CASEY JOHNSON - The great-granddaughter of the founder of Johnson & Johnson, daughter of the owner of the New York Jets and Tila Tequillas fiance, was found dead last night in her LA home. It’s suspected she overdosed. Can you die of embarrassment or is that just an expression? Because this chick was a complete fuckup. (new york post)
WARREN BEATTY - slept with 12,775 women over 35 years, averaging a new girl every day from when he lost his virginity at age 20 to when he married Annette Benning in 1992 at age 55. This is all according to a new book called, “Numbers I Made Up: Everyone Look At Me”. (sydney morning herald)
VINCE VAUGHN - got married outside Chicago to Kyla Weber, 31, a Canadian real estate agent, in a small ceremony with only close friends and family. According to my awesome level of jingoism, you can identify Webers side of the family in the pictures because they’re the mounties in full uniform and fishing guides in waders holding up a trout in a net. (people)
MADDOX, ZAHARA AND SHILOH JOLIE - were left 100 grand each when Angelinas mom died in 2007, but they can’t touch it until they’re 25. Can they scape by until then? Let’s keep them in our prayers. (us magazine)
Devastatingly handsome reader Ethan stopped breaking hearts just long enough to send in a story about Vince Vaughn and that fug chick he banged in Budapest last Thanksgiving (read the back story to that here). And since sources simply don’t come any more rock solid than emails from presumably stoned readers, I guarantee this story is 100 percent true (*). And here it is:
So my boss was 30 minutes late for his meeting with 4 college students and I ended up sitting around with 4 ugly chicks talking about their spring breaks and looking for something to end my life with, when ugly chick #1 casually drops this line: "Yeah and then I met Vince Vaughns girlfriend".
Apparently when ugly #1 was in Florida, hanging out with some sailors, she met a guy who was with his cousin, who was the girl from Texas Trinity College that Vince hooked up with in Budapest. I think we all kind of thought that it was just one of those "Oh fuck it I need to get my dick wet" moments for Vince, but apparently they are an item, and the girl even got a call from "Vince V." on her cell phone.
Now I'm generally not one to trust ugly chicks, but either this girl was talking out of her gigantic, unshapely ass, or Vince is still banging ugly chicks.
Most of my time is spent either smooching supermodels or dominating fight clubs, so I don't really have time to confirm every story and verify every source that gets submitted to Tyler. But even though my time I precious, I did try to confirm this with my source. Unfortunately my source is a life sized cut out of Tori Wilson and she only had one thing on her mind, baby.
(*) not a guarantee.
Star Magazine says today that Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn did not break up because the two grew apart amicably - as their official story claims - but because Vince cheated on her with a co-ed from Texas. While Jenn spent Thanksgiving alone with Courteney Cox-Arquette, Vince was in Budapest making the moves on three vacationing female students from Trinity University in San Antonio. One of the girls was 20-year-old Laura Mallory Lane. A night of drinking ended up with Lane and Vaughn in bed together in his hotel room, all of which was documented in an email written to 22 of her sorority sisters. The email said:
"We talked some more (and yes, we talked about Jen), and one thing led to another and obviously we were messing around before too long. We didn't have sex, but it was just as good :)…"
Man, this sounds almost exactly like my Thanksgiving. Except, instead of getting oral from 20-year-olds in exotic lands, I put on a play that recreated the first Thanksgiving, starring my stuffed animals. I’m a big winner!
(more and a copy of the email on star here, mallory's blogspot here)
Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston have broken up after having dated for a little over a year. Rumors have been around for months saying the two were done - there was even a US cover story in October with the headline "SPLIT" - but Vaughn has been in Europe filming "Fred Claus" for the last two months and the distance seemed to be the final straw. The distance and also the hot European whores. Us and the New York Post say:
… while in Budapest, Vaughn was spotted partying with two pals at an exotic dance club called Moulin Rouge, where the girls put on "explicit" shows. (He) also partied at the techno hot spot Dokk, where he stayed until 4 a.m., flirting with several women in a private area at the back of the club. "He wasn't there to dance," a source said. "It's a meat market." Even the next day, Vaughn couldn't get enough of the ladies. After chatting with a mystery blonde for 20 minutes at his hotel that morning - and receiving a kiss from her on the cheek - the actor got a $40 Swedish massage at the city's Széchenyi baths. A source says he returned to Dokk again that night.
Thank god Vaughn has finally come to his senses. Vaughn is cool, and Aniston is a fug moron. If I ever accidentally had sex with Jennifer Aniston, I would stare at my dick the next morning like I had been betrayed, like in the movies when someone gets shot by a loved one. Then I would chop it off and bury it. "We've had a lot of good times," I would say at the funeral, "but I just can't trust you anymore."
Wesley Snipes is facing 16 years in jail because he hasn't filed taxes in 6 years and hired a firm with a history of false returns to fraudulently claim the IRS owed him 12 million dollars. When asked for a comment, Snipes asked if you were gonna finish the rest of that sandwich. You said you were, and he said oh, okay.
Vince Vaughn is suing two British Newspapers because they claimed he was cheating on Jennifer Aniston after he was photographed kissing a mystery blond. So see, people always laugh at me because I don't have any friends or a girlfriend or know any girls or have ever talked to a girl. Who's laughing now!
Tracking numbers predict that "Santa Claus 3" will make more money at the box office than the Borat movie when the two open head-to-head on November 3rd, even though Borat has gotten a huge amount of publicity in the past few months and has a devoted following. So why will "Santa Claus 3" make more money? Because kids are fucking retarded.
People.com says that Jennifer Aniston told Oprah Winfrey yesterday that she and Vince Vaughn have not broken up, despite rumors to the contrary. Several audience members confirm that, while taping an episode of Oprahs show to be aired next week, Aniston said they have not split up, but they are not engaged either*. Aniston also denies having gotten breast implants recently, a story that was in the tabloids. Apparently. One audience member said Aniston was even "more beautiful in person, and very real." Another agreed, saying Aniston was "just as beautiful as she is in pictures." Which leads me to believe they were being sarcastic. Because Jennifer isn't even close to pretty, much less beautiful. If "Friends" was canceled after one episode like it should have been, then Jennifer is the ugly mom on the laundry commercial with frazzled hair because the leading brand just won't cut it. The sexy mom with the tight sweater already knows this, and that's why her kids hug her at the park.
(*god can't you just hear her shrill fucking voice saying that, acting victimized, so put-upon and tortured by her celebrity. what a bitch.)
