Idiocy Laws Just Killing Blac Chyna

By Lex February 01, 2016 @ 7:39 AM

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Blac Chyna’s first mistake was booking an L.A. to London flight with a connection in Austin. If you’re connecting through Austin, you probably can’t afford to go to London. Chyna got toasted on her layover and went Azealia Banks nasty to passengers and flight attendants on her stagger onto the airplane. Airport cops removed her from the aircraft before takeoff as a bunch of people who were about to be locked into a fuselage at 35,000 feet for ten hours with a sad on the inside drunk stoned whore broke into applause.

Blac Chyna had spent the previous week taunting the Kardashians with repeated social posts about housing Fat Rob Kardashian at her place where she was providing fitness motivation and sitting on his little weenie. It’s hard to imagine the scenario where that’s the upper hand. Fucking with the Kardashians isn’t a game for children. Did you ever take your eyes off your Mike’s Hard Lemonade at the airport? If it’s a nefarious scheme you’ve seen on a TV show before, it’s in Kris Jenner’s repertoire. Never go against the family.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

UPDATE Rob Kardashian drove twenty-six hours straight to Texas in his Bentley to pick up Blac Chyna. In case you weren’t sure they were fucking.

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Kendall Jenner Also Hospitalized

By Lex December 31, 2015 @ 7:21 AM

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There’s not a single Kardashian family member who hasn’t been hospitalized in the past two years, if you include Khloe Kardashian rubbing her cunny on staph infection while spoon feeding Lamar. Kris Jenner went in for ‘undisclosed internal pain’, Kylie Jenner was admitted for ‘injuries from trampoline’ accident, Kim and Kourtney both to birth various out of wedlock babies, Bruce Jenner to get tits and a softer man-lady face, Rob Kardashian was rushed to the hospital with diabetic shock and Kendall Jenner announced she was secretly hospitalized this year for ‘exhaustion’.  Funny thing about secrets… never mind.

This fucking family is why Obamacare is costing between eleven cents and two trillion dollars more than expected. Either this family is basking in the public relations glory of soap opera sympathy or God is enacting revenge with early onset organ failures. Could be both. Khloe spilled ketchup on this hospital gown and it looks like a Banksy drawing. For sale now on the website. Ten percent of sales go toward buying Bruce a real vagina. Do I care how I’ll look at sixty? None of us are living to see forty.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rob Kardashian Has The Diabetes And Shit Around The Web

By Michael December 30, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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The poorest earner in the Kardashian family, Rob, was rushed to the hospital after nearly slipping into a coma from undiagnosed diabetes. How his family injected this into his body remains to be seen. Hey, Lamar, what are you doing here?

How will he milk this for attention? (TMZ)

Ashley Benson has all the tits. (Last Men On Earth)

Yana Sotnikova is topless for P Magazine. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Kyle Jenner’s fake ass looks like a hemorrhoid donut. (Drunken Stepfather)

A roundup of the best boobs of 2015. (The Chive)

Kat Von D is fucking Steve-O for some reason. (Dlisted)

The Walking Dead’s Lauren Cohan has an amazing fucking body. (Popoholic)

Rob Kardashian Arm Looks Wicked in Shape

By Lex September 08, 2015 @ 9:40 AM

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The Kardashians are hailing the return of their lone male member with a male member Rob Kardashian and how amazing his left arm looks after almost a year away at angry fat camp where social media is strictly verboten. Odd considering the large number of fat angry people on social media at any given time. For the sake of his sanity, Rob put aside his custom sock business and all the other work in his life that takes up to three hours a month and just focused on himself, why he was over-eating, beating up small women, and being a dick to the hot girlfriends he never could have gotten if not for his fame and family money. It’s a shame given how close Rob was to escaping the Soviet style clutches of his family and penning a true tell all book that would shock nobody. Khloe was cattle prodded? Kim trained on wood dicks that gave her splinters if she didn’t suck properly? What else you got, sock boy? I need something unexpected. Mule fucking Fridays? Tell me you have pictures!

Photo credit: Rob Kardashian/Instatgram

Rob Kardashian Death to Be An E! Ratings Bonanza

By Lex June 19, 2015 @ 8:58 AM

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Every male member of the Kardashian family deals with the stress of being emasculated by the coven of shrill she-demons in their own self-destructive manner. Lamar Odom holed up in a motel smoking crack with Vietnamese twinks. Bruce Jenner chose to lop off his dick. Rob Kardashian is binge eating. The family decided the chunky scion should no longer be featured on the mothership show designing socks or trying to spell the latin name of his sisters’ STDs. Instead they just talk about how fat and stupid he is behind his back. The producers at E! have staged a storyline where Kris Jenner pretends to have true human concerns for her son’s physical and mental well-bring with breaking news reports of Rob ordering food at In & Out Burger and refusing to purge. She cries and worries about how her son might die, or worse, have $100,000 worth of surgery to become Rebel Wilson. This is all a windup to Rob hanging from a 101-freeway sign with the words I Was Never One of You painted in Nutella on the gut of his lifeless body. Sweeps week. Check the freeway signpost ladder for fingerprints. Then cross check against those lifted off Marcus Allen’s cock in the late 80′s. I guarantee you he didn’t go up there alone.

Rob Kardashian Hanging By A Thread

By Matt April 07, 2015 @ 8:05 AM

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Rob Kardashian is either a fat recluse who needs help or a normal guy who appears this way compared to the rest of his family. Kris Jenner spoke about his condition on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians:

“I’ve gotten a few reports that he’s been spending a lot of money and locking himself up in his room a lot and not really coming out… I’m just worried about what’s going on… I feel like if I don’t help him do something drastic that he’s gonna die.”

You just did something drastic. Assuming this isn’t bullshit and the guy is really depressed you just embarrassed him on national television for your ratings. Just lay a gun on his doorstep while you’re at it. Assuming this is a story line for the show you’re treading on dangerous ground. How are we supposed to separate the bullshit from the other bullshit? It’s no wonder so many reality stars commit suicide. They call you crying in the middle of the night and you hang up because you don’t know if they’re on the edge of a pier or following a script on a sound stage. I have to work tomorrow. You just cried wolf, bitch.

Photo Credit: Getty Images