Kanye's Teen Project Awaits His Return

Before Jesus told Kanye to go become Kim Kardashian's third husband, Kanye was spending late nights at the studio with Kylie's teen singing friend Pia Mia Perez. Kanye insists the bleached blond YouTube star is going to be the next Rihanna. I think that means she's young and ethnic and her voice takes to computer modulation. Also, she can touch her hair and body a lot and pretend to be filled with emotions, as she...

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The Honeymoon Is Over

To consummate Kim's third marriage, Kanye West and his whore bride went on a whirlwind honeymoon across Europe visiting cities where people didn't know them well enough yet to instinctively throw rocks. Their final stop was Prague where the couple tongued each other on a public bench forever making Hitlers march to the Castle only the second worst living memory for the elderly city residents. There was barely time to...

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Details Of Kim's Wedding Reveal That It Was Awful

There's not a person alive, cursed with knowledge of the existence of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who thinks that their wedding last weekend was going to be anything but a display of narcissistic bullshit and a reminder to everyone in attendance that they think they're the most important people in the world. According to Page Six, though, it was so much worse than we could have imagined, from all of the bathrooms...

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My Big Fat Assed Italian Whore Wedding

That giant sucking sound you're hearing isn't the economy, it's Kim Kardashian thanking Kanye West legally tying himself to Kim over the weekend in front of David Blaine and a horde of rappers, reality star succubi, and Bruce Jenner looking like Aphrodite herself. The couple married at an historical Italian fortress before the giant wall of peonies the couple set up to deter God from striking Kim with lightning as she...

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Kim Kardashian Ready to Be Deflowered

Kim Kardashian gathered up her sisters and half-sisters, some of her BFFs, and a half dozen or so of her entourage and handlers to make her Parisian bachelorette dinner look robust and happy. It was like the Last Supper of fame whores. Kim isn't about to be nailed to the cross, but she is about to be nailed by her new husband, which has to be daunting for any woman who has held her maidenhead so sacrosanct for her new...

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Kanye West Told A Kid That His Yeezys Are Fake (VIDEO)

Kanye West doesn't like signing people's crap as much as he just doesn't like talking to other human beings, so it was a pleasant surprise when he took one whole second out of his busy day to sign a fan's pair of Air Yeezy Red Octobers. Except, instead of just signing the stupid shoe and driving away to get a solid gold replica of his dick made for the fondue fountain at his wedding, Kanye told the fan that his Yeezys...

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Lana Del Ray Will Perform At Kim's Wedding

This weekend's wedding between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Florence, Italy is supposed to be a small, personal affair that will only feature the closest of friends and family, and probably two chairs for Rob Kardashian. Of course, small and personal doesn't mean humble or understated, because among the many luxuries that are bound to be revealed along the way, Lana Del Rey has been booked to sing her song "Young...

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Ray J Is Giving Kim And Kanye A Wedding Present

With Kim Kardashian and Kanye West just days away from their humble, private wedding in Italy, it's a perfect time for Ray J to hop into the picture and make himself slightly famous again. When Kim was engaged to Kris Humphries, it was reported that Ray J was sending Kim inappropriate text messages while he openly bragged about their sex tape, and now he's basically doing the same thing, except instead of text...

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Kim Kardashian Was Confusing At The Met Gala

Last night, a bunch of beautiful famous people paid $25,000 and more to attend the Met Gala's tribute to Charles James in New York City, and there were also many more people in attendance who both shouldn't be famous and aren't beautiful. Take Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, for example, as the couple stepped out as husband and wife for the first time so they could make some very serious faces for the photographers....

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Kim And Kanye Are Married Now

While Kim Kardashian won't be having her lavish Parisian wedding until May 24, sharing her love and success with 200 of her closest friends and sex tape partners, the former Mrs. Kris Humphries and Mrs. Damon Thomas is now the current Mrs. Kanye West, according to the state of California. Kim and Kanye reportedly made her third marriage official last week by obtaining their license, but it still won't be assholish...

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Kimye Getting Married Three Times

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have to get married three times. The two narcissistic walking genitalia are planning a ridiculously over-the-top wedding in France. But they have to also get married in a civil ceremony in California and an additional civil wedding in France before their fuck-off religious service. I guarantee you that she is going to make these two legal formalities huge fucking televised affairs. I...

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North West Pisses on Kanye

Kim Kardashian revealed to Seth Myers that baby North West pissed all over Kanye West during their infamous Vogue shoot. It seems that the unibrowed womb troll decided to use Kanye's chest as a diaper while they were taking a family shot on a couch. North is naked in the picture as a very early indicator of how the Kardashian clain raises their girl children to respect the process. Ihave a new found respect for baby...

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Kanye West Mentors Teen Girls

Quite coincidentally, Kanye West has determined that one of the Jenner girls little teen friends, Pia Mia Perez, is going to be his protege he turns into the next Rihanna. This naturally inovlves spending time alone with her in the studio, working well into the evening, away from his fat fiancee and all her cameras and minions. Still, the next Rihanna is a big thing potentially, as it has been for the last twenty teen...

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Kim's And Kanye's Rep Claims They're Not Greedy

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are currently suing YouTube founder Chad Hurley because they believe that since their engagement video was leaked online, they lost out on a lot of money that they could have received from selling it, like all truly loving couples do. Chad reportedly made them a significant settlement offer of donating money to a charity of their choice, but they allegedly turned it down because they want...

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Kim Kardashian Gets Her Vogue Cover

Vogue not so fetching editor Anna Wintour pretends to be the immovable object, but she isn't. She's just a creepy looking neighbor lady with a bad haircut who you discover wasn't just selling Mary Kay out of her the back of her Kia. Kim Kardashian greatly wanted her position in the fashion world to be officially stamped with a Vogue cover. Kanye felt his lady deserved it for all the bitching clothes she was wearing....

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