morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM

miranda-kerr-breastfeeding

MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

screw you bruce willis

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 10:08 AM

Emma Heming wearing black Victoria's Secret point D'Esprit bra a

Willis of course married Emma Heming over the weekend, or, as the Sun UK points out, another way to say that would be that Bruce Willis married former Victoria’s Secret catwalk model Emma Heming over the weekend.

Gorgeous Emma began as a pin-up in her twenties and soon landed a string of jobs with undie chain Victoria's Secret, appearing in many of the chain's saucy catalogues showing off revealing outfits.  Born in Malta but brought up in London, she straight away drew comparisons to Bruce's first wife, Demi Moore.  The perfectly slim figure. The flowing dark hair. The big boobs on a small frame.

Almost as awesome as Emma’s abs in these hard to find pictures from the 2001 VS fashion show is how the Sun can work tits into any story.  Emma and Demi don’t look alike in any way, but the Sun is pretending they do so they can write “big boobs”.   A story about the moon or taxes would be the same way. “A PROPOSED one-cent sales tax could ease financial burdens on 7 area schools, including Leadership House, the all-girl boarding school where BUXOM YOUNG TEENS are teaching some late-night biology lessons of their own.”

bruce willis is really smart

By brendon March 25, 2009 @ 8:30 AM

The official version is that Bruce Willis met his new wife, the Victoria’s Secret model 24 years younger than him, though “friends”.  But why wait for your dead beat friends to hook you up when you can just cast a bunch of models in your movie and then have sex with them.

An impeccable source tells Page Six: "During the casting of “Perfect Stranger”, Bruce was very involved with the casting (even for minor roles).  He personally went through head shots and when the girls were called in to 'read,' he was there.”

They say he nailed two chicks who ended up in the movie, and his new wife was one of them, but here’s an interesting point: no shit.  Of course he did that.  I would too.  Look at her.  If I hit that I would cum so hard the force would push me five feet in the air, like my penis was a jetpack.

bruce willis got married

By brendon March 22, 2009 @ 12:12 PM

Bruce Willis married his girlfriend Emma Heming yesterday at his vacation home in the Turks and Caicos islands.  E! News says…

(Willis), 54, and the 32-year-old British model met through friends and began dating last year.  Guests at the Caribbean wedding included Willis' ex-wife Demi Moore and her husband Ashton Kutcher.  (Willis and Demi’s) three daughters, Rumer, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallulah, 15, also attended the wedding.

In honor of this blessed event, I pulled some random modeling and bikini pictures of her, and brightened some from the “Leatherheads” premier so you can kind of see her tits.  I'm quite the fancy gentleman.

BRUCE WILLIS IS HELPFUL

By brendon July 30, 2008 @ 8:48 AM

It's been pretty hot in SoCal lately, so Bruce Willis was nice enough to dump a bottle of water on some paparazzi as they followed him around yesterday.  It’s important to stay hydrated.  That guy could have very well died if not for Bruce’s quick thinking.  I hope that guy at least offered to reimburse Bruce for his water.  It's just the right thing to do.

EVERYONE HATES ACTORS. THIS IS WHY.

By brendon July 08, 2008 @ 9:05 AM

As his daughter can attest, Alec Baldwin is a jackass. He’s a really good actor but his career isn’t what it could have been because he’s such a jerkoff. Now a movie, based on the Hollywood tell-all "What Just Happened" by Art Linson (producer of Fight Club, The Untouchables, etc.) will give people an idea of what that looks like. Aint It Cool says…

The particulars: Baldwin shows up to the set of THE EDGE sporting a full beard, which he deems appropriate for his character; the studio, already cheesed at shelling out $5 million for a non-bankable "star", flips and demands that he shave; Linson, facing the possibility of replacing Baldwin with the less physically intimidating Bill Pullman (hot off of ID4 at the time), girds for war and, roughly, the following blow-up occurs.

I think I need to rewatch that.  Does he want to keep the beard?  It didn't really say.