Kit Harrington Tires of Getting Laid So Easily

By Matt March 30, 2015 @ 12:17 PM

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Kit Harrington, who plays fictional hunk master Jon Snow on Game of Thrones, did an interview where he laments that women want to fuck him. It’s unclear if he doesn’t like girls or if this was a poor attempt to cast himself as a warrior for gender equality. Either way he deserves early onset gout:

“To always be put on a pedestal as a hunk is slightly demeaning… it’s not just men that can be inappropriate sexually, women can be as well. I’m in a successful TV show in a kind of leading man way and it can sometimes feel like your art is being put to one side for your sex appeal. And I don’t like that.”

Getting your choice of pussy off the menu sounds truly fucking horrible. Make your next rant about how NBA travel is tough on players. Dudes get into acting because it seems like an easy life and there’s a bevy of prodigious sex at the end of the rainbow. You don’t need to pretend it’s about art anymore. You’re in. Three years from now you’ll be missing this time in your life and wonder why you chose to join a pointless conversation about gender roles instead of getting your dick sucked in the hot tub by somebody famous’ daughter. Quit being a whiner and remember you’re playing for the rest of us.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Selfies Are the Dividing Line

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 11:59 AM

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There is no more powerful force in the universe than the fucking wonder of me. You unleash the social media shit beast, you can’t bitch about where it feeds. New York papers are chiding the number of tools who decided that last week’s East Village gas explosion that killed at least a few people was the perfect backdrop for a selfie. Some guy commented that this kind of loathsome selfie taking encapsulates all that is wrong with New Yorkers. Obviously rampant STDs and nine dollar Whoppers don’t bother that guy much. One selfie chick at the deadly fire wrote an apology because people recognized her and she works pretty high up Democratic state politics:

I am deeply sorry for my careless and distasteful post. It was inconsiderate to those hurt in the crash and to the city of New York. What happened last week in the East Village is not to be taken lightly and I regret my course of action.

She certainly sounds carefully worded very sorry. She forgot the part where she wished she had offered to help out rather than smiling like a dullard in front of the explosion scene. Any half-decent Kennedy family member understands this prime time opportunity. Get a shovel and go dig something not particularly useful. Roll up your sleeves and look concerned. It’s not that hard. This is what makes Presidents.

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Photo credit: Instagram (above), Twitter (below)

Poacher Hunter Warrior Princess

By Matt March 30, 2015 @ 11:26 AM

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Kinessa Johnson is a former US Soldier who fought in Afghanistan and now hunts poachers with her giant guns and an AR-15. Veterans Empowered to Protect African Wildlife, or VEPAW as you moan when you cum to thinking about it, is an organization which trains park rangers to track poachers and provides poachers with an alternative means of employment such as teaching agricultural classes or kindergarten. Johnson has parlayed her work into modeling work for a host of companies looking to sell hunting gear to diehards who want to make sure their boots match their ammo belt. More power to her. If you ever wanted to go gay here’s your loophole. Don’t drink the last Diet Coke unless you want to get pistol whipped. Nice sheath.

Photo Credit: SkallywagTactical.com

Nicola Peltz Might Be Missing

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 11:12 AM

Nicola Peltz Bare Midriff And See Through For Asos
This chick was the best part of the last Transformers. Second maybe to Michael Bay being beat down by Hong Kong racketeers for production protection money. I don’t know what happened to her after the movie. It’s possible she tapped out from shame. Or Wahlberg bludgeoned her when his research team found traces of gook blood in her DNA. It’s like she dropped off the map. Many people walk in and out of your life. When they’re hot and blond, there will be inquiries.

Photo Credit: Asos Magazine

Kylie Jenner Not Riding Scott Disick

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 10:59 AM

Kylie Jenner Wears Bikinis With Scott Disick
Somebody spread a rumor that Scott Disik was banging one or both of the Jenner girls. Probably mom. He’s white, so they might be market testing a new angle. Also, he’s the only heterosexual male within ten miles of the family so it’s not illogical. Plus, he drinks. If it boosted ratings they’d probably order him to bang the family Spaniel, or Rob Kardashian when they track him down in Marrakesh. They can’t show it on camera, but they can pan to shocked reactions with Khloe crying and Kim shoving money into her twat because she gets symbolism. When we blurred the lines between porn and garbage, we lost porn forever.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Mariah Carey’s New Boyfriend Already Cheating

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 10:23 AM

Mariah Carey And Brett Ratner Enjoy A Day Shopping In St. Barts
Mariah Carey can’t seem to make good choices in men. I’d like to sit her down and give her some Come to Jesus advice. Right after I Come to Jesus on those impressive titties of hers. Nobody hands you your bucket list, you have to seize it. I understand the need to court industry men to get yourself set up in this business. Nobody’s going to judge your jumpstart on the bitter end of of Mottola hummer. But now maybe it’s time to date a regular joe with a tremendous tolerance for bitchery. He’ll carry your purse like Nick Cannon did when he still needed your help booking work. Mariah is apparently dating movie director Brett Ratner, the two of them seen rubbing fleshy bodies in St. Bart’s over the weekend. Then TMZ bought a picture of Ratner making out with some other chick on the back of the same boat where Mariah was making medical excuses for not singing a requested pirate song. If the Jewish dudes are cheating on you, you got problems. That’s racist. And true.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kristen Stewart Secretly Gay Married! Fuck, Wait, I Don’t Care

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 8:32 AM

Kristen Stewart And Alicia Cargile Out And About In West Hollywood
A gossip site which seems to use a random word generator to develop shocking headlines, claims that Kristen Stewart and her two knuckle honey bunny Alicia Cargile, were secretly married. They also claim that her relationship with Robert Pattinson was pure public relations stunt, that Stewart’s always favored girls, and that she can flip pancakes with just a spatula and her vagina muscles. The marriage would be another bold step in Kristen’s plot to make her parents feel bad for not giving her the Dora the Explorer backpack she was expecting for child acting school graduation. I doubt the marriage bit. Kristen seems content to Google ‘what does a lesbian look like’ and visit various welded art exhibits around town with her scissor sister. If you were wondering what it might have looked like if Luke had submitted to Vader, and both enjoyed fingering each other to brooding singer songwriter acoustic guitarists, hello, friend.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Rumer Willis Ass

By Lex March 30, 2015 @ 7:06 AM

Rumer Willis Flashes Abs And Booty While Leaving Dancing With The Stars LB
It’s good to see the idle rich taking up hobbies that don’t involve booze or politics. Dancing with the Stars has proven to be a launching pad for many careers in low budget reality television and hanging out at the Coffee Bean’s talking about who you almost worked with in the last millennium. Rumer Willis has one of those asses that makes a man almost not care about the cowboy jaw. Focus on the picture of the cute puppies on yonder wall and we’ll get through this. That’s something of a sparkling accomplishment already. Can she dance? Who cares. She’s already won.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI