Rob Kardashian Hanging By A Thread

By Matt April 07, 2015 @ 8:05 AM

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Rob Kardashian is either a fat recluse who needs help or a normal guy who appears this way compared to the rest of his family. Kris Jenner spoke about his condition on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians:

“I’ve gotten a few reports that he’s been spending a lot of money and locking himself up in his room a lot and not really coming out… I’m just worried about what’s going on… I feel like if I don’t help him do something drastic that he’s gonna die.”

You just did something drastic. Assuming this isn’t bullshit and the guy is really depressed you just embarrassed him on national television for your ratings. Just lay a gun on his doorstep while you’re at it. Assuming this is a story line for the show you’re treading on dangerous ground. How are we supposed to separate the bullshit from the other bullshit? It’s no wonder so many reality stars commit suicide. They call you crying in the middle of the night and you hang up because you don’t know if they’re on the edge of a pier or following a script on a sound stage. I have to work tomorrow. You just cried wolf, bitch.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Rob Kardashian Downgraded to Mental

By Lex March 27, 2015 @ 12:51 PM

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If you were wondering what the Kardashian mafia intends to do to Rob Kardashian following another round of his going against the family, I believe we have our answer. They’re going to have him committed. Operation Squelch the Rat got revved up last week when the family rebel mentioned that maybe his sister-whore was a conniving murderer. The team that leaks information to the press for Kris Jenner started running lines that Rob was a prankster, then he was probably just super tired, then he was fat and feeling unhappy, now he’s being described as depressed and in need of professional intervention.

He’s sad, he’s bitter, he single. He is very depressed and has been [for a while]. He is very against therapy and any kind of rehab. But his family will continue to push for him to get help until he does.

This is one of those black helicopter dystopian nightmares where the Minister of Propaganda labels dissenters as psychotic and orders them to Arkham for a little frontal lobe electrocution. I might be the last person on this planet pulling for you, Rob Kardashian, so heed my advice: run!. Shave your head, throw on some non-designer label clothes, snatch some cash from mom’s closet, and run for your fucking life. Put ten thousand miles between you and your relatives. Men don’t do well in your family. Dead or castrated. That’s not a real choice. Call yourself Yani and make a simple life  in Botswana. If a letter should ever find you begging you to come home because your sisters are dying from Hep C, it’s a trap. It might be true, still, a trap.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rob Kardashian Deconstructed

By Lex March 24, 2015 @ 8:58 AM

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The Kardashian whore machine is floating a few trial balloons as reasons why Rob Kardashian referred to his sister Kim on Twitter as a lying manipulative murderous bitch. According to sources that are almost certainly Kris Jenner’s media team, Rob Kardashian is just a silly prankster who loves practical jokes. Funny gags like eating disorders, depression, ditching his sister’s wedding, punching women, and cutting sock patterns in the dark basement at night next to the sarcophagus chambering his real dad’s cadaver. Classic knee-slappers.

It’s just him… He always posts things he thinks are funny and deletes and unfollows people… He’s so bizarre, he posts and deletes and thinks people aren’t going to notice.

Like guys with 5 million followers and tons of social media training often do. Forget how Twitter works. Another theory thrown out there by the team is that Rob is very frustrated with his weight and lack of motivation to get into ass fuck shape like his sisters:

He just doesn’t seem to care right now. He’s not motivated. He seems really sad about his weight, but he also isn’t trying to do anything about it.

Consider that a butterball warning shot from Mom, dipshit. She’s a ruthless succubus but she is all that stands between you and a face off with the midget plum hole sister you just outed as a murderous psychopath. You won’t win that fight. Now get back  in the basement and knit us some more socks. You Tweet that shit again, you’ll only need to make left ones for yourself.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Rob Kardashian On the Run And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Rob Kardashian called his sister Kim out for being a sociopathic murderer. Either he’s right or he’s wrong. Either way, he’s dead.

Read all about Rob getting Gone Girled. (TMZ)

Start your week off right, with girls with giant boobs. (The Chive)

Summer St. Claire shows her topless bug yums in the great outdoors. (Egotastic)

Megan Fox models in a sheer bodysuit for a Korean skincare line. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lauren Stoner in a bikini is faptacular. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jessica Lowndes Instagrams a picture of her sweet ass in a bikini. (Popoholic)

Anais Zanotti, Ana Braga, and Tahiti Cora frolic in bikinis. (The Superficial)

Rob Kardashian In A Twist

By Matt March 23, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

Chick 2

Rob Kardashian posted a photo of the evil manipulative chick from Gone Girl along with the caption “This is my sister Kim, the bitch from Gone Girl.” Curiously, Rob’s Instagram page consists solely of this photo because he either has body dysmorphia or nobody likes him enough to take pictures. After posting the photo Rob then unfollowed his entire family on Instagram like a motherfucking boss. I thought posting cryptic cries for attention on social media was reserved for teenage girls and stereotypical gay men in their early forties. Kim Kardashian is clearly a shameless dullard yet comparing her to a serial murderer seems misplaced. A better reference might be Charlie Sheen in Wall Street if he didn’t have a job and was dumb and had big fake tits with rapper cum caking on them. Or maybe Rob’s trying to tell us she really is murdering people who get in her way.  I guess we’ll know when Rob shows up in a ditch with slashes to his neck and designer socks. Nobody will say we figured this out too late.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kardashians Lack Creative Fiber

By Matt January 09, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

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Rob Kardashian forgot his phone and his two thieving whore sisters used it to take selfies and posted them to his Instagram account as a prank. Except this isn’t real. Only half abandoned dropouts who were teething during The Love Boat could apply themselves and still come up with something this lame:

“I’m looking thru all of his text messages and WOW just WOW ladies.”

Wouldn’t any of the hypothetical texts in his phone be more interesting than your face, since we’ve seen all three of your holes too many times? Especially the worst one. At the very least he’s cheating on his diet or crying in the utility shed. There’s got to be some dirty in there. Maybe he killed JonBenet Ramsey. Still an improvement. Maybe he just convinced you to promote his Instagram account for him because nobody gives a shit. Equally as lame as the JonBenet thing. Have some respect next time Rob. The gun’s in the closet next to OJ’s bloody knife.

Photo Credit: Instagram