K, so talking about the page on the page seems pretentious and stupid, so I’m putting it all under the cut. And to bribe you into reading all that, at the end there’s a short collection of pictures celebrating September Playmate Kimberly Phillips and her unthinkably perfect ass. I call dibs!
11.03.2009 kimberly phillips is the best
While we’re on the subject of sexy Hollywood Halloween pictures, September Playmate Kimberly Phillips has some from the Playboy party on her facebook (her facebook fan page is here). This is relevant to my interests because she might be the most perfect girl of all time (a few of her Playboy pics here), and there is literally nothing on earth I would rather do than look at pictures of Kimberly Phillips.
If I had cancer, and in one hand you had a pill in the form of a gummy bear that would cure me and also make me immortal and give me the power to fly, and in the other hand you had new naked pictures of Kimberly Philips, I would rip the pictures from your hand and then slap you for wasting my precious time. How Dare You! Give me those pictures and leave me at once!
10.27.2009 “it was self-defense”, pt 2
As this video from radar online clearly shows, on August 28th of this year, scumbag Joe Francis stepped up behind perfect angel Jayde Nicole, grabbed her by the hair then flung her to the ground. After that it’s hard to see much, but Jayde - who works with pediatric cancer patients in her spare time - says the pornographer Francis punched and kicked her while she was on the ground.
Why would Joe Francis do this? Well because Jayde was on a murderous rampage and Joes life was at risk. Ah yes of course.
Francis claims he was innocently walking through a crowd of people at “Guys and Dolls” nightclub in Hollywood, when Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole suddenly struck him in the head, threw a drink on him and stated, “I’m going to kill you!”
Francis claims he was “startled and shocked” — but then he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle. In the docs, Francis claims “in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him,” Joe grabbed Nicole’s hair in “self-defense.”
Joe claims Nicole fell to the ground — but only because she “lost her balance on her high heels.”
I wish there was some way to determine if Joe was telling the truth. Like a lie-detector test, but more reliable. I think a procedure called “Hit Joe Francis With A Baseball Bat” might work. Essentially, you take a baseball bat, then you hit Joe Francis with it. Then you ask him why he attacked Jayde like that. Of course, this sort of thing wouldn’t be admissible in court, not with all the pussies we have in the government these days.
10.09.2009 girls next door is back
Exclusive sources to Tyler reveal today that the hit E! show ‘Girls Next Door’, the show that made Kendra Wilkinson, Holly MarSomething and The Other One The One With Huge Natural Boobs household names, will return to E! this Sunday with an all new cast of girls living near you. I can’t go into how I know this but I’m a pretty big deal in Hollywood. I don’t mean to brag but you can take this one to the bank.
Hefs new main girl, Crystal Harris (the one who isn’t a twin) is actually sort of hot. Sort of really really hot. And this is only barely related but remember last year when Miss Teen Louisiana was arrested after a dine-and-dash because she left behind her purse, which contained her drivers license. And also a bag of weed (more here). Well her name is Lindsey Evans, and she’s this months Playmate. I didn’t realize that until a search for Crystal Harris pictures. And Lindsey is awesome (nsfw nsfw), and 19, so there’s 17 pictures of her on the other side. I just … I just wanted you to have them. I just thought you might like them. Look, I know I act like a jerk sometimes, but … but I love you.
10.05.2009 victoria silvstedt is easily relaxed
Former Playmate of the Year and current professional prostitute Victoria Silvstedt was on the beach in St Tropez this weekend, and she seemed to think that was as good a place as any to masturbate. But she’s always been this way. And by “this way”, I mean, “awesome”. After the jump are 17 pictures of some guy going down on her on a pier in July of 2006, and here (1,2,3) are pictures of her with no pants on, masturbating on a hotel balcony.
Really the question is why wouldn’t you masturbate on the beach if you were a hot girl. Stop being so stuck up. If guys could masturbate with no residual effects to worry about, the world would essentially come to a stop. My penis would have grooves worn into it from all the abuse. I would have a 4.000,000 - 0 record against my penis.
(35 more here. hq jump here. image source = fame and splash)
09.14.2009 afternoon headlines
KANYE WEST – has apologized to Taylor Swift again but tonight he can do it on TV because he’s a guest on the new Jay Leno show. Kanye is only scheduled as a musical guest, but it would be hard to not mention last night. Of course Kanye will probably take the microphone and yell at everyone so Jays questions won’t really matter anyway. (ap)
WHITNEY HOUSTON – tells Oprah that Bobby Brown once spit in her face. No one likes a tattle-tale Whitney. (ny daily news)
BRITNEY SPEARS - saw a male model named Bekim Trenova in a magazine and decided he should be her boyfriend, so she faked an audition for one of her videos. When he arrived there was no camera crew, just Britney. “But Bekim found the whole thing ‘weird’ and made a polite but excuse ridden escape.” That’s why my fake production office is surrounded by a wall of fire. (ny daily news)
JAYDE NICOLE - Hef may be (is) 1900 years old, but his penises decision making is mint condition. Jayde Nicole is awesome, like a discount Megan Fox, and this months Playmate (Kimberly Phillips – nsfw pic and centerfold) is even hotter. Point being, Jayde hit Miami Beach today with her family but without her dumbass boyfriend. In fact they haven’t been together in almost a week. Don’t worry Jayde, I get the message. Loud and clear. You want me to kill Brody Jenner. I’m way ahead of you.
(10 more pictures here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)
