What the Fuck Has Happened to Men? A Brad Pitt Emasculation Saga

October 3, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Brad Pitt is facing his wife’s departure and accusations of screaming drunkenly at his teenaged son, what we used to call typical parenting, with all the backbone of a middle child barista.


Angelina Gets Dirty

October 3, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

There aren’t any solid arguments to justify marriage. Similar to the existence of god, it should be incumbent on believers to show evidence rather than place the onus on the detractors. Cavemen didn’t marry cavewomen. This is a societal custom, and much like genital mutilation, bound feet, dowry, and believing an invisible bearded man in the sky is making sure your flight lands, we need to rethink this.


Jolie Preparing for War

September 30, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie is gearing up the war team. She really wants those multicultural bundle of kids. After hiring hardcore divorce attorney Laura Wasser in Los Angeles, Jolie has retained the not inexpensive services of Judy Smith, the fame D.C. crisis manager who’s handled blown up shit from Michael Vick to Enron.


Brad Pitt Maybe Not Too Faithful

September 28, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

According to a report Angelina Jolie’s friends wrote, Brad Pitt definitely had an affair with Marion Cotillard and having your healthy ovaries cut out is a fantastic idea.


Angelina Jolie Leaks Pitt Gone Wild Video

September 26, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie leaked a recording of her wasted husband acting like an asshole and harming nobody. You know what drives people to drink, the vague suspicion that your wife might be recording you on her cell phone.


Brad Pitt, Child Abuser, According to Reports from Angelina Jolie’s Sister’s Friend Who’s Cousins With a Guy at TMZ

September 22, 2016 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Let the games begin. Angelina Jolie is wasting no time leaking tales to the media about her husband’s drug and alcohol fueled rants and verbal and physical abuse of the children. TMZ is biting:


Angelina Following the Heard Model for the Sake of the Children

September 21, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The only people who know what goes on in any family are the husband and wife and their seven or so internationally adopted and conceived children. Plus the truck beds of UN Refugees turned into household staff, nannies, and windbreaker wearing personnel security.


Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Divorce

September 20, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It’s a miracle it lasted this long. She appears to be completely insane and keeps removing her body parts. He seems like a not so bright pothead. You don’t have to get married just because people think it would be kind of cool.


By The Sea Looks Scintillating (VIDEO)

November 3, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Writer director Angelina Jolie is surpassed in horror only by oncologist clairvoyant Angelina Jolie. I might have that reversed. I could finally finish my Psych 101 paper requirements watching Angelina pre-cog her breasts and uterus out of her body. I see no redeeming value in a movie starring Jolie and her go-along to get-along husband about an […]


Shia Labeouf Seems Sort of Crazy

October 7, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Shia Labeouf intentionally cut his face repeatedly and removed a tooth while filming The Fury. Brad Pitt was super enthused about this because he produced the movie and therefore gets enormous royalties so it seemed like solid sensationalized promotional jargon: “He’s one of the best actors I’ve ever seen. He’s full-on commitment, man. He’s living it […]