Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 2:36 PM

Katie Price Posing Sexily On The Beach (USA AND OZ ONLY)

SEAN PENN - is in drug rehab. Maybe. Last week Page Six ran a blind item asking, “Which actor is on hiatus due to a drug relapse?” Then this morning Variety said, “Sean Penn’s busy shooting schedule has suddenly gone dark. In an announcement that has caught two studios by surprise, Penn has pulled out of two films.” Let’s all hope he gets the help he needs so he can handle his tragic burden of luxury and success. (source = speilster)

BILLY JOEL – is getting divorced from his third wife, Katie Lee Joel. He is 60, she is 27, and they we’re married for just under 5 years. They had no children, which is the only thing keeping her from the Gold Digging World Championship. (source = people)

KATIE PRICE – took some more pictures today in Ibiza for her 2010 calendar. It will be called, “Katie Price’s 2010 Calender, starring Katie Price And A Bunch Of Random Fucking People Just Sort Of Milling Around Behind Her.” (13 more pics = here.  hq jump = here.  image source = wenn)

Lindsay narked out Timberlake

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 12:50 PM

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I’ve never heard of this blog, but let’s pretend it’s a reliable source because Justin Timberlake is a dickhead who deserves to be taken down a few pegs. The site claims to have witnessed Justin kissing an unknown girl Monday night. Which is noteworthy because his girlfriend is Jessica Biel, and she is very much known.

“Poison Ivy spotted a very intoxicated JT at Avenue nightclub in New York’s Chelsea district Monday night, kissing, holding hands and canoodling with an unknown brunette in a white hat.”

This was seemingly confirmed by none other than Lindsay Lohan, who was in the same club at the same time, when she went on her twitter and posted a picture with this caption…

“So dark- where’s jb cheater.”

The popular theory of course is that JB stands for Jessica Biel.  A less popular theory is that it stands for James Buchanan, our 15th president.

Chasity is too fat for a sex change

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 11:33 AM

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I can’t see one single reason, from a physical stand point, why Chastity Bono would have been unhappy in life as a woman. She gave being a girl her best shot, it just didn’t work out, so now it’s time to saw off her breasts and sew up her clitoris. Or is it?  Dun Dun Dun….

The first photos of Chaz Bono have surfaced since the daughter of legendary singing duo Sonny and Cher began hormonal treatment in preparation for a sex change.
While the transgender offspring of the two pop icons has not changed much in terms of physical appearance, sources close to the author/musician say she may have to lose weight in order to proceed with the surgery.

To be clear, it’s not a health risk to have the surgery at this weight, it’s just that the operating table was made of steel for some reason instead of a solid slab of unbreakable rock that fell here from space.

(story source = fox news. image source = splash news online)

Until we meet again

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 10:04 AM

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Transformers took their world tour to Moscow last night, and if Megan Fox looked less than happy it might be because I finally made my move on her in London the night before. Of course her bodyguards had to cockblock and drag her away. As I presented my lady with a rose, you can plainly see how upset she is, how she struggles to break free from her captors so she could leave with me and become a slave to her desires. I think it was my striped socks. Little secret: hit the clubs in striped socks and watch the panties start droppin.

(hq jump = here. image source = splash news online and wenn)

This seems to be going great

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 8:49 AM

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The cover story for todays InTouch (full size cover here, better pic on their site here) has another heartwarming Kate Gosselin story, this time with pictures of her smacking around Leah thankfully included. InTouch says…

Around 11 a.m. on June 13, a witness spotted Kate, 34, and the children playing outside of their Reading, Pa., home. When Leah, one of the sextuplets, started blowing a whistle loudly, Kate told her to stop because she was on the phone. But as soon as Leah blew on the whistle again, Kate “seemed to lose her temper” and said, “Did you not hear me?” Then she stormed over to her daughter, grabbed her and hit her. “The girl was screaming and crying,” the witness adds. “Kate just pushed her away and walked off with her coffee. Her older sisters were trying to make Leah feel better.”

That poor little girl.  Those kids are cute so this bothers me. I probably wouldn’t care if they were ugly. I was never spanked much as a little kid, but my dad was a Marine Corps fighter pilot, including F8’s in Vietnam. F8’s, if you don’t know, did tons of low level bombings (wiki). Point being, my dad has killed many thousands of people, so when one of histories most prolific killers tells you to mow the lawn, a good idea is to slowly back away and then run to that god damn lawnmower as fast as your little legs will carry you.

I’m in a really weird mood today.  It’s like I’m stoned but I’m mostly positive that I’m not.  Just brace yourself for me to make even less sense than normal.

morning headlines

By brendon June 17, 2009 @ 6:58 AM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – has been dumped by Samantha Ronson for a second time after a huge fight over Sams friends. She is also still very much a suspect in the disappearance of $400,000 in jewelry. And it’s only Wednesday. (source = e! online and cnn)

VICTORIA BECKHAM – had her implants removed according to the Daily Mail, taking her from a D to her natural B, and my heart from a :D to a :(

KATIE PRICE – is on vacation in Ibiza. It’s good to see her finally take some time off. That poor woman is gonna have a heart attack at 30 if she keeps working so hard. (hq = here. source = splash news online)

Christina Applegate is easily relaxed

By brendon June 16, 2009 @ 12:21 PM

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You hear a lot of so-called “facts” in the media about smoking and cancer, or at least you do if you’re not Christina Applegate, who knocked down a few smokes this weekend in Italy.  It’s true she had breast cancer last August, but that was a long time ago, and cancer is like chicken pox or lightning attack.  It can’t happen twice.  She should snap off the filter and enjoy herself.   She’s immortal now.

(full size = here. close-up = here. image source = splash exclusives)

Isla can’t take a hint

By brendon June 16, 2009 @ 11:20 AM

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Between the red hair, awesome rack and super hot accent, I can’t tell you how happy it would make me to have sex with Isla Fisher. Which is why these pictures are so uncomfortable. I can’t remember the details, but I know she used to be in a relationship with Bruno. I think they even had a baby. And yesterday she followed him all the way to Paris for the premiere of his movie. But, I mean Jesus woman open your eyes. I’m not sure how much more clear he can make it.  It’s over, he’s moved on, and he’s not coming back. No offense but you’re kind of makin an ass out of yourself.

(18 more pics = here.  hq jump = here.  image source = getty and wenn.  UPDATE – bonus isla adorableness here)