07.23.2008 HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN

Both Forbes and People have articles today about what actors and actresses make the most money in Hollywood, and I had to read over this thing like 4 times, partly because I can barely read, but also because this thing doesn’t make a lick of sense.

Between June 1, 2007 and June 1, 2008, Will Smith was the highest paid male lead, banking around 80 million dollars.  Johnny Depp was close behind, earning 72.  Mike Meyers and Eddie Murphy both made 55 thanks to "Shrek", and Leonardo DiCaprio made 45 thanks to being the best actor alive.  

Here’s where the list goes to hell: Cameron Diaz made 50 million god damn dollars, despite the fact that no one actually likes her.  Keira Knightley made 32.  Jennifer Aniston has never had a successful movie, and hasn’t had any movie for 2 years, yet somehow made 27.  Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow each made 25.  

What the hell is that?  I thought Hollywood was misogynistic and sexist and awful.  So how come the top 5 list features 4 visually disturbing hags?  Keira is the only hot one, and the only one who is even remotely likable.  The only way I'd ever watch a Cameron Diaz movie is if the description also included the words, "Megan Fox" and "cum-soaked".



06.30.2008 WILL SAYS ITS NOT TRUE

Back in May it was announced that Will Smith was investing 1 million dollars into the foundation of a private grade school in Calabasas, California.  Smith said it would stress things like low fat meals and non-traditional course work such as Yoga, Technology, Etiquette and Robotics, but many inferred it would be nothing but a Scientology indoctrination camp.  Like I did just now for example.  But today school administrators say again that this is not the case.  The AP says…

Smith and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, have founded the New Village Academy, scheduled to open in September.
The school will use instructional methods developed by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard called study technology. And a few teachers belong to the church.
But the couple say they are not Scientologists, and the academy's director insists the facility has no religious affiliation.
"We are a secular school, and just like all nonreligious independent schools, faculty and staff do not promote their own religions at school or pass on the beliefs of their particular faith to children," New Village Academy director Jacqueline Olivier told the Los Angeles Times.

People would hate scientologists a lot less if they weren’t so damn shady.  They follow the writings of a guy who told them to fight UFOs and battle invisible demons.  Fine.  Don't flatter yourself.  No one cares.  Do whatever you want, but don’t get all pissy when people point out that your religion is laugh-out-loud stupid.  This school should be what they are, and the teachers should dress like MIB and Jedis and Star Fleet and walk real stiff like robots and make "beep beep boop" sounds.  Mostly because that would be awesome. 


06.27.2008 WILL SMITH ISN’T FOOLING ANYONE

Will Smith has yet to officially announce that he is now a follower of Scientology, despite strong ties to the cult for almost three years, but now Life and Style (via PopCrunch) says the evidence that’s piling up is pretty hard to ignore.

Life & Style spies claim Will was chatting up the unorthodox religion to anyone who would listen on the set of his new film, Hancock, opening July 4th.
 “He gave out Scientology-like pamphlets at the end of the shoot,” says biographer Andrew Morton, who published an unauthorized biography on Kooky Cruise last Winter.
“It’s also been said that he and Jada are homeschooling their children in Scientology methods,” Morton insists.
Will and Jada are also rumored to be financing the New Village Academy, a Scientology-associated school to open in Calabasas, California this Fall.
Morton explains: “So between that, the pamphlets, the school in Calabasas, and his close friendship with Tom, it seems all the evidence leads one to conclude that he is a part of this organization.”

Will Smith seems smarter than this, but he’s an actor and actors are idiots so I guess it's not surprising.  Actors will fall for anything.  If you can get really one big one the rest will follow and do what he does.  You could get a Moose costume and tap dancing shoes, then all you need to do is convince George Clooney that TapaMoose can tap, tap, tap away your insecurities with tophats and razzmatazz, and by the end of the week you’d be rolling around in mountains of money like Scrooge McDuck.

03.17.2008 HERE COMES THE CRAZY

Will Smith still denies he has become a member of the Church Of Scientology, but there are new stories again today that say otherwise.  Radar magazine has a new cover story saying Will and his wife Jada, along with Kimora Lee Simmons, are all new members, and set to be the celebrity face in hopes of gaining more African American members.  MSNBC says…

In the piece, the magazine said, “The Church has also set its sights on African Americans, opening up a center in Harlem in 2003 and making a strong play for Hollywood supercouple Will Smith and Jada Pinkett.”
Despite a fervent denial from Smith’s rep—“I can tell you with 100 percent certainty this is not true”—sources close to Smith earlier told this column that the actor definitely is becoming a member of the religion.  “He’s been getting more and more involved (in Scientology),” said one source. “And it isn’t just him, it’s definitely Jada, too.”

Back in January, the New York Daily News reported that Smith was distributing Scientology propaganda to the crew on his movie "Hancock", so it's pretty clear that he is a member.  It's also clear the a scientology church in Harlem is a fantastic idea.  People there are receptive to rich white coming in with ideas about how to change them.  I like to call it, "Harlem - Where The Smiles Are Always Free".

01.09.2008 TOM CRUISE GOT ONE. THIS ONE.

Friends of Tom Cruise like Jennifer Lopez and David Beckham and Will Smith say that, despite his affinity for scientology, he would never pressure them to join the infamous Hollywood cult.  But today, the New York Daily News says Smith has done just that.  Seemingly.

Will Smith has joined the ranks of Hollywood power players actively recruiting for the Church of Scientology.
Big stars traditionally distribute "wrap presents" to crew members after completing a film. His recent gift after wrapping next summer's comedy "Hancock" was a card good for a personality test at your local Scientology center.
Never mind that such tests are given free by the church anyway. The quiz is designed to convert people to the religion by identifying personality flaws that - surprise! - Scientology can fix right up for you.
Smith, who is best buddies with Scientology booster Tom Cruise, has never confirmed that he joined the church. But he told "Access Hollywood" last month: "I was introduced to it by Tom, and I'm a student of world religion. I was raised in a Baptist household. I went to a Catholic school, but the ideas of the Bible are 98% the same ideas of Scientology, 98% the same ideas of Hinduism and Buddhism."

I don't have a bible in front of me, but I'm pretty sure that's not true.  I went to catholic school too and I remember very little about alien wars and evil galactic rulers.  Or maybe that's why all the cool guys did so well in religion class, while I was getting a hand job in the library from their girlfriends.  Golly, I really missed out.

(picture source = getty images)



01.23.2007 AND THE NOMINEES ARE…

The nominees for the 79th Academy Awards were announced this morning, and "Dreamgirls" leads the pack with 8 nominations, including Best Supporting Actor for Eddie Murphy and Best Supporting Actress for Jennifer Hudson.  Surprisingly, it did not receive nods for Best Picture or Best Director.  "Dreamgirls" has long been considered the front runner to win both those awards.  The nominees are:

BEST PICTURE: BABEL, THE DEPARTED, LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA, LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE, THE QUEEN

BEST DIRECTOR: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Babel,) Martin Scorsese (The Departed,) Clint Eastwood (Letters from Iwo Jima,) Stephen Frears (The Queen) and Paul Greengrass (United 93)…

BEST ACTOR:
Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond,) Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson,) Peter O'Toole (Venus,) Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happyness,) Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

BEST ACTRESS: Penelope Cruz (Volver,) Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal,) Helen Mirren (The Queen,) Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada,) Kate Winslet (Little Children)

In my mind, the real surprise here is Ryan Gosling.  Not that he's on the list, but that he's even working in Hollywood and having sex with Rachel McAdams.  He's so damn average, and she's so damn pretty.  You could send me to do an interview with him, and replace him with a plank of wood that someone put a little hat on and I'm not positive I would even notice.  I would just think he was being stuck up.  And I dare you to make less sense than him and Rachel.  Pictures of him with her make no sense, they don't even look real, it's like when you go to Universal Studios and get a picture of yourself shaking hands with President Bush or as Sportsmen of the Year. There's just no way this dork is really with this angel.

See the full list of nominees HERE.