The USA Today admeter is ranking last nights Super Bowl commercials (watch the entire top 10 here), and so far the results are as dumb as expected. Because just imagine the kind of person whose idea of fun is sitting at home and ranking 54 commercials. Their life must be terrific.
It explains why an ad during a football game with John Stamos eating yogurt is in the top ten, but the one with SI swimsuit model Catrinel Menghia as the embodiment of a Fiat is not. It’s why “the one” from Budweiser playing a mash-up of The Cult and Flo Rida is 30 spots lower than the one about sentient candy acting like a cunt at a party.
One thing that certainly helped the Giants win the Super Bowl last night was the three dropped passes by Patriots receivers in the fourth quarter. This was not lost on Tom Bradys wife Gisele Bundchen, who of course caught some shit from Giants fans on the way out of the stadium (video on the Insider here).
After they yelled things like “Eli rules” and “Eli owns your husband”, she turned to a friend and said, “they didn’t catch the ball when they were supposed to”, then yelled at the fan:
“My husband can not fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”
To which Patriot fans replied, “We haven’t wona fahkin Supa Bowl since Tawmmy Brady married tha spic whore, but fa once she has a point otha than that beak onha fahkin face.”
What began as a wholesome night of watching the worlds most powerful athletes try to cripple each other for personal glory and money turned into something tawdry and lewd during Madonnas halftime show when M.I.A. flipped off the camera.
The NFL and NBC both apologized, but by then I was already hiding in my bathtub, hugging my knees, rocking back and forth and crying. I don’t even know who won the game.
“The obscene gesture in the performance was completely inappropriate, very disappointing and we apologize to our fans,” said Brian McCarthy, spokesman for the NFL, according to the Associated Press.
The action eluded the NBC censors by less than a second, as viewers at home clearly saw M.I.A.’s middle finger raised, followed by a brief blurring of part of the stage.
“Our system was late to obscure the inappropriate gesture and we apologize to our viewers,” NBC spokesman Christopher McCloskey told the AP.
I did see that Madonna ended her performance by having “world peace” spelled out in lights. Madonna doesn’t care who’s toes she steps on, she’s so edgy! Take that, People Against World Peace!
M.I.A. finally premiered the video for her new fantastic new song ‘Bad Girls’ today (see it here), and whatever it’s called when Arab people do the thing where they ride outside their cars while it’s on two wheels, she does that.
This chick is badass, I love her, and that’s coming from someone who’s alarmingly racist. She’s the best thing the Muslims can take credit for since algebra.
Apparently we’re really doing this and Madonna, who is 53 and only liked by middle aged women and drag queens, will be performing at the Super Bowl on Sunday.
Yesterday she met with the media to talk about the show, then danced around for reasons that were probably even more annoying in person than they are in pictures, and explained that she’s actually just a simple girl from the heartland. And also a football player.
She told reporters at a press conference in Indianapolis, “This is a Midwesterner girl’s dream.”
One minor setback? A strained hamstring. But the 53-year-old insists she’s as battle-ready as any player on the Patriots or the Giants thanks to “lots of warm-ups and taping and ultrasound.”
“I feel like one of the football players now,” she said. “Mind over matter.”
Holy shit! If she feels like one of the football players, that means one of the football players feels like a frail old lady. But which one? Which team is he on? I HAVE MONEY ON THIS GAME!
Tulisa(*) was out in LA yesterday, and seriously what the fuck. Is this really what the kids are doing these days, is this what the young people are wearing? Rompers? Those are for infants. They’re in the toddler department, marked with tags shaped like cartoon hippos. She’s not hot but what if this becomes the trend, and girls with red hair and big tits start wearing them? Having an erection while looking at a girl in a cotton onesie is really not a bridge I’m prepared to cross.
(*) a 23-year-old singer and judge on the UK version of ‘X Factor’; much more famous over there than here. image source = pacific coast.
Lindsay Lohan was on twitter yesterday, confirming that she’s moved out of her condo on Venice Beach, and doing it with her trademark sense of delusion.
“419 Venice way is on the market!! Anyone looking in Venice should see it ASAP because offers are coming in :)”
God only knows why she’s acting like she’s selling that place because she didn’t own it. It was a rental. So, by “offers”, I guess she means “applicants”. Not that she would even know about those unless she got her real estate license, but whatever. All that maters to her neighbors is that she’s finally gone.
“Everyone is ecstatic that she moved. Goodbye to her and all her drama. Everyone was so sick of her.”
And another added:
“Seriously, every time we heard a siren we hoped and prayed it was the police carting her off again and we would be left in peace. It was a nightmare when she was here … [Samantha Ronson] has lived here for ages and she’s never been any drama, she’s very low key and just goes about her business, but Lohan was like a hurricane, or some other natural disaster tearing through the neighborhood.”
A “friend” is letting Lindsay use their room at that Chateau Marmont for now, but she’s looking for a place of her own in a “gated community.” Which seems ironic because if the prison system in California wasn’t so fucked up she’d be in a gated community for at least another year.
Wouldn’t it be great if action movies were written by girls, and took place in some fantasy world where girls fought boys in hand to hand combat and beat them up, and there were fancy costumes and goofy names and lots of whining and Donald Sutherland was forced to say the words, “Happy Hunger Games!”
No, of course not. A movie like that would be ridiculous. And yet here it is.
Ashton Kutcher has been criticized lately because he’s essentially done nothing to show any kind of support for Demi Moore since she was hospitalized last week, but keep in mind that Ashton Kutcher is a jackass. Seems unrealistic to think that was just gonna magically stop now.
Thankfully, E! says he’s finally found time in his busy schedule to swing by.
On Wednesday, Bruce Willis was spotted paying a visit to (Demi). Later in the day … Ashton Kutcher was seen pulling into the actress’ driveway in a blacked-out Lexus.
That’s not a bad impulse actually. Just do that Ashton. Just follow Bruce Willis around and do whatever he does, since he seems to know what he’s doing, and you’re practically retarded.
Frances Bean Cobain, the 19-year-old daughter of Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, described her mom as unstable and an unrepentant drug addict in court papers filed to get a restraining order in 2009.
I know, right! I was surprised too!
“(Love) has taken drugs for as long as I can remember,” Cobain said. “She basically exists on Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes. She rarely eats … She often falls asleep in her bed while she is smoking, and I am constantly worried that she will start a fire (which she has done at least three times) that will threaten our lives.”
And the restraining order wasn’t just for Frances; it also applied to her pets, because “Love’s wreckless behavior caused the death the family dog and cat.”
“The cat died after getting entangled in Love’s messy piles of ‘Etsy fabrics, boxes of paperwork, trash and other possessions,’ (and) the dog swallowed several of Love’s stash of prescription pills.”
Yes. That’s exactly how I pictured life for a child being raised by Courtney Love. Frances would have been better off living in that cave at the beginning of ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’.
Kate Upton was on twitter about an hour ago, posting this preview picture and confirming that she’ll be in the 2012 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which goes on sale in about two weeks. She’s only 19 and her career is just beginning, but as you can see she has really big things in front of her (wink, wink).
Until then here’s a hundred pictures of Kate in bikinis for Beach Bunny, which I had saved because mind your own business. What goes on in my house is between me and the pictures, I’m not hurting anybody, LEAVE ME ALONE!
Furry old lady Madonna is a mean, self-centered cunt with no actual talent other than knowing which producers to hire to make her records for her, and if you needed some reminders about that, here they are.
On Lady Gagas song ‘Born This Way,’ which many say sounds like Madonna’s 1989 hit ‘Express Yourself.’
“Of course I heard it. How could I not? I think it was on the radio a few times. I thought, ‘This is a wonderful way to redo my song.’ I recognized the chord changes, I thought it was … interesting.”
And when asked if it’s reasonable to charge hundreds of dollars for tickets to her new tour during a recession:
“Start saving your pennies now,” she says, sounding annoyed that any-one would suggest these prices are prohibitive. “People spend $300 on crazy things all the time, things like handbags. So work all year, scrape the money together, and come to my show. I’m worth it.”
Oh she sure is. What a treat it would be to see an old lady in a boa shuffle around the stage lip synching pop songs from the 80’s. It’ll be like a talent show in a nursing home, and who doesn’t love those?
(image source of madonna at the london premiere of ‘w.e.’ = wenn)
