Marc Anthony Pays A Lot Of Fucking Child Support

By Jack February 26, 2014 @ 4:08 PM

98-pound Puerto Rican singer Marc Anthony may have to pay a shit ton more child support to Dayanara Torres, his lady just before Jennifer Lopez. Anthony had to disclose his net worth in a court case in which Torres claims she isn’t getting enough money to feed her baby esqueletos. Anthony submitted documents that show that he is inexplicably worth over $20 million and earns about $1.25 million a month. This makes Dayanara’s claim that she deserves more than a measly $13k a month sound valid. She’s now demanding $113k a month, I guess so she can buy her kids trendy clothes made out of unicorn scrotums. For 13k a month I would let Marc Anthony spray an entire litter in my birth canal.

This just goes to show that whether you are rich or poor it is always best to keep the amount of kids you spread around to a minimum. He pays J-Lo for the womb ferrets he put in her as well. How much do you think Kanye is going to have to pay Kim K in child support when he tires of her feral anal gland scents? Part of the make-up of these kinds of guys is their belief that God has instructed them to bring forth their glorious reproductions. It’s an expensive hobby, though still cheaper than a boat.

Marc Anthony must really miss Jennifer Lopez

By brendon May 21, 2012 @ 2:07 PM

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There’s no cure for a broken heart, but if there was it would probably say something about banging a busty model. Like Marc Anthony is with Venezuelan model Shannon De Lima, who is 24, one month after officially filing for divorce from Jennifer Lopez, who is 42.

Of course Shannon could never replace Lopez. Not unless she gains 50 pounds, starts wearing wigs, and throws a vase at the maid.

(image source of anthony and de lima at a fundraiser in los angeles last night for cedars-sinai hospital = getty)

Marc Anthony says he didnt cheat on Henifaa Yopez

By brendon September 01, 2011 @ 11:24 AM

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From the moment that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced that they were ending their 7 year marriage, there have been rumors that it was because Anthony was cheating. Most notably with Jada Pinkett, which reportedly ended her marriage to Will Smith. This all seems reasonable because Jennifer Lopez is a mean bitch and everyone hates her, but he tells ABC News the real reason for the divorce was way less interesting.

“I’ll tell you that it wasn’t something sensationalistic happening,” Anthony said.
Although tabloids claimed that he broke up their 7-year-old marriage with affairs, Anthony says, “absolutely not.” The reason for their break-up, he says, was much simpler. Their marriage just no longer “worked.”
“It was a realization on both our parts. So you know it wasn’t shocking. These things happen,” he said. ”It was a decision that we made jointly.”
“This is not a funeral. this is not a burial. This is just two people who came together and just realized — and so I’m saying that it wasn’t sustainable the way it was, and that’s that.”

Interesting choice of words, because there would very definitely have been a funeral and a burial if I were married to that cunt for 7 years. At the very least I’d cheat on her constantly just to stay sane. I’d go to Puerto Rico or wherever it is she’s from and get a new prostitute with a big ass every night and call her Jennifer and choke the hell out of her.

Oh crap, is this being published? I should probably re-write that last part.

Ahh. Yes. Yes of course.

By brendon August 24, 2011 @ 4:50 PM

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As you no doubt heard, the new issue of In Touch came out yesterday and claimed that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett were separating after 13 years of marriage. Will and Jada quickly issued the worlds least convincing denial, but if they had known what the article actually said (via Gossip Cop), they probably wouldn’t have even bothered.

The magazine alleges that Jada “destroyed” Anthony’s marriage to Jennifer Lopez (as well as her own) by sneaking around with Anthony behind her husband’s back.
Will supposedly uncovered her “ultimate betrayal” when he caught Jada with Anthony (her “HawthoRNe” co-star) in the Smiths’ Hidden Hills mansion.
Smith’s “suspicions” were “painfully confirmed” when he came to the house unannounced “under the cover of darkness” … Smith “left the house crying” and was “very upset” because Anthony was supposedly inside with Jada.
The following day “it was as if all hell had broken loose” with Jada moving some of her belongings out of the couple’s home and Will allegedly firing staffers he suspected of “covering up” for her.

Oohh, yeah, yeah, and after that JLo and Jada wrestled and fell into the pool at the country club, while Willow fell deeper under the spell of the schools new bad boy Jericho Hawk, and other insane shit that only happens on General Hospital.

Marc Anthony cheeeted on Hennifaa Yopez

By brendon July 21, 2011 @ 12:50 PM

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The most surprising part about Fridays announcement that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony were getting a divorce after 7 years was that anyone was able to put up with Jennifer Lopez for 7 years. Everyone hates that bitch, and they’re completely right in doing so.

So how did Marc Anthony do it? Well having sex with random flight attendants probably helped sooth his nerves.

In the new Us Weekly, a source says that Anthony, 42, hooked up with a flight attendant he met aboard a private plane in 2009.
“Marc and Jennifer almost split up over it,” the source tellsUs of the couple, parents to 3-year-old twins Emme and Max.
Seconds another insider: “Jennifer was going to leave him then, but Marc begged her to stay. They went to marriage counseling and she decided to give it another shot. He was someone she truly loved.”

My favorite part of this is that I doubt Marc Anthony could afford a private plane, so JLo paid for it, and then he used it to get laid. Good for him. She’s a horrible bitch. He could have drugged her, laid her in bed and then banged some strippers right next to her for all I care, and then just say he has no idea why she woke up with glitter and cum in her hair.

(image source = getty and bauer griffin)

Henifaa Yopez is seengle

By brendon July 18, 2011 @ 9:19 AM

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The big celebrity news over the weekend was that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced on Friday that they were ending their 7 year marriage and getting a divorce. And if you nodded your head and thought, “yes, I agree, that is a very important story”, well then I fucking hate you.

“We have decided to end our marriage,” they tell PEOPLE in a joint statement. “This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.”
“It is a painful time for all involved,” the statement continues, “and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”
Lopez, 41, and Anthony, 42, wed in June 2004 in a casual – and secret – ceremony at Lopez’s Beverly Hills home.

Uhh, can anyone remind me why the hell we’re supposed to pretend like these two are big stars? ‘American Idol’ pulled Lopez from the brink of obscurity, even though everyone very justifiably hates that cunt. But at least this will free up time for Marc Anthony to focus on his career. Look out Rico Suave, Marc is hot on your heels and comin for your gigs.