Despite the fact that we’re not a bunch of idiot assholes who don’t realize she’s full of shit, Kim Kardashian has claimed that her upcoming wedding ceremony is going to be “super, super small” and just feature her and Kanye West’s closest friends and family members. It won’t be a huge star-studded event, because these two narcissists really, honestly love each other, and not because nobody fucking likes them and wouldn’t go if they were invited. One celebrity who is definitely not attending is Ryan Seacrest, who produces Keeping Up with the Kardashians and the other shows featuring these fame whores, but according to Us Weekly, he’s completely fine with that. “It would be one of the most amazing ceremonies that has ever been had,” he said, probably before finalizing plans to give Kendall Jenner all of Kim’s shows and money.
After he was done having his soul sucked out of his mouth by Miley Cyrus at Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, Ryan Seacrest hopped on his plane and headed to St. Bart’s with some friends so he could unwind the only way that millionaire playboys can – by surrounding himself with other wealthy men and the very attractive women that flock to them. You can try to convince everyone that Ryan is gay all you want, but does he honestly look like the kind of guy who would secretly turn down a sexy model’s advances? Well yeah, but if that really is the case, we’ve gotta give the guy some credit for putting up a hell of a charade.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
If you missed Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve on ABC on Tuesday night, you’re pretty fucking lucky, because Ryan Seacrest’s shitshow of celebrities pretending like they give a crap about normal people was pretty terrible. However, the best part of it was probably watching Miley Cyrus try to stand in one place and not look like she was the most uncomfortable person on the planet in her giant fur coat and stupid boots. When all was said and done, Miley gave Ryan a New Year’s Kiss to thank him for extending her 15 minutes a little longer, and if that guy wasn’t gay before, he has probably already spent the better part of the first two days of 2014 at a truck stop glory hole.
Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus
Lots of people like Ryan Seacrest. Young girls who watch his shows. His parents. Gay men who believe he would make a nice twink throw pillow. But not so much your rabid Opening Day NFL football fans who booed him in Denver as he subverted the manly glory of the NFL into a chance to peddle his new game show on NBC. If Peyton Manning had asked the Broncos fans to kill Ryan Seacrest, he’d now be dead and we’d be watching his touching tribute on E! TMZ would also find a way to label it a sports story.
Ryan Seacrest used to look like this but he grew up and earned more than $200 million, so it’s pretty natural that really attractive women want to have sex with him and let him spend money on them. For a while, he was dating actress Julianne Hough, but he probably saw her performance in Safe Haven and figured it was time to move on.
Now he’s reportedly dating Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Dominique Piek, who previously dated actor Chris Pine, but he doesn’t have $200 million. It’s kind of beautiful how true love has a way of guiding a 27-year old model to the man that she truly belongs with.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
Ryan Seacrest is one the studio hosts for NBC during their Olympic coverage, which is making professional sports reporters angry because oh fuck off stop crying. It pales in comparison to the other thing NBC is fucking up during the Olympics, which is literally everything.
“Everyone in the industry is talking about what a bad move it was to include Ryan Seacrest on the NBC coverage this year,” a journalist for a major sports network, who wishes to remain anonymous, told Radar.
“Ryan is the face of mainstream celebrity media, and there’s supposed to be something sacred and pure about the Olympics. Ryan’s not up to speed on the athletes in the way that they should be covered.”
Uh, this is the same network who employs Peter King to talk about football, and Peter King is a fucking moron. He opens his Sports Illustrated column today by making the case for Russell Wilson to start at QB in Seattle because he “leads all rookies in charisma.” Granted there’s no stat for that, but only because it’s not a real thing. Say what you will about Ryan Seacrest, but at least he’s not ranking the athletes in imaginary categories.