Vanessa Hudgens was licking some kind of powder (UPDATE!)

By brendon April 18, 2011 @ 10:40 AM

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Vanessa Hudgens spent the weekend at Coachella with her dorky new boyfriend Josh Hutcherson (this doofus), and on several occasions she was seen taking out a ziploc bag with a white powder inside, then licking the powder off her fingers.

It could have been anything in that bag of course. Maybe it was a Lik-M-Aid. Or etc. It would be great if it was cocaine though. Girls on coke stay nice and thin, and they can be really friendly when they need to score. Does that mean I would give her drugs to have sex with me? What is this, an intervention, leave us alone!

INFORMATIVE UPDATE – several emails say Vanessa might be doing molly, which is basically powdered ecstasy. That sounds safe, right?

(image source = pacific coast)

Nic Cage was arrested for domestic violence

By brendon April 18, 2011 @ 9:32 AM

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After seeing Season of the Witch, it’s hard to believe Nic Cages life could get any more embarrassing, but this weekend he was arrested for domestic violence after getting gold-medal winning drunk and grabbing his wifes arm during an argument in the French Quarter (NOTE: as someone who is from New Orleans, let me assure you that getting arrested in the French Quarter for being drunk is like getting kicked out of Wu Tang for smoking too much weed or kicked off the USC football team for breaking too many rules. You really have to step up and do something special).

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America hates Miley Cyrus

By brendon April 15, 2011 @ 5:17 PM

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Miley Cyrus will kick off her new tour in just 12 days, starting in South America and Australia. Thankfully it also ends in South America and Australia. Miley tells Fox

“I just think right now America has gotten to a place where I don’t know if they want me to tour or not. Right now I just want to go to the places where I am getting the most love and Australia and South America have done that for me,” she said. “Kind of going to the places where I get the most love. Don’t want to go anywhere where I don’t feel completely comfortable with it.”

Hopefully someone will follow up on this when her tour starts. It’s entirely possible that Miley thinks South America means Mississippi and Louisiana and places like that, and America is the area around New York and Toronto.

Ashton Kutcher is a f**king idiot

By brendon April 15, 2011 @ 4:48 PM

It only takes a minute to find hundreds of horrific tales about human trafficking. The most common are about girls, usually in their teens, who are kidnapped, held as slaves and forced into prostitution. Or they’re trying to escape an oppressive government or undeveloped nation, but then are “forced to have sex with 400-500 men to pay off $40,000 in debt for their passage.” Or they’re simply tricked, like this17-year-old from Japan. For the most part the traffickers are gangs, well organized and ruthlessly violent. The mafia is involved now. 500,000 women are annually trafficked into Western Europe. It’s a business worth billions.

So to fight back Ashton Kutcher has made a funny little video about his socks.

Hey, human traffickers. You guys better knock it off.

Demi Moore, husband Ashton Kutcher and their self-titled the Demi and Ashton Foundation (DNA), which seeks to combat the sexual exploitation and slavery of minors, have come under fire this week over a campaign many consider to be inappropriately light and fluffy given the severity of the issue.
“This is what happens when celebrities do an issue divorced from the movement. Once you chose an issue and don’t do it in collaboration with people who have been doing this for a long time, this is what you end up with,” Norma Ramos, Executive Director of the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women told FOX.
“There is a general dumbing down that is going on and this is an example of dumbing down a social justice movement with the narrowest message possible.”

This really is a perfect example of how dumb and useless actors are. And vain. This does nothing. It’s only purpose is for these dolts to feel important. If someone is willing to buy a kidnapped teenager and keep her as a sex slave, they’re not gonna give a shit what Ashton Kutcher thinks, no matter how delightful his reaction is to smelly socks.

Jessica Simpson wants a low cut wedding gown

By brendon April 15, 2011 @ 2:27 PM

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Jessica Simpson is engaged but hasn’t chosen a time or place to get married yet, because according to her the number 1 priority is to find a wedding dress that will “flatter her physique”. Unfortunately she’s working with designers and not magical wizards, so it’s a long process. People says…

Simpson gravitates toward v-neck or scoop necks, which flatter her physique and help her avoid looking “top heavy.”
Besides, “I like my collar bone,” adds Simpson, 30. “I have a long neck, so I like to show off my décolletage.”

“I have a long neck”? Oh shut up, you do not. You’re just trying to hide how much weight you’ve put on. And since you’re so determined to never work out again, you’re best option is to go buy that invisibility cloak and make a dress out of that.

people dont like Gwyneth Paltrow because theyre lazy and jealous

By brendon April 15, 2011 @ 1:24 PM

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Gwyneth Paltrow is out promoting her new cookbook this week, and before we get to the part where she explains why some people don’t like her, here are a few quotes from the book. Maybe there will be some hints in there.

“I had my first bowl of gazpacho when I was fifteen in Spain, and the impression it made was a lasting one.”

Ahh yes, who could forget. Oh, did you not spend your summers in Spain as a teenager? Oh what a pity. You really should have.

“I grew up going to the island of Nantucket at the end of every summer.”

“The gazpacho was pedestrian, but the lobster more than made up for it.”

“I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat—don’t ask, it’s a long story.”

Oh Gwyenth you devil!

“We’ve got a wood-burning pizza oven in the garden—a luxury, I know, but it’s one of the best investments I’ve ever made.”

And of course you should only burn Rosewood imported from Brazil. For seafood dishes I like to burn wood salvaged from Spanish shipwrecks—a luxury, I know, but it really makes a difference.

Okay well my mistake, there’s nothing in her book that people could interpret to be elitist or condescending, so why does she think some people don’t like her.

(Here’s) her theory: folks are “pissed off” because she’s driven and unafraid of change, while they’re not.
“It’s easier to not change, not do something good for you, not work on your relationship, not make yourself a meal, not work out,” she tells PopEater. “Everything in my life that’s good is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it.”

Well there you have it. If you’re not a millionaire like she is, it’s because you’re lazy. With a little effort they could have had parents who are are Hollywood royalty and their godfather Steven Spielberg would have given them their first role. When Gwyeth Paltrow started acting, she had nothing but 10 million dollars, connections, and a dream. It really is an inspiring story.

Friday morning headlines

By brendon April 15, 2011 @ 8:17 AM

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LINDSAY LOHAN – was believed to be the favorite to play Victoria Gotti because Gotti is friends with Lindsays mom and was demanding it. Not true. “Though it was said that I insisted she play my part, that’s not true. I didn’t insist and actually have no say in who gets the part.” So if Lindsay gets it, it will be because she was perfect for the role. Nothing says “Italian” more than pink skin and freckles. (page six)

COWBOYS AND ALIENS – has a new trailer out this morning, coming on the heels of yesterdays new trailers for Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Taylor Lautner in Abduction. Taylors character is much like Jason Bourne, if Bourne were in high school, never closed his mouth, was constantly baffled by everything around him and sounded like a woman. (apple, apple, youtube)

DIDDY – is demanding $45,000 from clubs in New York City for the honor of hosting his after party during his tour, but no one wants to pay. It’s an enticing offer: a pretentious jackass, unbearable music, and a room packed with concealed weapons held by people who don’t know how to aim. Can I host it twice! (nyp)

JESSICA LOWNDES – was in London last night going to clubs, and she wore this see thru top because it was easier than flailing her arms around and yelling, “hey everyone, look at me!” (splash and wenn)

Superman will get beaten up by a girl too

By brendon April 14, 2011 @ 6:55 PM

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I think most people were so glad when Michael Shannon was cast as General Zod in the Superman reboot, if only because it meant we wouldn’t have to see another dumbass Lex Luther movie if nothing else, that they pretty much stopped paying attention to the casting after that. But now Latino Review says there will be a second villain as well; a girl.

A girl serial killer.

A girl serial killer who hates men and with a history of kicking Supermans ass because she’s from Krypton too and has all the same powers.

Faora Hu-Ul was a serial killer born on the planet Krypton. A self-professed “man-hater”, she targeted only male Kryptonians and ran a concentration camp where she kept other Kryptonians as slaves. Faora Hu-Ul claimed over twenty-three lives before she was arrested. Faora was sentenced to over three-hundred years of incarceration inside the Phantom Zone – the longest sentence ever handed to a female prisoner, and the second-longest sentence over all. As Faora was trapped inside the Phantom Zone, she, along with many others, survived the destruction of Krypton.
Faora was an expert at the Kryptonian martial art of Horo-Kanu, which utilized the pressure points on the Kryptonian body. This made her an extremely dangerous foe for Superman to face in hand-to-hand combat—he was forced to flee from their first encounter.

The role hasn’t been cast yet and they don’t even mention any candidates, but could this be the part Lindsay claims she was reading for? Sure, it could be, since she was lying to begin with. When you lie you can say and do anything you want. Watch this: “I also read for a part in the Superman movie. And right now I’m on the moon, with a panther.” See what I mean. It’s easy.