Hilary Duff is really busy

By brendon June 24, 2009 @ 9:04 AM

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It must be nice to be an actor, because you get tons of money and you don’t really do anything. So you can just jet over to Hawaii any time you want. Like Hilary Duff did yesterday. I’d love to do that, but I’m way too important. I just had a meeting where the general stood in front of a giant map, took off his glasses and said, “Gentleman, we have less than 48 hours”. He then informed me that my actions would be disavowed if I were caught or captured.

(18 more bikini pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

Nick Lachey got dumped

By brendon June 24, 2009 @ 7:15 AM

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Remember when Nick Lachey was considered really cool and you couldn’t go five minutes without hearing one of his hit songs on the radio? Yeah me neither, but for some reason that doofus is famous, and he somehow parlayed that into three years of sex with Vanessa Minnillo and, reportedly, a kiss on the cheek from Jessica Simpson. Alas…

“Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo are over. A publicist for the actress and former MTV VJ confirmed to E! News that she and the 98 Degrees alum ‘have amicably split but remain good friends who still greatly care for one another.’
Minnillo, 28, first hooked up with Lachey, 35, in 2006 after meeting during the shoot for his music video for ‘What’s Left of Me.’ She had just ended her three-year romance with New York Yankees star Derek Jeter, and he had just gotten divorced from singer Jessica Simpson.”

He shouldn’t even be upset.  He got three years.  He shouldn’t have gotten her phone number.  She’s way too hot for that dullard, with his follow-the-herd tattoos (these) and his sunken, string-beany chest (this). He had some heat when they first hooked up, but at some point she was bound to realize that the 1998 Miss Teen USA should be doin’ someone better than the guy boxing a kangaroo at Northshore Fords Summer Dealin’ Days.

(hq jump here.  story = e online.  pictures = splash news online)

Perez makes another statement

By brendon June 24, 2009 @ 5:15 AM

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Late last night, Perez Hilton posted a statement on his site to explain his actions on Sunday, when he called Will.I.Am a “fucking faggot” and then was punched by the manager of the Black Eyed Peas.  His complete statement is after the jump, intercut with my poorly thought out observations.  And if you were wondering, I used a picture of a stunningly beautiful and naked Korean girl instead because I didn’t want him fuggin up my sexxxy page.  Rarrr!

Read more >

Courtney Love is doing great

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 1:57 PM

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The Sun UK has pictures of Courtney Love taken yesterday in New York, looking as they put it, “a shadow of her once voluptuous self. The hellraiser appeared pale and gaunt, with painfully thin arms.”

Holy crap. At this point they can probably go ahead and drop the “appeared”. It seems safe to say she is, in reality, pale and gaunt with painfully thin arms. Even Kurt probably weighs more than she does at this point. She’s all sharp angles and bones. Humping her at this point must be like humping a chain link fence.

Johnny Depp tipped a waiter $4,000

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 1:19 PM

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In Hollywood it’s always the people who have achieved fame or a title for no particular reason who are prone to hissyfits and outbursts like Perez Sunday night. It’s hard to believe that he and Johnny Depp are even part of the same species, much less work in the same town. Radar says…

“Mohammed A . Sekhani — a veteran waiter at Chicago’s legendary steakhouse Gibsons — (said): ‘Johnny and his party arrived just after 11.30pm at the restaurant and requested a private room. He had visited our restaurant several times before while he was filming Public Enemies and he promised me that he would return after the premiere.
‘He was in good spirits throughout the evening chatting with Mr Mann and Miss Cotillard. He is a very soft spoken guy who is very charming and sweet – when I wait for him he doesn’t like to be too fussed over and is not in any way demanding.
‘He may be one of the most famous actors in the world but he is a very humble guy and a really cool dude. Obviously, I was delighted with his tip but he has always been very generous.’”

In a related story, Jennifer Lopez had her maid held underwater for three minutes because she didn’t fold her giant underwear the proper, extra-fancy way.  Oh wait.  I guess in hindsight the two stories aren’t really that similar.

Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 11:50 AM

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JON AND KATE PLUS 8 – the new season began just 4 weeks ago, and TLC planned on 40 new episodes this year, but the show is now going on hiatus until August. This should give Jon and Kate time to repair their relationship, as long as Jon is willing to talk, and “Kate” is recast by someone who isn’t a condescending bitch. (source = star)

TRANSFORMERS – is racist. “These new robots … have a simian appearance, with wide faces and huge ears. One of them has a gold bucktooth. They (talk) in some sort of modern day rap-age jive, calling each other ‘bitch-ass’ or ‘punk,’ talking with an exaggerated, crunked-up ‘street’ accent. They appear to be stoned all the time. And they can’t read. (They) are completely illiterate … Simply put they are offensive beyond measure.”  Why stop there? Why not have them date two overweight white robots, and maybe a scene where Optimus can’t find them for the battle at noon because they’re still asleep. (source = chud)

DENISE RICHARDS – is in Hawaii with the kids she had with Charlie Sheen.  Those kids are doomed.  We should bleed them, give them a complete transfusion, see if that get’s all the crappy genetics out of them.  Get blood from someone good.  Maybe make it from Paul Newman DNA.  I don’t know if that would work but I think we should try.
(7 more pics here.  hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

The sexy couple had their twins

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 8:45 AM

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“Double the congratulations are in order for Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, as news station WTRF reports that the couples’ twins via surrogate arrived last night at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, Ohio.

The station also reports that SJP and Matthew are with the surrogate at the hospital, and are expected to make an announcement about the births later this afternoon.”

OK magazine said all that by the way, not me. I’m not congratulating anyone on this. I want this goblin to reproduce about as much as I want fire breathing dragons to reproduce. Although it does remind me, with all this Will.I.Am stuff going on, if Matthew Broderick would like to fight me for all the mean things I’ve said about his woman, I’m ready to take my medicine. I don’t anticipate a problem because Broderick is a complete pussy. These kids are gonna think they have two moms. They’re gonna tell the other kids in class that their mom is gay.

1923 – 2009

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 6:37 AM

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TV legend Ed McMahon died this morning from unknown causes at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center in LA. He was 86.

McMahon was a Marine Corps pilot in both WWII and the Korean wars, co-hosted the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson for 30 years, hosted Star Search for 12 and was a Budweiser spokesmen for over two decades. But he’s not the only one who lived life to the fullest. For example, I’ve been thinking of taking a samba class.