I’d wondered why I heard Chris Rock talk about how much he loves his kids while promoting a movie I won’t see on public radio stations I won’t listen to. Turns out he’s working some spin. Rock has a wife who not surprisingly hates him since he’s a mini Bill Cosby who yells at the gardeners in bifocals. Malaak Compton-Rock does unspecified charity work for a living, which means she doesn’t earn shit unless she’s embezzling. She is seeking sole custody of their two daughters since she likes to use children as leverage until she can bang Lenny Kravitz and get her hands on an Amex. Her children are a solid bargaining chip against Rock and she’s going to need a solid settlement since her life skills include telling tax shelters she is Chris Rock’s wife and putting out lox at galas. Seems like Chris was definitely banging Rosario Dawson or Jamie Foxx and this led to the divorce. I understand you’re upset, but leave the children out of it. You coasted by long enough. It’s time to get out into the real world and earn your keep. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t sound too convincing when the kids are going on thirty. They’re going to side with Chris anyway. He’s not house poor. And he’s wicked funny looking and has buck teeth. You be the judge.
Ever since Not North Korea hacked into Sony Pictures emails, we’ve learned more about Hollywood than the entire history of tell-all books and scathing magazines articles and memoirs. Turns out, Hollywood is a petty place with petty people piling cash into Obama fundraisers so they can stand with Gwyneth Paltrow and gush and pretend they don’t check the silverware after any black persons spends the night. In his article in the Hollywood Reporter on race in the industry, Chris Rock alluded to the type of less blatant racism that pervades the upper echelons of the movie business. I think he meant shit like this leaked email exchange between Sony Chief Amy Pascal and mega-producer Scott Rudin:
Pascal asked Rudin for advice before going to an Obama fundraiser hosted by DreamWorks Animation head Jeffrey Katzenberg, particularly what she should ask the President “at this stupid Jeffrey breakfast.”
“Would he like to finance some movies,” responded Rudin.
“I doubt it. Should I ask him if he liked DJANGO?” said Pascal, with Rudin replying “12 YEARS.”
“Or the butler. Or think like a man?” continued Pascal, who is a major donor for the Democratic party and President Obama.
“Ride-along. I bet he likes Kevin Hart,” said Rudin.
Oh, but we are hilarious. How our private bigotry amuses us so.
The real obstacle to equality is the connected pumpkinheads in New York and Los Angeles who herald the progressive agenda while being elitists with a ACLU supporting cover story and a photo of themselves lunching with Michelle on the mantle. At least Alec Baldwin had the cajones and BAC to yell ‘cocksucking faggot’ at a photographer right out in public. A pox on all your Malibu houses. Hug a black dude today and tell him you’re sorry. It’s the least you can do.
Chris Rock is the new go to go for quote on race in America. According to Rock, Hollywood is filled with racists keeping minorities down, even if they’re not the super bad kind of racists. Chris spoke while taking a break from three days work voicing a cartoon Zebra and collecting ten million.
Chris Rock says he once snuck the Pam Anderson sex tape into the hands of a dying kid. Yes. Rock was on Jerry Seinfeld’s webseries Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee when he told Jerry how he helped a young man in the Make a Wish Foundation to see Pam Anderson’s tits before he left this Earth.
“I had a Make a Wish kid, like a 15-year-old kid dying of cancer, and I snuck him the, uh, Pam Anderson sex tape. He’s dead now.”
To which Seinfeld replied, “But he lived a little more.” I think this is one of the best stories of celebrity altruism I’ve heard in a while. A lot of celebs do charity work in order to make themselves look good in the public eye. But what could Rock possibly have gained from secretly giving a sick boy a video where Pam sucks Tommy Lee’s giant shlong? Nothing but the satisfaction of knowing that he perhaps gave the kid a little bit of joy in his time of dying. Everybody should have a friend as good as Chris Rock.
People either like Adam Sandler movies or they don’t, but about the worst thing you ever hear abut him personally is that he’s too loyal to his old friends. Meaning he keeps casting people like David Spade and Rob Schneider when no one else ever would. So it pays to be Adam Sandlers friend. In fact it’s awesome. The Daily Mail says…
But not only is Sandler a good father – he also appears to be mega-generous and showed this off by surprising his co-stars from his movie Grown Ups with some very impressive gifts recently.
Comedian Chris Rock revealed that his former Saturday Night Live friend was in an Oprah give-away mood following the huge success of their film.
‘I went outside the other day and I had a new Maserati in the driveway’, Rock said today.
Rock said he soon found out that his other co-stars – David Spade, Rob Schneider and Kevin James all found the $200,000 sports car in their driveway.
I hope when I’m real rich I’ll be this nice to my friends, instead of spreading rumors about them and trying to fuck their girlfriends, like I do now.
(image source of Sandler filming Jack and Jill = splash news)
Chris Rock was on Letterman last night, and because it’s still such a touchy subject, Rock was kind enough to wait 24 seconds before mentioning Lettermans affairs. The Huff Post says…
David Letterman was suffering from a hoarse voice on his show Wednesday night, and his guest, Chris Rock, didn’t make things any easier on him.
“Dave, what the hell happened to your voice? Things going bad at home?” Rock asked. “You’re still doing the show? You’re a rich man, you could just go home! Wife still mad at you, ain’t she.”
“I was backstage, you fired all the cute girls,” Rock continued. “Got a bunch of fat old guys there! The vibe is horrible, man, horrible!”
Letterman laughed, “I tell you, some of those guys are starting to look pretty good.”
Remember when Kimmel heckled Leno on his own show? And Leno just stood there like a dullard? Do they pump opium through the vents in that place? Say something you dummy. The front doors of the Tonight Show studio are like a mouth, eating the happiness from all who pass through.