Katty Perry Didn’t Want To Have Russell Brand’s Womb Ferrets (VIDEO)

By Jack December 10, 2013 @ 3:37 PM

Katy Perry finally revealed the true reason why she and human hard-on Russell Brand split up: he wanted to fill her with a baby. It seems that the prancing Limey really wants to be a father. Katy just wasn’t ready to have kids because there are too many insipid repetitive songs left to be sung from her heart. She also says it was a way for Brand to “control” her,

“[Brand] really wanted me to have children, and I knew I wasn’t ready — I think it was a way of control. I think it was part of, If I have a kid, then I would have to sacrifice — I’d have to be home more.”

I for one applaud her decision. Not because of some feminist reason of her owning her reproductive destiny, but because I don’t want those two to make offspring. That would be fucking horrible. It would be just a mop of hair and tits with a chalkboard scratching voice listening to Katy’s parents read a bed time story about how the Jews are ruining the world. We couldn’t allow that child to reach adulthood and I for one am getting too old to keep sneaking into homes and stealing devil babies.

Russell Brand Kicked Out Of Awards Show

By Jack September 06, 2013 @ 1:41 PM

The former Mr. Katy Perry, Russell Brand, was kicked out of the GQ Men of the Year Awards for gettin all political.I didn’t even know GQ had awards. I thought they just printed ads with homosexual models wearing overpriced clothes. Instead of just thanking his fans and GQ like an adult, he decided to do the annoying celeb thing and talk politics. Since he also insulted GQ, he was promptly kicked out.

“Glad to grace the stage where Boris Johnson had just made light of the use of chemical weapons in Syria. Meaning that GQ could now stand for Genocide quips. I mention that only to make this next comment a bit lighter because if any of you know a little about history, and fashion, you know it was Hugo Boss who made uniforms for the Nazis.”

What’s happening in Syria is fucking horrible and Assad and probably 10,000 other idiots deserve a bazooka to the face, but is it really Russell Brand’s job to tell us about it. Was the world waiting on input from the guy who was funny once in Forgetting Sarah Marshall ? Why do famous people think we give two shits what they think of political situation? They’re violating the basic celebrity social contract. For relatively minimal work, you get lots of money and hot girls and good drugs. We get your silence outside of work.

Islamists Declare A Jihad On Russell Brand

By Jack June 21, 2013 @ 1:15 PM

Russell Brand had to cancel his tour dates in the Middle East over concerns for his safety. You might remember Brand from such films as Forgetting Sarah Marshall or as the dude who used to fuck Katy Perry. Russell was planning on playing in Abu Dhabi and Lebanon on his Messiah Complex tour as a show of love and inclusiveness. While it’s real nice and all that he wanted to bring a little laughter to that part of the world, should he really be surprised that a Western comedian known for his sexual escapades with a show called Messiah Complex would not go over well in fucking Beirut?

Abu Dhabi is a popular tourist destination and plenty of Western artists perform there. It’s like Vegas with less whores or fat people from Nebraska on Segways. Brand can’t possibly be the most offensive act scheduled to play at one of their hotels. You’d think they would be more upset about some female singer that showed her ankles or Zionist overlord Neil Diamond. They’re probably just big Katy Perry fans and they don’t like how he treated her. The only album they have in their terror cell is a bootleg tape of Teenage Dream. (I was going to say Dynamite, but, you know.)

Russell Brand Destroyed Some MSNBC Hosts (VIDEO)

By Travis June 19, 2013 @ 11:00 AM






Cable news is probably one of the worst things in the world, behind cancer and blog posts about things that remind you of the 90s, and that’s why we’re lucky, for once, to have a guy like Russell Brand fuck with the system. Brand was on Morning Joe on Monday to talk about his show, Brand X, and comedy tour, but you’d hardly know that from watching this video because the hosts of the show were complete, unprofessional dicks to him.

Love him or hate him, Brand kept his cool and took these dipshits to task on their behaviors and attitudes in what is probably the best TV clip you’ll watch this year.

Russell Brand Is Still Talking About Katy Perry

By Travis June 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Katy Perry and Russell Brand knew each other for a little more than a year before they got married in 2010, and they’d been married a little more than one year before they filed for divorce in 2011. So it’s safe to say that neither of them is in much of a position to offer anyone marriage advice, unless that advice is: “Look at everything we did and do the complete opposite.”

Esquire magazine recently interviewed Russell and, of course, the topic of his marriage to Katy (seen above wearing a dress that she should never wear again) came up and he explained why it failed.

‘But it’s going to be hard if I go into a monogamous relationship. I live a life where I have a lot of freedom, so if I meet someone and I go, “Right let’s be monogamous,” that’s a f**king change.’

‘But I tried it and I loved it. I really think she’s a lovely beautiful person [Katy Perry]. It’s just hard isn’t it? She’s got a lot of options, I’ve got a lot of options, so you’ve got to really, really want it.’ (Daily Mail)

Translated: I realized that there are millions of women out there who will fuck any man who is remotely famous. Can’t blame a guy for that.

(Photo Credit: Cousart-Rayne/JFXimages/WENN.com)

can you spare some change for Russell Brand

By brendon October 24, 2012 @ 5:19 PM

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Russell Brand went to an AA meeting in West Hollywood today, and looked every bit the part in his sandals and scruffy layers of clothes. Then he left and drove off in a brand new Infiniti SUV. “What the fuck,” several confused bums could be heard yelling.

(image source = fame/flynet(