Anderson Cooper Overshares

By Matt July 21, 2014 @ 10:08 AM

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Anderson Cooper got kind of graphic on Bravo Andy Cohen’s talk show when was asked to reveal a secret about Cohen and replied with:

“I know a lot of secrets about Andy, but I guess the one that would surprise people the most is that he’s a top… Believe me, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I’m just saying…”

I think Cohen was looking for something like ‘He puts ketchup on his eggs’ or ‘He secretly watches Duck Dynasty’ not ‘He likes to slam his dick into men’s asses.’ Apparently Cooper is confusing his out of the closet status with homaging Andy Dick. As a wealthy gay male in the media, Anderson Cooper wields more power than God. He could service his partner from behind his anchor desk to demonstrate what Israel wants from Hamas in order to quit their ground assault and nobody could do a thing. But with tremendous power comes tremendous responsibility. And not necessarily the responsibility for remind everybody about Andy Cohen and his Hamptons orgies and Tindr trolling. I’m for everybody banging whoever the hell they want. I’m also for everybody shutting the fuck up about it. That second part being far more important.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Donald Sterling Is Really Sorry And Wants Forgiveness Now (VIDEO)

By Travis May 12, 2014 @ 2:00 PM

Clippers owner Donald Sterling granted an interview to CNN’s Anderson Cooper to finally explain his side of the racist story, and the squinty bastard covered his bases by first crying and begging for forgiveness, claiming that this was the first and only mistake that he’s made in his 35 years as an owner in the NBA, and then he also played the old and confused card. His wife, Shelly, is also trying to convince the NBA that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about in her bid to make the league give her the team. She thinks that all of this has been a sign of dementia, and I’m inclined to agree. What the hell could this guy be thinking by giving a 31-year old woman over a million dollars if she’s just going to sleep with other random guys? There are 18-year old girls all over L.A. that would have swallowed this guy’s dusty old cum for half of that.

Anderson Cooper to Subsist Off Just His Millions

By Lex April 01, 2014 @ 5:38 PM

Anderson Cooper’s mom is giving her son none of the Vanderbilt family money that has trickled down since the mid 19th century when Cornelius actually did something to earn it. Or steal it and earn it. Same difference. 150 years later, a decent deal of it’s still in Gloria Vanderbilt’s coffers and she’s not gifting any to her boy. That leaves Anderson with nothing but his Ralph Lauren modeling portfolio, his Yale education, and his estimated $100 net worth. Cooper says he’s glad his mom’s not providing him with a financial cushion:

Who’s inherited a lot of money that has gone on to do things in their own life? From the time I was growing up, if I felt that there was some pot of gold waiting for me, I don’t know that I would’ve been so motivated.

Cooper simultaneously made a sapient point and slammed the past four generations of his family. Living off just his noteworthy annual salary from CNN has forced Cooper to make the hard choices that build character. For instance, he can vacation on a private Hawaiian island resort, but he can’t buy Hawaii and force the natives into producing his morning Arabica blend coffee. He can afford to cover up three, maybe four dead gay hustlers in his Manhattan skyline condo, after that, he’s stuffing bodies into the incinerator with his Pilates hewn muscles. I’ve known a few trust fund babies in my life and I think Cooper is right. None of them look as impeccably coutured in Armani as he does. That kind of fit only comes from getting your hands dirty.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Madonna Dressed Up As An Old Woman Dressed As A Boy Scout

By Travis March 18, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

You have to give it to Madonna this time. Skeletor’s schtick has been wearing thin over recent years, from her “Ode to Impotency” Super Bowl halftime show to screaming at her fans for smoking cigarettes in an open-air venue, but this week she finally did something for the betterment of humanity, in trying to get disgusting old perverts to stop molesting little boys, by dressing up as a Boy Scout.

Wait, sorry. I’m being told that wasn’t her reason at all.

Speaking Saturday night at the GLAAD Media Awards, Madonna started off in a mischievous mood. She joked that she wanted to become a part of the Boy Scouts herself, but was turned down, even though she had the qualifications.

“I can build a fire. I know how to pitch a tent…”

Then she probably did that thing she does where she smiles and looks around, expecting everyone to shout how amazing she is. But she wasn’t done. Her incredible sense of humor was just warming the eye-rolling crowd up.

“I can rescue kittens from trees. Most importantly, I know how to scout for boys,” she said, before adding, “I think they should change their stupid rules.” (Associated Press)

I like how her equation for making an important, relevant social statement is (dick joke + being 54 and talking about sex with 19-year old men) x social cause = nauseating reminder of how much lasting power showing bush in the 1980s can build.

Madonna also paid tribute to the man of the evening, Anderson Cooper, calling him a “Bad ass motherfucker”, to which I assume he replied, “Thanks, you’re why I’m gay.”

(Photo Credits: Getty)

Anderson Cooper claims to be “gay”

By brendon July 02, 2012 @ 2:10 PM

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For years Anderson Cooper of CNN and ’60 Minutes’ has been asked if he’s gay, because that’s the single most important thing in the entire world, and now, in an email to Andrew Sullivan of the Daily Beast, he finally admits that he’s been lying all this time when he pretended to be manly, hid his gay lisp, or didn’t snap his fingers in the air after he made a good point during an interview.

“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.
I have always been very open and honest about this part of my life with my friends, my family, and my colleagues. In a perfect world, I don’t think it’s anyone else’s business, but I do think there is value in standing up and being counted. I’m not an activist, but I am a human being and I don’t give that up by being a journalist.”

Finally. Good. Fuck that guy. If Anderson Cooper goes around dating girls it sets an unreasonable standard for me. I need more guys like Chris Brown, not some fucking male model war corespondent from the 7th wealthiest family in history.

Anderson Cooper killed Amanda Bynes (not literally)

By brendon June 07, 2012 @ 1:55 PM

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Yesterday, around the same time her attorney was entering not guilty pleas for a DUI and hitting a police car, Amanda Bynes tweeted the senseless gibberish seen above, apparently under the impression that the President of the United States also works in the LAPD human resources department.

And though she hasn’t received a response from President Obama yet, she did get one from Anderson Cooper on his CNN show today.

“If you don’t know who she is, join the club. She apparently used to be on Nickelodeon, then was in the movie Hairspray and some other movies that you’ve probably never heard of.”

Well one of those movies was ‘Easy A’ which is awesome. But I’ll allow it.

“I know what you’re thinking: basically anything is more important than Amanda Bynes’ tweets..”

I think he meant “literally anything” but whatever. Amanda Bynes is a year away from starring in infomercials as the lady who can’t believe how easy it is to clean this pan. “Wait a second Jim, these eggs are gonna stick, you forgot to add oil!” “We don’t even need oil Amanda!”