its Brad Pitt as a hitman in Killing Them Softly

By brendon August 02, 2012 @ 5:17 PM

The first trailer for Andrew Dominiks ‘Killing Them Softly’ arrived today, with Brad Pitt, Ray Liotta, and James Gandolfini playing vague criminal types all after two idiots who rob a mob poker game. If nothing else it’s a reminder to always stand right behind a car when you’re blowing it up. It makes it more exciting!

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Brad and Angelina aren’t getting married anytime soon

By brendon May 22, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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While in Cannes to promote his mob hitman movie ‘Killing Them Softly‘, Brad Pitt was of course asked about his engagement to Angelina Jolie, because that’s ever so fascinating. Imagine, two people dating for 7 years and then getting engaged. It’s a once in a lifetime event we’re witnessing here.

The LA Times says…

We know Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married, we just don’t know when, and if Pitt is to be believed, neither do they.
Are they just trying to fool the paparazzi?  That would be smart. But Pitt insisted that he and Jolie had not set a date — “actually, really, truly” no date. 

This is apropos of nothing but I bet these pictures of Brad Pitt are what Vince Neil thinks he looks like.

Jennifer Aniston is stalking Brad and Angelina in London

By brendon May 02, 2012 @ 1:41 PM

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When Brad Pitt was filming ‘World War Z’ last summer in Richmond (a small town in southwest London; population 21,221), he and Angelina Jolie fell in love with it, and with London hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics, they decided to buy a house and stay for at least a year.

Then they decided to settle in even longer, for at least two years, because it turns out Jolie’s next three movies all film in the UK.

And now, in a completely unrelated story, Jennifer Aniston is looking to buy a house in Richmond, a small town in southwest London, population 21,221.

Jennifer Aniston is eyeing pads in the south-west London borough where ex Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rented last year and intend to spend much of the next two years.
A source said: “She hasn’t had anything to do with Brad since their 2005 divorce. But if they are both living in the same neighborhood it could lead to awkward encounters.”

Oh no, I don’t think that would be awkward at all. His ex-wife traveled 5,500 miles and moved in next door, that kind of thing happens all the time, it’s perfectly normal. Oh but I bet they’ll make a big deal of it when they wake up one night with Aniston between them in bed and wearing her wedding dress. You can just tell they’re rude neighbors.

by sheer coincidence, Jennifer Aniston is getting married too

By brendon April 23, 2012 @ 1:24 PM

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Because Jennifer Aniston would literally die if she had to sit back for the next few months and watch Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie plan their romantic storybook wedding, Jennifer Aniston and her boyfriend Justin Theroux are apparently getting married now too. Except even sooner, and even more romantic storybookier.

Sources connected with the Elounda Beach Hotel in Crete (where Aniston’s dad was born, located about 230 miles south of Greece) tell TMZ … Aniston was there recently, scoping the place out. Our sources say Aniston mentioned a July wedding.??

Crete sounds like a good choice because I don’t think that’s even a real fucking place and maybe her desperation isn’t as well known there as it is everywhere else. All the hours Aniston has spent daydreaming, arranging a roomful of cardboard cut-outs of famous people placed in chairs like an awards show rehearsal and then having someone say they agree to marry her, will finally pay off.

a Pitt-Jolie prenup would be worth almost $300,000,000

By brendon April 17, 2012 @ 7:47 PM

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There hasn’t been any word about when Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie will eventually get married, or where (though their home in France seems likely because the ceremony will probably be small and quiet and the French have better privacy laws), or if they’ll get a prenup first, but if they do, it’s gonna take a while to spell everything out.

According to Forbes, Brad, is worth an estimated $150 million, while Angelina is worth a whopping $120 million, a net worth equaling $270 million.
“The chances of them not having a pre-nup is slim and zip,” Goldie Schon, Los Angeles attorney, tells Celebuzz.  “You can’t imagine that with this type of wealth and this type of stature that they’re not going to protect themselves so that they don’t have a situation in the future.”

Actually I would be surprised if they did get one. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie don’t really give a fuck what other people do or think. They’re not driven by perception or self interest. This isn’t Kim Kardashian, who really needs to be enlightened.

Wait, does “enlightened” mean “hit by lightning”, because that’s what I’m trying to say.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged

By brendon April 13, 2012 @ 5:58 PM

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A jeweler in Beverly Hills told the Hollywood Reporter that he and Brad Pitt designed an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie, a ring she was seen wearing Wednesday night at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art with Pitt and their son Pax.

“Brad had a specific vision for this ring, which he realized over a yearlong collaboration. He wanted every aspect of it to be perfect, so I was able to locate a diamond of the finest quality and cut it to an exact custom size and shape to suite Angelina’s hand. Brad was always heavily involved, overseeing every aspect of the creative design evolution. The side diamonds are specially cut to encircle her finger. Each diamond is of the highest gem quality.”

Someone should probably go hide Jennifer Anistons belts and shoelaces just in case.