By Lex September 08, 2015 @ 9:40 AM
The Kardashians are hailing the return of their lone male member with a male member Rob Kardashian and how amazing his left arm looks after almost a year away at angry fat camp where social media is strictly verboten. Odd considering the large number of fat angry people on social media at any given time. For the sake of his sanity, Rob put aside his custom sock business and all the other work in his life that takes up to three hours a month and just focused on himself, why he was over-eating, beating up small women, and being a dick to the hot girlfriends he never could have gotten if not for his fame and family money. It’s a shame given how close Rob was to escaping the Soviet style clutches of his family and penning a true tell all book that would shock nobody. Khloe was cattle prodded? Kim trained on wood dicks that gave her splinters if she didn’t suck properly? What else you got, sock boy? I need something unexpected. Mule fucking Fridays? Tell me you have pictures!
Photo credit: Rob Kardashian/Instatgram
By Lex June 19, 2015 @ 8:58 AM
Every male member of the Kardashian family deals with the stress of being emasculated by the coven of shrill she-demons in their own self-destructive manner. Lamar Odom holed up in a motel smoking crack with Vietnamese twinks. Bruce Jenner chose to lop off his dick. Rob Kardashian is binge eating. The family decided the chunky scion should no longer be featured on the mothership show designing socks or trying to spell the latin name of his sisters’ STDs. Instead they just talk about how fat and stupid he is behind his back. The producers at E! have staged a storyline where Kris Jenner pretends to have true human concerns for her son’s physical and mental well-bring with breaking news reports of Rob ordering food at In & Out Burger and refusing to purge. She cries and worries about how her son might die, or worse, have $100,000 worth of surgery to become Rebel Wilson. This is all a windup to Rob hanging from a 101-freeway sign with the words I Was Never One of You painted in Nutella on the gut of his lifeless body. Sweeps week. Check the freeway signpost ladder for fingerprints. Then cross check against those lifted off Marcus Allen’s cock in the late 80′s. I guarantee you he didn’t go up there alone.
By Matt April 07, 2015 @ 8:05 AM
Rob Kardashian is either a fat recluse who needs help or a normal guy who appears this way compared to the rest of his family. Kris Jenner spoke about his condition on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians:
“I’ve gotten a few reports that he’s been spending a lot of money and locking himself up in his room a lot and not really coming out… I’m just worried about what’s going on… I feel like if I don’t help him do something drastic that he’s gonna die.”
You just did something drastic. Assuming this isn’t bullshit and the guy is really depressed you just embarrassed him on national television for your ratings. Just lay a gun on his doorstep while you’re at it. Assuming this is a story line for the show you’re treading on dangerous ground. How are we supposed to separate the bullshit from the other bullshit? It’s no wonder so many reality stars commit suicide. They call you crying in the middle of the night and you hang up because you don’t know if they’re on the edge of a pier or following a script on a sound stage. I have to work tomorrow. You just cried wolf, bitch.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
By Lex March 27, 2015 @ 12:51 PM
If you were wondering what the Kardashian mafia intends to do to Rob Kardashian following another round of his going against the family, I believe we have our answer. They’re going to have him committed. Operation Squelch the Rat got revved up last week when the family rebel mentioned that maybe his sister-whore was a conniving murderer. The team that leaks information to the press for Kris Jenner started running lines that Rob was a prankster, then he was probably just super tired, then he was fat and feeling unhappy, now he’s being described as depressed and in need of professional intervention.
He’s sad, he’s bitter, he single. He is very depressed and has been [for a while]. He is very against therapy and any kind of rehab. But his family will continue to push for him to get help until he does.
This is one of those black helicopter dystopian nightmares where the Minister of Propaganda labels dissenters as psychotic and orders them to Arkham for a little frontal lobe electrocution. I might be the last person on this planet pulling for you, Rob Kardashian, so heed my advice: run!. Shave your head, throw on some non-designer label clothes, snatch some cash from mom’s closet, and run for your fucking life. Put ten thousand miles between you and your relatives. Men don’t do well in your family. Dead or castrated. That’s not a real choice. Call yourself Yani and make a simple life in Botswana. If a letter should ever find you begging you to come home because your sisters are dying from Hep C, it’s a trap. It might be true, still, a trap.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 8:58 AM
The Kardashian whore machine is floating a few trial balloons as reasons why Rob Kardashian referred to his sister Kim on Twitter as a lying manipulative murderous bitch. According to sources that are almost certainly Kris Jenner’s media team, Rob Kardashian is just a silly prankster who loves practical jokes. Funny gags like eating disorders, depression, ditching his sister’s wedding, punching women, and cutting sock patterns in the dark basement at night next to the sarcophagus chambering his real dad’s cadaver. Classic knee-slappers.
It’s just him… He always posts things he thinks are funny and deletes and unfollows people… He’s so bizarre, he posts and deletes and thinks people aren’t going to notice.
Like guys with 5 million followers and tons of social media training often do. Forget how Twitter works. Another theory thrown out there by the team is that Rob is very frustrated with his weight and lack of motivation to get into ass fuck shape like his sisters:
He just doesn’t seem to care right now. He’s not motivated. He seems really sad about his weight, but he also isn’t trying to do anything about it.
Consider that a butterball warning shot from Mom, dipshit. She’s a ruthless succubus but she is all that stands between you and a face off with the midget plum hole sister you just outed as a murderous psychopath. You won’t win that fight. Now get back in the basement and knit us some more socks. You Tweet that shit again, you’ll only need to make left ones for yourself.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
By Jack March 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Rob Kardashian called his sister Kim out for being a sociopathic murderer. Either he’s right or he’s wrong. Either way, he’s dead.
Read all about Rob getting Gone Girled. (TMZ)
Start your week off right, with girls with giant boobs. (The Chive)
Summer St. Claire shows her topless bug yums in the great outdoors. (Egotastic)
Megan Fox models in a sheer bodysuit for a Korean skincare line. (Drunken Stepfather)
Lauren Stoner in a bikini is faptacular. (Hollywood Tuna)
Jessica Lowndes Instagrams a picture of her sweet ass in a bikini. (Popoholic)
Anais Zanotti, Ana Braga, and Tahiti Cora frolic in bikinis. (The Superficial)