The Tuesday morning headlines are brought to you by this guy. Either one really.
MADONNA – is cheap. She made 110 million dollars last year, yet only gave $459,000 to charity. This may sound thoughtless, but keep in mind: Madonna is a mean old bitch. (hollywood reporter)
ROMAN POLANSKI – has been denied bail once again. A Swiss court ruled he was a high flight risk and ordered him to remain in jail while he awaits possible extradition to the United States. Considering he’s facing extradition precisely because he fled the country while on bail last time, it takes some balls to ask for bail again. That’s the entire reason we’re here. What did he think the judge was gonna say? “I know you took off last time, but, I’ve just got a lucky feeling. I say we go for it!” (e online)
SHAKIRA – has secretly been taking “Introduction to Western Civilization: Ancient Civilizations from Prehistory to Circa A.D. 843″ at UCLA all summer. She would wear baggy clothes with a hat pulled low and keep to herself, and no one ever knew. She took the class simply because she wanted to, and did well until it wrapped up last Thursday. “I was really impressed with how intelligent she was,” said Professor Robert Cleve, as he tried to change the subject so his erection would go away. (the ap)
Whoopi Goldberg, Woody Allen, David Lynch, Alexander Payne, Michael Mann, Tilda Swinton and Harvey Weinstein were just a few of the big Hollywood names defending Roman Polanski after he was taken into custody last month. To recap, Polanski drugged and anally raped a 13-year-old girl in 1977. That’s illegal, as it turns out, so he fled to France where he has lived a life of opulence and luxury ever since.
So is Hollywood filled with drug addicted perverts who condone this sort of thing? Well yes, but Jamie Foxx isn’t one of them.
“If it had been my daughter who was barely a teenager — my daughter is 15 — Roman Polanski would be missing … period. It wouldn’t even get to the court case. But, that’s me and I wouldn’t want anyone else to follow that because you should let the justice system work it out.”
We should do a lot more vigilante justice in this country. It would really keep pedophiles on their toes. The laws should be redone where, if a guy drugs your 13-year-old daughter then nails her in the ass, and then you hunt and eliminate that person, so what? Who cares? As long as you kill the right guy, whats the big deal? Now, if you kill the wrong person or, let’s say, your neighbor for watching TV too loud for example, that would still be illegal. You can’t do that. But the guy who raped your daughter? Game on. He should be ripped apart by horses then sewn back together. And we would do that until the horses got sleepy.
Many of the Hollywood elite defending Roman Polasnki say he shouldn’t go to jail just because he drugged a child then f**ked her in the ass while she begged him to stop, and that he’s already suffered enough by living his life in exile. It’s easier to understand that part if you pretend that he’s American. He’s French, so I’m not sure how a French guy living in France is considered “exile” but whatever. The point is he’s suffered. Or something.
But don’t think that Roman is unwilling to pay for his crimes. In fact he’s agreed to be placed under house arrest. Specifically, this house. This chalet outside Gstaad, Switzerland, where singing bluebirds presumably pull your sheets back in the morning and Mr Sun gives you a big thumbs up. Oh that poor man. He’ll never make it!
In 1977, Roman Polanski was 44-years-old and one of the most prominent directors in Hollywood. In March of that year, during a private photo shoot with a 13-year-old girl named Samantha Gailey, he gave her champagne, quaaludes and a sedative. Then, despite her telling him that she wanted to go home and “no” and “stop” while he forced himself on her, he performed oral sex, intercourse and sodomy on her. To put it another way, he drugged a child then fucked her in the ass while she begged him to stop.
But Whoopi Goldberg thinks we need to relax, because that’s not really “rape”.
“The language that we use here is very important, because, (rape) is not the allegation…
I know it wasn’t rape-rape… All I’m trying to get you to understand, is when we’re talking about what someone did, and what they were charged with, we have to say what it actually was not what we think it was…
Initially he was charged with rape, and then he pled guilty to having sex with a minor, okay. And then he went to jail, and when they let him out, he said “you know what, this guy’s going to give me a hundred years in jail, I’m not staying.” And that’s why he left…
We’re a different kind of society. We see things differently. The world sees 13 year olds and 14 year olds in the rest of Europe… not everybody agrees with the way we see things…”
Ahh, well, okay. Now I feel silly. We can’t judge. He’s from Europe, where fucking children in the ass as they beg for mercy is all the rage. I was holding him to our arbitrary standards of right and wrong. God, I hate me. I’m the worst. I’m gonna send him a gift basket to apologize, then throw a rock at the trouble-making whore Samantha.
ROMAN POLANSKI – has been wanted in the United States since 1977, when he pled guilty to raping a 13-year-old girl. He fled to France before sentencing and has been free ever since, but was was arrested over the weekend in Switzerland and is now facing extradition. Of course he’s outraged by this. “He was shocked, dumbfounded, but he is in a fighting mood and he is very determined to defend himself.” Hopefully the Swiss are real sarcastic and they drug him so he can’t defend himself. Oh and also then they rape him. (ap)
BEAUTIFUL LIFE - the CW show starring Mischa Barton and produced by Ashton Kutcher has been cancelled after just two episodes because of low ratings. This is surprising because everyone loves Ashton Kutcher. I’m still trying to see ‘Spread’, but every time I go the line is way too long. (e online)
ASHLEY GREENE – of Twilight was somewhere this weekend, doing something. I started to investigate what but then she looked into the camera like it was her secret lover and I realized I didn’t care. (hq jump here)