Mad Cow Disease to see who could put away the most cattle. Because of this, her weight has fluctuated wildly, from 400 pounds all the way up to 402. But 2010 began a new diet and a new fitness regimen. The... read more

thursday morning headlines

OPRAH WINFREY - is an idiot. She tried to wipe the birthmark off Drew Brees' face, saying she thought it was lipstick. More likely she thought it was chocolate. He's lucky she didn't bite him. (wonderwall) KRISTIN CAVALLARI - was scouring Miami last week looking for... read more