Ciara And Russell Wilson Weirdos

March 8, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It’s tough to tell whether or not Russell Wilson is about to perform anilingus on his pregnant wife while he pretends she’s Channing Tatum. Is he gripping her belly like a crystal ball because he’s trying to read the fetus’ fortune? Namely, is it mine? There’s already one rapper offspring in this photo. He might want to sue his new age narcissist parents for making him engage in their self wanking.

READ MORE

Ciara Super Happy She Didn’t Fuck Russell Wilson Before Marriage

January 19, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Ciara reflected on her up to a few months of sacred celibacy with Russell Wilson while he immersed himself in conversion therapy and wished upon every star in the sky. Known for relationships with 50 Cent, Bow Wow, Amar’e Stoudemire, and Future, the latter confirmed with a baby out of wedlock, Ciara found simple grace in her gay fiancee refusing to have sex with her before their wedding night.

READ MORE

Love Advent Running Low on Ideas (VIDEO)

December 16, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There are twenty-four days of Advent. That’s a ton of video concepts to pull off involving models with whom you’ve got a couple hours in studio and certainly won’t be bringing creative input to the proceedings.

READ MORE

Russell Wilson Wedding Night Sex Beast (VIDEO)

July 8, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

A guy who’s spent twenty-seven years musing the Q in LGBTQ is going to kill the humping game once he’s let loose. Wilson’s brand new bride Ciara took to Snapchat to verify the marriage had been consummated and it was incredible. In most cases, this might be viewed as an overcompensating tidbit. But this is a Super Bowl winning quarterback. They don’t just hand out those sweet rings to dudes who aren’t total pussy hounds.

READ MORE

Russell Wilson And Ciara Can Finally Bang

July 7, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Russell Wilson is about to hit the shot heard ’round the world as he has married his longtime beard. He claims he was not having sex with his girlfriend Ciara for religious purposes. It’s highly possible he’s a zealot and using fake celibacy to help market his line of holy water and lambskin condoms. It’s also possible he’s a big gay, as is evidenced by his gay face.

READ MORE

Ciara Tits Win Every Billboard Award

May 23, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The Billboard Music Awards serve as a reminder that erhu plucked tunes over Chinese restaurant intercoms is not the world’s most annoying music. Teenaged girls like super shitty music. Followed closely by teenaged boys trying to get laid by teenaged girls.

READ MORE

2016 Grammy Awards the 49th Best Grammy Awards Ever

February 16, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Grammy’s music is akin to grabbing the iPod of a random teen girl chewing bubble gum and pressing shuffle play. You throw in a desperate attempt to feature every single black person in the recording industry into the mix and you have crappy Seacrest radio play music enveloped by an African motif. The Lion King […]

READ MORE

Ciara Bares Cleavage For America And Shit Around The Web

January 13, 2016 | crap around the web | Brendon| 0 Comments

Sexy singer Ciara set off a firestorm of uptight people tweeting angrily when she wore a low plunging neckline to sing the national anthem on Monday night’s championship game. If it plunged any lower we might’ve seen her dick and I’d fire off a letter myself. I say let the titties fly for America. (TMZ) Julianne […]

READ MORE

Russell Wilson and Ciara Edging

July 22, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Russell Wilson and Ciara decided Access Hollywood was as private as any place to announce they were not going to fuck each other until they were married. For Wilson this was a profoundly religious decision based on a conversation with a very important friend: [Ciara] was on tour, and I was looking at her in the […]

READ MORE

Russell Wilson Buys Low On Ciara

April 24, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Russell Wilson has been porking pop singer Ciara and is now taking her to the White House Correspondent’s Dinner if she promises not to bring her own bottle of hot sauce in her clutch. Besides being a singer which can only be verified by her Wiki page, Ciara is adept at getting fucked by famous […]

READ MORE