Charlie Sheen called the Dan Patrick Show today, presumably to let everyone know that he was clean and sober and in a great frame of mind, but really he just sounded like a complete drunken ass.
When asked why his voice was sore, Sheen explained that he went to the set of Two And A Half Men, which is on hiatus, and banged on the doors for them to let him in. But no one would. Perhaps because, as previously implied, no one was there.
“I just figured I was supposed to go back to work because I’m ready,” he said. “They said, ‘You get ready [and] we’ll get ready.’ And I got ready.”
Let’s just pretend for a second that the rest of the cast and crew live on the set and would be there at whatever random hour Sheen decided to show up. Actually let’s not because that’s stupid. The only way that banging on doors that you know are locked proves you’re ready to go to work is if you’re an escape artist. Otherwise you’re just sort of an asshole.
If Christina Aguilera is the kind of person who writes out her goals, and her goals for last nights seemingly endless tribute to Aretha Franklin on the Grammys were to…
1. Get fatter.
2. Scream until all people hear is a ringing sound.
3. Fall down.
Then it was another home run for Christina, because that’s what she did. Luckily she caught herself and didn’t hit the ground. The two singers next to her tried to help but unless they both happen to be Superman, she probably would still be there right now.
Supermodel Chrissy Teigen can be seen in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue that goes on sale tomorrow, and tonight she’ll be on David Letterman, but last night she was at the Grammy Awards with her boyfriend John Legend.
He was busy winning three more awards (he now has 9).
She was busy doing what she always does, which is make fun of people and be entertaining as hell on her twitter.
- “Christina has like 500 letters in her alphabet judging by her over singing.”
- “So I guess we are really just gonna do this Madonna thing without shame eh Gaga?”
- “Madonna must be spinning in her grave.”
- @brooklynddecker “I have the (Bieber) fever now too. But it’s….down there.”
- “I didn’t think (Gwyneth Paltrows website) goop could be more pretentious but the addition of a ‘music’ section would help.”
- “I 100% just definitely frightened justin bieber.”
- “Some guy just asked me for my credentials. Apparently saying ‘deez titties’ doesn’t work.”
- “3 things I learned at the Grammys: Lea Michelle is really popular, Esperanza Spaulding exists, and Aretha Franklin died.”
Aretha Franklin didn’t really die, by the way. Chrissy just said she did. She also implied that Justin Bieber was getting her wet. Because why wouldn’t she?
The point to all this is that Chrissy is a supermodel who is also funny and an unapologetic smart-ass. That’s sort of amazing. You just don’t expect that. In a sense I’m the same way. One of the reasons girls find me so hot is because I don’t act like I’m hot. They’re always surprised when I tell them that I don’t think I’m hot. I say, “gosh, I don’t know, I guess I’m ok.” And then they touch my arm and laugh and go, “whatever, you know you’re totally hot.” And I say, “well if you say so, hahaha.” And then we do it.
Katy Perry wore angel wings and made out with Russell Brand (perhaps to quiet the reports that they’re already in marriage counseling) on the Grammy red carpet last night, but the person I’d really like to see with angel wings is Cameron Diaz. And by that I mean I wish she were dead.
After that Katy brought out her grandmother, though not strapped to her back while teaching her about the Force like you might think. The bad news is her grandmother looks like she could die at any minute. The good news is that they can just flush her down the toilet when it happens.
Rihanna has been famous for like 5 years now and for the life of me I still can’t figure out if she’s attractive or not, but she looked absolutely terrific last night at the Grammys with that sexy red hair and a dress that wasn’t really a dress but more like she just got naked and stood still while they wrapped her in that stuff you put around Christmas trees. This is what your girlfriend would wear at Christmas if she was really slutty. And by “slutty” I mean “awesome”.
The challenge for Rihanna was to make sure no one could actually see her tits or her kitty. The challenge for everyone else in the room was to not get caught while determining if she had succeeded.
The 2011 Grammy Awards were last night in Los Angeles, which meant a whole new chance for Lady Gaga to remind everyone that she truly does not care about how stupid she looks.
When she first started, she was interesting because she worked closely with designer Alexander McQueen, who was sort of a genius. Then he killed himself in February of 2010. After that she starting wearing things like the meat dress. Last night she arrived in a egg sort of thing, and then emerged from it on stage.
So, yeah, first meat, now eggs. She went from being interesting to doing a grade school play about the food groups. Is her new song about cavities? Yeah, next you’ll be a toothbrush chasing a cupcake, we fucking get it.
Just a few hours before Lindsay Lohan went on twitter last night saying she “would never steal”, her attorney made it clear that it really looks like Lindsay stole and they did not want to go to trial on her felony theft charge. So she told the DA that Lindsay would accept a plea bargain if it meant she would avoid any time in jail.
Deputy District Attorney Danette Meyers is INSISTING that any plea bargain for Lindsay Lohan include jail time, Radar is reporting.
Lindsay’s lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley, is attempting to work out a deal without jail time but a source close to the situation tells us that’s simply not going to happen.
“Meyers is standing her ground and saying that any deal for Lindsay include jail time,” the source said. “This is a felony charge, and Lindsay has a criminal record. Meyers won’t back down on this.”
Oh thank god. She’s broken 8000 laws, she deserves to be in jail, in a cell with some crazy person screaming at her all night like some kind of demon.
The Black Eyed Peas played a show at the Music Box in Hollywood last night, a benefit concert for Will.I.Am’s charity the Peapod Foundation, but the most generous person of all was Ciara for wearing this skin tight and kind of see thru catsuit.
I’m sure there’s some explanation for why she isn’t a huge star but I’ll be damned if I know what it is. This bitch is hot. Couldn’t we just give Ke$has songs to her from now on? Saying she got drunk and then hopping up and down really seems like something she could do.