John Travolta True To The Cause

By Matt April 08, 2015 @ 6:33 AM


John Travolta says he doesn’t plan to see Going Clear, the documentary about Scientology which explains how it is a manipulative cult which participates in forced labor, extortion, tax evasion, and what are no doubt a shit load of super weird sober orgies. Gay John Travolta claims people really enjoy listening to his pompous self-help nonsense about an overlord named Xenu and doesn’t see the organization’s real estate holdings as relevant to his superpowers:

“I’ve helped so many people through hard times. Loss of children, loved ones, physical illnesses. Through many tough, tough life situations, I’ve used the technology to support them and help them. It always worked.”

The technology he is referring to is presumably an E-Meter which purports to read the mass of your thoughts then provides you the coordinates of a floating ship to which to send your life savings. Of course this is nonsensical but so is listening to Travolta while you stare at his hairline. Now if you’ve got film of the technology getting you hot cock, we can talk. It’s not for everyone, but I can see why you’re backing it.

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John Travolta Bad Touched The Oscars

By Lex February 23, 2015 @ 9:34 AM


The Academy Awards were your usual bit of stilted passing of trophies to actors and filmmakers with prepared speeches about racial injustice, gay rights, and equal pay for women. Also, how we’re really not about Transformers and Iron Man even though that makes up 99% of our industry revenue. Those all sound good. But I don’t need an affliction movie to breakout at my civil rights rally. I just want Charlize Theron to be able to buy black babies and marry an humorless roid rager and get paid a fair $10 million for a Snow White sequel. She is getting all that now, but where’s the confetti drop? I want to live in a world where we encourage people to stay weird. Like creepy cancer wig John Travolta caressing women throughout the evening. The awkward beard show drew attention away from everybody spitting on Clint Eastwood. From behind. From the front they were asking for jobs. There’s so much to love about Hollywood. It’s just yet to be found.

Photo credit: Getty Images

John Travolta Does Damage Control

By Matt January 20, 2015 @ 7:33 AM


John Travolta threw his kids under the bus when asked why he was cruising for sweaty man cock in the gym at 3 a.m.

“I’m a father. They still want me to play with them at a level of a much younger man… in order to stay healthy for them, that’s what I do.”

Studies have shown an active sex life is key to good aging. Blow jobs in the 24 Hour Fitness men’s sauna are more than invigorating so long as you don’t contract the Miami Diarrhea. C’mon, John. It’s 2015, nobody gives a shit. The hair piece is far more off-putting than your secret world of gay underground catacombs. Stop flying those planes over the Mojave on auto-pilot just so you can bust a nut in your little buddy’s face. You’re the fucking captain. Tell the world you love dick. I bet your hair grows back. Also, I just saved you $20 million on your next round of Scientology cover payments. You’re welcome, you big gay bald lug.

Photo Credit: Reddit 

John Travolta Trolling

By Matt January 16, 2015 @ 7:33 AM


John Travolta was in a Planet Fitness at 3 am even though his estate clearly has a gym and he probably doesn’t work out. Travolta struck up a conversation with a gym goer and then allowed him to take a photo, a series of events which is the straight man’s equivalent of going to a dumb fucking dance club and buying girls shots. The guy posted the photo to Reddit and explained how extremely outgoing Travolta was:

“He asked what I do for a living, if I was married, if I have kids, and what do I do with my spare time.”

These are all things you ask someone if you’re genuinely being a nice guy or trying to gauge how open they are to blowing you. Odds are Travolta shot down a chick in yoga pants. This dude either proceeded to deep tissue massage Travolta in the steam room or is too much of a dunce to understand the rules of anonymous gay hookups. Neither would surprise me, but it’s definitely one or the other. He’s in the gym at 3 a.m.

Photo Credit: Reddit 

John Travolta Plunges Into Gay Rumors

By Lex September 16, 2014 @ 3:08 PM


Nobody denies a gay rumor like John Travolta. It’s like watching a pro at his best. He doesn’t really deny them so much as say he laments the state of the modern media or changes the subject by mentioning his tragically deceased teenage son. Nobody really gives a shit anymore if John Travolta like a little cock for breakfast. Maybe twenty years ago it was interesting only because everybody in Hollywood was still in the closet and audiences chose to believe in their hetero masculinity. Now most people have decided to remember that at least half of their drama club in high school was gay and didn’t suddenly discover a love of vagina on their way to Hollywood or Broadway. The only reason the gay Travolta stuff keeps coming up is the repeated lawsuits from masseuses and former employees alleging Travolta is a cockenstuffer of the highest order. Also, there’s the whole scary Megan’s Law meets David Geste painted face and hair thing going on too, but that’s more creepy than gay.

Travolta is currently being outed by Douglas Gotterba, a pilot who worked for Travolta’s aircraft company in the 80′s and now wants to write a book about he and Travolta joined the Mile High Cock Club together. I guess that might sell a couple copies to somebody somewhere. Travolta had Gotterba sign a confidentiality agreement when he left the company years ago that specifically stated no spilling the beans about trade secrets or Travolta grunting out ‘Mr. Kotter’ during anal sex. Gotterba is suing to overturn the agreement so his book isn’t both sucky and boring. I couldn’t possibly care less if he wins or not. I’ll just assume everything he asserts about cock play is true and save myself some Kindle money for when the Kevin Spacey book comes out.

Photo credit: INF Photos

John Travolta Wants You To Know He’s a Pilot

By Lex July 01, 2013 @ 12:55 PM

John Travolta Gets In His Pilot Outfit And Jets Himself To The Czech Republic
John Travolta loves to fly planes. He owns more planes than you and a couple less than United Airlines. He is trained to fly his jets which I guess also authorizes him to dress like a pilot. Just like the last time you changed a tire you did so in your greasy Bronko’s garage jumpsuit. John Travolta just flew himself to the Czech republic and popped out of his plane in his spiffy captain’s suit. He really is just a grown up kid. All the better to relate to the boys who find themselves in his movie set trailers being told ribald tales of ancient Greece.

Photo Credit: PCN