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Madonna’s Brand New Butt

January 7, 2019 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Guess who just bought new glutes off the black market? Black-acceptance seeking Madonna’s newly remodeled backyard is enough to make Sir Mix-a-Lot finally tell his first fib. I’m not sure what her options were when checking out available asses... READ MORE

Keira Knightley Wanted To Be A Man When She Grew Up

January 2, 2019 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Being a guy is not as easy as it looks. Sure, I don’t have to use my core strength hovering over public toilets to pee like some kind Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon ninja. But that doesn’t mean everything is... READ MORE

Now You: What’s Your Ideal Charlie’s Angels Reboot Cast?

August 4, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

As most of you know by now, parking lot tampon Kristen Stewart has signed on to play one of Charlie’s Angels in the upcoming woke progressive reboot series helmed by Elizabeth Banks (she also plays Bosley, who was previously... READ MORE

Jessica Biel Is Going Out Of Business

July 20, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Kids can be a drag. Especially the ones that are not yours. And sometimes when you cater to them specifically, they can be the downfall of your business. A moment of silence please for both Discovery Zone and Toys... READ MORE

Asia Argento Is Not Interested In Helping Out Depressed Men

July 19, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Picture yourself being intimate with your significant other on a regular basis and having no idea that they were infatuated with committing suicide. I know during the obligatory cigarette session after sex with Asia Argento, Anthony Bourdain had let... READ MORE

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