Brad Pitt Can’t See Faces Anymore, Now What?

By Lex June 03, 2013 @ 5:24 PM


Here’s a little tip for the ladies. If a man informs you that he has an unusual illness that in any way shape or form might lead him to sleep with another woman, he’s going to use that illness as a crutch to cheat on you. Consider that a lock. Take Brad Pitt for instance. Suddenly after Angelina Jolie decides to cut off her breasts, he comes down with Prosopagnosia. He can’t recognize faces. That’s awfully convenient for a man who might find himself boning a production assistant and, naturally, just assume it’s Angelina since he can’t make out her face. He might have to dickslay a thousand women before he gets back to the woman he actually has someday promised to marry. That illness is a bitch. I hope Angelina understands. She has future cancer. Granted, Pitt has never actually been tested for this rare neurological issue. But I’m sure he’ll get right on that.

Here’s Angelina at the World War Z premiere in London. When this film began production, Angelina had both her boobs and was 19-years old.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN

For $50,000, You Can Own This Photo Of Angelina Jolie

By Travis April 18, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Next month, a series of original photographs of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, taken by world-famous photographer David LaChapelle, will be up for grabs at Christie’s auction house in London. Among those photos is the shot above, which features a then-25-year old topless Angelina Jolie frolicking with a horse. The image was excluded from a series that was published in a feature for Rolling Stone in 2001, which is unfortunate because a horse motorboating a woman might have helped us heal as a nation back then.

According to the Daily Mail, the photo is expected to sell for upwards of $50,000, more than any of the other photos included in the Wild Side of Photography Auction. Also up for bidding is a photo of Angelina and Brad having dinner with a bunch of kids, but that will probably be purchased by a woman with a fake mustache and top hat who totally isn’t Jennifer Aniston.

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Wednesday Afternoon Headlines

By brendon January 23, 2013 @ 4:07 PM

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ANGELINA JOLIE – might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I’m not even sure if that’s what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life)

BEYONCE – lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her ‘Destinys Child’ bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and the enormity of the moment. Also because Beyonce sucks and needs everything filtered through a super computer that could make Stephen Hawking sound like Michael Crawford. (fox news)

‘THE CANYONS’ – has now been rejected by the Sundance Film Festival and SXSW, meaning that even the promise of Lindsay Lohan doing fully naked sex scenes can’t get them a release date. Maybe they should change their approach and say Lindsay isn’t naked after all, and you never see her saggy freckled tits even once, and replacing all her scenes with this Kate Upton gif. (hollywood reporter)

GREGORY MATTHEW BRUNI – was arrested in North Fort Myers, Florida, for taking his clothes off, breaking into a strangers home, masturbating, and taking a shit on the floor twice. Of course if the cops could explain how he’s supposed to masturbate and shit on the floor with his clothes on, I’d love to hear it. (huff post)

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY – is hot. I think. Or maybe not. Sometimes, like here, she looks great, but in real life it’s hard to tell. Especially since she got new drapes. What are those fucking things, lead? (marks and spencer lingerie photoshoot spring 2013)

Brad Pitt has been giving away lots of money again

By brendon November 27, 2012 @ 4:02 PM

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Brad Pitt was in England last week doing re-shoots for ‘World War Z’ when a collection was taken for the Southampton General Hospital’s neonatal unit. So Pitt took out his wallet and gave them everything he had, which was $1100 (note to self: find brad pitt, push him down, then take his wallet stuffed with money).

(source = people)

Jennifer Aniston is engaged

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

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It’s been almost 9 years since Angelina Jolie replaced Nicole Kidman in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’, which is where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met which led to him divorcing Jennifer Aniston because Angelina Jolie is better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. 9 years.

And yet Aniston STILL talks about Pitt ALL the time. Or moves in next door to him. Or scouts places for her wedding (even though she’s not engaged) 10 days after he proposed to Jolie. And when she finally does get engaged, which happened Friday, it’s one day before Pitt and Jolie were rumored to get married.

So is that all a coincidence or is there a pattern? I simply don’t know, I’m not the Mentalist. What I do know is that Pitt has been dating Jolie all this time, while Aniston has dated Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, Josh Hopkins, Chris Gartin, Harry Morton, Jason Lewis, Kevin Connelly, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, and Justin Theroux. She’ll date literally anyone. Girls who marry inmates that they met online have more dignity.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married tomorrow

By brendon August 10, 2012 @ 7:31 PM

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Or at least that’s what a bunch of French tabloids, and now the Sun, are saying today, claiming preparations have been going on at their mansion in southern France for the past three days in time for a wedding tomorrow, which will also be the 50th wedding anniversary of Pitts parents.

They also note that George Clooney–one of the very few celebrities that would be invited to what would likely be a very small wedding with 20 or so guests–is already in Italy, just about a one hour flight away.

None of which means this is true. It might be but who knows. X17 sent a photographer to drive around their estate and they say there’s no sign of any preparations for a wedding. So they’re not getting married on the street outside their gates or on the roof of their house, we can definitely rule that out.