Joe Paterno is out at Penn State

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 2:45 PM


Joe Paterno has been the head football coach at Penn State for 46 years, since 1966, and is the only coach in FBS history with over 400 wins (he has 409), but now the New York Times is now reporting that the Penn State board of trustees is forcing him out within “weeks or days” due to his involvement with the Jerry Sandusky scandal. As well he should be. Actually I don’t even get what the delay is. He knowingly protected a guy who was raping children. He was an active part of the cover up which allowed Sandusky to prey on even more kids. That overrides everything good he’s ever done at Penn State. He deserves nothing now but contempt. They should not only escort him off campus immediately, but they should do it by tying his arms and legs to four horses that they send in different directions.

this seems inappropriate, part 2

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 1:35 PM


“Peen State”? Someone at CNN needs to grow up.

(source = deadspin)

Demi Lovato has red hair now

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 11:46 AM


One time me and my buddy Randy and my buddy Dave were bow hunting and we were in the cabin on the first night knocking down bottles of Southern Comfort, because we’re hicks from Louisiana and that’s what we drink.  Anyway, Dave passed out at around 3am so of course me and Randy dragged him into the woods and stripped him naked and rolled him onto his stomach and poured about 4 bottles of Doe In Heat on his ass.  If you don’t know, Doe In Heat is urine of a female deer and it’s used to attract male deer.  Just a few drops will attract every buck within a hundred miles.  The plan was to have some huge stag come mount Dave, but we were making tons of noise, and so unfortunately no deer ever made love to Daves anus.  Which is probably for the best, since an erect deer penis is about four feet long, and I bet Dave would have been pretty surprised to get sodomized by that, to wake up with that pressing against his heart and collapsing his rectum.  It would have been worth it though because we could have said, “Wow, he deer-ly loves you Dave!” “What an en-deer-ing couple you two make!”  Ha!

Anyway, Demi Lovato went on twitter and she has red hair now.

Brett Ratner lied about “banging” Olivia Munn

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 10:42 AM


Brett Ratner had a perfectly terrible weekend, and that’s awesome because he’s a shitty director and an asshole and no one deserves success less than he does. Here’s a recap:

FRIDAY: Ratner explained that the reason his movies look like no one bothered to rehearse is because no one bothered to rehearse. Then he added the word “fags”.

“After a screening of his new movie ‘Tower Heist’ at L.A.’s Arclight Cinemas, the director came out for a Q&A, and when asked by the moderator whether he prepares and rehearses with his actors before shooting a scene, Ratner waved his hand dismissively and said, “Rehearsal is for fags.”

To be honest this seems dumb because he obviously wasn’t insulting gay people and he meant “fag” more like the way South Park explained it, but since gay groups are naturally inclined to throw hissyfits, that’s what they did, forcing him to apologize to save his gig producing this years Oscar telecast.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: ‘Tower Heist’ sort of tanked at the box office, finishing the weekend in second place with just $24 million, about 11 million less than it was expected to make. On the bright side that’s still 24 million more than a lazy copy of ‘Oceans 11′ except instead of Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones they have Eddie Murphy flirting with a 1400 pound moonfaced lump should have made.

MONDAY: Ratner admitted he was lying last week when he went on G4 and said he had sex with Olivia Munn. To be specific, what he said was…

“She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her.”

Needless to say she didn’t really appreciate that. No girl would. Trust me, I haven’t been a virgin for months now, I know what a lady looks for in a lover.

Dr. Conrad Murray found guilty of manslaughter

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 6:19 PM


Michael Jacksons personal physician Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty today on one count of involuntary manslaughter after Jackson overdosed on a combination of drugs, notably the highly controlled anesthetic propofol, that were administered by Murray.

E! says

Murray faces up to four years in state prison and the loss of his medical license, although a recent rule adopted in the state of California could result in the cardiologist being sent to an L.A. County jail, where he would almost certainly spend only a portion of his sentence behind bars.
The offense was buoyed from testimony by Jackson employees who witnessed the panicked scene in the artist’s room when he stopped breathing, the detectives and forensics experts who led the investigation and, perhaps most poignantly, from anesthesiologist Dr. Steve Shafer.
Shafer testified that he found 17 areas in which Murray violated medical protocol and ethics, from Murray’s inexplicable decision to treat Jackson’s insomnia with the anesthetic propofol to his lifesaving attempts in Jackson’s final moments.

This still seems like a witch hunt. Michael Jackson has looked dead for 10 years. Propofol must be packed with vitamins because it’s a miracle he even stayed alive this long.

is Katy Perry pregnant?

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 5:31 PM


Probably not, no. But she looked like she might be in one picture from the MTV Europe Music Awards in Belfast last night, so yes, let’s say she is. If there’s one thing the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits. But if there’s two things the internet is good at, it’s pictures of tits and baseless accusations.

(image source = wenn and getty)

its Mariah Yeaters booking photo

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 5:23 PM


Speaking of Justin Bieber, here’s the booking photo for his possible secret lover Mariah Yeater after she was arrested for slapping her boyfriend in the face 3 times on December 21, 2010. The two had a fight after she told him he was the father of the same child she now says Justin Bieber is the father of. Bieber has denied these reports in the press, though I feel he should do it in person just so she could slap him around too.

Oh and the Daily Mirror says she told friends the father wasn’t the boyfriend or Bieber but some other guy altogether. Being a slut requires a surprising amount of math.

(source = pacific coast news)

Justin Bieber will take a DNA test

By brendon November 07, 2011 @ 4:56 PM


Justin Bieber has agreed to take a DNA test to prove he is not the father of Mariah Yeaters child, and then plans on suing her and her lawyers “to show there are consequences to making false accusations.” If I were them I would demand a semen sample as proof of DNA, then I’d shove it right into Yeater and then stall for 9 months while pretending to wait for the results.

(source = People)