By Travis May 20, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
The 2013 Billboard Music Awards took place last night in Las Vegas, as Taylor Swift won a whopping eight awards to lead the stars in attendance. Justin Bieber performed twice and won three awards, and even Madonna stopped trying to conquer Castle Grayskull for one night so she could accept three awards as well, because kids these days just can’t get enough of the techno granny’s wicked house beats.
Canada’s first couple was also in attendance, as Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger showed up in matching black leather outfits to remind people that they’re the faces of modern rock music. And in that moment, an entire continent wondered, “Why can’t we get Ted Nugent and his assault rifles to focus on the real enemy?”
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Lex May 20, 2013 @ 2:27 AM
How can you not fall in love with this little bundle of joy. He’s a craftsman. Like an expert metallurgist or my Uncle Keith who turns discarded toothpicks into replicas of lesser known public monuments. When Bieber gives a shoutout to Jesus; Jesus throws it right back at him. Only double. Because God loves an ego-maniacal douchebag who’s not in on the joke.
The real loser in this pitiful tale isn’t Justin Bieber. He’s still going to stick his angry little prong into three hot women on a pile of cash after the show. It’s Billboard magazine. That’s a name that used to mean something in the world of music. A milestone achievement award to Justin Bieber? I’m glad I preemptively canceled my subscription in 2004.
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 6:03 PM
EPIC Trip for Two with Private goop Event and Gwyneth Paltrow Meet n’ Greet – New York City
You and a friend are invited to the private goop event, which begins at 6 p.m. on Friday, June 14. You can munch on appetizers and sip cocktails before goop editor-in-chief Gwyneth Paltrow gives a cooking demonstration. You’ll leave with a signed cookbook.
Meeting Gwyneth Paltrow has to be most everybody’s dream. Seeing her giving a live cooking demonstration, wow, just wow. And you can do so, or could’ve done so until just moments ago, on Groupon. But is it worth two thousand clams? Yeah, not exactly. For $2K, you also get roundtrip airfare for two to N.Y, two nights hotel, restaurants, spa treatments and blah blah blah other shit. About $2K worth of other shit. So, technically, the meet and greet with Gwyneth is a throw-in. A gift with purchase. It’s the urine contaminated free mint as you leave The Sizzler. I’d expect Gwyneth to take this news well. She might even give a ten second warning before she douses the room with ligher fluid and sends everybody to Hell in a burning symbol of her quiet rage.
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 5:05 PM
I’m a curious guy who loves his marine biology. If I see a giant tattooed fish with enormous tits taking pictures of itself at the ocean’s edge, I’ve got to know more about it. Turns out to be Latina porn star Kiara Mia. she makes films centered around themes important to the Hispanic community. Also films where lots of dudes spunk on her cans. That’s called range.
Here’s Kiara Mia trying to get in her front door without using her hands. If you know this as the opening scene to Oiled Babes #8, then you watch way too much porn, my friend.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 4:17 PM
Yeah, I guess Beyonce lied about not being pregnant. Or her carefully secreted surrogate being pregnant. Which doesn’t surprise me because Beyonce hates publicity. At least when it’s not about her. When that fetus pushes through her chunnel and Beyonce sees the camera lenses training off her vagina and onto little Baby Stupid Name, she’s going to shit a tooth.
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 3:55 PM
You ever look at a woman and not quite believe she had sex with Shia LaBeouf. I do this all the time. It’s like a hobby. Whoa, there’s no way she let Shia LaBeouf bang her shnozz. But she did. Fuck, why? It’s like that terrifying moment in a horror movie when you realize the killer really is calling you from inside the house. I shriek like a girl child. It all seems so horrible.
Here’s Carey Mulligan at the Great Gatsby premiere in Cannes. She looks fucking fantastic. Still, Shia, fuck, really?
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, PCN, WENN
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 2:12 PM
Just one week into life without Adderall and Lindsay Lohan has already packed on five pounds. Between the absence of amphetamines and everything suddenly not tasting like Smirnoff and grizzled human seed, Lindsay seems to be relishing the cuisine at her Palm Springs inpatient rehab facility. This is Lindsay’s worst fatty fear come true and to be clear from her publicity statements, has absolutely nothing to do with her addiction to speed. She just doesn’t want to ruin her figure and potentially lose out on imaginary movie roles. Also, she can’t finish Moby Dick without her concentratin’ pills.
By Lex May 17, 2013 @ 1:50 PM
Piper Perabo was that girl from Coyote Ugly until she became that girl from the lezzie film Los and Delirious where she had sex with Jessica Pare. Once you’ve had sex with Jessica Pare, that’s pretty much all you’ll ever be known for. Trust me. I’m sick of it. Piper I guess wants to be known for something else now that she showed up in a see-through top at the upfronts in New York for USA Network. She’s wearing pasties underneath which kind of is a big fuck you to the 3% of straight men interested in a television red carpet event. Still, tits remain the best attention grabber ever so I guess Piper wins.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN, WENN