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By The Sea Looks Scintillating (VIDEO)

Writer director Angelina Jolie is surpassed in horror only by oncologist clairvoyantAngelina Jolie. I might have that reversed. I could finally finish my Psych 101 paper requirements watching Angelina pre-cog her breasts and uterus out of her body. I see no redeeming value in a movie starring Jolieand her go-along to get-along husband about an artistic American couple living in the South of France struggling with...read more

Brad and Angelina Support the Shit Out of Their Tranny Third Grader

Celebrity reporters are fingering themselves with approvalover Brad and Angelina encouraging their grade school daughter Shiloh to live life as a boy named John. According to every gender identity expert found at any British college you've never heard of, indulging your children's tranny experimentation is the key to a healthy child. Yes, it used to be vitamins and exercise, now it's this. Shiloh's transformation has...read more

Shia Labeouf Seems Sort of Crazy

Shia Labeouf intentionallycut his face repeatedly and removed a tooth while filming The Fury. Brad Pitt was super enthused about this because he produced the movie and therefore gets enormous royalties so it seemed like solid sensationalized promotional jargon: "He's one of the best actors I've ever seen. He's full-on commitment, man. He's living it like no one else, let me tell you... I've been fortunate to work with...read more

Pitt, DiCaprio, DeNiro Team Up For Passion Project

Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert DeNiro will reportedly each make $13 million dollars for two days filming a short movie to promote a new casino in Macau. The Studio City is a movie themed mega casino, which should bode well for Arab oil execs looking to bang hairless boys and brush up on French New Wave. Martin Scorsese will be directing the film as part of his lifelong quest for cinema that inspires hitting...read more

Angelina Jolie Wears Her Kids Proudly

A woman who decapitates her boobs because of possible future cancer isn't the kind of woman that waits around for shit. After just twelve years of making, extricating, and PayPal-ing for babies with Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie decided to get hitched. They were running that line for a while about how they couldn't get married until all the gay people in the world had the same right. Also, until Taco Bell started serving...read more

No One Cares That Brangelina Got Married And Shit Around The Web

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married in secret and no one gave a flying fuck. It's not like it's 2002 when you were on the cover of magazines and Angelina had yet to cut off her breasts. What's the fucking point of getting married after having 85 kids together. It is too late. Read all about the douchey nuptials. (The Superficial) Kristen Stewart says it isn't that she's a shitty actress it's that everyone else is...read more

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Brad Pitt Was 'Attacked' At The Maleficent Premiere (VIDEO)

Serial red carpet asshole Vitalii Sediuk has tried to "prank" some of Hollywood's biggest stars in the past, having shoved his face in Bradley Cooper's and Leonardo DiCaprio's crotches at movie premieres to the delight of no one, and Will Smith even slapped him in the face for trying to kiss him. Last night, at the premiere of Maleficent at the El Capitan theater, Vitalii reportedly broke through a barrier and rushed...read more

Brad Pitt Throws Like a Girl

Nobody gets everything in life. You got the A-list movie career, the hot wife who is only half crazy with self-mutilation and third world adoptions, and the adoration of millions of fans. Men want to be you, women want to be with you. You've succeeded simply by being super fucking charming. The world is your god damned oyster, except, you throw like a girl. And you're standing next to Drew Brees. He throws like a man....read more

12 Years a Slave Has Ended Racism

All the buzz at the vegan juice bars this week is about how 12 Years a Slave won Best Picture at the Oscars, despite at least two Academy voters admitting they didn't even watch the film. They voted for it because it just felt right. Nothing shocking really, since most people applauding this film have never seen it either. Movies about the Holocaust, The AIDS, and racism have been certain statue winners for decades...read more

Angelina Jolie Celebrates The Anniversary of Removing Her Boobs

It was a year ago that Angelina started to ensure she couldn't ever get breast cancer by the logical step ofgetting rid of her breasts. The move was somewhat controversial given that there was no way to know if she'd even ever get breast cancer in the future, just a strong possibility. But Angelina was lauded by tons of important people for being super brave and proactive, a term typically reserved for politicians...read more

Angelina Buys Brad Pitt A Fucking Island

What do you buy the man that already has everything? A fucking heart-shaped island, of course! At least that's what the once hot Angelina Jolie got for Brad Pitt for his 50th birthday. Petra island is a small rock 50 miles off the coast of New York City that has two houses built by the great American architect Frank Lloyd Wright. Pitt is apparently a Lloyd Wright fan, so naturally he should get both as well as the...read more

Jennifer Aniston And Angelina Jolie Almost Flew On A Plane Together

It has been eight years since Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced so he could go about not feeling guilty over having crazy monkey sex with Angelina Jolie every day for the rest of his life, and while the star of We're the Millers is now engaged to that other guy who isn't nearly as famous as Brad, people still love talking about Jen's poor, broken heart. As it turns out, Jen and Angelina were scheduled to be on...read more

Brad Pitt Can't See Faces Anymore, Now What?

Here's a little tip for the ladies. If a man informs you that he has an unusual illness that in any way shape or form might lead him to sleep with another woman, he's going to use that illness as a crutch to cheat on you. Consider that a lock. Take Brad Pitt for instance. Suddenly after Angelina Jolie decides to cut off her breasts, he comes down with Prosopagnosia. He can't recognize faces. That's awfully convenient...read more

For $50,000, You Can Own This Photo Of Angelina Jolie

Next month, a series of original photographs of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, taken by world-famous photographer David LaChapelle, will be up for grabs at Christie's auction house in London. Among those photos is the shot above, which features a then-25-year old topless Angelina Jolie frolicking with a horse. The image was excluded from a series that was published in a feature for Rolling Stone in 2001, which is...read more

Wednesday Afternoon Headlines

ANGELINA JOLIE - might be pregnant again, meaning she and Brad Pitt will soon have their seventh child. To be honest I'm not even sure if that's what the story said, it just seems like something they would do. (hollywood life) BEYONCE - lip-synched yesterday at the inauguration for President Obama, but her 'Destinys Child' bandmate Michelle Williams was quick to defend her because of the crowd, possible echoes, and...read more