Kanye West Stole From Office Max

By Matt January 22, 2015 @ 7:32 AM

KW

A deposition from a lawsuit filed by a photographer alleging Kanye West assaulted him has turned up the fact West was convicted of felony theft in 2000 for stealing printers from Office Max. West doesn’t really say if he did it or not, which probably means he did it, but blames the ordeal on racial profiling:

“I was racially profiled for having a white T-shirt and braids… a mistaken identity.”

So there were two guys in town with braids and the cops picked the wrong one? Since this was a popular hairstyle at the time it seems weird they would single out West. Maybe they suspected you of the theft since you’re a known problem individual. Plus they had all that evidence. West iterates that he was a Platinum Producer at the time, and hence would have no reason to steal printers. Coming from a clear sociopath there’s not a lot of rhyme or reason for any of his behavior so we’re back to ground zero. Did you steal these printers? If you answer by bragging about yourself again I’m going to assume Yes. That printer ink is a motherfucker. That’s probably why it’s behind the counter now.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Sell Jeans

By Lex December 24, 2014 @ 9:19 AM

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Pose Together For Balmain Ads
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, damn, I’d love to splash chowder across Kim Kardashian’s tits over the hood of my car then buy myself some $2600 French man trousers, this advertisement is for you. I say it’s even sexier because a loving husband and his still wife are playing master and servant. Third marriages based in blind greed and anal cream pies are hot. French haute couture suddenly becomes relatable when you add in Kanye West ball stank.

Photo Credit: Balmain/Balawa/AKM-GSI/FameFlynet

Kim And Kanye Most Liked In History

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 8:12 AM

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding photo got 2.4 million Likes on Instagram, the most of 2014 and the most ever for a photo on Instagram. To be fair it was a slow year. Scores of retarded teens and the unemployed had to wade through countless boring shots documenting many state’s first Gay Marriages, the discovery of the oldest Roman Temple on record, a bunch of stem cell stuff, some Higgs-Boson shit, a Super Bowl, a Kentucky Derby, a World Cup, some Women Priests, the Cool Pope, a Hawaiian Lava Flow, a Meteor Storm, a Total Lunar Eclipse, Immigration Reform, human rights protests in Mexico, people lighting themselves on fire in China, the fake Olympics in Russia, and a bunch of tranny attention getting shit James Franco did to make finally land on this photo of two assholes kissing each other  and seal it with their digital stamp of approval.

Close runners up were Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus. Go ahead and halt your Harvard research studies. We are a dumb nation whose dumbest among us spend lots of time on social media pretending it’s the real world and they’re important in it. If we could transmit a deadly electric shock to everybody who regularly updates their status on social media, the remaining living members of our country would be collectively smarter than the Taiwanese and the smart parts of South America, so just the first one really.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a ‘Betsy Wetsy’ type that can pee in Kim’s mouth. You know, realistic play is important.

I think I’m going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls. (TMZ)

Surprisingly, years of ass to mouth didn’t turn Sasha Grey into a feminist. (Huffington Post)

Helen Flanagan has some big ‘ol titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)

Caitlin O’Connor wears her bikinis at night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Angela Ruiz in lingerie is muy sexy, mang. (Popoholic)

Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan brings her own flotation devices to Malibu. (The Superficial)

Drake is harassing strippers for talking about how small his dick is. (Dlisted)

(Photo Via The Huffington Post)

Kanye West Hates The Handicapped And Shit Around The Web

By Jack September 15, 2014 @ 12:39 PM

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Kanye West managed to piss off pretty much everyone when he yelled at two handicapped people in wheelchairs for not standing up at his show. I guess maybe he thought he could heal them with his asshole Yeezus power.

Watch Kanye be the second worse thing to happen to the handicapped. (Dlisted)

Eva Longoria is still pretty fucking hot in a bikini. (Popoholic)

Lisa Opie does downward facing dog and causes upward facing wiener. (Hollywood Tuna)

Nicki Minaj uses a butt cushion to make her ass appear bigger. (The Superficial)

Urban Outfitters is in trouble for making fun of a forty year old shooting. (COED)

Martha Stewart hates on Gwyneth Paltrow because there can be only one crafty cunt. (Huffington Post)

Serena Williams’ ass makes me want to practice my stroke. (Drunken Stepfather)

Kanye’s Dad Was A Pap And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 29, 2014 @ 12:55 PM

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Loathsome douchenozzle Kanye West said in response to getting sued by a paparazzo that he can’t hate them because his dad used to be one. Also, he can’t hate people who die during liposuction because… well, never mind.

Read more of Kanye trying to pretend he’s cool with the paps. (Movie Pilot)

Coco’s ass cannot be contained by a g-string bikini. It must run free! (Dlisted)

Megan Fox throws like a girl. (Popoholic)

Sexy Olivia Munn wears a tight shirt to support her man at Lambeau Field. (Busted Coverage)

A swarm of bees attacked Blake Lively. They were pissed at her because of her stupid blog. (Huffington Post)

Beyonce’s dad says divorce rumors were just a publicity stunt to promote their crappy shows. (The Superficial)

Emma Stone and her stupid face show off some sexy cleavage. (Drunken Stepfather)