WHAT THE HELL IS THAT

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 8:16 AM

The Daily Mail has a story about Uma Thurman on a vacation cruise in Corsica with her Swiss millionaire fiancé Arpad Busson, and one of the pictures shows … whatever the hell that might be.  The Mail says she might be pregnant, but I’ve seen Shaun of the Dead enough times to know a zombie when I see one.  You're not foolin me you undead bitch!

JLO HAS TOO MUCH MONEY

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 6:17 AM

The Mirror UK says that Jennifer Lopez, long known in Hollywood to be an insufferable pain in the ass with a misguided sense of entitlement and self worth, has reached a level of materialistic insanity unthinkable even for her.  The Mirror says…

The actress apparently insists on dressing her five-month-old twins in new designer gear every day.
We're told: "Jennifer was approached by a charity and asked to donate some dresses for a celebrity auction. She agreed and donated a gorgeous £5,000 frock.
"She also offered some of Max and Emme's clothes, telling organisers that she never lets them 'repeat' outfits.
"But the auction deals only in adult clothes. Jennifer told them it was a shame, as some items cost over 1,000 dollars each."

If karma were at all real, and not just a fantasy based on fairies and pixies and dancing candy canes, JLo would get smoosh'd by a comet today, or at the very least pinned to a tree by a car.  Fuck that uppity cunt.  She can afford new legs.

BRITISH GIRLS ARE COOL

By brendon July 15, 2008 @ 5:17 AM

One day after Sienna Miller was seen in Italy prancing around naked on the Almalfi Coast, Kate Moss did the same thing in Sardinia.  Later, historians and investigators will refer to these as Kates, “last known photos”.  They don’t call Italy, “the perverts of Europe” for nothing.

(picture source = splash news)



SIENNA MILLER IS NAKED – UPDATE

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 3:19 PM

Sienna Miller paraded around naked all over Italy this weekend with her alleged new boyfriend, Balthazar Getty.  His wife and four kids were unavailable for comment, due to the fact that they didn’t know about it until this.  Say what you will about Sienna, but she does have a habit of dating dorks and showing them the time of their lives.  She’s the best thing to happen to nerds since Lord of the Rings and jacking off.

NAKED UPDATE – more from her naked adventures over on socialite life



THE MASTER RACE WENT TO THE POOL

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 2:35 PM

Splash News has some pictures today of Brooke Hogan and her dad's girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel lying around the pool this morning.  Brooke is the one in the purple, Jennifer is in the white.  Hulk must have been back in the house, putting his suit on and getting ready for another long day of sexual confusion I mean time with his daughter.

SARAH SILVERMAN IS SINGLE

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 1:49 PM

After dating for the past 5 years, Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman have ended their relationship.  Vanity Fair was the first to break the story:

Sad news for comedy and monogamy fans: late night talk-show host Jimmy Kimmel and his girlfriend of five years, comedienne Sarah Silverman, have broken up.
Kimmel’s rep Lewis Kay and Silverman’s rep Amy Zvi both confirmed that Jimmy and Sarah are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that “Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.”
With them, so has the faith of all those believed—as we did—that their union was the binding force that kept Hollywood from exploding in a mass chain reaction of irony and sexual frivolity.

Some people say Vanity Fair is irrelavnt these days, but without them, who would take a simple break up story and report it in the fruitiest, most confusing way possible? 

AS EXPECTED

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 9:26 AM

As they did with the first pictures of their baby Shiloh, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt will donate every dime that they collect from selling the first pictures of thier new twins to charity.  The Daily Mail says that offers are already on the table for up to 10 million dollars.

The bidding war has already begun for the first photos of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline who were born on Saturday night at a French hospital.
French papers have reported that an American magazine has already offered $10m (£5m) for the exclusive images of the new babies  -  with all the money going to a worthy cause.
After the birth of their daughter Shiloh two years ago, the couple auctioned off the photo shoot to People magazine in the US and Hello! in Britain for up to £5m with an undisclosed charity benefiting.
It is believed Pitt and Jolie are in the process of negotiating a similar deal for the photos of the latest additions to their family.

Brad and Angelina need to get off their high horse.  Hollywood stars do this all the time.  Nicole Richie took her baby picture money and got high, then said, "weed and vicodin should be legal, that shit is so good."  And Jennifer Lopez commissioned a laser beam that would turn things into bacon.  Needless to say their efforts may one day change the world.



AND OF COURSE…

By brendon July 14, 2008 @ 5:22 AM

On Saturday, the big news was that some guy claimed to have hacked into the email of Miley Cyrus, and as proof he posted these candid pictures that some might consider racy.  The hacker guy also claims to have read an email in which Miley detailed her sexual exploits with Nick Jonas of the Jonas Bothers.  Which is noteworthy because they both claim to still be virgins, a tiny fact somewhat important to thier devout Christian image.  The hacker guy goes on to say he even has a few naked Miley pictures that he is currently trying to sell.  If you're interested in buying these, contact Captain Makebelieve at NeverGonnaHappen.com, c/o the Gum Drop Pony.  Because it's not gonna happen.  I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty certain you're not allowed to buy and sell stolen naked pictures of 15 year olds.