Jonah Hill and his ‘no, this isn’t a joke, I’m really horribly sorry for calling somebody a faggot’ tour made a whistle stop on the Tonight Show last night. There’s no real bigger celebrity mea culpa stage than the Tonight Show. Celebrities, politicians, and wacky zoo animals have been going on that show for decades now and asking a sympathetic studio audience and the rest of America for forgiveness. Jonah added some choked up, tearful pauses to his previous apology runs, making this jaded viewer cry right along with him. He also appended the letter ‘Q’ to the LGBT acronym. ‘Questioning’ has only recently become a common add-on to the traditional activist moniker, providing bona fides for Jonah’s true gay good guy insider status. Jonah’s apology tour next takes him to Ellen who will gently ease her strap-on into his mouth while forcing him to admit that Portia tastes just like cinnamon. Then she’ll piss on his feet and dub him free of homophobia. At some point, this fat fuck needs to stop putting himself through the hand-ringer and get back to hugging all those gay best friends and co-workers he keeps mentioning.
Jonah Hill would like you to know that he is an impassioned supporter of gay rights. That’s not easy to do in Hollywood where only every single powerful and connected individual who can make or break your career agrees with you. Jonah loves the gays so much, he can’t stop talking about them. Like in his casual street greeting to a paparazzo, suck my dick, faggot, caught on video and promptly sold to TMZ. Uh-oh, Jonah. You unleashed the Baldwin Kraken.
“I’m upset, because, from the day I was born, and publicly, I’ve been a gay rights activist. To give it some context, not excusing what I said in any way, this person had been following me around all day, had been saying hurtful things about my family, really hurtful thing about me personally, and I played into exactly what he wanted and lost my cool. And in that moment, I said a disgusting word, that does not at all reflect how I feel about any group of people.” — Jonah Hill, pro forma apologizing on Howard Stern
It’s eloquent, terse, and he even changed racial equality to gay rights when he ripped of Justin Bieber’s racist slur apology from yesterday. Of course, you can believe in gay rights and still drop the f-bomb. Don’t let the knee-jerk pebble grabbers fool you. I’ve never called anybody a faggot in my life, not because I didn’t hear it growing up, but because my generic go-to was motherfucker. That’s just a happenstance. Using bad words didn’t used to mean you were bad people. Now it does. Depending on the word.
Photo Credit: Getty
Jonah Hill was babbling like a school girl crush about how he took SAG minimum for his supporting role in Wolf of Wall Street. He told Howard Stern that he would’ve paid his own money for the chance to be in a Scorsese film, so taking league minimum was more than enough.
They gave me the lowest amount of money possible, that was their offer.” “I said, ‘I will sign the paper tonight. Fax me the papers tonight.’ I want to sign them tonight before they change their mind. I said I want to sign them before I go to sleep tonight so they legally can’t change their mind.”
Whoa, easy there, Lizzy Mcguire. Where the fuck was your agent when you bent over and told a $100 million movie to plunder your anal cherry on the gratis. I guess nobody told Jonah that he could’ve had the money and the role, you know, like DiCaprio who accepted $10 million for the same film. I remember when Randy Quaid was convinced to work for peanuts to help get Brokeback Mountain made so Ang Lee could reinforce the fact that even masculine American cowboys are secretly gay. Quaid sued when he found out the filmmakers were earning major bank off the film. Then he went crazy and fled to Canada to escape a murderous Hollywood cabal in his mind and even the Canadians wouldn’t have him.
I don’t want to see stupid rewarded. At the same time, I hate to see fat Jewish kids begging for refugee status at the northern border. Maybe they can throw Jonah Hill a few bones and give him a cuff on the head for being such a dandelion and call it a day.
Photo Credit: Getty
Leonardo DiCaprio and Jonah Hill are in London for the premiere of The Wolf of Wall Street, so they decided to grab some dinner last night in Soho and play catch up. I imagine the things they talked about included how people have been overly critical of their new film and accusing them of glorifying a shitbag for the sake of promoting their Oscar bait and maybe even how three hours is too long for any movie, no matter how funny you try to make it and how many pairs of naked tits you throw in. In the end, I’m sure they had a nice laugh and then agreed to spend the rest of the night sleeping with Leo’s hotel room filled with 18-year old models. But better cover up, guys! God forbid people see you leaving a restaurant.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
And thank God. I don’t really like Fat Jonah Hill either but Skinny Jonah Hill made my skin crawl. If I have to watch a Jonah Hill in movies–and apparently I do–I’ll take the fat one and then hope Hollywood brings back movies where at some point the likable group needs to win a hot dog eating contest.
(image source = fame/flynet)
Channing Tatum may be the worst actor of all time, but he somehow managed to talk his way into Jenna Dewan’s arms and more importantly, vagina. So the guy deserves a modicum of credit. That is, until he basically got outed by Ice Cube who costars with Channing and Jonah Hill in ’21 Jump Street.’ via People:
White men love bro-mances, man,” costar Ice Cube says with a laugh. “They are very into it. God bless ‘em. Hopefully they’ll be happy together.
Wow. It’s one thing for Ice Cube to insinuate that these two are about to embark on a homosexual life union (which they are, without question), but to toss out a stereotype about all white men based on one quite obviously gay relationship is taking it a little far, no? It wouldn’t be fair if I said all black people love Tyler Perry movies just because all of you love them. That’s racism.
(Image Source = Getty, Splash News)