Demi Moore is probably not dating that new jackass

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 6:05 PM

demi_moore_margin_call_premiere

Earlier today there was a story claiming Demi Moore was dating some new guy I’ve never heard of, but now Us says that’s not true, and they do it with the most forced introduction possible.

Demi Moore has a lovely complexion, but no, she is not dating skin care mogul Scott-Vincent Borba. 
(Sources confirm) that Borba is just another one of Moore’s platonic pals.

In defense of that first story, I don’t think it was based on the fact that she has a lovely complexion. She has nice shoes too, that wouldn’t lead me to assume she was banging a cobbler.

(image source of demi being a fattie at the premiere of ‘margin call’ = wenn)

Scarlett Johansson hates Blake Lively

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 5:22 PM

scarlett_johansson_interview

Scarlett Johansson is reportedly mad at Blake Lively, and yes, the fact that women are all nuts is at the root of it.

A source tells Us Weekly that Scarlett is fuming that her ex-husband, Ryan Reynolds, has moved on with Blake Lively — even though Johansson ended their two-year marriage one year ago.
“Scarlett is pissed that he’s not under her spell anymore. She realized what a great catch Ryan was.”
“Ryan would have gotten back with her. He was so totally in love, but then she flaunted Sean right after their split, and he was done.”

This may or may not be true (Us will print literally anything these days) but who cares because Scarlett is also in the new issue of Interview, which is a magazine that apparently still exists and who decided a sort-of topless picture of Scarlett would be ever sexier if they made her look like an androgynous robot and then had her stand next to a plant in their lobby.

Kate Hudson will surely avoid the paparazzi now

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 3:58 PM

hudson_bellamy

Kate Hudson and her fiance Matt Bellamy of ‘Muse’ were in no mood to have their picture taken by the paparazzi earlier today in North London, so Bellamy put a Tesco bag over his head and walked around like that. And then I guess the paparazzi just packed it in and went home, since Matt had ruined any chance they had of taking any noteworthy pictures.

(image source = wenn)

“I want to smell like JWoww smells.”

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 3:52 PM

003

JWoww went to New York yesterday for the launch of her exclusive fragrance line at K-Mart, which is exactly the kind of place I assumed would have an exclusive fragrance line from JWoww. It’s surprising more of the ‘Jersey Shore’ cast doesn’t have perfumes and colognes, because you can’t watch that show for 5 minutes without thinking, “I bet those people smell terrific.”

(image source = splash)

Jill Martin is in a bikini

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 3:44 PM

jill_martin_bikini_pictures

Ever see Jill Martin on the Today show or on MSG during a Knicks game, and then wondered how she would look in a bikini? Because I have not. But only because I’ve never done either of those first two things, and I only know about them because of her wiki page. I also learned that her real last name is Dorfman. I like when girls with big boobs have something like a weird name or whatever because then I can use it to chip away at their self esteem and get them to do anal. On another note, if you were ever wondering if I have an editor or whatever, or if I’m the only one who works here and can write whatever I want, that last sentence should be your answer.

(image source = inf)

Demi Moore might be dating this jackass now

By brendon December 01, 2011 @ 2:24 PM

scott_vincent_borba_book_launch

Radar says today that, according to a source, Demi Moore is moving on from Ashton Kutcher by dating “beauty mogul to the stars, Scott-Vincent Borba.” They say, “Borba is the mid-30’s founder and CEO of BORBA skin care products — endorsed by Hollywood starlets such as Ashley Greene, Mila Kunis, Stacy Keibler and AnnaLynne McCord.”

And yet at the launch party for his skin care book in January, the biggest celebrity there was perennial red-carpet barnacle Phoebe Price. So I get the feeling Radars source for all this might be Scott-Vincent Borba. It doesn’t help that I assume any white guy with a hyphen in his name is gay. I also assume any black guy with a hyphen in his name is good at football, which is maybe why I lose so much money gambling on football.

(image source = getty)

James Bond says the Kardashians are “f**king idiots”

By brendon November 30, 2011 @ 5:26 PM

kourtney-kardashian-pregnant-us-magazine-cover-113011-491x666-481x652

Daniel Craig is a respected and talented professional who works hard to keep his private life private, whereas Kim Kardashian is the exact opposite of every one of those words. So try and guess if he’s complimentary when he talks about the Kardashians in the new British GQ.

“I think there’s a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel. You can’t buy it back. You can’t buy your privacy back. ‘Ooh, I want to be alone. ‘F*ck you. We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta, and now you want some privacy?’”
?”It’s a career. What can I tell you? It is a career; I’m not being cynical. And why wouldn’t you? Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions. Millions! I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f*cking idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’”

Awesomely, when Craig said that thing about the Kardashians selling the birth of their child, he had no way of knowing that Kourtney would be the new Us cover story, answering the question that no one was asking. Us magazine: your number 1 source for confirming rumors no one has heard!

Jessica Simpson is really really pregnant, part 2

By brendon November 30, 2011 @ 2:36 PM

spl339112_002

I know we just covered this but Jessica Simpson was out in New York this morning and holy shit. That baby is either a bear or it has gigantism. Or she had sex with the Hulk but as far as I know he’s not even real. And she told Access Hollywood she isn’t due until spring, so she might only be 5 months pregnant here. She’s only 5’2″, her poor vagina is gonna get annihilated if this moose tries to go through there. If she ever has another baby the delivery is gonna look like a kid coming out of a water slide.

(image source = splash and bauer griffin)