You’ll never see ‘South Park’ win an Emmy for “Best Comedy”, because shows like ‘Two and a Half Men’ can still be edgy and hilarious without resorting to a bunch of potty language, but last nights episode about Snooki and New Jersey is all anyone is talking about today. Even Snooki, who went on her twitter just after the show and wrote…
“snooki want smoosh smoosh. im going to have nightmares tonight lmao!!! we’ve officially made it. goodnite my bitches.”
God dammit. Apparently South Park Snooki was so over the top that Real Snooki didn’t even care. I mean c’mon, the first time they even have her put her drink down before she humps some total stranger. Bullshit mistakes like that take me right out of the story. I was watchin it and I was all like, “oh whatever, this is so fake.”
(the video in the headline is all of Snookis scenes, or you can watch the entire episode on South Parks website.)
Jasmine Waltz, the girl who started dating David Arquette after he and Courteney Cox quietly separated about a month ago, is on the verge of being arrested for stealing my heart, by the love police, and hopefully her mugshot will be as hot as the one she took in 2000 (full size here) after being arrested in Orange County, Florida, for, “possession of less than 20 grams of cannabis.”
It was a misdemeanor and she pled no contest, but it’s nice to know that this hot bitch likes to party. Girls will let you do anything you want to them when they’re high. Even more so if you have a gun.
Yesterday morning, Miley Cyrus, her mom, and her 10 year old sister, stopped to pose for the paparazzi in the parking lot on the way to breakfast near their home in Toluca Lake.
During that breakfast, Miley, who was dressed like some tarted up hussy in a see thru shirt with no bra, got up and walked about 200 yards to yell at some lady who was quietly filming them. Because Miley didn’t want her sister filmed. The same sister in the pictures below, taken 20 minutes earlier. And the same girl who went to Halloween last year as some sort of a dominatrix.
No matter, because Miley didn’t want her being filmed. Any more. She can hardly comprehend the nerve of this woman, and even tells her to have some class. An insult that might have hurt a little more if the person saying it didn’t sound like a cartoon donkey.
Ashlee Simpson showed off her new super-short haircut today in New York, and also the fact that she’s either a wax figure or robot now. Which actually makes her much more useful than the old Ashlee Simpson.
As you can see, she can hold up to one hat, and I’ve been led to believe that robots can vacuum. Can this one vacuum? Either way, now we can punch Ashlee Simpson and not feel bad about it or go to jail. I think they’re gonna sell a lot of these.
When David Arquette told Howard Stern yesterday that he was dating 28 year old bartender Megan Fox Jasmine Waltz and that the rumors about his impending divorce from Courteney Cox were true, he also said that he and Jasmine have already had sex. Once. Maybe twice.
And for some reason people took that literally because today Jasmine would like to make it clear that she slept with another womans husband WAAYYY more than twice. TMZ says…
The woman with whom David Arquette claims to have had sex with “once … maybe twice,” is indignant, telling friends, “Two Times, My Ass!”
Jasmine Waltz is indignant, claiming she had sex multiple times with David over the course of more than a month.
That’s all fine but what about the real question; is she indignant? I wish I had the answer my friends, but the reality is, we may never know.
Fuck. Yes. Back in July, people were saying that Christopher Nolan would take someone he just worked with in ‘Inception’ and cast them as the villain, probably the Riddler, in the follow up to ‘the Dark Knight’. At the time the choice was reportedly Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I was hoping for Tom Hardy. Deadline Hollywood makes dreams come true!
I’m told that Hardy has been set by Nolan for a lead role in the next Batman film at Warner Bros. Insiders are keeping the role secret and won’t even say if he’s up for a villain role, but that seems a reasonable assumption.
Hardy is a tremendous actor, and one of the very few who could follow what Ledger did in ‘Dark Knight’. And if you’re wondering, “what does this have to do with brand new naked pictures of UK model Lucy Pinder“, well, thanks, that’s real nice. Obviously I loaded the wrong pictures. Maybe I should come to your job and harp on every little mistake you make, see how you like it!
Angelina Jolie is in Budapest today, making her directorial debut on a love story set during the Bosnian-Serbian war, and either she thinks genocide is funny or these two still really get along because she was giddy as a little girl when Brad Pitt showed up.
They’ve been together 7 years now, which is 8 years longer than the tabloids said they would be. Jennifer Aniston probably keeps an axe near her TV in case ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’ comes on, and fixates on the fact that Jolie only got the part because Nicole Kidman dropped out and Catherine Zeta Jones turned it down, but I bet Pitt would have left her for Zeta Jones or Kidman too. Why wouldn’t he? That bitch is awful. I’d rather be in a room with that thing in ‘Alien’ that lays eggs in your chest than Jennifer fucking Aniston.
Gavin Rossdale tells Details magazine this month that HOLY SHIT they’re still publishing Details? Seriously? Why? More people read the Voynich Manuscript every month and no one even knows what the fuck that thing says. Well, whatever. Point is, Gavin Rossdale, Mr. Gwen Stefani, blew some guys when he was 17.
Details: Last year, the cross-dressing pop singer Marilyn revealed that he was romantically involved with you in your teens—an assertion Boy George first made in 1995. Why haven’t you talked about those claims? Gavin Rossdale: I think at the outset there was a sort of fear—that was right at the beginning of Bush, and I didn’t want it to be part of it. It felt like a cheap shot, so I was like, “I’m not getting involved.” I’ve never wanted to appear closed about it. It’s not something I’ve talked about really because it’s always been in the glare of a tabloid world. It’s just one of those things: Move on. When you’re 17, Jesus Christ. I don’t think there’s anything strange about any form of—you’re learning about life. It’s a part of growing up. That’s it. No more, no less. Details: So it was just a one-time experimentation? Gavin Rossdale: Yeah. That was it. You have to know what you like, and I know what I like.
Wow this reminds me of me when I was 17. Except instead of hooking up with famous rock stars, I was alone in my bedroom doing a live version of Grease with my stuffed animals as the cast. You can’t go back to Australia Sandy, you’ll break my heart!
(NOTE: I wouldn’t care if he was gay, but that’s his daughter Daisy Lowe dancing around in her underwear in that video, so my penis and I are delighted that he wasn’t gay for a few hours in 1988)