By Lex July 24, 2015 @ 1:22 PM
Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jenner where he pretended he liked girls and Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomas are the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead of fifteen bucks and a valid email address this one requires twenty grand and a valid email address.
“Laurel Springs gave me a solid education and the flexibility to continue to film my Nickelodeon TV show, “iCarly,” while establishing my recording career. All my coursework was interesting and challenging and the teachers were great. “– Miranda Cosgrove, proud Laurel Springs alum.
At the graduation party, Kylie herself was quick to point out that graduation was not an end to her education, but a stepping stone to a life of learning. Then somebody added ‘… about big black cock’ and everybody had a good laugh and used the Laurel Springs diploma to roll a blunt. Consider the Arthur Ashe Courage Award 2016 already sewn up.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Matt June 12, 2015 @ 7:24 AM
Ryan Seacrest is officially dating former Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz. It’s not a good sign when you’re still talking about that at 26. Seacrest has been busy with American Idol and executive producing Caitlyn Jenner’s upcoming spectacle of shameless self indulgence. Turns out you’re still boring even with the snipped penis. You could convert to a jackalope and I’d be clicking past. I would like to see the ears. Cruz for her part still has giant fake tits which can double as a flotation device and appears to weigh roughly the same as a bushel of kindling. The arrangement should work out well as Seacrest works 300 hours a week and she’ll have his house during the day to fuck straight guys. Also, they’re the same dress size. I’m sure Seacrest will relax once he nears eighty Logo is serving more households than ESPN. Until then, shine the Miss Teen statuette. Daddy needs his thinking toy.
Photo Credit: Instagram
Ryan Seacrest was able to convince model Renee Hall to be his new arm candy. Renee now follows in the regal tradition of having a super cute rich Hollywood boyfriend who causes her to call her mom once a week in tears for reasons she can never contractually explain.
You’re only fooling yourself, Ryan. (TMZ)
And speaking of Seacrest, American Idol has finally been cancelled. (Huffington Post)
Leanna Decker’s tits are glorious. (Egotastic)
Gigi’s sister Bella Hadid is also highly fuckable. (Drunken Stepfather)
Joanna Krupa in a bikini sucking on…a straw. (Hollywood Tuna)
Shanina Shaik stuns in new bikini pics. And by stuns I mean makes my wiener happy. (Popoholic)
Nothing like a sweaty girl in a sports bra to get the old cardio going. (The Chive)
By Travis May 15, 2014 @ 1:00 PM
Despite the fact that we’re not a bunch of idiot assholes who don’t realize she’s full of shit, Kim Kardashian has claimed that her upcoming wedding ceremony is going to be “super, super small” and just feature her and Kanye West’s closest friends and family members. It won’t be a huge star-studded event, because these two narcissists really, honestly love each other, and not because nobody fucking likes them and wouldn’t go if they were invited. One celebrity who is definitely not attending is Ryan Seacrest, who produces Keeping Up with the Kardashians and the other shows featuring these fame whores, but according to Us Weekly, he’s completely fine with that. “It would be one of the most amazing ceremonies that has ever been had,” he said, probably before finalizing plans to give Kendall Jenner all of Kim’s shows and money.
By Travis January 03, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
After he was done having his soul sucked out of his mouth by Miley Cyrus at Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, Ryan Seacrest hopped on his plane and headed to St. Bart’s with some friends so he could unwind the only way that millionaire playboys can – by surrounding himself with other wealthy men and the very attractive women that flock to them. You can try to convince everyone that Ryan is gay all you want, but does he honestly look like the kind of guy who would secretly turn down a sexy model’s advances? Well yeah, but if that really is the case, we’ve gotta give the guy some credit for putting up a hell of a charade.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis January 02, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
If you missed Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve on ABC on Tuesday night, you’re pretty fucking lucky, because Ryan Seacrest’s shitshow of celebrities pretending like they give a crap about normal people was pretty terrible. However, the best part of it was probably watching Miley Cyrus try to stand in one place and not look like she was the most uncomfortable person on the planet in her giant fur coat and stupid boots. When all was said and done, Miley gave Ryan a New Year’s Kiss to thank him for extending her 15 minutes a little longer, and if that guy wasn’t gay before, he has probably already spent the better part of the first two days of 2014 at a truck stop glory hole.
Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus