Jennifer Aniston is engaged

By brendon August 13, 2012 @ 10:14 AM

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It’s been almost 9 years since Angelina Jolie replaced Nicole Kidman in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’, which is where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie met which led to him divorcing Jennifer Aniston because Angelina Jolie is better than Jennifer Aniston in every possible way. 9 years.

And yet Aniston STILL talks about Pitt ALL the time. Or moves in next door to him. Or scouts places for her wedding (even though she’s not engaged) 10 days after he proposed to Jolie. And when she finally does get engaged, which happened Friday, it’s one day before Pitt and Jolie were rumored to get married.

So is that all a coincidence or is there a pattern? I simply don’t know, I’m not the Mentalist. What I do know is that Pitt has been dating Jolie all this time, while Aniston has dated Vince Vaughn, Paul Sculfor, Josh Hopkins, Chris Gartin, Harry Morton, Jason Lewis, Kevin Connelly, John Mayer, Gerard Butler, and Justin Theroux. She’ll date literally anyone. Girls who marry inmates that they met online have more dignity.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married tomorrow

By brendon August 10, 2012 @ 7:31 PM

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Or at least that’s what a bunch of French tabloids, and now the Sun, are saying today, claiming preparations have been going on at their mansion in southern France for the past three days in time for a wedding tomorrow, which will also be the 50th wedding anniversary of Pitts parents.

They also note that George Clooney–one of the very few celebrities that would be invited to what would likely be a very small wedding with 20 or so guests–is already in Italy, just about a one hour flight away.

None of which means this is true. It might be but who knows. X17 sent a photographer to drive around their estate and they say there’s no sign of any preparations for a wedding. So they’re not getting married on the street outside their gates or on the roof of their house, we can definitely rule that out.

its Brad Pitt as a hitman in Killing Them Softly

By brendon August 02, 2012 @ 5:17 PM

The first trailer for Andrew Dominiks ‘Killing Them Softly’ arrived today, with Brad Pitt, Ray Liotta, and James Gandolfini playing vague criminal types all after two idiots who rob a mob poker game. If nothing else it’s a reminder to always stand right behind a car when you’re blowing it up. It makes it more exciting!

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Brad and Angelina aren’t getting married anytime soon

By brendon May 22, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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While in Cannes to promote his mob hitman movie ‘Killing Them Softly‘, Brad Pitt was of course asked about his engagement to Angelina Jolie, because that’s ever so fascinating. Imagine, two people dating for 7 years and then getting engaged. It’s a once in a lifetime event we’re witnessing here.

The LA Times says…

We know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married, we just don’t know when, and if Pitt is to be believed, neither do they.
Are they just trying to fool the paparazzi?  That would be smart. But Pitt insisted that he and Jolie had not set a date — “actually, really, truly” no date. 

This is apropos of nothing but I bet these pictures of Brad Pitt are what Vince Neil thinks he looks like.

Jennifer Aniston is stalking Brad and Angelina in London

By brendon May 02, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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When Brad Pitt was filming ‘World War Z’ last summer in Richmond (a small town in southwest London; population 21,221), he and Angelina Jolie fell in love with it, and with London hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics, they decided to buy a house and stay for at least a year.

Then they decided to settle in even longer, for at least two years, because it turns out Jolie’s next three movies all film in the UK.

And now, in a completely unrelated story, Jennifer Aniston is looking to buy a house in Richmond, a small town in southwest London, population 21,221.

Jennifer Aniston is eyeing pads in the south-west London borough where ex Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rented last year and intend to spend much of the next two years.
A source said: “She hasn’t had anything to do with Brad since their 2005 divorce. But if they are both living in the same neighborhood it could lead to awkward encounters.”

Oh no, I don’t think that would be awkward at all. His ex-wife traveled 5,500 miles and moved in next door, that kind of thing happens all the time, it’s perfectly normal. Oh but I bet they’ll make a big deal of it when they wake up one night with Aniston between them in bed and wearing her wedding dress. You can just tell they’re rude neighbors.

by sheer coincidence, Jennifer Aniston is getting married too

By brendon April 23, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

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Because Jennifer Aniston would literally die if she had to sit back for the next few months and watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan their romantic storybook wedding, Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend Justin Theroux are apparently getting married now too. Except even sooner, and even more romantic storybookier.

Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.??

Crete sounds like a good choice because I don’t think that’s even a real fucking place and maybe her desperation isn’t as well known there as it is everywhere else. All the hours Aniston has spent daydreaming, arranging a roomful of cardboard cut-outs of famous people placed in chairs like an awards show rehearsal and then having someone say they agree to marry her, will finally pay off.