Candice Swanepoel in Lingerie

June 15, 2015 | pictures | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I like when people are good at shit then shut the fuck up. LeBron is amazing at the round ball but can’t keep his trap shut. Top earning actresses have to bleed stigmata over the plight of women in... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Ballet Thong Dancer

March 27, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Most photographers aren’t making Uncle Terry money. They just want to express themselves through their art and have a decent wank. I can respect that. Candice, today you’re going to be a ballet dancer in a thong. Why? Because... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Makes Peens Happy And Shit Around The Web

March 10, 2015 | crap around the web | colin| 0 Comments

Candice Swanepoel was created in heaven as a test of wills between your nutsack and  your cranium. If you think you’re getting into her panties, your nutsack is currently winning. Prepare to arm your chubbie, it’s Swanepoel in skimpy... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Jeans of Disrepair

March 10, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

You used to have to wear holes in your own jeans. What a pain. For $200 you can have the toothless avós in the City of God rend your garments prior to shipping. It might offend every single mom... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Seems Rainforest Friendly

February 24, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It’s always dangerous when they send super hot chicks into exotic rainforest locales for swimsuit shoots. You never know when you might encounter an indigenous tribe lost in time and propel them into a life of whiskey and cigarettes.... READ MORE

Celebrity Model Chicks Celebrate The Super Bowl

February 3, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Super Bowl Sunday is a big day for girls with big yabbos to post pictures of themselves on Instagram. Nobody but your mother and your astrologist are going to look. Go ahead and try out some football themed shots... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel In Just Jeans

January 30, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m told denim was the hottest fabric at Paris Fashion Week. I don’t know exactly how many fabrics there are, but if you’re discounting Kazakhstani mohair and human flesh made by horror film bad guys, I think there are... READ MORE

Victoria’s Secret Intends to Win the Super Bowl

January 27, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

People who say the commercials are the best part about the Super Bowl have never seen Katy Perry sing over a pre-recorded track to staged multicultural fans screaming their heads off. Until they allow tits on network television, the... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Tits Cause Near Beach Panic

January 16, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I once saw a man get arrested for baring his junk while changing on the beach. It might be the ten minutes it took him to remove his wet bathing suit and get on some pants and the relatively... READ MORE

Candice Swanepoel Models Bikinis

December 19, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

This chick reminds me what a pain in the ass it must be to be a woman shopping for a bikini. I couldn’t buy a bathing suit if I saw one of the Hemsworth brothers modeling them with their... READ MORE


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