this is gonna be a good movie

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 7:56 AM

I hope when Jessica Biel does interviews to promote "Powder Blue" and she’s asked why she played a stripper, she says, “Well I read the script and fell in love with it and I called my agent and I said, ‘I don’t care about the nudity, I have to play this character.’”  Because I like when people just blatantly lie.  But at least she’s a stripper who takes her damn clothes off, unlike “strippers” such as Lindsay Lohan and Natalie Portman.  There’s a word to describe strippers who dance around in bikinis or with their hands over their chest: Fired.

(calendary fact: the theatrical release date is May 8th and the DVD release is June 9th.  there’s no way that’s a good sign)

this chicks dad is nuts

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 7:32 AM

I haven't seen "Slumdog Millionaire" yet because I get uncomfortable around minorities, especially from poor countries.  They smell funny and dress weird and are almost always better at math than me which is extra embarrassing because they only own like two things so what the fuck could they possibly be counting.  But everyone who can look past skin color that has seen the movie says it’s great.  I assumed I would get depressed because their life was so awful.  Oh hey I guess I was mistaken.

The father of Slumdog Millionaire star Rubina Ali reportedly offered to sell his 9-year-old daughter for nearly $300,000, Britain's News of the World reports.
…the paper posed as a wealthy Middle Eastern family interested in buying the girl.
"I have to consider what's best for me, my family and Rubina's future," said Rubina's dad, Rafiq Qureshi, who claims to be broke and left with "nothing" from the Oscar-winning flick.
The paper claims that Rubina was originally being sold for $75,000, but her father raised the price after the success of Slumdog.
"The child is special now," the girl's uncle said, according to the paper. "This is an Oscar child!"

I know this is the easy approach to take, but 300,000 GD dollars?!  How high is this dude?  You can go to Alabama and buy a kid for 50 bucks.  Go to Mexico and trade a shoe for one.  She better have just swallowed $299,000 worth of opium if this dude thinks he’s gettin 3.

coachella was a feast for the eyes

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 5:42 AM

There was some serious eye candy at Coachella this weekend, including the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, Kirsten Dunst, and without a bra no less.  It’s sort of admirable that she wouldn't wear a bra and also pull her hair up so it looks short.  It’s like she’s a boy, which is way more honest than pretending she looks anything like a human girl.

(image source = wenn)

alicia silverstone has still got it

By brendon April 20, 2009 @ 5:41 AM

There’s no cruelty free makeup stores in Indio, California apparently, because Alicia Silverstone went bare at Coachela this weekend.  Oh and barefoot too.  There would be some of those lines above her head indicating she stinks too, but pictures only capture what’s there and not what’s implied.  Then she had a friend shovel more food into her mouth.  Her own arms gave out after a few hours.  I think I heard she’s a competitive eater now. 

(image source = splash)

kim kardashian is going to die

By brendon April 17, 2009 @ 12:32 PM

Holy Crap!  Is Mexico a mile from the fucking sun because Kim Kardashian fell asleep on the beach there and this was the result.  She said on Twitter:

PLEASE HELP ME! I am so sunburned! I fell asleep with huge glasses on yesterday! This tan line is not ok!!!

I know this sucks for her but quite frankly she was asleep on a beach in Mexico on a Thursday in mid-April, taking a vacation from god knows what, so really she kiss my ass.  If she wants sympathy she’s gonna need to try harder than, “I got a sunburn because I was too relaxed at my tropical paradise.”  Next time I hope the chupacabra finds her, rolls her over and humps her.

its 2007 all over again

By brendon April 17, 2009 @ 10:47 AM

In hindsight it was foolish to think that Paris Hilton had outgrown running around town with no underwear on, especially in outfits and circumstances where she might expose that diseased womb of hers.  It’s not just unpleasant to see and think about, it’s a public health issue to expose others to so much bacteria and virusses.  I’d be much more comfortable right now if, instead of taking pictures of it last night, someone had sprayed her vagina with lighter fluid and set it on fire.

lady gaga has the right idea

By brendon April 17, 2009 @ 9:41 AM

We should count our blessings that Lady GaGa isn’t deformed in some way, and instead is just “very unattractive”.  If this is the kind of thing she does to distract you from her nose, if she had a hump on her back or something she’d go to clubs bare ass naked with a speculum inside of her. 

(image source = wenn and pacific coast)

britneys stalker got arrested

By brendon April 17, 2009 @ 8:28 AM

A woman (specifically this one) was arrested yesterday in Calabasas for trespassing and disorderly conduct after she was caught looking into the windows at Britney Spears's house while wearing camouflage and holding a camera.

(She) was stopped by security guards and then turned over to the LA County Sheriff's Department on Thursday – hours before Brit was due to deliver the first of two Los Angeles shows on her Circus tour.
Authorities arrested Miranda Tozier-Robbins, 26, a fifth-season American Idol hopeful who auditioned with the Spears ballad "Everytime."

I don’t think someone thought this all the way through.  Camouflage gets way less effective when you’re standing on someone's porch.  Even Britney knows trees rarely walk from window to window.