Kanye Settles Out Of Court And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 08, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Kanye West settled his battery case with pap Daniel Ramos with a hand shake, an apology, and some unknown shit load quantity of money. Everybody in the legal community kind of agreed that as hard as it was to imagine, Kanye was a bigger shit stain than even an airport paparazzi.

Read all about how good Kanye’s lawyers are. (TMZ)

Jessica Davies gets buck naked just for you, you lucky bastard. (Egotastic)

Paris Hilton wears a see-through dress, still has lazy eye. (Huffington Post)

Kendall Jenner Snapchats in a bikini because that bitch does NOTHING all day. (Drunken Stepfather)

Dani Thompson has HUUUUGGGGEEE tits, y’all. (Hollywood Tuna)

Barbara Fialhos sports some lingerie for your viewing pleasure. (Popoholic)

Butts, asses, thumpers, and bottoms. In other words, lots of photos of lady cheeks. (The Chive)

Poet Hot For Kanye

By Matt March 31, 2015 @ 8:04 AM


Sarah Blake is a poet who has written a book of poetry about Kanye West. It was published by the Wesleyan University Press because publishing books nobody buys allows you to pretend you’re on the cultural vanguard. In fact you’re publishing books about hipster twats who are writing poems about Kanye West. A sample of Blake’s insufferable nonsense:

“The first poem I wrote, ‘Kanye’s Circulatory System,’ was actually still about my grandfather.”

If your grandfather were here, he’d beat you with that crappy book of yours. His generation won wars and fucked without condoms because neither unexpected babies nor their dicks falling off bothered them. Not as much as shit poetry. Blake was once granted a Literature Fellowship from the National Endowment for the Arts, which means your tax dollars are contributing to this horse shit. I reaffirm my belief that most people in grad school are unemployable. You could boycott the book but nobody would notice.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

The Brits Don’t Want Kanye, Except They Do

By Lex March 20, 2015 @ 9:26 AM


Some guy in Britain started a petition to kick Kanye off the headliners list at the Glastonbury Music Festival this summer. The petition gained traction because people in the media loves to hate Kanye while everybody else in the world pretty much loves to give Kanye money. Neil Londsale claimed Kanye simply didn’t represent what the Glastonbury festival is all about and also he doesn’t deserve headlining status.

Kanye West is an insult to music fans all over the world. We spend hundreds of pounds to attend glasto, and by doing so, expect a certain level of entertainment. Kanye has been very outspoken on his views on music….he should listen to his own advice and pass his headline slot on to someone deserving!

This dude later admitted he’s never been to the Glastonbury festival before, which would explain why he’s such a clueless tool who doesn’t understand outdoor music festivals like Glastonbury and Coachella and Bonnaroo. Or that the other Glastonbury headliner is currently Lionel Richie. These expensive outdoor festivals book whoever gets suburban white kids to pay $300 for tickets to see a show. That’s Kanye West. You don’t think overwrought rap music belongs at your precious arts fair? Too fucking bad. It’s what pays the bills. Also, Bono can’t ride a bike and Madonna’s still in vagina traction. Grow up and accept the fact that people like horrible shit. Visit a jazz club or a basement bar where the Beatles started. They’re probably playing Kanye too. This world is horrible. More petitions, stat!

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rush Limbaugh Knows Rap And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 12, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Rush Limbaugh suggested Kanye West make a platinum selling single out of the Oklahoma University SAE n-bomb rant since rappers drop the n-bomb all the time in their music. Nothing’s funnier than addressing a twenty-year running double standard and applying it to the rare case where it doesn’t hold.

It’s probably time for Rush to hang it up. (TMZ)

Charlie Riina showers in expensive fluids. (Egotastic)

Eva Mendes is officially a red hot MILF. (Huffington Post)

This is Natalie Gal and these are her titties. (Drunken Stepfather)

Candice Swanepoel wears jeans and not much else. (Hollywood Tuna)

Sarah Stephens in lingerie will make your wiener happy. (Popoholic)

Kim Kardashian Has Sex 500 Times a Day (VIDEO)

By Lex March 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

Kanye West Mounts Kim Kardashian
Kim Kardashian’s claim that she has sex with Kanye five hundred times a day seems exaggerated. It’s probably closer to fifty and only some of that is Kanye. That’s entire reason for the bakery Turn-O-Matic tickets at the entrance to Kim’s fuck cave. Plausible deniability. Also to stop vehicles from ramming.

Kim’s revelation comes in the latest promo for her sister-whores program which officially surpasses the nine year Iraq War as the longest pointless engagement in our nation’s history. Khloe makes a face like somebody stole her last four pastrami sandwiches and Kris tries to pretend she can voluntarily twitch her facial muscles. Not watching is not an option. Kim and Kanye just fucked seventeen times in the two minutes it took you to read this. This is what it’s like when doves cry.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Kanye Grieves Like No Other

By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 9:34 AM

Kanye Touches Kim Kardashians Butt In Pink Latex
Sometimes you peel back the layers on a guy you just assumed was an asshole and you’re able to confirm your suspicions. I’d recommend this for days when there’s nothing good on TV. Kanye West broke down in tears on BBC radio talking about the recent death of his fashion mentor, Louise Wilson, a professor at a London Art School who Kanye once looked up on Wikipedia:

Louise Wilson was the baddest professor of all time of any fashion school ever — notorious for not letting people stop at a 7 or 8 ever, pushing people to a 12.”

I guess they don’t use the traditional base-10 scoring system in fashion. I don’t really remember Kanye attending art school in London, but it’s possible it was located next to his favorite leather trousers store and he audited.

Kanye recalls their last meeting at a trendy restaurant in London when Professor Wilson gave him some solid advice for the nannies raising his daughter:

So many students, they don’t give it their all. And the problem is as soon as they do anything halfway good — when they are 2 years old, 3 years old — their parents clap.’ And she just looked at me and she said, ‘Kanye. Don’t clap.’”

Kanye, don’t clap. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet