By Lex November 25, 2013 @ 2:13 PM
Somebody from the PR team told Kim and Kanye that before this bastard baby gets old enough to drop out of middle school, they need to get some photos taken pretending to be normal parents. As in, get on your $150 t-shirts and walk that baby around in a hermetically sealed bassinet. The move itself shocked the encircling team of nannies, handlers, and bodyguards who nervously shuffled around like Secret Service agents when the President decided to get out of his limo to go shake hands with the common folk. The entire parenting episode lasted about two minutes, or 10,000 pictures, at which point Kim and Kanye both shuddered and said ‘eww’ and deposited the baby back into the vault that can only be unlocked by cash offers of greater than $250,000.
Photo Credit: INFphoto, PCN, FameFlynet
By Lex November 19, 2013 @ 2:20 PM
Someday, when Kanye West leafs through the trampled heap of megalomania and poor decision making that ultimately shaped his life, he’ll remember that time he got Kim Kardashian naked and riding on his lap atop a motorcycle in one of his shitty music videos. He’ll smile knowing that for one shining moment, he was on top of his game. He was the crowned king Yeezus. Then the sadistic asylum guards will toss a backless surgical gown into Kanye’s room signaling that the daily humblings are about to begin.
By Travis November 18, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Now that Kanye West and Kim Kardashian have done so well in ruining the future of America by teaching kids that all they need to do to get famous is ride coattails or make shitty, lazy sex tapes, the rapper has taken his game to the Ivy League. Kanye spoke at Harvard yesterday as part of his DONDA Design Lecture Series, and if his lectures are anything like any of the other times that he speaks, I imagine the students and people in attendance left the room far more confused than they were an hour before. Naturally, Kim boasted about the event on Instagram, because I assume she thinks that just by speaking at Harvard, Kanye received a degree, and knowing how little a college degree is worth these days, she’s probably right.
Photo Credit: Virgil Abloh’s Instagram
By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
MTV recently released an uncut interview with a then-little known Kanye West, who talked about everything from his childhood to the act of producing his first album, and he was actually, shockingly humble and enjoyable throughout most of it. Of course, there are little flashes of the self-declared deity that we know today – like when he snapped at his friends for interrupting story time – but he also talked about how he never wanted to get ahead of himself and act like he was bigger than anyone else (like maybe the Obamas), and he paid a lot of respect to the people who came before him. The only problem is this interview is an hour long, and you can probably watch Kim Kardashian have sex with Ray J five times before Kanye lets the interviewer ask a question, so use your time accordingly.
By Lex October 31, 2013 @ 5:24 PM
Kanye West canceled his Vancouver show for tonight because the truss that holds up his big-ass LED screen that depicts all his heavenly Yeezus backdrops got damaged when trucking north to the venue. The mark of any great musician is his willingness to cancel a concert because his truss got cracked. I know what the real Jesus would do. He’d pick up the microphone, lower the house lights, ask for a single spot, and treat his audience to 90 minutes of outrageous fucking freestyling psalms. Fake Jesus is lame.
By Jack October 30, 2013 @ 2:28 PM
Kanye West is having another bout of saying shit that makes sense in his world. This time he’s claiming that the Blessed He and Kim are more influential than President Obama and his wife Michelle. It all went down when the megalomaniacal semi-decent rapper sat down with fancy lad Ryan Seacrest for an interview. According to Kanye, he and Kim are pushing down the barriers of racism and classicism through fashion. That doesn’t even make any sense, but I assume he’ll think he’s being persecuted for saying it.. More importantly Kanye believes Kim is more of a trailblazer than Michelle Obama because,
“Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.”
He must mean the slutty swimsuit pic Kim took to show off her post-pregnancy tits and ass. He might be right. Michelle’s got a half-decent booty, but it’s not necessarily primed to make her a multimillionaire by letting dudes futz with it. On the other hand, Michelle does have those Ivy League degrees and can count to twenty-two without having to be naked. It’s not a dick full of Ray J on camera, but it’s got to count for something.