Ben Affleck Forehead Rising

The Batman no one wanted, in the movie with the dumbest premise, gave the surprise no one asked for. Affleck, who is starring inthe upcoming Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, unexpectedly popped out of the Batmobile for tourists cruising Warner Bros because the lines at Universal Studios were huge. Even studio visitorsin fanny packs and Tevas with socks feel bad for Affleck's hairline. But still, some of them...read more

Ben Affleck Mid Life Back Tattoo And Shit Around The Web

Ben Affleck has been going through a bit of a midlife crisis this year. He fucked the nanny, which was a positive step. Then instead of getting a sports car like a real man, he got a giant back tattoo of a Phoenix.You were that close to fitting in finally. Behold the wonder of his shitty back tatt. (TMZ) Daphne Joy is the new queen of tits. (Last Men On Earth) Austin White's sexiest online pics. (Radass) Liziane...read more

Affleck's Nanny Implying Something

Christine Ouzounian posted a photo of herself with a new Lexus, the knee jerk reaction being that Ben Affleck bought her the car to keep quiet or make him look super badass or both. I find this line of reasoning extremely sexist. It's highly possible another super rich guy she's fucking leased her the car or let her drive it. Also that ex nanny is bringing in a generous salary these days. In that case we need to...read more

Batman's Tits And Shit Around The Web

Ben Affleck is looking different these days. Maybe it's because he's plowing his nanny or maybe it's because he has a rocking pair of man tits. It's like the nipples on the Batsuit in that shitty Batman and Robin movie all over again. Check out his moobies. (The Superficial) Alyssia McGoogan took all her clothes off outside. (Egotastic All-Stars) Joe Jackson is still alive because assholes never die. (TMZ) This is...read more

Ben Affleck And Nanny Disconnect

Ben Affleck is steadily denying he nailed his nanny while she appears to be milking the rumor for all it's worth. Women love attention. Even if it's in the form of dubious claims that you're a home wrecker. People used to take pride in their job. Now they take pride in being fired for doing the one thing they're no supposed to do at their job. It's unclear how long this charade will last. Probably untilOuzounian runs...read more

Affleck's Nanny Loving It (VIDEO)

Christine Ouzounian, the nanny who is letting everybody think she's been fucking Ben Affleck during his split with his wife, let the worldinto her inner sanctum with an Instagram photo of herself being photographed by the paparazzi and asong quote, because this is middle school: She's just a girl and she's on fire' -- Alicia Keys I'm not sure you're technically allowed to declare yourself on fire. It's like giving...read more

Ben Affleck Guilty By Association

It's entirely possible the rumors Ben Affleck was porking the nanny, Christine Ouzounian, are false. In fact there is zero credible evidence to back it up. Except that she's a hot Armenian chick in her late 20's. If that's who you're hiring as a nanny, given all the information we have on what inevitably happens in this scenario, as a husband you deserve to fuck this chick, and as a wife you deserve to be cheated on....read more

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Cohabitate

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing amicably. They intend to remain great friends and even continue to live together to parent their three carefullynamed children. Which sounds an awful lot like being married, with the exception that all that side fucking is no longer cheating. It's rather genius if you can pull it off. Affleck gets models on his dick at night and breakfast with the nuclear family the next...read more

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Divorcing

It's unclear if Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing because he's an alcoholic and gambling addict and his family owned slaves or because he's a crappy husband. Usually one leads to the other. Few relationships endover a lack of blackjack and cigar smoking. He also might just be moving onto younger ass. The pair have been married for over ten years, which means in Hollywood terms they'll be entombed...read more

PBS Suspends Roots

PBS has suspendedproduction of its third season of Finding Your Roots after an investigation revealed Ben Affleck successfully pressured the show to omitairingthe fact that one of his great-great-grand-relativeswas a slave owner in the antebellum South. The entire point of the show is to make famous white people feel stupidwhen presented with evidence thattheir ancestors were racist a-holes. Affleck's strong arm came...read more

Ben Affleck Hunky Slave Owner

Turns out Ben Affleck's great-great-great grandfather wasn't just a minor slave owner, he held a couple dozen African-Americans to his name, mostly inherited from his mother-in-law who also gave him her gravy boat and a portrait of a cat. Nobody gives a shit about Ben Affleck's grand-pappy in Georgia investing in slaveryexceptfor Ben Affleck because being a righteous Brentwood warrior means never having to say you're...read more

More on Ben Affleck Riddled With White Guilt

When Ben Affleck appeared on the PBS snooze fest Finding Your Roots, which traces the guest's genealogy to the nearest Coppola, he successfully lobbied the show's producers to exclude the revelation that one of his distant relatives owned slaves. The information was leaked in Sony's hacked emails which are now being milked for any last drop of anything interesting. Affleck apologized for being a psychotic image...read more

Ben Affleck Slave Shamed

Actor and super person Ben Affleck asked PBS to censor their documentary series Finding Your Roots where they revealed Affleck had an ancestor that owned slaves. Finding Your Roots is designed to inform white celebrities that their great-great-great-grand uncle ran a plantation and perhaps it's time for a big fucking I'm So So Sorryfor the camera. The show is hosted by Henry Louis Gates who you don't know until I tell...read more

The Most Boston Thing Ever

No matter what part of the country you're from or which NFL team you support, it's important to acknowledge that people from Boston are especially fucking annoying. The accents are unbecoming as are the stupid shamrock tattoos and beinghammered on Seagrams. Most of the unpleasantness stems from the fact they have to constantly remind you they are from Boston. Like it's the Emerald City. Or Austin or Miami or other...read more

Ben Affleck Defender of All Things Holy

I bet it sucks to be Muslim these days knowing other Muslims are beheading journalists and mowing down women with machine guns in the name of your same Holy One. Especially in the modern digital world where every bit of news is universally available. It was probably easier being Catholic during the Inquisitions when you could ignore all the bone stretching in the name of Jesus. You could earnestly say shit like, no, I...read more