08.23.2011 Tuesday headlines, with Gaga on the Simpsons

LADY GAGA - will play herself on ‘The Simpsons’, “to cheer up a dejected Lisa through the power of speech, song, and a flash mob.” The message being: if you’re feeling low, try annoying the hell out of people. (ew)

WILL SMITH AND JADA PINKETT - were reportedly broken up, but this morning Wills son Trey tweeted that it wasn’t true, and now they’ve issued a statement saying, “Although we are reluctant to respond to these types of press reports, the rumors circulating about our relationship are completely false. We are still together, and our marriage is intact.” Oohh. “Intact”. What a romantic word. I guess things really are going great. “My wife is very suitable”, Will went on to explain. (twitter, access hollywood)

MEGAN FOX - confirmed that she’s having the tattoo on her forearm of Marilyn Monroe removed, saying, “She was a negative person, she was disturbed, bipolar. I do not want to attract this kind of negative energy in my life.” Oh relax Megan. It’s not Ed Gein for Christs sake. (us)

BEN AFFLECK AND JENNIFER GARNER - are expecting their third child to go along with their daughters Violet, 5, and Seraphina, 2. No word yet on if its a boy or a girl, or what stripper/wish granting cartoon mouse they’ll name them after. (people)

Tags: ben affleck, headlines, jada pinkett, jada pinkett smith, jennifer garner, lady gaga, megan fox, the simpsons, will smith |

45 Comments

08.15.2011 Monday headlines, with Brooke Burke in a bikini

JESSICA ALBA - gave birth to her second child Saturday night, another baby girl, named Haven Garner Warren. There’s no word on if Alba is home from the hospital yet, but since she’s Mexican she’ll probably stop at the mall first to have Havens ears pierced. (facebook)

AUSTIN POWERS 4 - is or is not on the way. Hit Fix says the deal is done, Deadline says nothing is official yet. For now, Halloween stores everywhere will just have to cross their fingers. (hit fix, deadline)

TARA REID - tweeted that she got married in Greece on Saturday just a few hours after tweeting that she was engaged. Some thought the lucky fella was ex-boyfriend Michael Lilleund or ex-fiance Michael Axtmann, but it’s actually some guy named Zack Kehayov, which I bet will be news to Tara once the ouzo wears off. (people)

JOHNNY DEPP - was reuniting with director Gore Verbinski and producer Jerry Bruckheimer, who first teamed up to make ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’, to play Tonto in a film version of ‘The Lone Ranger’, but Disney shut production down on Friday because the budget was already at 250 million. It’s a lot of money, but try to think of even one western that cost less that 200 million. You can’t name even one can you? If you wan’t to film two guys on horses, it’s gonna cost you. (la times)

BROOKE BURKE - spent the weekend with her husband David Charvet on the beach in St. Barths, all part of the MILF bikini contest that Hollywood was apparently holding. (splash)

34 photos in gallery >

Tags: austin powers, bikini, brooke burke, engaged, headlines, Jessica Alba, johnny depp, mike meyers, tara reid, wedding |

29 Comments

08.12.2011 Friday headlines, with Dianna Agrons pink hair

COLDPLAY - announced today that their next record is called ‘Mylo Xyloto’. Which I believe is Latin for “Homo Music”. (coldplay.com)

ALEC BALDWIN - will host SNL for the 16th time during the season premiere on September 24th. Radiohead will be the musical guest. SNL has now been on the air for 37 years, which is astounding because if I were to make a list of things to do on a Saturday night, watching that joyless piece of shit wouldn’t crack the top hundred, even well behind things like “go to an observatory”, “wait for the zoo to open”, “stable my scrotum to things” and “sit perfectly still”. (yahoo)

ALEC BALDWIN - announced that he will not run for mayor of New York in 2013, but might at some point. I’ll try to to have a more comprehensive list of people who aren’t running for mayor on Monday. (ny times)

JANI LANE - died in a Woodland Hills Comfort Inn yesterday at the age of 47. The former Warrant lead singer was found with a half empty bottle of vodka and a yet unidentified bottle of prescription pills. Hopefully whoever found him thought to put him face down in a cherry pie before calling 911. Because hey, life can be funny sometimes. (msnbc)

DIANNA AGRON - was on the set of ‘Glee’ yesterday with sexy new pink hair. What a utopia this world would be if more hot girls followed Diannas lead and dyed their hair slutty colors. (pcn)

9 photos in gallery >

Tags: alec baldwin, coldplay, dianna agron, headlines, jani lane, Saturday Night Live |

22 Comments

07.25.2011 Monday headlines, with milf Adrianna Lima

AMY WINEHOUSE - will be buried tomorrow in a private funeral service in London. So for her sake I hope she’s actually dead. (abc news)

CAPTAIN AMERICA - won the weekend box office with $65.1 million, Harry Potter was second with $47.4M, and ‘Friends With No Strings’ was third with $18.6M. It would have made more but it turns out that Justin Timberlake is a jackass and nobody likes him. (box office mojo)

JENNIFER LOPEZ - has essentially agreed to a new contract to return to ‘American Idol’ for another season. “How could we not after the great way she helped pick an instantly irrelevant winner,” Fox probably said. (e!)

ADRIANNA LIMA - spent yesterday at the beach in Miami with her bikini-picture-ruining little girl. I’ll get you for this you little bitch! (flynet)

21 photos in gallery >

Tags: adrianna lima, amy winehouse, bikini, captain america, dead people, headlines |

65 Comments

07.22.2011 Friday headlines, with Vanessa Minnillos honeymoon

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD - will return to MTV later this year, and now there’s a 5 minute preview of the new season. In related news, Pauly Shore will box a kangaroo this weekend at the Des Moines Chevrolet “Dealin Days”. (hollywood reporter)

STEVEN SPIELBERG - made his first ever appearance at Comic Con today, and used it to announce that the movie no one has been waiting for, ‘Jurassic Park 4′, will be out in a year or two. “Here’s some shit about a group of people who get trapped and chased and occasionally eaten by dinosaurs for the fourth time because I want more money,” I assume he said. (usa today)

KATY PERRY - has dyed her hair blond. Because what’s more edgy and outrageous than a girl in LA with big tits and dyed blond hair. (e!)

DEXTER - has a trailer previewing season 6, and it looks to be as great as ever, with the kid at the hardware store still not wondering why he needs so much plastic drop clothes and cling wrap. (youtube)

LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND BLAKE LIVELY - are apparently not broken up as was previously reported, and were actually together in Santa Barbara on Wednesday. So you might as well deal with it and have sex with me, Bar Refaeli. (us)

VANESSA MINNILLO AND NICK LACHEY - are on their honeymoon in St. Barts today, and it’s not entirely clear but these might be some shots of Nick forcing Vanessa to throw rocks at some black kids on a raft. So be sure to let everyone know that Nick Lachey hates black people. I mean, what are you fucking blind, look at the pictures! (fame)

32 photos in gallery >

Tags: Beavis and Butthead, bikini, blake lively, comic con, dexter, headlines, katy perry, leonardo dicaprio, nick lachey, steven spielberg, vanessa minnillo |

9 Comments

07.18.2011 Monday headlines, with magic heroes and bikinis!

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PART 2 - basically broke every major box office record there is this weekend, including ‘first midnight showing’ ($43.5M), ‘opening day’ ($92.1M), ‘weekend: domestic’ ($168.5M), ‘weekend: worldwide’ ($475.5M), and ‘most malleable fanbase’. (mojo)

CASH CAB - is that game show where a taxi driver asks real customers trivia questions during their ride, and a producer for the Canadian version hit and killed a guy with the Cash Cab in Vancouver this weekend. Will he stick with one, or try and hit someone else and double his money? Find out after this break! (fox)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - has accepted the youtube invitation to the Marine Corps Ball with Cpl. Kelsey de Santis. Or at least he’ll go, “If my schedule works out.” And she’ll go if she hasn’t been shot to death. Leave it to Timberlake to find a way to say yes yet still look like a pretentious jackass. (cnn)

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES - finally has it’s teaser trailer officially online, over on it’s facebook page. It’s still not available in 1080 full-screen like most other trailers though, because Warner Brothers seems to think this bullshit is cute. (facebook)

THE AVENGERS - doesn’t come out until next year, but it has a teaser trailer (maybe meant only for Comic-Con, which begins Wednesday night) that has leaked online. But don’t get too excited because this a bootleg, and it’s terrible. It’s like he hid the camera in a glass of chocolate milk. (youtube, megaupload)

LAURA CROFT - hosted a pool party at the Flamingo hotel in Vegas this weekend, and all I know about her is that she was the Playmate in July of 2008, her ass is terrific, and she has the laziest fake Playboy name ever. (wenn)