By Lex March 06, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Kim Kardashian’s claim that she has sex with Kanye five hundred times a day seems exaggerated. It’s probably closer to fifty and only some of that is Kanye. That’s entire reason for the bakery Turn-O-Matic tickets at the entrance to Kim’s fuck cave. Plausible deniability. Also to stop vehicles from ramming.
Kim’s revelation comes in the latest promo for her sister-whores program which officially surpasses the nine year Iraq War as the longest pointless engagement in our nation’s history. Khloe makes a face like somebody stole her last four pastrami sandwiches and Kris tries to pretend she can voluntarily twitch her facial muscles. Not watching is not an option. Kim and Kanye just fucked seventeen times in the two minutes it took you to read this. This is what it’s like when doves cry.
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews
By Lex February 27, 2015 @ 9:34 AM
Sometimes you peel back the layers on a guy you just assumed was an asshole and you’re able to confirm your suspicions. I’d recommend this for days when there’s nothing good on TV. Kanye West broke down in tears on BBC radio talking about the recent death of his fashion mentor, Louise Wilson, a professor at a London Art School who Kanye once looked up on Wikipedia:
Louise Wilson was the baddest professor of all time of any fashion school ever — notorious for not letting people stop at a 7 or 8 ever, pushing people to a 12.”
I guess they don’t use the traditional base-10 scoring system in fashion. I don’t really remember Kanye attending art school in London, but it’s possible it was located next to his favorite leather trousers store and he audited.
Kanye recalls their last meeting at a trendy restaurant in London when Professor Wilson gave him some solid advice for the nannies raising his daughter:
So many students, they don’t give it their all. And the problem is as soon as they do anything halfway good — when they are 2 years old, 3 years old — their parents clap.’ And she just looked at me and she said, ‘Kanye. Don’t clap.’”
Kanye, don’t clap. I promised myself I wasn’t going to cry.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex February 20, 2015 @ 12:51 PM
Kanye’s Yeezy Badger Vagina Booties show didn’t go over so well at Fashion Week. This according to every person who willingly calls themselves a fashion expert without fear of being called undatable. Despite his best efforts to bring out a parade of pederastic treats in his Caligula inspired suede Adidas, all the snobs who matter turned their nose up at his cobbling work. This included the very chick who started Fashion Week who declared herself over Kanye. That’s like Michael Jordan coming to your high school game just to let you know you’ll never make it.
Kanye went onto to Twitter to defend his design prowess and to blame his lack of acceptance on being too awesomely famous for his groundbreaking music. This echoes the sentiment of Kendall Jenner who claimed to be unaccepted on the modeling side because of her TV fame and long list of Arabic import export sponsors. She dropped her last name in an effort to confuse people. Kanye already only goes by Kanye. Perhaps a mustache and a wig. Also, not producing crappy porn booties. And kissing ass. You’re not gay, you’re just weird. One more mountain to climb.
By Jack February 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Former enemies and fellow scalawags Taylor Swift and Kanye West met up for some dinner ahead of going into the studio to record a song together. It seems that the egomaniacs put that award show shit behind them in order to create one shitburger of a song. You can close your eyes, but you can’t make it go away.
Read all about this chode peace summit. (TMZ)
It’s colder than Santa’s dick here, but it’s bikini weather somewhere. (The Chive)
Isabella Farrell is topless and naughty for P. (Egotastic)
Amber Rose dresses like a carnival slut. (Huffington Post)
Alessandra Ambrosio bikinis like a champ. (Drunken Stepfather)
Emmy Rossum’s cleavage can be seen from space. (Hollywood Tuna)
Nicole Trunfio in lingerie? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)
By Matt February 16, 2015 @ 6:33 AM
Kris Jenner posted a photo of her crying grandchild North West understandably having a tantrum while waiting for her super straight dad’s suede booty fashion show to start. That’s fine. Tagging Beyonce and a host of other celebrities in the post could be pushing it. I feel we should allow children the decision to become useless assholes instead of having the decision thrust upon them. Like with Mormons or those guys who build fireplaces. It’s a low percentage but a few do opt out. Kendall Jenner pondered her fate and promptly dropped out of high school. She was at least sprouting pubes and the instantly gratifying decision was hers alone. This is a fucking baby. The New York Post ran with Kris Jenner’s objectification and plastered it on their front page because their editors are just as dead inside but more poor. When all is said and done you’re just helping the terrorists. I’m not a conspiracy nut but they grow poppies. Connect the dots.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex February 13, 2015 @ 9:26 AM
I don’t know what the fuck Kanye was selling last night. I think it was blank faced children in nude bodysuits. A horde of stolen Ukrainian teen sex slaves came marching out in suede booties to the sound of Kanye West’s voice booming on about engineering greatness once more. I don’t know. I feel like pedophilia has been around for a while. As have Northern Jersey hooker boots. Adidas got involved in this mess because they’re losing market share in lifestyle clothing outside of Iran where they maintain a stranglehold on fashion. Beyonce, Rihanna, and Diddy all applauded from the front row as Anna Wintour thought of ways to choke out North West who was screaming beside her. The kid’s not a brat, she just knows shitty overpriced footwear when she sees it.
Suck on that Beck, you non-pedo, non suede booty fashion supervisor.
Photo Credit: INF/Splash/Instagram