the top 100 stories of 2010 (80-89)

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 5:58 PM

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89. SANDRA BULLOCK – was the center of 3 huge stories this year, one of which was adopting the most menacing baby on earth. His first words were, “sup my nigga?”, followed by a fist bump. (April 28th)

88. CAMERON DIAZ – told the Sun, “I’m always traveling for cock.” The fact that the cock keeps running away is apparently lost on her. (June 17th)

87. CHARLIE SHEEN – got caught with a prostitute. Yes, back in April too. To be honest the last two stories are so unsurprising they probably shouldn’t even be on here. (April 14th)

86. PARIS HILTON – was out whoring around topless. Twice, in fact. And it was so sexy and exciting, it’s number 86 on this list, 5 slots behind fat pictures of Jessica Simpson. (July 19th, July 23rd, October 12th)

85. KEIFER SUTHERLAND – was thrown out of a London strip club with no shirt on, by 4 bouncers, for “disorderly conduct.” IT WAS A WEDNESDAY. God that dude is cool. (April 22nd)

84. JENNA JAMESON – held a tear soaked press conference to discuss the physical abuse she suffers at the hands of her boyfriend, UFC fighter Tito Ortiz. (fast forward 2 weeks) Oh, um, just kidding apparently. Domestic violence, LOL! (April 26th, May 10th)

83. TESS TAYLOR – was the victim of some scandalous leaked candids, showing the DD Playboy model and E! reality star getting stoned topless. This bitch really knows how to party. (April 28th)

82. MEL GIBSON – had an affair with a Polish porn star. I wonder if she ever did a real rough interracial gangbang scene where she started out dressed real slutty. That might explain why Mel was so concerned about Oksana and her outfits. (May 6th)

81. JESSICA SIMPSON – got even fatter. Honestly, is she a competitive eater now or something. (September 10th)

80. LINDSAY LOHAN – kept her crime spree alive in 2010, this year stealing a $35,000 Rolex and $17,000 in clothes. Her rehab voted her, “Best Dressed.” (March 24th, June 30th)

Stephanie Seymour is inappropriate

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 12:04 PM

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90‘s supermodel Stephanie Seymour, who is now 42, went down to St. Barths for the Christmas holiday, and struck some seductive poses while on the beach… with her son, Dylan Andrews. Look it’s a free country and all but I just don’t think you should be presenting to your teenage son. But these models are all perverts, it’s no rules man, anything goes!

George Clooney & Elisabetta Canalis are in Mexico too

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 11:09 AM

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George Clooney and his lover Elisabetta Canalis spent Christmas on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, and, in what appears to have been an ill fated surprise, Elisabettas sister Gabriella showed up too. And they immediately ran at each other and started fighting. What a temper on this chick! Lately I’ve been considering dating an Italian supermodel, maybe for the new year, just to give it a try, but now maybe I won’t.

(source = inf daily)

Bar Refaeli is in a bikini

By brendon December 28, 2010 @ 9:44 AM

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Supermodel Bar Refaeli is in Los Cabos today with some friends, but more importantly with an fantastically small bikini. No sign of her little weasel boyfriend though. He probably orchestrated all this to torment me on these cold winter days. Ahhh, DiCaprio, my mortal enemy!

(source = splash news)

the top 100 stories of 2010 (90-100)

By brendon December 27, 2010 @ 5:37 PM

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100. BROOKLYN DECKER – did a cartwheel in a bikini. Holy shit, this is number 100? Wow is this list gonna go down hill fast. (May 12th, May 13th, May 12th, May 11th)

99. HEIDI MONTAG – got DDD implants. As I was saying; Down. Hill. Fast. (January 21st, April 12th)

98. ANNA PAQUIN - announced that she’s bisexual, doubling the number of potential lovers who will have to ignore that gap between her teeth. I swear in some pictures it’s like she only has 2 teeth. (April 1st)

97. RICKY MARTIN – claims he’s gay, but if you listen to his older songs, he sings about many beautiful ladies and how he wants to make love to them. Gay? I don’t know, I don’t buy it. (March 29th)

96. COREY HAIM – died. This one would have been higher up if anyone knew he had been alive on March 9th. (March 10th)

95. AVATAR – broke the all time box office record, with a current total of 2.77 billion dollars. In a related story, people are generally dumb with horrible taste in movies. (January 25th)

94. JESSICA SIMPSON – is “sexual napalm”, according to John Mayer. If by “napalm” he means she clings to you and makes men run away, that seems fair. (February 10th)

93. LINDSAY LOHAN – is $600,000 in debt. Or at least she was back in April. How is she doing lately, has anyone heard? She lives her life with such a quiet dignity, it’s hard to keep up. (April 19th)

92. KATY PERRY AND RUSSELL BRAND – got engaged. Gee I wonder if their kids are gonna be pretentious and annoying. (January 6th)

91. KEVIN SMITH – was kicked off a Southwest flight for being too fat. Yes, we wouldn’t want to sully the classy experience of a Southwest flight by having to look at a fat guy. (February 15th)

90. KE$HA – was so bad on SNL, it had people wondering if she was the worst musical guest in the shows 35 year history. I don’t even know what the other choices are, but “Yes”. (April 20th)

Rihanna went swimming with the power of the panther

By brendon December 27, 2010 @ 2:52 PM

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Rihanna is spending her holiday back home in Barbados, on Sandy Lane Beach, and any sharks who planned on biting her better think again. Her sexxxy one piece and headband lead me to believe she now has the stealthy moves of the panther, and the cunning of the mighty tiger (leopard?). Oh if only she had this outfit 2 years ago. Chris Brown never would have landed a single punch.

(source = splash news)

Natalie Portman is engaged, pregnant

By brendon December 27, 2010 @ 1:28 PM

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Natalie Portman has confirmed today that she’s not only engaged to choreographer Benjamin Millepied (this handsome devil) but she’s pregnant as well. No word yet on who the father is. Oh wait, never mind, it’s probably that same guy. People says…

The couple met during the production of Black Swan. Portman’s performance in the film has earned her nominations for a Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild Award.
This will be the first child for the actress who is due in 2011.

I think it was really unprofessional for Portman to fuck the choreographer. Stuff like this is why I stopped dancing. I had 3 years of classical, 6 years of tap, but everyone was always having sex with each other. I just wanted to dance, ya know, to move and express myself. This is supposed to be about the dancing.

Monday morning headlines

By brendon December 27, 2010 @ 11:08 AM

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LITTLE FOCKERS won the weekend box office with a lower than expected $34 million, but the real story was that Gullivers Travels absolutely bombed, opening at number 7 with just $7.2 million. Actually “bomb” might not be a fitting description, because I’d much rather be in a room with an actual bomb than a Jack Black movie. (variety)

TENNA MARIE – died of natural causes over the weekend at age 54, and apparently this is a big deal but I’ve never heard of this chick in my life. Here’s her big hit song, and that thing is awful, so good riddance I say. (e!)

HUGH HEFNER – who is 84, is engaged to Playmate Crystal Harris, who is 24. As you can see they certainly make a darling couple. The secret to a good relationship: greed. (us)