Kelly Ripa Chooses Seacrest

May 1, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

In the world of big news for the indolent, Kelly Ripa ended the long tease of her new co-host for Live announcement with a blessedly short skit before naming Ryan Seacrest.


Kylie Jenner Graduation Party Hosted By Ryan Seacrest

July 24, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jenner where he pretended he liked girls and Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomas are the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead […]


Ryan Seacrest Putting In Work

June 12, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Ryan Seacrest is officially dating former Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz. It’s not a good sign when you’re still talking about that at 26. Seacrest has been busy with American Idol and executive producing Caitlyn Jenner’s upcoming spectacle of shameless self indulgence. Turns out you’re still boring even with the snipped penis. You could convert […]


Ryan Seacrest Gets the Girl And Shit Around The Web

May 11, 2015 | crap around the web | Brendon| 0 Comments

Ryan Seacrest was able to convince model Renee Hall to be his new arm candy. Renee now follows in the regal tradition of having a super cute rich Hollywood boyfriend who causes her to call her mom once a week in tears for reasons she can never contractually explain. You’re only fooling yourself, Ryan. (TMZ) […]


Ryan Seacrest Isn’t Cool Enough For Kim Kardashian’s Wedding

May 15, 2014 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Despite the fact that we’re not a bunch of idiot assholes who don’t realize she’s full of shit, Kim Kardashian has claimed that her upcoming wedding ceremony is going to be “super, super small” and just feature her and Kanye West‘s closest friends and family members. It won’t be a huge star-studded event, because these […]


Ryan Seacrest’s New Year Is Going Just Fine

January 3, 2014 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

After he was done having his soul sucked out of his mouth by Miley Cyrus at Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, Ryan Seacrest hopped on his plane and headed to St. Bart’s with some friends so he could unwind the only way that millionaire playboys can – by surrounding himself with other wealthy men […]


Miley Cyrus Ruined Ryan Seacrest’s New Year

January 3, 2014 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

If you missed Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve on ABC on Tuesday night, you’re pretty fucking lucky, because Ryan Seacrest‘s shitshow of celebrities pretending like they give a crap about normal people was pretty terrible. However, the best part of it was probably watching Miley Cyrus try to stand in one place and not […]


Ryan Seacrest NFL Boner Kill (VIDEO)

September 6, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Lots of people like Ryan Seacrest. Young girls who watch his shows. His parents. Gay men who believe he would make a nice twink throw pillow. But not so much your rabid Opening Day NFL football fans who booed him in Denver as he subverted the manly glory of the NFL into a chance to […]


Ryan Seacrest Is Dating Dominique Piek Now

June 27, 2013 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Ryan Seacrest used to look like this but he grew up and earned more than $200 million, so it’s pretty natural that really attractive women want to have sex with him and let him spend money on them. For a while, he was dating actress Julianne Hough, but he probably saw her performance in Safe […]


Ryan Seacrest is the least of NBCs problems

July 31, 2012 | celebrity | Brendon| 0 Comments

Ryan Seacrest is one the studio hosts for NBC during their Olympic coverage, which is making professional sports reporters angry because oh fuck off stop crying. It pales in comparison to the other thing NBC is fucking up during the Olympics, which is literally everything. “Everyone in the industry is talking about what a bad […]