Joanna Krupa in a Bikini

By Lex November 11, 2013 @ 1:54 PM

Joanna Krupa Relaxes In A Pink Bikini Poolside In Miami
Joanna Krupa and her shady husband built a front yard swimming pool to allow photographers simple street access to shooting the Polish former escort (oh, fuck, I mean, alleged former escort, naturally, you weren’t there when money changed hands, if it did, allegedly) dipping in and out of her pool in her Vegas style bikinis. It’s like a zoo exhibit for models. Joanna even does cartwheels fifteen minutes past each hour in case you didn’t get a decent crotch shot. When I was growing up, all I had to stare at was an obese neighbor lady in a flannel bathing suit potting crocus bulbs with sweaty fervor. I always imagined she thought they were going to sprout banana splits.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, Splash

The Lady Gaga Vagina Ball Statue Is Already Done

By Lex November 11, 2013 @ 1:08 PM

Lady Gaga Poses In Front Of Her Statue By Jeff Koons To Promote 'artWave' At The Brooklyn Navy Yard
Apparently, if you don’t have to chisel the Daedalus maze of her labia, you can whip out a Lady Gaga thirty foot tall statue in like four hours. It seems like just yesterday Jeff Koons was snapping shots of the mole like creature with a giant blue ball birthing out of her cloacal sac. Now, it’s finished and on display at the Brooklyn Naval shipyards in honor of some art exhibit which is standing in as a promotional vehicle for the launch of Lady Gaga’s ArtPop album release today. Everybody celebrates Veterans Day differently. For Gaga fans, it’s staring at the blue snatch bubble of their queen.

To complete the circle of idiocy, Lady Gaga slipped into the ‘Volantis’ a space age concept dress that flies. It made a shit ton of noise as it barely lifted off the ground and lurched forward a few feet. This was apparently the height of genius for art nerds who fall leagues below tech nerds in tangible accomplishments.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lindsay Lohan Is Stepping Up Her Selfie Game

By Travis November 11, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Lindsay Lohan has seemingly been behaving herself ever since her latest stint in rehab, so naturally nobody has given a crap about what she’s doing. That might be why she posted this selfie to her Instagram account last night, showing off her panties and almost letting one of her tits fall out. Obviously, it’s no big deal to anyone who has already seen Lindsay naked on any number of occasions. Hell, some of you may have even randomly slept with her during her most interesting phase and neither of you even knows it. If anything, this is just notable because the word selfie is fucking horrible and people really need to stop saying it.

Miley Cyrus Also Smoked A Joint At The MTV Europe Music Awards (VIDEO)

By Travis November 11, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

After her performance at the MTV Video Music Awards, Miley Cyrus claimed that she made history because she wore a very revealing outfit while grinding on Robin Thicke’s crotch. So how did she follow that up at the MTV Europe Music Awards last night, aside from wearing a dress that honored Biggie and Tupac? She lit up a joint while accepting her award for Most Unoriginal “Shocking” Behavior, because the show took place in Amsterdam and what better way to tell people how edgy you are than by smoking pot in a city where people 10 feet away from you in any direction are guaranteed to have better drugs than you? Hopefully someone then offered her a needle and she’s currently passed out in a dumpster outside a whorehouse.

Photo Credit: Getty

Miley Cyrus ‘Honored’ Biggie And Tupac

By Travis November 11, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Despite the fact that she was barely five years old by the time that Christopher Wallace was gunned down in Los Angeles in 1997, Miley Cyrus wore a dress featuring both Notorious BIG and Tupac Shakur to the MTV Europe Music Awards in Amsterdam last night. The legendary rappers were featured on the front of her revealing dress with the word “Violence,” while the words “Please stop” were printed on her ass. So if people only caught the former Disney star as she was walking into the Ziggo Dome, they probably would have thought, “Well, at least we’re all on the same page now.”

Photo Credits: Lia Toby/

Karina Jelinek Has Playful Bikini Friends

By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 6:49 PM

Karina Jelinek Plays In A Bikini On The Beach With Friends In Miami
Two South American model chicks in bikinis with oversized reflective sunglasses and a jet-ski on Miami Beach. It’s the beginning of every drug running sex fantasy I’ve ever had. They’ve even got their asses perched in the air to reduce drag in case they need to outrun la policia. I like where this is headed. If these two girls forgo their tightly timed drug muling operation to engage in a long bout of lesbian beach sex, I’m going to have to ask reality to stop stealing my dreams. Fuck, that doesn’t make sense. I just want a hot girlfriend who doesn’t speak English.

Photo Credit: PCN

Tom Cruise Sues the Shit Out of a Magazine

By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 6:17 PM

Some ladies gossip magazine wrote that Tom Cruise ‘abandoned’ his daughter Suri after Katie Holmes renounced Tom and Xenu in one fell swoop. So, Tom Cruise sued them for $50 million for defamation and libel and slander and everything else that means ‘you hurt my feelings, now give me money’. But in the very first round of depositions, Tom admitted that he didn’t see Suri for 110 days straight after the divorce. Tom also went on to say such priceless shit as his film location shoots were more difficult than Afghanistan tours of military duty and more taxing than being an Olympic sprinter, but that’s just because he’s crazy with the gay. The 110 days thing could be a problem. I don’t know where you come from, but all the divorced kids in my neighborhood expected to see dad at least once a week, or a couple weekends a month. You know, unless they were really overseas fighting in wars alongside Ethan Hunt.

Photo Credit: Getty

Yoga Pants Tycoon Blasted for Stating the Obvious

By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 5:44 PM

If you had to choose between pissing off Neo-Nazi biker gangs or groups of big beautiful women, go for the Aryan rips, at least they’ll kill you quickly. The dude who owns the Lululemon yoga pants empire, Chip Wilson, kind of let slip on national TV that the reason some of the company’s leggings might be getting so easily worn out is because of chub rub. He was smart enough not to say ‘chub rub’, he said, ‘Frankly, some women’s bodies just don’t work for it.’ So, fatties. Which has led to tons of angry letters, Facebook posts, cries of sexism from the large and lovely set who have threatened boycotts online. All this for implying that too much stuffing is going to bust your casing. When this dude is found squished to death, I suspect they’re going to be rounding up tons of women in oversized jerseys and undersized pants from stadium tailgates for questioning.