Clooneys new woman is cool

By brendon July 31, 2009 @ 2:27 PM

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It turns out Chad is an even better reporter than the Sun UK, even with their limitless resources, because yesterday he emailed me all these topless modeling pictures of George Clooneys new Italian actress girlfriend, Elisabetta Canalis.  Then this morning the Sun “revealed” that she had done a bunch of topless stuff, including a movie playing a topless nun. “Suck on that, Sun UK”, Chad would probably say.

(10 of her NSFW pics start here)

Katherine Heigl is delightful

By brendon July 31, 2009 @ 1:09 PM

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Katherine Heigl added to her spoiled brat legacy this week when she went on Letterman and complained about a 17-hour work day on “Greys Anatomy”. Keep in mind that just means she was there for 17 hours. She wasn’t building sets or writing the script. Mostly she was sitting in her fabulous trailer on her extra-fancy couch. Other people were working for 17 hours, and she was in the vicinity, so Katherine would like credit for that as well. By that standard, I can bench press over a million pounds. There’s my 225, plus whatever it is the other 300 people are currently lifting. I’m practically the Hulk. Anyway, Katherine said…

“Our first day back was Wednesday and it was — I’m going to keep saying this because I hope it embarrasses them — a seventeen-hour day, which I think is cruel and mean.”

Wow, that sucks! Why the hell would they do such a thing?  New York Magazine has one idea why…

What she neglected to add was this: This “cruel” shooting schedule was only to accommodate HER and her needs. The producers graciously shuffled things around so she could go off and do promotion for her new film. Also, with union rules, the producers had to pay a ton of overtime and penalties to make this happen. The thanks they get is Katherine Heigl going on national television hoping to embarrass them.

At this point the producers would probably prefer it if Katherine knocked on the door and then threw a bunch of snakes on them as opposed to her asking for any more “favors”.

(oh, and sorry for the delay today. i’ll spare you the details, but suffice to say those gangs wont be selling any more drugs to kids around here)

Simon Cowell is pretty cool

By brendon July 31, 2009 @ 12:10 AM

Simon Cowell seems pretty smug for a guy who went on TV dressed as a blue dog in a cape and then gave musical dog puns for every answer in this interview. And he doesn’t even care enough to make his voice sound like Scooby Doo or Russian or something. He just talks exactly like Simon Cowell, so everyone would know who he is. I’d put that suit on and then have it filled with bees before I would go on TV and use my real voice.

They’re all whores

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 7:03 PM

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Someone told me last month that Reggie Bush was sleeping with a receptionist at East Jefferson Hospital in New Orleans, but when Us magazine broke the story last week about his break-up with Kim Kardashian, they said…

“Nobody cheated,” a source close to the couple says. “This is just a case of conflicting schedules and their lives going in different directions.”

Seems a little defensive. So maybe that hospital receptionist thing was true. Or maybe this Kim and Kanye West thing is true…

“Reggie saw text messages on Kim’s phone from Kanye West and flipped out … they referenced a night they hung out, how much fun he had, how hot Kim was, and more racy things that got Reggie’s imagination running.”

A-Ha! So it was her! It was her and not him! Oh wait no it was also him.

…a sexy Latino model in Miami is claiming she had an affair with Reggie and has been threatening to take her story public to the highest bidding magazine.
The model claimed a months-long affair that included hookups in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Miami.
Kim was aware of the model’s charges and furious about it.

Wow. Reggie Bush sure is a busy guy. I hope he has time to practice playing football.  Just on talent alone he was able to rush for more yards last year (number 9 on this list) than the guy who was hurt (number 10), and the 38-year-old quarterback (11) and the rookie quarterback who ran for -28 yards during his final two years in college (12) and the wide-receiver (13) and the people who I don’t think actually exist (14, 17, 23-31), but how long can he keep this incredible pace going?

Afternoon Headlines

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 3:46 PM

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MICHAEL JACKSON – Joe Jackson confirmed today that Omer Bhatti is Michael Jacksons biological son. “Yes, I knew he had another son, yes I did. He looks like a Jackson, acts like a Jackson, can dance like a Jackson. This boy is a fantastic dancer.” Oh no. What does Joe have in mind? Omer will chop off his foot if he knows what’s good for him. (source = radar)

LINDSAY LOHAN - Either Lindsay Lohan went blond again, and looks like hell again, or Dina Lohan looks terrific. (source = mavrix)

GEORGE CLOONEY – These are just more pictures of Clooneys new girlfriend, taken yesterday in Miami. I thought maybe the other ones were just bad angles. Um, they were not. She does have a hot ass though. Maybe she can learn to walk on her hands. (hq jump here)

Screw you George Clooney

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 2:50 PM

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George Clooney has nailed Charlize Theron, Kelly Preston, Vendela, Salma Hayek and Brooke Langton, and we’re not even up to his top 3 yet. That would be Shannyn Sossamon, Krista Allen and Lucy Liu.

But he also reportedly did it with Teri Hatcher and Ellen Barkin (not at once), and he was married to Talia Balsam (this chick) for 4 years, until 1993.

Now he’s dating 30-year-old Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis, and she’s not all that good looking either. She has a hot body but so what. So do I, that doesn’t mean George Clooney gets to date me.

The only thing I can guess is that he has to reset his penis every few months, and so he sticks it in a regular model instead of a supermodel. Like downshifting a fancy car so it can catch it’s breath. You can’t go around sticking your penis into Krista Allen and Lucy Liu all the time. It’s too much. Too exciting. It would be like telling a retarded kid he gets to live at Magic Mountain now, with all the Pepsi and funnel cakes that he can get his fat fingers around. He would hyperventilate and spaz out and be dead in a week.

(hq jump here. source = pacific coast)

These kids are so screwed

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 1:40 PM

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Michael Jackson died 36 days ago, and there’s still no plan to, you know, bury him, but the family has had more important things to do. Like deciding who raises the kids. In other words, who gets the money. Well today a deal was struck, and the winner is…

The kids will be growing up Jackson.
Averting a potentially ugly custody battle, Michael Jackson’s mother, Katherine, and his ex-wife Debbie Rowe have reached a deal.
Rowe agreed to terms that will give the 79-year-old Jackson matriarch full custody in exchange for visitation rights.
Rowe would not be receiving any financial windfall as part of her decision to give up her parental rights and not challenge the custody arrangement in court.
“It’s an agreement…for the best interests of the children. This is not a money deal. There’s no situation better for these children than to be raised and reared under the care of Mrs. Jackson,” her lawyer said.

You can say that again. We shouldn’t judge her based on the army of weirdos and perverts that she raised. This time is gonna be different. It would be like if someone borrowed a car. And brought it back on fire, then asked to borrow another one. And then they brought that one back on fire too. And this happened 8 more times. And then they asked for three more cars. I say give her a chance. I’ve just got a lucky feeling.

Imogen is easily relaxed – UPDATE

By brendon July 30, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

Imogen Thomas & chelsey

Model Imogen Thomas was at a pool in Spain yesterday when suddenly one of her friends ripped her bikini off and the two of them ran around topless. And while I appreciate them showing me their tits, I can’t condone that kind of horseplay. Wikipedia says over 2 million kids die every year from running around pools. No actually I just made that up, but wouldn’t it be awesome. Kids are so GD annoying.

SEXY UPDATE – now with 2 new pics

(NSFW pics are here. source = splash news online)