Lots of websites have some old black and white pictures of Dita Von Tease today, supposedly “never before seen” nudes. I don’t know what to call whatever the hell it is she does now, but she used to be naked all the damn time. That bitch is horrible looking. She’s pale with a weird body. And she wanted to be a model. Of course she was gonna get naked. It’s not like there’s some placement test for models. There’s no sanctioning body. Hottest model wins. And unfortunately for her she looks like a ghost you would see on the Titanic.
I’m not putting this ocular poison on Tyler but go over here if you want and there’s a whole gallery of her f’n herself with a popsicle. Go nuts if that’s what you like. I’m not here to judge, man. But don’t open these at work. You may think you can be sneaky, but you’ll get busted when they hear your frightened whimpering.
A new clip from ‘Twilight: New Moon’ went live on iTunes today, and … umm … what happened? Am I thinking of something else? Wasn’t this about vampires? Are we starting over? I’m not gonna watch it either way so they can be wolves now if they want, but since when are wolves the size of school busses? And did his pants just rip apart? Well, then … what happens … when … ahhhh! What in the hell is going on!
The Tuesday morning headlines are brought to you by this guy. Either one really.
MADONNA – is cheap. She made 110 million dollars last year, yet only gave $459,000 to charity. This may sound thoughtless, but keep in mind: Madonna is a mean old bitch. (hollywood reporter)
ROMAN POLANSKI – has been denied bail once again. A Swiss court ruled he was a high flight risk and ordered him to remain in jail while he awaits possible extradition to the United States. Considering he’s facing extradition precisely because he fled the country while on bail last time, it takes some balls to ask for bail again. That’s the entire reason we’re here. What did he think the judge was gonna say? “I know you took off last time, but, I’ve just got a lucky feeling. I say we go for it!” (e online)
SHAKIRA – has secretly been taking “Introduction to Western Civilization: Ancient Civilizations from Prehistory to Circa A.D. 843″ at UCLA all summer. She would wear baggy clothes with a hat pulled low and keep to herself, and no one ever knew. She took the class simply because she wanted to, and did well until it wrapped up last Thursday. “I was really impressed with how intelligent she was,” said Professor Robert Cleve, as he tried to change the subject so his erection would go away. (the ap)
The stale cigarettes you smell right now can only mean one thing. Actually it could mean lots of things, but in this case it means Lindsay Lohan was in New York last night to attend her court ordered alcohol education classes party! In this case, at some Versace event with the ghost of her future self warning her to change her ways. She may look like an old west prostitute who stopped coughing long enough to try and look sexy, but she’s not from the old west.
And it’s not that he wants to kidnap her, but get her into a drug and alchohol treatment center. Needless to say she wont stand for that.
the actress will file a restraining order against her father, Michael Lohan in the next two days. Sources say Lindsay fears for her safety from her estranged father. Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holley Chapman, has begun the paperwork on behalf of her client and the filing should be ready in the next 48-hours.
Someone should just get a bag of weed and then hold it up for Lindsay, then say, “here girl, come get, get the weed girl, go on get it.” Then throw the drugs inside the rehab and lock the doors behind her. Problem Solved!
Paris Hilton is just one of many who are doing cameos in a new movie starring Will Ferrell, Mark Wahlberg, Samuel L. Jackson, Eva Mendes, Michael Keaton and Dwayne Johnson, and in fact she had just one day of shooting, but she made the most of it by acting like a spoiled bitch from start to finish. Page Six says…
…in the cop-action comedy “The Other Guys,” now shooting in New York.
A source reports, “Paris has a cameo role in the movie, where she plays herself. It is all being kept very hush-hush.
“But the producers were shocked when her team handed them a three-page list of demands — including live lobsters to be prepared fresh when she’s ready to eat and a bottle of Grey Goose vodka — all for just one day on the set.
“All celebrities are typically offered riders, but it seemed excessive for just one day’s work playing herself. She was due to fly to New York to film in secret last week.”
Note that last part said “in secret last week.” Okay so what are the odds Paris honored that? You know what just forget I asked.
…on Thursday, she reportedly tweeted: “Just got done with the fitting with the stylist for the new Will Ferrell movie I’m shooting in NY. Excited! Will is my favorite comedian.”
You know whats better than a story about Paris Hilton? Literally anything on earth. So instead let’s all look at pictures of Susan Sarandins daughter stripping last night on ‘Californication‘. Going from Paris Hilton being a bitch to Eva Amuri being naked is like going from being raped by a tiger at the zoo while everyone films it to being raped by Megan Fox at home while I film it.
WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE – ruled the weekend box office by earning 32.5M. Notice I said “earned”. You could learn a thing or two about hard work and the value of a dollar from this movie, young man. (boxofficemojo)
MADONNA – was sued on Friday by her Central Park condo neighbor, because Madge “forces neighbors to endure blaring music, stomping and shaking walls … unreasonably high-decibel, amplified music as bass-y vibrations rumble through walls, ceilings and radiators.” To be fair, Madonna is an old lady. She was probably just watching Wheel of Fortune. “The Pat Sajak really tickles my goose,” she says to her cats. (enquirer)
WILMER VALDERAMA – will star in a sitcom based on “the Dog Whisperer”. Wilmer, the producer of ‘Hung’ and Fox have all come together to tell comedy lovers to go fuck themselves. (comingsoon)
RANDY QUAID – was due in court this morning in Santa Barbara to explain the fraud charges against him, but of course he didn’t show up, and now may be extradited from Texas. I’m not surprised he didn’t show up, but it was just as likely he’d show up in a gold horse drawn carriage, then stepped out wearing a tuxedo with tails, a ivory tipped cane, a top hat and spats. (e!online)
LILY ALLEN – hung out topless on her balcony of a Venice hotel this weekened. Considering how often she does stuff like this, that might the most dishonest “classified” stamp ever awarded. (hq jump here)
Katy Perry and Russell Brand went to a party in the Hollywood Hills yesterday, and at one point they discreetly slipped out the back for time time alone. Some time alone with the photographers. She must be an idiot because he dresses and looks like a zombie. If ‘Shaun of the Dead’ ever came on she’d probably start to masturbate.