Being Leonardo DiCaprio’s friend has to be the greatest thing in the world. Not only does the guy throw lavish topless supermodel orgy yacht parties on random days of the week and invite guys who swim in their t-shirts like Jonah Hill, but now he’s playing therapist to Robert Pattinson, who has become Hollywood’s mopiest putz.
Ever since Robert dumped Kristen Stewart for good, he has apparently been a total whiny bitch and Leo’s had about enough of it. According to the Sun, Leo called him up, told him to cut this shit out and move to Miami, where the two will be neighbors and trade horny models like cupcake recipes.
In what must have been the toughest decision in the history of mankind, Robert has reportedly agreed to give it a shot as soon as Leo returns from Europe, where he was probably sampling the latest batch at his 18-year old blonde model cloning farm.
Let’s play hypothetical – let’s say that you’re a 50-year old billionaire, and for the last five years you’ve been (presumably) happily dating a 42-year old supermodel, who is also incredibly wealthy and still manages to keep it tight. Then Leonardo DiCaprio comes along and he invites you to come party with him on his giant sex yacht that is filled with 20-year old, horny models that all left their tops at home and just can’t stop giving people handjobs for shopping cash.
Do you – A) Stay faithful to your girlfriend? B) Tell her to hit the bricks, because you’re Leo’s BFF now? C) Buy an army of sex robots and conquer Australia? Well, while C is certainly the best option, Russian billionaire Vladislav Doronin is leaning closer to B for now, as the Daily Mail reported that his relationship with Naomi Campbell is on the rocks due to his party lifestyle and, more notably, his friendship with DiCaprio.
While I certainly feel for Campbell (seen above with DiCaprio and Doronin at the International Tiger Conservation Forum in 2010), she is well past due for her dating someone half her age phase, so this really just works out for everyone.
When Leonardo DiCaprio was snubbed for an Academy Award nomination for his very deserving performance in Django Unchained, he didn’t sulk or complain like some whiny bitch. Or maybe he did, I don’t really know, because I was too busy being jealous of him for spending an entire month on his yacht with a dozen or so topless models.
But in his interview for the May issue of Esquire, Leo wants us to believe that the grueling schedule of making movies is the reason why his relationships don’t last, and not because women get older and he can literally have sex with any woman of his choice.
“Six months of being on location or being off in Morocco or someplace like that is not the best thing for a relationship,” the former Growing Pains star told Esquire. But seeing as he’s dated Gisele Bündchen, Bar Refaeli, Blake Lively and Erin Heatherton (above), among many, many others, there’s a pretty good chance that he offered that quote from inside an 18-year old model’s vagina.
You might think that Leonardo DiCaprio would be upset today after hearing that Blake Lively (his ex-girlfriend) married Ryan Reynolds this weekend. But here’s DiCaprios current girlfriend, Erin Heatherton, shooting for Victorias Secret today in Miami. He might think this is Blake Lively. Or he probably doesn’t even remember that he dated Blake Lively. It would be like asking your dog about a shoe he ate last year.
Quentin Tarantinos new movie ‘Django Unchained’, a western about a bounty hunter who needs the help of a slave, starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Christoph Waltz, and Jamie Foxx, finally has it’s first trailer.
It’s quickly explained that Waltz and Foxx team up because they need each other, but perhaps one day they’ll look back and realize the real gift wasn’t the reward at the end of their journey, but rather the journey itself, and all the fond memories they created about shooting people.
Proving that life does indeed go on after breaking up with Bar Refaeli (at least if youre a billionaire actor), various sources are now reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio is now dating this girl; Romanian model Madalina Diana Ghenea. God only knows if she even speaks english or not, but luckily for him going back to a hotel room and then pointing at your crotch is pretty much universal.