Scarlett Johansson got a little flippant (i hate myself) with the paparazzi while taking her mom to physical therapy today in New York. I’m not sure but it sort of looks like her mom had a stroke. Maybe that’s why she’s needs physical therapy. But don’t just take my word on it. As a rule I’m guessing that women don’t like it when you look at their face and ask about their stroke if they never had one.
Doesn’t seem like it would be that hard to contact the 50 people on earth on the market for a private plane one by one, but apparently it is, so Bombardier hired John Travolta to promote their new planes in a photo shoot today in LA. And you know what phrase was never heard once? “Hey John, could you maybe look a little more gay?” The limited edition Travolta T1 is the only plane that comes with blacked out windows and a trap door for any male prostitutes who can’t keep a secret.
The life story of Britney Spears is now being told in comic book form by someone who has apparently never seen Britney Spears, but has heard several things about her. From her humble origins of greased pig wraslin back home in Kentwood, Louisiana, to her days as a superstar that apparently wears boots but no pants, it’s all here!
Anna Faris attended the LA premiere of What’s Your Number last night, which makes sense because she’s the star of it. As well she should be because she’s fantastic. I have no idea how but she’s still underrated as a comedic actress. Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston are put in comedies yet all those dummies do is read words off a page. They add nothing. It’s literally nothing more than a joke was written down, and now they’re gonna say it out loud. Every Cameron Diaz movie could be made a billion times better if they simply cut to shots of the script during her scenes and let me read her part myself.
Though it seems to be down this morning, a seller on ebay is asking for 1 million dollars to buy a picture he claims is proof that Nic Cage is some sort of undead vampire.
“Personally, I believe it’s him and that he is some sort of walking undead/vampire, et cetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or so,” the seller — who’s asking $1 million for the photo — writes on eBay. “150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult, or a talk show host.”
The seller, who goes by the name Jack Mord and has 100% positive feedback, insists the photo is the real deal and has not been manipulated in any way to make it resemble Cage.
“Any serious potential buyer will be allowed to have a photo expert of their choice examine the original photograph before any money changes hands,” he adds on eBay.
Wow. One million dollars for a picture of someone who vaguely looks like Nic Cage. That sounds like a good deal. I could get the exact same picture here with a right click-save as, but this auction thing sounds a lot easier. I don’t have all day to be moving my mouse back and forth and hitting all kinds of buttons.
Last night Comedy Central aired their roast of Charlie Sheen, and even for a roast one joke in particular seemed to get people upset when Amy Schumer made a joke to Steve O about Ryan Dunn. But here’s the thing; fuck Ryan Dunn. It’s not like he was torn out of his house by a tiger. He killed himself and a friend after drinking his way to a BAL just under .2 and then drove his Porsche 130 miles per hour. That dipshit deserved to die. I feel worse for the trees Ryan hit than I do for Ryans friends and family. We needed those, fuckface!
Secondly, Amy Schumer is awesome. She could have handed Steve a sketch of Dunns charred remains for all I care.
So apparently there’s someone at Sports Illustrated even more inept than Peter King, and that’s whoever is in charge of their covers. I’m the biggest Brad Pitt fan on earth, but what the fuck.
If you missed it, the movie is about Billy Beane, the general manager for the Oakland A’s since 1998, and the radical way of choosing players he has to use because the team has no money to spend on payroll.
The reason this is a weird concept for a movie is because his system sucks. He’s never won the American League, the A’s haven’t had a winning record in 5 years, and the goofy old scouts this movie makes fun of choose the AL Rookie of the Year in 1986, 87, and 88, the only time one team has ever won the award three times in a row. It’s also weird because Oakland is far from the lowest payroll in baseball. Out of 30 teams, they’re number 21. Number 29, second to last, is Tampa Bay, who is actually awesome.
So I guess the hook here is that it’s an inspiring story about following your dreams, especially if your dream is to be rich and famous despite not be very good at anything.
OK so I guess Julie Bowen of ‘Modern Family’ also looked kind of great at the Emmys last night. She looked really pretty and by all accounts she’s a perfectly nice woman (if someone sees Julie Bowen reading this they should probably stop her here) but her winning Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy really highlights how god dammed dumb the Emmys are. Kaitlin Olson from ‘Always Sunny’ should have won this award every year for 5 years. She and Joel McHale weren’t even nominated. That’s complete inexplicable bullshit. ‘Always Sunny’ and ‘Community’ have the best casts on TV by a mile, and if anyone thinks otherwise, that person is a joyless prick who has no idea what good comedy acting is. They should have won even if the category was called, ‘Best Actor on Modern Family’.