morning headlines

By brendon October 09, 2009 @ 11:31 AM

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

DAVID HASSELHOFF – spent two days in a London hospital this week after a drinking binge that lasted for days. You really have to wonder why someone would do this. Considering there’s so much legal weed only an hour away by plane. (the sun)

NIC CAGE – owes over 6 million dollars in back taxes.  Might be a bad idea to cheat the IRS when your income is listed in a number of prominent daily Hollywood newspapers. (tmz)

JON GOSSELIN – gave his daughter an ATV for her birthday. Her 9th birthday. Considering he acts like his kids are keeping him from the sexy party life he deserves, I get the feeling this will come up during his trial one day soon. (popeater)

MEGAN FOX – is for sale. Sort of.  Or at least the clothes she wore in the Transformers sequel are.  And since I’m going to buy them and scrape them for DNA then make a harem of my own Megan Fox’s, then yes, Megan Fox is for sale.  (auction here. hq jump here)

i cant breathe

By brendon October 09, 2009 @ 10:10 AM

SPL130916_004

Victoria’s Secret Supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio signed autographs at a VS store in Miami yesterday, and OHMYFUCKINGGOD she’s just perfect. Every other women on earth looks like they’ve been struck down with a gypsy curse compared to her. Even other supermodels might as well have bony claws and one disproportionately big yellow eye. I would go down on her even if it turns out she secretes some kind of flesh eating toxin.

(7 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

girls next door is back

By brendon October 09, 2009 @ 10:03 AM

playboy playmate 030509

Exclusive sources to Tyler reveal today that the hit E! show ‘Girls Next Door’, the show that made Kendra Wilkinson, Holly MarSomething and The Other One The One With Huge Natural Boobs household names, will return to E! this Sunday with an all new cast of girls living near you. I can’t go into how I know this but I’m a pretty big deal in Hollywood. I don’t mean to brag but you can take this one to the bank.

Hefs new main girl, Crystal Harris (the one who isn’t a twin) is actually sort of hot. Sort of really really hot. And this is only barely related but remember last year when Miss Teen Louisiana was arrested after a dine-and-dash because she left behind her purse, which contained her drivers license. And also a bag of weed (more here). Well her name is Lindsey Evans, and she’s this months Playmate. I didn’t realize that until a search for Crystal Harris pictures. And Lindsey is awesome (nsfw nsfw), and 19, so there’s 17 pictures of her on the other side. I just … I just wanted you to have them. I just thought you might like them.  Look, I know I act like a jerk sometimes, but … but I love you.

go raiders!

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 6:56 PM

SPL130826_022

I can’t always tell the difference between “British” and “Gay”, but despite all pants to the contrary, Russell Brand is apparently heterosexual and to prove it he’s having sex with Katy Perry. Although even gay guys probably appreciate her amazing tits, so really this proves nothing. They’ve been together all week at Paris fashion shows, and they’ve been spotted holding hands and generally making a spectacle of themselves, but that didn’t stop Katy from cheering on the Raiders and/or joining KISS.

(14 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

lindsay will be good as new

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 4:13 PM

SPL131371_005

Earlier this week Michael Lohan announced to the world that his daughter was maybe addicted to prescription drugs. I’m not even sure if they’ve ever even met at this point so god knows how he came to that conclusion but now he wants to stage an intervention. So, um, if you’re Lindsay Lohan, stop reading.

“I had a conversation with her, her mother and everyone…over the next couple of weeks I’m going to be doing things in a pretty public way,” Michael Lohan told Radar.

“But Dina has got to get on the same page with me. It’s a serious situation. You can’t just talk about it and tell me that you want to do an intervention and then do nothing.”

Is running their mouth about things they think they know the best way to handle Lindsay’s drug use? Yes it is, according to the person doing that.

“When Lindsay doesn’t adhere or listen to what I say about serious situations, I feel I have to speak publicly to put pressure on her,” he said. “If she doesn’t take my advice and do what I say…the more pressure I put on her, the more likely she is to eventually do the right thing.”

Lindsay is gonna need even more anti anxiety medicine once all this public pressure comes down on her. Everywhere she goes, people will be saying, “you should listen to Michael Lohan. He has a lot of good ideas.” He’s like a modern day King Arthur, or Yoda.

kim kardashian in south africa

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 3:06 PM

jamie001_sj4btvw

Kim Kardashian is in the South African version of FHM (wait what), but I accidentally uploaded a banner of Jamie Chung in Complex magazine, and those were way better because Jamie is way hotter so I kept it in. They’re both hot girls, but Jamie is a better version of a hot girl. It’s like the difference between getting a blowjob and getting a blowjob while high on opium and with puppies licking your feet.

dave is so screwed

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 2:06 PM

GYI0000483180.JPG

David Letterman may lose his marriage due to the sex scandal thing, but much more importantly, he may lose 300 million dollars. And he’s only been married 6 months. Hopefully this is all a lie, because according to this he’s also been having girls dress up as cheerleaders. Oh yes my friends. The Enquirer says…

The couple – who lived together for years before marrying March 19 – are fighting over everything from his extensive property holdings to custody of their son Harry, 6, according to insiders.
“It’s become a real battle,” revealed a Late Show insider.
“Regina is humiliated, and she wants to get even with David for his public admission he cheated on her repeatedly during their 23-year relationship.”

K now brace yourself…

The ENQUIRER was told the kinky late-night host maintained a fully equipped love nest, likes to play “dress up” – and even had a girlfriend parade around with a set of pom-poms pretending to be a cheerleader.

I also heard he had a thing for 3-ways with Asian girls, and one time he fisted a girl while holding a handful of bees. Naw I just made that up but wouldn’t it be awesome.

morning headlines

By brendon October 08, 2009 @ 12:26 PM

58587386

MICHAEL VICK – will have a reality show on BET to chronicle his life since being released from prison. It will be “serious and somber” and “revisit the Virginia property where he ran and financed a dogfighting ring.” This show sounds fun. I like shows where, after they’re over, I sit in my bath tub hugging my knees and crying. (la times)

DINA LOHAN – has a new line of shoes, called Shoe-Han. “Lo” and “shoe” don’t rhyme of course, but when you have a name people associate with drunken whores and hastily thrown together money grabs, you’d be wise to mention it on your product. (page six)

TINA FEY – will bring back her Salin Palin impression now that Palin has written a book, giving Fey all new material to not be funny with. (ny daily news)

SOPHIE READE – won Big Brother 10 in the UK, and yesterday hosted the opening of a new Ann Summers store. I don’t know what this is, but considering she’s in a bra strong enough to contain her massive tits, I assume Anne Summers is some kind of weapons grade lingerie store. (21 more here. hq jump here. source = getty and wenn)