bouncy bouncy

By brendon March 01, 2009 @ 3:18 PM

Jennifer Tilly is a hardcore poker player, and Saturday night she played in the Seventh Annual World Poker Tour Invitational in LA.  More importantly, she made her case as the worlds hottest 50-year-old.  And by that I mean, “tits”.

chris brown is really sorry

By brendon February 28, 2009 @ 12:57 PM

As part of the big reconciliation weekend for Chris Brown and Rihanna in Miami today, just three weeks after beating the shit out of her, Chris held a little pool party for some bitches, Zero percent of whom were Rihanna.  It’s kind of touching to see him take this so seriously.  At first I thought he was a jerk, but now it seems I judged him too soon.  It takes a big man to admit he was wrong, but I'd like to apologize to him and his family.

(image source = mavrix photo.  to be fair, that’s not brown in the water, but that is him on the side of the pool.  i give him credit for at least not grinding on the bitches in front of the cameras.) 

look out rihanna!

By brendon February 28, 2009 @ 12:38 PM

Chris Brown and Rihanna are in Miami this weekend of course, and that bitch better mind her manners unless she wants another one of these. 

(image source = mavrix online)

she took him back

By brendon February 27, 2009 @ 11:19 PM

Less than three weeks ago, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna on their way home from a party the night before the Grammys.  When he got done with her, she looked like this, and her injuries were described like this:

There were major contusions on both sides of the singer's face — there is serious swelling and bruising. Her lip is split and her nose bloody … there are bite marks on one of her arms and on several fingers … Rihanna claims Brown struck her with his fists … she refused treatment at the scene, but before she left cops took photos. We're told the photos alone are "devastating proof of abuse."

Despite all that, Star magazine reported eleven days later that Rihanna had started talking to Brown again and was hoping to reconcile.

To the shock of many, the singer has stayed in touch with her battering beau and her unhealthy devotion to him is making those close to the abused singer worried sick.  "She keeps saying she wants to make sure that he's okay," a friend tells Star. "She thinks this will all just blow over and they can go back to how they were."

Now, People is reporting, and TMZ is confirming, that Rihanna has taken Brown back.

"They're together again. They care for each other," says the source. The on-again couple are currently spending time together at one of Sean "Diddy" Combs's homes, on Miami Beach's Star Island. Adds the source: "While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves … They've reached out to each other. It's been mutual."

Oh yeah this is gonna end well.  He beat her ass in front of the entire world and three weeks later she's back for more. In two months she's gonna be dialing 911 with her nose because she's tied up or that’s all she can move.

“give chris brown a break”

By brendon February 27, 2009 @ 3:54 PM

Kanye West filmed an episode of VH1 Storytellers that will air Sunday, and since Kanye can't go 30 seconds without saying something dumb, the unedited footage was bound to deliver.  Not that you would know it if you watched the show of course.

Some of West's choicer comments ended up on the cutting room floor, but there's no political conspiracy afoot, said executive producer Bill Flanagan.
"A lot of the stories that Kanye told went long," Flanagan told Reuters on Thursday. "I tried to get to the essence of his comments."
(At one point) West asked the crowd, "Can't we give Chris (Brown) a break? … I know I make mistakes in life … Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing … He's a real fuckin' person; he makes mistakes … O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?"

Kanye makes a good point.  OJ won the NFL rushing title four times, but only chopped off his wife’s head once.  I guess in your world, every deadly assassin is automatically a bad guy.  What OJ did was amazing.  If you think you could stalk a human target and then eliminate it on your very first try like he did, you’re foolin yourself mister.

megan fox is here to help

By brendon February 27, 2009 @ 1:34 PM

Today is depressing, the last two posts had a kid and a girl getting smacked around, so look, Megan Fox is back from yesterday to cheer everyone up. Yeah, titties, wooh!  Dance Megan dance!  "C’MON BABIES SHAKE THEM TITTIES, I GOT MONEY YOU GOT KITTYS…"

the rest of the world sucks

By brendon February 27, 2009 @ 12:16 PM

I think its safe to say that Azharuddin Ismails week is going downhill.  Sunday night he was at the Academy Awards as one of the starts of Slumdog Millionaire (he was even on Tyler) but today he’s back at Dell Customer Service in the slums of Mumbai and this morning his dad gave him a whack in the head to welcome him home.  And then the kid sat there and cried for ten minutes. But this story has a happy ending: I got a handjob from my girlfriend while typing it.  Yaay!

(image source = fame pictures)

chris brown to plead self-defense

By brendon February 27, 2009 @ 9:40 AM

Rihanna Daily says that Ri has now left Punta Mita, Mexico, after spending Tuesday and Wednesday there to celebrate her 21st … wait, "Punta"?  Really?  Doesn’t that mean, you know, "vagina"?  Those Mexicans are perverts, but that’s a good way to get people to visit your city.  If we had a place called Titty Town, I would very definitely go there, to see the local high school mascots and cheerleaders if nothing else.  

Also, Media Take Out says there are rumors that Chris Brown will claim that he beat up Rihanna in self-defense.  MTO says…

Chris is already building his case. He's saying she threw a phone at him, then hit him in the head and basically just lost it. He's saying she attacked him.

Brown beat the hell out of that poor girl (reminder) so even if what he's claiming is 100 percent true, fuck him.  You can’t just re-label something as something else and that makes it okay.  Except for filming prostitution and calling it porn.  Then it’s nice and legal.  

(brendon fans out a stack of hundreds.  "Don’t I know it, heh heh heh.")