Courtney Love is doing great

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 1:57 PM

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The Sun UK has pictures of Courtney Love taken yesterday in New York, looking as they put it, “a shadow of her once voluptuous self. The hellraiser appeared pale and gaunt, with painfully thin arms.”

Holy crap. At this point they can probably go ahead and drop the “appeared”. It seems safe to say she is, in reality, pale and gaunt with painfully thin arms. Even Kurt probably weighs more than she does at this point. She’s all sharp angles and bones. Humping her at this point must be like humping a chain link fence.

Johnny Depp tipped a waiter $4,000

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 1:19 PM

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In Hollywood it’s always the people who have achieved fame or a title for no particular reason who are prone to hissyfits and outbursts like Perez Sunday night. It’s hard to believe that he and Johnny Depp are even part of the same species, much less work in the same town. Radar says…

“Mohammed A . Sekhani — a veteran waiter at Chicago’s legendary steakhouse Gibsons — (said): ‘Johnny and his party arrived just after 11.30pm at the restaurant and requested a private room. He had visited our restaurant several times before while he was filming Public Enemies and he promised me that he would return after the premiere.
‘He was in good spirits throughout the evening chatting with Mr Mann and Miss Cotillard. He is a very soft spoken guy who is very charming and sweet – when I wait for him he doesn’t like to be too fussed over and is not in any way demanding.
‘He may be one of the most famous actors in the world but he is a very humble guy and a really cool dude. Obviously, I was delighted with his tip but he has always been very generous.’”

In a related story, Jennifer Lopez had her maid held underwater for three minutes because she didn’t fold her giant underwear the proper, extra-fancy way.  Oh wait.  I guess in hindsight the two stories aren’t really that similar.

Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 11:50 AM

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JON AND KATE PLUS 8 – the new season began just 4 weeks ago, and TLC planned on 40 new episodes this year, but the show is now going on hiatus until August. This should give Jon and Kate time to repair their relationship, as long as Jon is willing to talk, and “Kate” is recast by someone who isn’t a condescending bitch. (source = star)

TRANSFORMERS – is racist. “These new robots … have a simian appearance, with wide faces and huge ears. One of them has a gold bucktooth. They (talk) in some sort of modern day rap-age jive, calling each other ‘bitch-ass’ or ‘punk,’ talking with an exaggerated, crunked-up ‘street’ accent. They appear to be stoned all the time. And they can’t read. (They) are completely illiterate … Simply put they are offensive beyond measure.”  Why stop there? Why not have them date two overweight white robots, and maybe a scene where Optimus can’t find them for the battle at noon because they’re still asleep. (source = chud)

DENISE RICHARDS – is in Hawaii with the kids she had with Charlie Sheen.  Those kids are doomed.  We should bleed them, give them a complete transfusion, see if that get’s all the crappy genetics out of them.  Get blood from someone good.  Maybe make it from Paul Newman DNA.  I don’t know if that would work but I think we should try.
(7 more pics here.  hq jump here.  source = splash news online)

The sexy couple had their twins

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 8:45 AM

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“Double the congratulations are in order for Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, as news station WTRF reports that the couples’ twins via surrogate arrived last night at the East Ohio Regional Hospital in Martins Ferry, Ohio.

The station also reports that SJP and Matthew are with the surrogate at the hospital, and are expected to make an announcement about the births later this afternoon.”

OK magazine said all that by the way, not me. I’m not congratulating anyone on this. I want this goblin to reproduce about as much as I want fire breathing dragons to reproduce. Although it does remind me, with all this Will.I.Am stuff going on, if Matthew Broderick would like to fight me for all the mean things I’ve said about his woman, I’m ready to take my medicine. I don’t anticipate a problem because Broderick is a complete pussy. These kids are gonna think they have two moms. They’re gonna tell the other kids in class that their mom is gay.

1923 – 2009

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 6:37 AM

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TV legend Ed McMahon died this morning from unknown causes at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center in LA. He was 86.

McMahon was a Marine Corps pilot in both WWII and the Korean wars, co-hosted the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson for 30 years, hosted Star Search for 12 and was a Budweiser spokesmen for over two decades. But he’s not the only one who lived life to the fullest. For example, I’ve been thinking of taking a samba class.

Kelly Clarkson is devastated

By brendon June 23, 2009 @ 6:05 AM

The best part of this interview with Kelly Clarkson is how she laughs again and again about Perez Hilton getting punched and his subsequent video hissyfit, especially when she’s told he was bawling on the radio earlier that day. Other celebs who are tired of his crap chimed in too.

Joe Rogan on Twitter:
PerezHilton talking about how he doesn’t like drama in his life after he called Will.I.Am a fag and got punched in the head made my day
Watch this, it makes you want to smack him.
3 He talks shit about people for a living and gets upset when karma rolls

Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes on Twitter:
PS. WILL.I.AM- 1, PEREZ-0, It’s about fucking time.
AAGH,I just watched him get his Chris Crocker on”I write drama about other peoples lives,I don’t want drama in mine”You got BOOM BOOM POW’D!
Violence is not the answer. Trust me, been through it. The fact is, not EVERYONE is going to take being called a vulgar expletive lightly.

Frankie Muniz on Twitter:
Perez Hilton, how do you call a man a FAGGOT right in his face and not expect to get hit?

John Mayer on Twitter:
Not true. In fact I’d like to train you in Krav Maga. Then you’ll have the situational awareness not to get in someone’s face.
I also want to train you in an old martial art called “Never Call A Black Dude a Faggot Jitsu.”
this will be the last public mention of it. You know how to find me. Words have cause and effect, even if the effect is wrong.

The guy who hit Perez is everyones new hero, but Jesus where did this guy learn to punch. He didn’t even give him a black eye. This is only sort of relevant but one time at Mardi Gras my buddy Joe punched a guy in the face so hard, the guy flew backwards and – as God as my witness this is true – the guys hat hung in the air for at least a full second and my buddy Randy caught it. Joe punched him so hard it was like he just vanished into thin air. It still stands as the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.

Not one day in jail

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 3:51 PM

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Chris Brown admitted today that he beat Rihanna on February 8th, punched her in the face repeatedly and choked her, and even though he’s never shown the slightest bit or regret or remorse, prosecutors in Los Angeles agreed to a plea that let’s him walk away without even one day in jail.  TMZ says…

“He’ll spend 180 days doing community labor (8 hours a day — 1440 hours total) — which is, in effect, hard labor. He’ll do his service in Virginia which is where Brown lives. A Virginia law enforcement officer told us Brown will be picking up trash, pulling weeds and washing fire trucks.
He gets 5 years probation for FELONY assault — he pled guilty. He’ll get supervised probation. He’ll have to come back to court every three months.
He must enroll in a domestic violence counseling program.
If Brown violates probation, he could get up to 4 years in prison.
Brown is now a convicted felon and loses the the following rights: To own a gun, to sit on a jury, subject to search and seizure without a search warrant and he now has limitations on travel.”

Washing fire trucks? Are they fucking serious? We used to have a neighborhood fire house in my neighborhood and kids would help wash the trucks for fun. It was a special treat. We would wash the trucks and wear the helmets and play with the dog. All they have to do now is make him eat some rice krispy treats, and California’s idea of punishing violent criminals will be the exact same as one of my happiest childhood memories.

Afternoon headlines

By brendon June 22, 2009 @ 12:00 PM

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MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY – his wife is pregnant for the second time, just 11 months after giving birth to their first child.  I hope he still has time to make a shitty romantic comedy every six weeks.  One where he and his ex-girlfriend are both lawyers and they end up going against each other would be amazing, and of course some kind of reverse “My Fair Lady” with him and Anne Hathaway needs to be done, just because Hollywood thrives on completely retarded ideas. (source = e! online)

INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – the brand new second trailer is out (see it here), and Hitler seems really upset. I should send over a Pick Me Up bouquet. It has bright daisies in a colorful keepsake vase.

MEL B – celebrated her 34th birthday this weekend at the MGM pool in Vegas.  That deck looks too slippery to be wearing heels.  She should take her top off and dry it.  (7 more pics here. hq jump here. image source = splash news online)