Ryan Seacrest Putting In Work

By Matt June 12, 2015 @ 7:24 AM

CRUZ

Ryan Seacrest is officially dating former Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz. It’s not a good sign when you’re still talking about that at 26. Seacrest has been busy with American Idol and executive producing Caitlyn Jenner’s upcoming spectacle of shameless self indulgence. Turns out you’re still boring even with the snipped penis. You could convert to a jackalope and I’d be clicking past. I would like to see the ears. Cruz for her part still has giant fake tits which can double as a flotation device and appears to weigh roughly the same as a bushel of kindling. The arrangement should work out well as Seacrest works 300 hours a week and she’ll have his house during the day to fuck straight guys. Also, they’re the same dress size. I’m sure Seacrest will relax once he nears eighty Logo is serving more households than ESPN. Until then, shine the Miss Teen statuette. Daddy needs his thinking toy.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Ryan Seacrest Gets the Girl And Shit Around The Web

By Jack May 11, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Ryan Seacrest was able to convince model Renee Hall to be his new arm candy. Renee now follows in the regal tradition of having a super cute rich Hollywood boyfriend who causes her to call her mom once a week in tears for reasons she can never contractually explain.

You’re only fooling yourself, Ryan. (TMZ)

And speaking of Seacrest, American Idol has finally been cancelled. (Huffington Post)

Leanna Decker’s tits are glorious. (Egotastic)

Gigi’s sister Bella Hadid is also highly fuckable. (Drunken Stepfather)

Joanna Krupa in a bikini sucking on…a straw. (Hollywood Tuna)

Shanina Shaik stuns in new bikini pics. And by stuns I mean makes my wiener happy. (Popoholic)

Nothing like a sweaty girl in a sports bra to get the old cardio going. (The Chive)

Ryan Seacrest Isn’t Cool Enough For Kim Kardashian’s Wedding

By Travis May 15, 2014 @ 1:00 PM

Ryan Seacrest in high school

Despite the fact that we’re not a bunch of idiot assholes who don’t realize she’s full of shit, Kim Kardashian has claimed that her upcoming wedding ceremony is going to be “super, super small” and just feature her and Kanye West’s closest friends and family members. It won’t be a huge star-studded event, because these two narcissists really, honestly love each other, and not because nobody fucking likes them and wouldn’t go if they were invited. One celebrity who is definitely not attending is Ryan Seacrest, who produces Keeping Up with the Kardashians and the other shows featuring these fame whores, but according to Us Weekly, he’s completely fine with that. “It would be one of the most amazing ceremonies that has ever been had,” he said, probably before finalizing plans to give Kendall Jenner all of Kim’s shows and money.

Ryan Seacrest’s New Year Is Going Just Fine

By Travis January 03, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

After he was done having his soul sucked out of his mouth by Miley Cyrus at Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve, Ryan Seacrest hopped on his plane and headed to St. Bart’s with some friends so he could unwind the only way that millionaire playboys can – by surrounding himself with other wealthy men and the very attractive women that flock to them. You can try to convince everyone that Ryan is gay all you want, but does he honestly look like the kind of guy who would secretly turn down a sexy model’s advances? Well yeah, but if that really is the case, we’ve gotta give the guy some credit for putting up a hell of a charade.

Photo Credits: WENN.com

Miley Cyrus Ruined Ryan Seacrest’s New Year

By Travis January 02, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

If you missed Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve on ABC on Tuesday night, you’re pretty fucking lucky, because Ryan Seacrest’s shitshow of celebrities pretending like they give a crap about normal people was pretty terrible. However, the best part of it was probably watching Miley Cyrus try to stand in one place and not look like she was the most uncomfortable person on the planet in her giant fur coat and stupid boots. When all was said and done, Miley gave Ryan a New Year’s Kiss to thank him for extending her 15 minutes a little longer, and if that guy wasn’t gay before, he has probably already spent the better part of the first two days of 2014 at a truck stop glory hole.

Photo Credit: Miley Cyrus

Ryan Seacrest NFL Boner Kill (VIDEO)

By Lex September 06, 2013 @ 8:22 AM

Lots of people like Ryan Seacrest. Young girls who watch his shows. His parents. Gay men who believe he would make a nice twink throw pillow. But not so much your rabid Opening Day NFL football fans who booed him in Denver as he subverted the manly glory of the NFL into a chance to peddle his new game show on NBC. If Peyton Manning had asked the Broncos fans to kill Ryan Seacrest, he’d now be dead and we’d be watching his touching tribute on E! TMZ would also find a way to label it a sports story.