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Kate Upton Naked Lady Parts Is Why SI Airbrushes

I mock the extensive Photoshop work Sports Illustrated performs on all of its swimsuit models, but now I realize all that body shaping, cutting, glowing, hazing, and polishing into nipple-free slightly tanned culturally indistinct female mannequins is for a specific and much needed purpose. Kate Upton's thong sucking hungry vagina cleft barely painted over. This un-touched up photo of Kate Upton unshackled from the...read more

Polaroids of Marisa Miller Testing Bikinis for SI

Good news. Marisa Miller has yet to find another job outside of swimsuit modeling. From the looks of these Polaroids, Marisa will be an active participant in creating draft images for SI, ultimately to be airbrushed, scraped, pixelated, nipples extracted, and properly hued, colored, and disfigured for presentation next February in the Swimsuit Edition. It's not that I can't enjoy cartoon versions of hot girls with big...read more

Danica Patrick Deserves a Checkered Flag

Richard Petty stoked the flames of NASCAR gender bias when he said that the only way Danica Patrick could win a NASCAR car race is if every other driver stayed home. An ouchie comedic clam from the King of stock car racing. Petty defended his comment by stating that it had nothing to do with Danica being a woman so much as the fact that she drives like a woman. Also, she's never won anything in NASCAR, so he has track...read more

The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models Continue To Have The Roughest Lives

Continuing their ongoing month of celebration for the fact that they've remained relevant in the face of several decades of internet pornography, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue models competed in a volleyball tournament against some other celebrities over the weekend at the Food Network South Beach Food and Wine Festival. Most notably, Jamie Foxx was there to remind everyone that he once won an Oscar, and...read more

Models Attend Sports Illustrated Party In Miami

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A Lot Of Really Attractive People Are Still Celebrating The Swimsuit Issue

Sports Illustrated has been pulling out all of the stops to both promote and celebrate this year's swimsuit issue, because they consider this 50th anniversary issue to be a huge milestone. Is it a milestone because this magazine has thrived for so long despite the complaints of prudes and so-called feminists who don't give a shit that women wear bikinis every single day of the year? Maybe. Is it a milestone because...read more

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Kate Upton In A Bikini In Zero Gravity

I'm not above a compliment. This is true genius. Putting Kate Upton up in an airplane and diving steep to create a zero-G effect on her big plump titties, it's inspired. The fact they removed all the vomit and gave her a smile is a nice nod to all the guys jerking off to the dream of Kate Upton floating in no gravity with her mouth around their johnsons. Personally, I like the vomit. The slight burn reminds me of prom...read more

Three Asses, Six Tits, One SI Cover

Sports Illustrated has done it this time. The once heralded leader in sports news coverage has gone and put not one, but three models on the cover of their 50th anniversary edition. When you consider the exponential work involved in Photoshopping not one, but three models in the same photo, you'll understand that some underpaid pale dudes in a dark New York studio have some carpal tunnel flaring up fierce today. I'm...read more

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit 2014 Is Going to Be Headless

Before sending photos off for 10,000 hours of airbrushing time to remove all human lifelike qualities, the Sports Illustrated photographers actually take real pictures of real girls on the beach. The Swimsuit Editor Instagrammed a bunch of headless photos as evidence of this production. It might just be one Eurasian girl at this point that they fashion into many different characters, but if you can count on anything...read more

Kate Upton Gets Her Boobs Painted

Sports Illustrated released a video of Kate Upton being bodypainted just to remind everybody that Sports Illustrated still does something between annual Swimsuit Editions. It's a conundrum when you're choked to death by your own golden goose. Sort of like Kate Upton not wanting to be seen as a sex object then taking a paycheck to let a bunch of chunky handlers airbrush her naked body. In a perfect world, everybody...read more

Nina Agdal, Ariel Meredith, And Kate Upton In Body Paint

I really thought the whole bodypaint thing was a passing fad. Like henna tattoos or Japanese baseball players. But SI is still sticking with it. And you'd have to be a real dick to complain about any reason to see Kate Upton without her clothes on. Photo Credit: Sports Illustratedread more

its the SI Swimsuit cover, with an awful Kate Upton picture

Kate Upton is fantastic looking, so it was nice of Sports Illustrate to choose one of the worst pictures she's ever taken and then put mittens on their hands while photoshopping it for the cover of this years swimsuit issue. Otherwise all the girls out there who aren't Kate Upton would feel bad about themselves. As they should because their boyfriend secretly resents them for not being Kate Upton, and rightfully so....read more