Alexis Arquette Demands Jada and Will Smith Cop to Being Gay

By Lex January 21, 2016 @ 7:07 AM

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Alexis Arquette is that Arquette acting family sibling who started out as Robert the boy, then Robert the teen cross dresser, then Robert the drag queen actress, and finally Alexis, the chick who looks a shitload like Robert but with a vagina and extensions. Arquette calls herself an activist which is an industry term for long out of work. Arquette saw Jada Pinkett Smith bitching about her husband not being crowned for that shitty NFL concussion movie and boycotting the Oscars for being super white and got a big bug up her ass about outing Jada and Will as closeted queers:

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LGBTIQYLMNOP organizations were quick to condemn Arquette’s rant. Though even they had to admit that bit about Benny Medina fucking Will Smith up the ass was pretty spectacular. Gay rights groups constantly remind the public that coming out is something you do on your own terms. Or something we will do for you if the hush checks stop rolling in. We’re not lenient like Scientology. None of Arquette’s barb seemed to have anything to do with whether or not the Oscars should start giving out all their awards to black British actors instead of just white British actors. If we’re fixing problems, let’s start with why Alexis can’t seem to ever get a close shave. It’s odd to consider that she’s not even close to the strangest Arquette.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Will Smith Happily Gay Married

By Matt August 04, 2015 @ 8:30 AM

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Gay Will Smith and his lesbian wife are not getting a divorce because they’re probably not actually married plus that would be a huge hassle. Namely Scientology has enough on their plate without another character assassination. Smith took to Twitter and said about twelve things that straight guys don’t:

“Under normal circumstances, I don’t usually respond to foolishness. (Because it’s contagious) But, so many people have extended me their “deepest condolences” that I figured – “What the hell… I can be foolish, too!” So, in the interest of redundant, repetitious, over & over-again-ness… Jada and I are… NOT GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!!!!!!!!!! : -) I promise you all – if I ever decide to divorce my Queen – I SWEAR I’ll tell you myself! ‪#‎Dumb‬ People Should Have to Wear Scarlet D’s”

There are a few rules in life, namely you don’t have longer hair than your wife. Also she’s not a queen but you are. I don’t know what Scarlet D means but I also don’t frequent The Manhole in the Castro while wearing a bad hat I just bought at the gas station. Keep writing those checks to Miscavige. #dumb #closet.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Will Smith Is A Nice Guy And Possibly A Shitty Dad

By Travis May 21, 2014 @ 2:00 PM

Will Smith got his Scientology on another woman's baby

While he’s being investigated by the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services over the photo of 13-year old Willow Smith in bed with a shirtless 20-year old actor whose name doesn’t matter, Will Smith helped make a random woman’s pregnancy announcement a little more special by posing with her in a coffee shop. Hopefully Emily didn’t solicit any parenting advice from the Fresh Prince of Not Giving a Shit, because her child could end up buying into Jaden Smith’s new crystal orgasm cult with the Jenner sisters, and then it’s all a one-way ride to sex tapes, fetish porn, PCP addiction, and eventually being framed for the murder of Selena Gomez from there. But before I get ahead of myself, congrats to Emily and her husband.

Photo Credit: Reddit

Jada Pinkett Smith Is A Rock

By Lex November 06, 2013 @ 6:08 PM

If there’s one way for a woman to prove that rumors of marital infidelity don’t bother her, it’s by shaving her head. Going Hawkeye just shows how much Jada Pinkett Smith doesn’t care that Will Smith might be nailing his co-star Margot Robbie. Hell, after shaving her head she might even post a completely unrelated message on Facebook:

She might even take off her wedding ring. This means nothing. Not in the face of an anonymous source who resembles her P.R. agent telling Us Magazine that things have never been better between Will and Jada. Believe what you read. Do not pay attention to the chick with the shaved head running around her house with a hatchet.

After Earth Sucked, Now What?

By Lex June 04, 2013 @ 3:25 PM

When I turned fourteen, my dad got me a baseball glove. He said it was new, but it had the name ‘Chet’ written on the back of it in Magic Marker. I pointed that out to my dad at which point he grabbed the glove out of my hands, slapped it across my head, and screamed at me that he didn’t have a second secret family. Birthdays always sucked in my home. Will Smith is much kinder to his kids. Maybe it’s the Scientology or just the kindness bug, but he bought his kid Jaden a $150 million movie to fuck with. It’s got to be hard for such a successful dad in that moment you realize your kid is not talented. And not like your famous showbiz kid can switch gears and go into accounting or run a Fluff ‘n Fold. He’s going to be in front of the camera somewhere and he’s going to embarrass the shit out of you. Fucking Chet.

Yeah, Jaden Smith Is An Adult

By Travis May 30, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Jaden Smith is 14-years old, but he has a ton of money that he earned because his father, Will Smith, buys him movie franchises like The Karate Kid to keep him happy in between dropping Kidz Bop rap albums. Because of that money, Jaden thinks that he should be emancipated from his parents and be considered an adult, so he can run around and do whatever the fuck he wants and not have to answer for it. Really, it’s the American dream.

Jaden gave us a good glimpse of “adulthood” yesterday as he went shopping for an Iron Man costume with Kylie Jenner, and then he wore it to lunch at Nobu in New York City. And it’s not even a good Iron Man costume. It’s the kind that middle class kids wear on Halloween. This kid doesn’t deserve all of that wealth, which is why the Kardashians have most likely locked in on him.

(Photo Credit: GSNY/Splash News)