By Travis December 10, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Victoria’s Secret held its annual Holiday Cheer Gift event last night in New York City, and as always they sent two Angels to stand in one place for several minutes, while blowing kisses and looking pouty so guys will buy their bras under the belief that their girlfriends will instantly look like Adriana Lima or Karlie Kloss. It’s nice to see Victoria’s Secret pushing Karlie more, though, because she has that perfect girl next door look that so many models are lacking these days. And of course by “girl next door” I mean she looks like the girl who lives in my building and shakes a can of pepper spray when she walks by me each morning as a playful reminder that I should wear pants.
Photo Credits: Andres Otero/WENN.com
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 1:42 PM
I’ve warned people before about the retaliation factor of Taylor Swift crazy teen fan online Fascists. Her virtual army of early anxiety medicated B-students take to the digital airwaves like Taylor’s own Praetorian Guard, beating down even the slightest naysayer. The latest victim is gap-toothed model Jessica Hart who had the vagina balls to say that Taylor Swift could never cut it as a Victoria’s Secret angel because she lacked the poise and confidence of a runway model. She didn’t even attack Taylor’s flat ass or fishy lips. It mattered not. The Taylor Swift World War Z infected army formed a psychotic human blockade around the Victoria’s Secret factories in the jungles of Southeast Asia, forcing the lingerie company to bend to their demands to fire Jessica Hart . If Taylor Swift and her minions aren’t stopped soon, they will eventually take over large swaths of this planet with their culturally retarded Caliphate. Taylor needs to be stowed away somewhere in the center of a planet or a prison dimension. Her followers should be forced outside to play sports and socially interact and other activities where they are likely to be humbled back into submissive pouting states. Until then, the reign of terror continues. Even hot girls will not be immune.
Photo Credit: Victoria’s Secret
By Lex November 14, 2013 @ 1:43 PM
When you think hot sexy women’s lingerie, your mind immediately races to Taylor Swift, the human wet blanket who wills your balls back up into your abdomen, then yells at you for wincing. Since CBS started paying to cover this annual show, they decided to turn it into a big TV Thanksgiving time special. Nobody at CBS has ever programmed for anybody under the age of near-death before, so I assume one of the execs kids just told them they wanted to meet Taylor Swift and a million corporate bucks made it happen. Toward the end of the show Taylor sang Teardrops On My Guitar as children from the various Victoria’s Secret sweatshops around Southeast Asia paraded on stage in their native costumes. Nothing makes you feel special like lingerie.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN
By Travis November 14, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
If you were somehow able to wager that the 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show at the Lexington Avenue Armory in New York City last night would feature some very attractive women walking around in expensive lingerie, random outfits nobody will ever see again and gigantic wings, then you’re probably a wealthier man this morning. Erin Heatherton, Lily Aldridge, Alessandra Ambrosio, Doutzen Kroes, Candice Swanepoel and others showed off the company’s latest items that your girlfriends and wives will never, ever be able pull off, and then Taylor Swift even showed up to perform so that everyone could take a bathroom break.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Travis October 31, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Victoria’s Secret model Lindsay Ellingson attended the UNICEF Masquerade Ball in New York City last night, and at first I had no clue who she was, because that mask is just so incredible. When she showed up to the red carpet wearing it, I bet that all of the photographers wondered who this mysterious woman in a dress could be, but then she said, “Don’t worry, everyone, it’s me, Lindsay Ellingson!” and they all laughed. Then everyone took pictures of the attractive model and kissed her ass, because without people like her, old rich men would probably never give their money to charity.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis October 29, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
“Women love jewelry,” is what Candice Swanepoel said of this year’s $10 million Fantasy Bra while describing in this behind-the-scenes video what it’s like to wear such an incredibly expensive piece for the upcoming Victoria’s Secret fashion show. “No shit,” replied men everywhere, as they listed the number of things they’d need to receive in return for spending even 1/100th of that amount on a jewel-encrusted bra. And while I’ve only gathered a small percentage of the lists, the collective No. 1 seems to be “A blowjob from Candice Swanepoel.”