Kanye Watches Kim Kardashian Get Dressed

By Lex January 28, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

Kanye Watches Kim Kardashian Get Dressed
It’s not unusual for a husband to watch his wife get dressed. Unless it is. It probably is. Kanye has been infatuated with his wife even before they were together. He used to imagine Kim while pounding Amber Rose with his headphones on. That’s a special kind of bond that defies time and space and decency. Kim seems to enjoy the intense attention. She visited Entertainment Tonight to hawk some sort of shit and shared a snapshot of life with Kanye:

I mean, we do everything together from right as I was leaving here, like, ‘How do I look babe? How does my outfit look?’ And you know, he’s like ‘Eww, those shoes are bad, take those off, here, put these on, OK.

That’s darling. Or gay or crazy. We won’t know for certain until the murder-suicide note becomes public. Family and friends will comment in cutaways on the E! Special how there simply were no signs. And we will chuckle and mutter ‘Eww, those shoes’.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kanye West Is Humbled

By Matt January 26, 2015 @ 7:33 AM


Some autistic guy approached Kanye West and asked him to sign a photo of Kim Kardashian which had his crusted jizz on it. Embarrassingly enough the photo was from one of her weddings which got poor ratings and West refused to sign it. It’s a precarious situation. Nobody likes to think about Kris Humphries banging your wife or even playing basketball. If it’s any consolation they probably never fucked anyways. Normally I’d find this situation awkward. You don’t want to think about the other dicks your wife has had in her. It averages between 7.5 and 402 but Kim’s obviously higher on the curve. When there’s an easily accessible video of your lovely bride being bent over in good lighting it must be all the more difficult. If his marriage is real he should down some pills and finally pull the trigger.

Photo Credit: Youtube.com 

Kanye West Stole From Office Max

By Matt January 22, 2015 @ 7:32 AM


A deposition from a lawsuit filed by a photographer alleging Kanye West assaulted him has turned up the fact West was convicted of felony theft in 2000 for stealing printers from Office Max. West doesn’t really say if he did it or not, which probably means he did it, but blames the ordeal on racial profiling:

“I was racially profiled for having a white T-shirt and braids… a mistaken identity.”

So there were two guys in town with braids and the cops picked the wrong one? Since this was a popular hairstyle at the time it seems weird they would single out West. Maybe they suspected you of the theft since you’re a known problem individual. Plus they had all that evidence. West iterates that he was a Platinum Producer at the time, and hence would have no reason to steal printers. Coming from a clear sociopath there’s not a lot of rhyme or reason for any of his behavior so we’re back to ground zero. Did you steal these printers? If you answer by bragging about yourself again I’m going to assume Yes. That printer ink is a motherfucker. That’s probably why it’s behind the counter now.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Sell Jeans

By Lex December 24, 2014 @ 9:19 AM

Kim Kardashian And Kanye West Pose Together For Balmain Ads
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, damn, I’d love to splash chowder across Kim Kardashian’s tits over the hood of my car then buy myself some $2600 French man trousers, this advertisement is for you. I say it’s even sexier because a loving husband and his still wife are playing master and servant. Third marriages based in blind greed and anal cream pies are hot. French haute couture suddenly becomes relatable when you add in Kanye West ball stank.

Photo Credit: Balmain/Balawa/AKM-GSI/FameFlynet

Kim And Kanye Most Liked In History

By Matt December 04, 2014 @ 8:12 AM


Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding photo got 2.4 million Likes on Instagram, the most of 2014 and the most ever for a photo on Instagram. To be fair it was a slow year. Scores of retarded teens and the unemployed had to wade through countless boring shots documenting many state’s first Gay Marriages, the discovery of the oldest Roman Temple on record, a bunch of stem cell stuff, some Higgs-Boson shit, a Super Bowl, a Kentucky Derby, a World Cup, some Women Priests, the Cool Pope, a Hawaiian Lava Flow, a Meteor Storm, a Total Lunar Eclipse, Immigration Reform, human rights protests in Mexico, people lighting themselves on fire in China, the fake Olympics in Russia, and a bunch of tranny attention getting shit James Franco did to make finally land on this photo of two assholes kissing each other  and seal it with their digital stamp of approval.

Close runners up were Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus. Go ahead and halt your Harvard research studies. We are a dumb nation whose dumbest among us spend lots of time on social media pretending it’s the real world and they’re important in it. If we could transmit a deadly electric shock to everybody who regularly updates their status on social media, the remaining living members of our country would be collectively smarter than the Taiwanese and the smart parts of South America, so just the first one really.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Kimye Action Figures And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 07, 2014 @ 12:00 PM


Kanye West And Kim Kardashian have made dolls of themselves for North West to play with. You have to wonder if the Kanye doll is a ‘Betsy Wetsy’ type that can pee in Kim’s mouth. You know, realistic play is important.

I think I’m going to make me some Kimye voodoo dolls. (TMZ)

Surprisingly, years of ass to mouth didn’t turn Sasha Grey into a feminist. (Huffington Post)

Helen Flanagan has some big ‘ol titty balls. (Drunken Stepfather)

Caitlin O’Connor wears her bikinis at night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Angela Ruiz in lingerie is muy sexy, mang. (Popoholic)

Angelique “Frenchy” Morgan brings her own flotation devices to Malibu. (The Superficial)

Drake is harassing strippers for talking about how small his dick is. (Dlisted)

(Photo Via The Huffington Post)