While he’s being investigated by the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services over the photo of 13-year old Willow Smithin bed with a shirtless 20-year old actor whose name doesn’t matter, Will Smith helped make a random woman’s pregnancy announcement a little more special by posing with her in a coffee shop. Hopefully Emily didn’t solicit any parenting advice from the Fresh Prince of Not Giving a Shit, because her child could end up buying into Jaden Smith’s new crystal orgasm cult with the Jenner sisters, and then it’s all a one-way ride to sex tapes, fetish porn, PCP addiction, and eventually being framed for the murder of Selena Gomez from there. But before I get ahead of myself, congrats to Emily and her husband.
If there’s one way for a woman to prove that rumors of marital infidelity don’t bother her, it’s by shaving her head. Going Hawkeye just shows how much Jada Pinkett Smith doesn’t care that Will Smith might be nailing his co-star Margot Robbie. Hell, after shaving her head she might even post a completely unrelated message on Facebook:
When I turned fourteen, my dad got me a baseball glove. He said it was new, but it had the name ‘Chet’ written on the back of it in Magic Marker. I pointed that out to my dad at which point he grabbed the glove out of my hands, slapped it across my head, and screamed at me that he didn’t have a second secret family. Birthdays always sucked in my home. Will Smith is much kinder to his kids. Maybe it’s the Scientology or just the kindness bug, but he bought his kid Jaden a $150 million movie to fuck with. It’s got to be hard for such a successful dad in that moment you realize your kid is not talented. And not like your famous showbiz kid can switch gears and go into accounting or run a Fluff ‘n Fold. He’s going to be in front of the camera somewhere and he’s going to embarrass the shit out of you. Fucking Chet.
Jaden Smith is 14-years old, but he has a ton of money that he earned because his father, Will Smith, buys him movie franchises like The Karate Kid to keep him happy in between dropping Kidz Bop rap albums. Because of that money, Jaden thinks that he should be emancipated from his parents and be considered an adult, so he can run around and do whatever the fuck he wants and not have to answer for it. Really, it’s the American dream.
Jaden gave us a good glimpse of “adulthood” yesterday as he went shopping for an Iron Man costume with Kylie Jenner, and then he wore it to lunch at Nobu in New York City. And it’s not even a good Iron Man costume. It’s the kind that middle class kids wear on Halloween. This kid doesn’t deserve all of that wealth, which is why the Kardashians have most likely locked in on him.
Will Smith is only 44, way too young to look as old as he did last night in these pictures on X17. And he’s not currently filming anything so it’s not like he dyed his hair for that. It’s probably part of a disguise so he can go around robbing and beating up prostitutes, so let’s start telling everyone that.
Will Smith got his daughter Willow a record contract and now he’s producing a re-make of ‘Annie’ for her to star in, and he produced the ‘Karate Kid’ remake for his son Jaden to star in, but where’s his record deal?
Oh never mind, here it is.
And I assume it’s gonna be a big hit. He’s a 14-year-old who’s entire life has been endless luxury and privilege, and he spends the entire song bragging about how wonderful and rich he is. How could anyone not enjoy a song like that.