oh, the excitement

By brendon January 19, 2010 @ 11:49 AM

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Whitney Port of the MTV shows “The Hills” and “The City” begged for attention yesterday in Miami, and she’s lucky it’s January or else she never would have made the cut. The only reason she won the bikini contest is because no one else entered. All these MTV girls are so plain and boring that after just a few seconds you forget you’re even looking at a girl, so this won’t be great but it’s better than nothing. That’s the same mentality people use when they have sex with animals by the way. I’m not positive WTF that means but I’m pretty sure it’s a brilliant analogy to Whitney Port bikini pictures.

(source = inf daily)

im with coco

By brendon January 19, 2010 @ 11:23 AM

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Thousands of fans (even Green Man!) gathered yesterday in New York, Chicago, Seattle and LA for “I’m With Coco” rallies, to show their support for Conan O’Brien and to tell NBC to go fuck itself. E! says…

Hundreds of O’Brien fans braved pouring rain outside The Tonight Show set, chanting “Jay Leno sucks!” as a fan dressed as Leno ran around.
O’Brien himself appeared on the roof to wave to fans, and his staff passed out pizza to the crowd below.

Fans of Jay Leno planned to hold a rally yesterday too, but most never made it out of the neighborhood as they and their feeble minds sat in their cars waiting for the stop sign to turn green. Those lucky enough to not encounter any stop signs couldn’t park in any of the nearby lots because they weren’t sharp enough to react in time when the gate lifted to let them in.

(source = pacific coast news)

free stuff: roll like jay-z with jay-z

By brendon January 19, 2010 @ 10:02 AM

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Celebuzz (a division of Blackwater Worldwide) has analyzed mountains of data and determined that young people enjoy “rap” music, specifically the band Jay-Z, so they put together what could be one of the best nights of your life.

They have 40 VIP tickets and 40 passes to a VIP pre-show party to any city of your choice on Jay’s BP Tour (but you only get 2 of each because your friends look like they steal).

There’s a list of the cities and dates to chose from after you win under the cut, but first you have to go over here to enter.

Read more >

enough already

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 7:18 PM

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The only thing on earth better than girls with huge breasts is girls with red hair and huge breasts, and the internet has come to a stop because of ‘Mad Men’ star Christina Hendricks at last nights Golden Globe Awards, but it’s not really the same when the girl weighs 200 pounds. And is this pale. Christina should be more like Diora Baird, less like a ghost in an opera.

monday afternoon headlines

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 5:59 PM

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MEGAN FOX - is not engaged to Brian Austin Greene, despite weekend rumors that she was. It was all a misunderstanding. A little torture and he changed his tune just like that. (wonderwall)

AVATAR - made another 41 million this weekend, rose to third all time in US box office history (‘Titanic’ made 600M, ‘Dark Knight’ 533) and is now an absolute certainty to become the highest grossing movie ever. Another absolute certainty: I look amazing in sung fit jeans. (box office mojo)

CONAN O BRIEN - is expected to make between 30 and 40 million in his settlement with NBC. Keep in mind that NBC fired him because they might lose around 25 million in advertising compared to last year. When asked for a comment, the other networks just laughed hysterically. (variety)

MISCHA BARTON - was at work today in New York playing a prostitute on ‘Law and Order: SVU’. You can tell she’s in character here because this is way better than she normally dresses. (splash news online)

jay leno is a man of his word

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 3:56 PM

NBC must be some kind of money laundering operation because Jeff Zucker has done nothing but fuck up (graph, graph) since taking over 10 years ago (it’s in last place among the 4 networks, ratings have dropped for 8 straight years). Now reports say Zucker has been “nasty, arrogant and threatening” towards Conan, who “has acted like a baby” since NBC announced they were moving Leno back to 11:30.

But at least Leno has handled this with integrity, and you can rest assured there won’t be any clips about this from 2004 that would make him look like an asshole. Oh wait never mind.

“When I took this show over, boy there was a lot of animosity between me and Dave, and who’s gonna get it, and quite frankly, a lot of, what I thought, well good friendships were permanently damaged. And I don’t want to see anybody ever have to go through that again. Because, you know this show is like a dynasty, you hold it, and then you hand it off to the next person. And I don’t wanna see all the fighting and all the ‘who’s better’ and nasty things back and forth in the press, so right now, here it is, Conan, it’s yours, see you in 5 years buddy. Clear enough?”

It’s hard to imagine who would watch ‘the Tonight Show’ now that Leno has been exposed as the underhanded fraud that he is. I’d rather watch a show that teaches you how to get your dick caught in a zipper.

tiger woods is in a sex rehab, part 2

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 2:32 PM

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Friday it was reported that Tiger Woods had entered a sex rehab clinic in Mississippi, the birthplace of weird sexual behavior. Today the National Enquirer, who initially broke the Tiger Woods cheating scandal, confirms that report, and adds that hopefully he’s making lots of new friends because his wife has yet to visit him.

Tiger is undergoing a six-week intensive treatment directed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, who pioneered treatment for sexually compulsive behavior.
Yet, he’s already planning his comeback and aiming to be back on the PGA tour by Spring possibly for the Masters Tournament April 5.
Meanwhile his wife Elin who has been consulting with a top celeb divorce lawyer is still not wearing her wedding ring in public and has yet to visit her promiscuous hubby in the cloistered rehab facility.

Good. Awesome. Forget about that dork. This chick is an easily tricked hot Swedish model just a few months away from cashing a check worth several hundred million dollars. The only way she could be any more of a perfect potential girlfriend is if she naturally produced kool-aid and tasted like grape when you went down on her.

i dont feel so good

By brendon January 18, 2010 @ 12:40 PM

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Monique won the Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe last night for her breakthrough work in the film “Precious,” but they didn’t have any pictures of that. Instead, look. It’s the only known pictures of Bigfoot in a dress. Those Hollywood fairies looked pretty nervous, but don’t you worry, I’ll land that buck. No one can defeat the terrifying might of my spear gun, so capably wielded.