Ben Affleck Defender of All Things Holy

By Lex October 08, 2014 @ 10:09 AM

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I bet it sucks to be Muslim these days knowing other Muslims are beheading journalists and mowing down women with machine guns in the name of your same Holy One. Especially in the modern digital world where every bit of news is universally available. It was probably easier being Catholic during the Inquisitions when you could ignore all the bone stretching in the name of Jesus. You could earnestly say shit like, no, I actually have no fucking clue who Juan de Torquemada is. The nearest torture church is like seven days walk from here.

Ben Affleck tried to earn Brentwood points on the last episode of Bill Maher’s HBO show by calling Maher and his panelist out for being racist for suggesting Muslims seem to like to behead people and blow up pizza parlors. Bill Maher despises organized religion generally both for valid intellectual reasons and because it can get in the way of his banging an endless line of young models without feeling guilty. Maher is right in that almost the entire set of suicidal whack jobs are Muslims killing on the Imam’s orders. Ben Affleck is right in that 99% of Muslims will never slice off anyone’s head while praising Allah. You have to be careful about painting with a broad brush. Unless you’re looking to get your work done on time. People with tiny brushes tend to be super annoying picayunes about to ruin the Batman franchise with their man nipple suits.

Photo credit: HBO

Ben Affleck Jelly Spine And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 30, 2014 @ 12:32 PM

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Kevin Smith revealed that his bromance with vagina-chinned Ben Affleck ended because Jennifer Garner thinks Smith is a foul mouthed fat stoner piece of shit. It’s unclear if she had problems with parts of that or all of that. More importantly, this is another tale in the fast growing legend that is pussy-whipped Ben Affleck.

Read all about the death of nerd friendship. (Moviepilot)

Wanna see Jessica Alba in a bikini for Maxim? Why,yes! (Huffington Post)

Beyonce proves she and Jay Z aren’t getting a divorce through Instagram. (The Superficial)

Kimberly Garner and her ass model her bikinis just for you. (COED)

Today in Kim K feuds, she’s hates Adrienne Bailon. (Dlisted)

Abigail Ratchford knows what you need: bouncing boobies. (BroBible)

Kate Upton’s tits were featured in Elle. I guess she’s in it too. (Fishwrapper)

Batman’s Butt Chin And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 25, 2014 @ 12:58 PM

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Zack Snyder revealed another look at Ben Affleck as Batman and it’s worse than we could have imagined. Ben Affleck’s stupid ass chin sticking out of that cowl feels like my inner child is getting kicked in the nuts. Effeminate controlling ass chin Batman is going to suck.

See more of Affleck ruining your childhood.(Dlisted)

Nina Agdal all sweaty in a bikini is why I get up in the morning. (Drunken Stepfather)

Megan Fox causes Comic-Con nerds to cum in their Chewbacca costumes. (Popoholic)

Harry Potter tells us about the time he got his V card punched. (Huffington Post)

Jennette McCurdy’s lingerie Instagram pics make my wiener happy. (The Superficial)

Nicola Peltz in a bikini? You’re welcome. (COED)

Paris Hilton and her lazy eye eat Carl’s Jr. burgers all sexy. (Fishwrapper)

Batman’s Looking Pretty Jacked

By Travis October 25, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Perennial Dad of the Year contender Ben Affleck picked his daughter, Violet, up from school yesterday for a little shopping in Los Angeles, and he was clearly sending a message to the legions of pissed off nerds that don’t want him playing Batman in Batman vs. Superman that they can doubt him all they want, but he is pretty fucking jacked now. That probably still won’t do much to convince some people, though, so for good measure he should have Jennifer Garner dress up as a really slutty Catwoman for Halloween. That also might not change any minds, but it’s at least worth a shot.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

The Runner Runner Premiere Was An A-List Affair

By Travis September 19, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Ben Affleck’s and Justin Timberlake’s new “one for them” movie, Runner Runner, had its premiere at the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last night, and for at least a few minutes the red carpet was an A-list event. Obviously, Affleck and Timberlake showed up per their obligations, as did Gemma Arterton and Jessica Timberlake, but then the drop-off was pretty steep. Once Meatloaf arrived, it was basically like someone left the gate open and the rest of the Las Vegas “stars” saw some lights and just sort of wandered in.

(Photo Credits: DJDM/WENN.com)

Childhood Is Officially Dead, Ben Affleck Is Batman

By Jack August 23, 2013 @ 2:14 PM

Ben Affleck is going to play Batman in the sequel to Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel. Let that sink in. If you need a moment to go into the bathroom and cry and cut yourself, I understand. Snyder announced at Comic-Con this year that in the next Superman movie the Man of Steel would team up with Batman. The question then became who would play Batman now that Christian Bale screamed and emoted that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. Oceans of cyber-ink were spilled by nerds in chat rooms endlessly speculating about who it could be. No one saw this coming. Sure, Affleck turned out to be a pretty decent film director but he’s also seen far and wide as a bit of a softie, pretty boy, limited skills actor. Granted, he is one of the few actors in Hollywood who still has sex with women, so there’s that if it helps you sleep at night.