HOOPER PENN - is the 16-year-old son of Sean Penn, and last week he was arrested at his prissy Malibu high school. At the time it wasn’t clear why, but now it’s been reveled that - brace yourself - he had drugs. I should go talk to his school about the “Hugs, Not Drugs” program. You, in the front row, with the red hair and big tits, come on up and we’ll show the class how this works. (radar)
JENNIFA YOPEZ - is fighting to stop the release of 11 hours of home video footage, which among other things shows her parading around mostly naked and arguing with her mother. A Latin girl who is overtly sexual but also has a temper? Yeah, right! This sounds fake to me. (enquirer)
AUDRINA PATRIDGE - walked around LA today, and in some of the pictures from this set her arms were up across her chest and you couldn’t see her huge tits. Needless to say I skipped right over those. (pacific coast)
Lindsay Lohans bodyguard was arrested yesterday afternoon, handcuffed and taken away by sheriffs deputies right in front of her house, and even though it’s not clear what he may have done, let’s not kid each other; this is Lindsays fault. She did something or said something or had him do something or whatever, but make no mistake about it, this is all that crazy bitches fault. She’s like that little kid in the Omen. Wherever she goes, evil and chaos and pandemonium are sure to follow.
Everyone knows that law enforcement in Los Angeles is completely inept, with their incompetence surpassed only by their laziness, but today it soared to dangerously worthless new heights. Despite being able to watch the crime take place on videotape (here), the DA will not file any charges against anyone, not even Joe Francis, after he grabbed Jayde Nicole by her hair and threw her to the ground.
According to the report, the D.A. supports Joe’s claims that the surveillance video shows that Jayde “appears to have acted without immediate provocation.”
What. In the fuck. Does that mean? “Bitch had it comin”? She poured a drink on him so it’s okay for him to beat her ass? Who’s the DA, Chris Brown?
In conclusion, the D.A. thought “the interests of justice do not support the filing of criminal charges against any of the three suspects.”
A guy walked up behind a woman, grabbed her by the hair, then threw her to the ground. That’s littering at the very least. The cops and DAs in LA are so god damn lazy and stupid it’s terrifying. You can literally watch someone commit a violent crime and nothing is going to be done about it. It would be one thing if Jayde was unattractive, because ugly people aren’t as important or valuable as sexy people like me and Jayde, but she’s gorgeous. Just look at these shorts. And she wears stuff like this all the time. She’s like a beer commercial come to life.
As this video from radar online clearly shows, on August 28th of this year, scumbag Joe Francis stepped up behind perfect angel Jayde Nicole, grabbed her by the hair then flung her to the ground. After that it’s hard to see much, but Jayde - who works with pediatric cancer patients in her spare time - says the pornographer Francis punched and kicked her while she was on the ground.
Why would Joe Francis do this? Well because Jayde was on a murderous rampage and Joes life was at risk. Ah yes of course.
Francis claims he was innocently walking through a crowd of people at “Guys and Dolls” nightclub in Hollywood, when Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole suddenly struck him in the head, threw a drink on him and stated, “I’m going to kill you!”
Francis claims he was “startled and shocked” — but then he saw Jayde reaching for a bottle. In the docs, Francis claims “in fear and apprehension of being struck a third time and that Nicole was going to carry out her threat to kill him,” Joe grabbed Nicole’s hair in “self-defense.”
Joe claims Nicole fell to the ground — but only because she “lost her balance on her high heels.”
I wish there was some way to determine if Joe was telling the truth. Like a lie-detector test, but more reliable. I think a procedure called “Hit Joe Francis With A Baseball Bat” might work. Essentially, you take a baseball bat, then you hit Joe Francis with it. Then you ask him why he attacked Jayde like that. Of course, this sort of thing wouldn’t be admissible in court, not with all the pussies we have in the government these days.
In July of 2007, Lindsay Lohan was charged with 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident. Her BAL was .12 on the first DUI, .15 on the second. The legal limit is .08. She faced a total of 6 years in jail.
She served a total of 84 minutes in jail, was sentenced to 36 months of probation and given 18 months to attend 86 separate alcohol education classes. 27 months later she has attended only 52 of those 86, so today she was called in front of a judge to explain why.
She arrived 90 minutes late, “appeared disheveled and strung-out with blood shot eyes” and told the judge she’s been too busy to attend all the classes. Please keep in mind she doesn’t actually do anything.
So what was her punishment? If you have to ask, this is clearly the first you’ve heard of law enforcement in LA.
A judge today decided to extend Lindsay’s probation another year so she can finish her alcohol education classes. Her lawyer, Shawn Chapman Holley, told the judge Lindsay has been extremely busy and has only been able to complete about half her classes.
So, nothing. Absolutely nothing happened to her. I dare you to pull this crap in any other state. Not only would you be thrown in jail immediately, they would then put some kind of slug in your ear that works it’s way inside of you and eats your bones.
Leona Lewis was signing copies of her new book’ Dreams’ in London today, and hopefully one of her dreams was to have a random stranger punch her in the face, because thats what happened. The Sun says…
The thug - said to be in his late 20s or early 30s - queued up for a signed copy of the singer’s new book, Dreams, and then attacked her in front of 200 stunned onlookers.
Pretty Leona reeled back in shock clutching her face as her five burly bouncers dived on the attacker while cops rushed to the scene.
A pal of the star said: “The man queued up patiently, then as soon as she signed his book he smashed her in the face.
“He didn’t say anything to her and she is at a loss as to why anyone would do such an evil thing.”
A suspect has now been arrested, so hopefully we can at least get some kind of explanation for why he did this. When she signs her name, her L’s look like J’s. Maybe he’s like an English teacher or something. I bet poor penmanship get’s to be really frustrating.
