For Snoop Lion, doing a Hot Pockets commercial is common sense, because with the amount of weed that guy has smoked in his lifetime, it’s only natural that he’d be putting his name behind one of the greatest late night stoner snacks out there. But Kate Upton? This is probably a bad idea, because there are already so many people who like to call her fat, so between this and that Carl’s Jr. commercial she’s either being paid out the ass, just mocking everyone or giving them more ammo than they’ll ever need. Or probably a little of 1 and 3. Maybe next time she should just consider endorsing salad.
Before Floyd Mayweather Jr. defeated Canalo Alvarez on Saturday night, rapper or reggae star or whatever Snoop Lion apparently made a bet with his “Mexican buddy Lui” that Floyd would beat his ass. Snoop was right and he won a giant bag of weed for it, so he posted some photos to Instagram, because that’s what you do when you’re very wealthy and already don’t give a shit that everyone on Earth knows you smoke weed. But I feel like Snoop winning a pound of weed is still just like Bill Gates winning $1,000. He’d set it down, forget that he had it and then the dog would eat it and he’d just say, “Fuck it.”
If you’re like me, you too have a friend like Stoner Steve. Stoner Steve is the dude not content just to get a little high and watch Spaceballs. No, Stoner Steve has to endlessly loop a lecture about how hemp can save the world, how marijuana can cure constipation, and how a multi-pronged trilateral corporate-government conspiracy is keeping pot illegal. 4/20 is Stoner Steve’s biggest day of the year. The lectures get a little longer, the slogans a little more complicated, and the marching becomes more committed. For a stoner, Steve is kind of a drag. Which is why I like Snoop Dogg’s approach to 420. Get high, host a party, bang the Howe Twins, find a comfy chair, and chill the fuck out.
I know Snoop is currently selling his questionable duets reggae beats album, including the Auto-Tuned aural affair that is Ashtrays and Heartbreaks featuring Miley. Still, there is hyperbole and there is total disconnect from common perception. You’d be hard pressed to find even a tween girl Miley fan who would commit to this level of exaggeration. Nancy Reagan predicted all this 30 years ago but nobody was listening.
Miley has a new song, a collaboration with the tattered remains of what use to be Snoop Dogs street cred called Ashtrays and Heartbreaks. It actually seems to be getting good reviews. Which means I must be missing something here because I think it’s an absolute train wreck. I’m sure the ashtrays are suppose to represent something. Caskets? Is it caskets? Either way if Tupac weren’t already dead he’d wish he was after hearing this rhythmic holocaust. I don’t really know what I was expecting though. So in the end Miley was right, this certainly did shut me up. No longer will I be talking about how ridiculous her haircut is or sitting on pins and needles about her engagement to the Hemsworth brother nobody cares about. Instead I’ll sit back silently and think to myself how much this song fucking sucks.
According to the CIA, Norway is somewhere between 94 and 98 percent white, whereas Snoop Dogg is 500 percent black, so it maybe wasn’t the greatest idea in the world for him to carry weed through their airport.
All the randomly strewn about ellipses can only mean this comes from TMZ:
Snoop Dogg was detained at an airport in Norway this morning … after customs officers discovered … SNOOP WAS PACKIN’ WEED!!!
Snoop was stopped at customs at the Kjevic Airport in Kristiansand … where officials discovered 8 grams of weed.
(Anything) less than 15 grams is merely punishable by a fine (of) roughly $1,980.13.
We’re told Snoop was cooperative … and quickly took care of the fine.
If Snoop Dogg was a character created by white writers for a show like ‘Friends’, he’d be the most racist character in the history of television and NBC would be burned to the ground, so, yeah, he had to know he was going to stand out in Norway. He’s lucky he only got a fine, because he’s probably what Norwegian people think the Devil looks like.