Ryan Lochte Wants To Make A Sex Tape With Ray J

By Travis April 05, 2013 @ 9:00 AM







In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Olympic gold medalist swimmer Ryan Lochte spills the beans on his hopes and dreams, as the star of E!’s new reality series, What Would Ryan Lochte Do?, wants everyone in America to accept him as an entertainment icon.

Having previously admitted that he wants to be an actor and a world class movie star, it turns out that the guy who trademarked the made up word “JEAH” is following in the footsteps of one very special celebrity.

Ryan Lochte knows exactly what he wants. He wants to be Kim Kardashian — and isn’t ashamed to admit it.

“Kim started from pretty much nothing, and now everyone everywhere knows who she is,” he says. “That’s what I want to do.”

Technically, Kim started from a lot of money. Then she built herself up with a sex tape and rode that to collecting Kanye West’s sperm in her womb to lock down half of his fortune and an infinite TV deal. Lochte, despite his lack of charisma, personality and acting talent, actually achieved fame because he was good at something, in this case swimming.

So if he really wants to be a famous actor or even just a beloved reality TV star, he should pave his own path and defy the odds that we’ve stacked against him. That is, unless he wants to make a sex tape with Kate Upton, in which case we’d probably watch that.

afternoon headlines, with naked Brooke Hogan

By brendon August 21, 2012 @ 5:30 PM

brooke_hogan_naked_peta

TONY SCOTT – had his suicide filmed by several people who are trying to sell the footage. Inspiring “I Believe I Can Fly” song, not included. (guardian)

JOHNNY DEPP – is being offered $95 million to star in ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 5′, because ‘Pirates Of The Caribbean 4′ made $1.04 billion. Clearly Lindsay hasn’t figured out that these are about a bisexual drunk who steals or else she would have sued by now. (the sun)

MICHAEL J. FOX – will return to NBC in a sitcom guaranteed to air at least one full season of 22 episodes, even though it hasn’t filmed a pilot yet and NBC hasn’t seen any footage. It’s a very shaky deal, so to speak. (vulture)

RYAN LOCHTE – is in a “three-way tie” to become the next Bachelor on ABC. When things started he was actually the leader, but the other two guys are French and he let them catch up because he’s an asshole. (e!)

BROOKE HOGAN – has a “I’d rather go naked…” ad for the reprehensible PETA, and you can actually see her boob in this. Are they implying I shouldn’t want Brooke Hogan locked in a cage? Because they are way way off in that assumption. (direct link to the NSFW picture here)

Ryan Lochte is sort of a douche

By brendon August 06, 2012 @ 3:06 PM

ryan_lochte_drunk_london

Ryan Lochte left a club in London called Chinawhite about 3:30 this morning, looking kinda drunk and doing nothing to change the perception that he’s sort of a douche. His Olympics were disappointing–with 1 individual gold (in the 400 IM), 1 individual silver (200 IM), a bronze in the 200 back, and 4th in the 200 free–even if you overlook the fact that he got run down by the god damn French, WHICH I NEVER EVER WILL. Also he looks like Balki from ‘Perfect Strangers’ sometimes. That might not be an insult but it’s very definitely not a compliment either.

(image source = pacific coast)