DiCaprio Commits Cardinal Sin

Leonardo DiCaprio took a private jet from Cannes to New York to accept an environmental award and then took one back to Cannes, equaling the carbon footprint of the continent of Africa and NASCAR combined. DiCaprio's people explained he didn't charter the jet, just got a ride with someone who was already going. If the entire world lived like this Phoenix would be underwater.read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Saves the Planet, Fucks a Few Chicks, Takes a Nap

Nobody's garnered as much pussy from environmental concerns as Leonardo DiCaprio. He's a tail machine. Whatever he's doing at any given moment, the gears are turning about how it will translate into attractive 22-year old girl pussy. Watch for the boner in the bear scene in Revenant. He knew that was going to get him laid by the finest women in Europe ten times over. Over the weekend DiCaprio gave a speech before the...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Losing Territory

Dick Cheney carried arounda Final Solution for gaysuntil his daughter came out. Elliot Spitzer was a stickler for the law until he wanted to bang high-end prostitutes. Or at least until he got caught. Leonardo DiCaprio is speaking out about climate change because aberrations in snowfall patterns affected the making of The Revenant, almost costing him the Oscar he had been preemptivelypromised. People are...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Goes Doomsday

Leonardo DiCaprio made a rousing environmental speech at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland mashed upfrom Malthusian forecastsfeatured in an Inconvenient Truth. He delivered them as only a white Oscar nominated actor can. Grown men wept in their furs and upon their prostitutes. Twice or thrice a year really rich and connected people meet at resorts in Europe to discuss how fossil fuels and corporate greed...read more

DiCaprio Books Bieber

DiCaprio was cool when he was pudgy and had a ponytail and didn't shave and sharted in front of the world's hottest women and they still fucked him because DiCaprio. Now he's like an insane Middle Eastern dictator who decides he's friends with Kim Jong-un because nobody else gets him. DiCaprio threw a private party in St. Bart's on New Year's Eve to celebrate the immense amount of model pussy he could overnight to the...read more

Leo DiCaprio's Got This

When Leonardo DiCaprio private jets into Paris to knock heads with the head of the UN on halving carbon emissions, you feel covered. The brain power behind either one of these Learning Annex climatologistswould send greenhouse gases running scared, together, they're a Megazord of everybody but me has to start drinking warm soda and traveling by donkey. The polar ice caps are either shrinking or growing, both are...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Raped by Bear

According to early screener reports, Leo DiCaprio is soundly raped by a bear in the new movie Revenant. Either it's a grizzly or a burly guy named Stephen who needs release after the day shift and Dave and Busters. The film features DiCaprio as a survivalist who does all sorts of unspeakable disgusting outdoorsman shit to stay alive in the woods, save for lighting fossil fuels because of the pact he made at the Paris...read more

Michelle Rodriguez Keeps Her Bitches Bare

If I had to guess which of these models Michelle Rodriguez dug to the third knuckle last night, I'm selecting the Canadian blond chick she made go out in just her underwear. That's a boss move. All the world's best looking women showed in St. Tropez to raise money for Leonardo DiCaprio's environmental foundation nobody would ever bother to audit. DiCaprio rents out a Riviera ballroom every year and shows a bunch of...read more

Leo Banging Rihanna And Shit Around The Web

Pudgy heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio is still slaying major ass including possibly Rihanna. The two were seen canoodling at the Playboy mansion.If you also can't imagine wanting to talk to Rihanna for more than two minutes, then you'd think they're boning like I do. Read all about them maybe bumping uglies. (The Superficial) Raffaella Modugno wears a red thong swimsuit and it is good. (Egotastic) Zooey Deschanel is...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Reaches Full Butterfly

Leonardo DiCaprio has entered the Marlon Brando portion of his blessed life. Beard, pony tail, ten girls in bikinis on some tropic island plus some dude for security to prevent gang rape before the gang rape whistle blows. DiCaprio just doesn't give a fuck any more about social graces. The girls line up around him in an unspoken caste system like the prisoners on the steps at Alcatraz. They know who gets to be how far...read more

Leonardo DiCaprio Seems To Be Handling His Breakup Okay

Leonardo DiCaprio might be the sole human person at Art Basel in Miami who understands the true purpose of the pretentious event -- bang the mustard out of ambitious young models hoping to build entries for their herpetic celebrity scrapbooks. According to a source who meets the New York Daily News standard of being both anonymous and questionable to the point of likely being made up by their own staff, Leonardo...read more

Celebrities Give the United Nations Much Needed Credbility

Apparently, Emma Watson is our new Goodwill Ambassador for United Nations Women. I hope that's not like Macy's Women where they sell all the fat clothes. Watson serves the interests of the women of this planet and should we ever get involved in interplanetary gender matters, she would be repping Starfleet as well. Emma Watson gave a speech to the U.N. General Assembly about women's rights that was vague and innocuous...read more

Toni Garrn Models Swimwear

Every time I see a picture of another model Leonardo Dicaprio is nailing, I get a little more jealous. I try not to, but that green-eyed monster is a bitch. Jealousy I mean, not this buck toothed Teuton. I want to Freaky Friday myself into Leo's body for one evening of foreign model plundering. My story of winning the knock-off iPhone in the claw machine game at Fuddruckers has grown stale. I need another big win....read more

Pitt, DiCaprio, DeNiro Team Up For Passion Project

Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert DeNiro will reportedly each make $13 million dollars for two days filming a short movie to promote a new casino in Macau. The Studio City is a movie themed mega casino, which should bode well for Arab oil execs looking to bang hairless boys and brush up on French New Wave. Martin Scorsese will be directing the film as part of his lifelong quest for cinema that inspires hitting...read more

Katie Cleary Gets Cozy With Leo, Her Husband Shoots Himself

Internet entrepreneur and pretend millionaire bachelor on Millionaire Matchmaker, Andrew Stern was apparently having a meltdown over his wifeand former Deal or No Deal model Katie Cleary when he shot himself in the head. Stern was reportedly pissed that his wife was in Cannes last month spotted getting close with Leonardo DiCaprio at some party. Leonardo's people deny that anything happened, though they had to admit...read more