Wednesday headlines, with naked Daisy Lowe

By brendon July 13, 2011 @ 4:13 PM

ED NORTON – is in talks to play the villain opposite Jeremy Renner in ‘the Bourne Legacy’, the new run of Jason Bourne movies that don’t have Jason Bourne in them. I would just call them Harry Potter movies, since apparently you can just call your movie whatever the hell you want these days. (vulture)

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS – premiered it’s first trailer today, and you’ll be happy to see it’s got plenty of fighting and explosions. It’s Sherlock Holmes after all. Ya gotta have explosions. (apple)

TED DANSON – will be the new boss on ‘C.S.I.’, replacing Laurence Fishburne. Remember when Danson was in ‘Saving Private Ryan’? What the fuck was that all about? (la times)

DAISY LOWE – is gonna be in Playboy. It’s not really a stretch for Daisy (who you may remember is Gavin Rossdales 22-year-old daughter) because she’s a model who has already posed naked for two magazines. And also for the hidden camera I set up in her bathroom when I pretended to be the plumber. (daily mail. this would be a good time to follow me on twitter. hint hint. )

Crystal Harris is a complete bitch

By brendon June 15, 2011 @ 4:55 PM

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It’s hardly surprising that a 25-year-old model had ulterior motives when she got engaged to an 85-year-old media baron, but what is surprising is how far Crystal Harris was planning to go when it came to using Hugh Hefner (who, as you can tell by what would have been next months cover, had no idea what was coming).

Not only did she call off her engagement the same day that she released the first single off her debut record, and the same day she had a video go up on Funny or Die, and not only was she cheating on Hef with Dr. Phils son, but she was even shopping an interview to take place after she carried out her original break-up plan, which was to leave Hef at the alter.

Crystal Harris secretly planned to ditch the Playboy mogul at the altar in return for a $500,000 media deal, Page Six has learned.
Harris was shopping for a big-bucks deal to tell all after she ditched hapless Hef in front of 300 guests at their wedding at the Playboy Mansion on Saturday, to be filmed for a Lifetime TV special.
A source told us, “Crystal wanted to ditch Hef at the altar. Her plan was to walk up the aisle and say she couldn’t go through with it. The wedding was to be filmed for a reality special, and her refusal to marry him would be a sensation. She was looking for a tie-in deal of around $500,000 for the exclusive ‘I ditched Hef at the altar’ interview. While there was interest, Crystal didn’t get an offer anywhere near half a million.”

Wow. There’s cold and then there’s cold and then there’s this whore. I would try to shoot her but the evil bitch would probably just raise her arms and transform into a column of rats and then scurry away.

Bridget Marquardt is a bikini model

By brendon April 19, 2011 @ 5:39 PM

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Playboy and Girls Next Door star Bridget Marquardt posed for a new bikini photo shoot in Marina del Rey today, and she doesn’t look that great or anything but I still like these because they were taken at the Ritz Carlton and I used to work there (way too many details about that in the Britney bikini posts here and here and here). One time Cameron Diaz was there for some press thing and an area was blocked off and there was a rope with a red flag in the middle and she asked me if that meant she wasn’t supposed to go this way, and I told her no it means this way is romantic. Cameron Diaz is an idiot, in case you didn’t know.

(image source = splash news)

Karina Smirnoff is naked in Playboy, trouble

By brendon April 07, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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It was definitely surprising when Hugh Hefner went on twitter yesterday and announced that Karina Smirnoff, who has been on Dancing With The Stars for 9 seasons, would be naked in the May issue of Playboy. He’s 400 years old. How the hell does he know how to tweet?

But it’s true, both things, and it seems like Karina didn’t really think this through. Popeater says…

“If Karina posed naked, she can kiss her dancing days goodbye,” a ‘DWTS’ insider told me. “I hope for Karina’s sake that this isn’t true.”
The immediate response of ABC is that having one of their dancers pose naked during an ongoing season could “soil” the wholesome show’s image.
“ABC publicity department controls the image of this show with an iron fist. It’s a cash cow and they are not going to allow its reputation to be soiled by a dancer who wants to do Playboy,” an ABC source tells me.
Aside from getting into hot water with family-TV fans and the network, I’m told that Karina may have violated the terms of her contract by posing without getting her bosses to sign off on it.

That seems pretty hypocritical considering they tart those girls up like Spanish whores, and because former Playmate Kelly Monaco was the champion of season 1, Pam Anderson was a contestant for season 10, and Kendra Wilkinson is a contestant this year.

But that’s too bad. Hypocritical or not, rules are rules and life is pointlessly unfair. Consider the fact that the word used to describe a lisp has the “sp” sound in it. That’s fucked up. It would be like if “stutter” was spelled “sta-sta-staa-ssss-stutter”.

(source for pics of smirnoff on turks and caicos last year = pacific coast)

JWoww wants to pose for Playboy again

By brendon February 17, 2011 @ 5:38 PM

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Back in September, JWoww was offered $400,000 to pose fully naked in Playboy. Amazingly, and I say that because I assume she’s kind of slutty, she turned it down.

But not for good, as it turns out. E! says…

“…I do feel like it’s a strong thing for women to do. And as long as they cover up certain parts, I’m good,” she laughed. “We have to cover up the vajajay cooka. And then it’s like, Why not? You see my boobs out half the time anyway.”

Yes, exactly. So what’s the point. It’s Playboy. If she’s not gonna take her clothes off, why bother. If strategically placed hands were so great, I could have spent my teens jacking off to ads for dishwashing liquid.

(image source = getty)

Julri Waters is here to help

By brendon December 10, 2010 @ 9:47 AM

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This isn’t actually about Hollywood or whatever, but a sexy reader named Nikki emailed the other day in hopes that I would do a post pleading with girls of all ages to get screened regularly for breast cancer. Because she did and now it will hopefully save her life (she has a blog about her treatment here).

Sensing an opportunity to show pictures of naked girls while pretending to be helpful, I agreed.

The pictures of course are of my beloved Julri Waters. She’s a 32G, so that seemed like a good way to illustrate why breast cancer is so evil, and why everyone should give money to organizations like Komen.

How she’s not the most popular model girl anything on earth is beyond me bc she’s everything girls are supposed to be; beautiful, short, big titted and Asian. Oh and she takes all her clothes off and let’s people take pictures of it. In this case Playboy. Actually, just Playboy. For lots of money. I don’t have any money but I asked anyway and suddenly she was too good to take her clothes off. Oh, well paarrddon me your highness. I’m sooo sorry for wanting to look at your vagina. I thought she was gonna be cool, ya know, I thought she was gonna be different, but no, she’s stuck up, just like the rest of them.

(picture source = playboy cyber club, Julri on facebook = here)