afternoon headlines

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 7:09 PM


HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN – Over 2000 people, people with no connection to each other, from different parts of the world, all claim to have seen this man in their dreams. I would have posted this sooner, but I was hiding under my desk in a puddle of urine and jabbing espresso into my heart. (

LINDSAY LOHAN – has to appear in court tomorrow because she’s apparently failing the alcohol education course she is ordered to attend as part of her probation. I could barely catch my breath when I heard the news, on account of being so surprised. (tmz)

LEONA LEWIS – was punched in the face yesterday, and today the 29yo man who did it has been charged with assault and placed in a mental-health ward. Hopefully one with pretty dresses, because Leona walked away from the incident. He couldn’t even punch out an unsuspecting woman. I would jam a bottle in my ass and break it off right now if I were him, because he’s gonna get annihilated once he gets to prison. (people)

JOHN AND KATE PLUS 8 – will go off the air in November because Jon Gosselin threw a hissy fit last month after TLC decided to film the show without him. This guy is a PR genius. He get’s more likable every day. (radar)

KATIE PRICE – If there’s something better than big tits, I am not aware of it. (hq jump. source = fame and inf daily)

is lindsay getting fat

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 4:02 PM

lindsay lohan shopping 151009

Speaking of fatties, Lindsay Lohan took a break from doing nothing to go shopping yesterday in New York, and maybe these are just bad pictures but that bitch looks fat. Although it’s hard to be sure because she spent most of time hugging this girl and standing behind her and then leaving with her and then probably having sex with her. I just get the feeling that every person who has ever met Lindsay got to fuck her.

(hq jump here. source = fame and wenn)

Jessica Simpson got an apology

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 3:01 PM


Burger King and Fox have apologized to Jessica Simpson for a cartoon that aired on the Fox NFL pre-game show last Sunday. Apparently the cartoon, which you can see here, made jokes about her weight, but if you can identify any “jokes” please be sure to point them out.

A rep for Fox tells in a statement: “Burger King Corp. did not have any editorial input in the creation of the animation that ran last Sunday, and no one from Burger King Corp. approved it before it aired. Upon reflection, our poor attempt at humor was insensitive and we deeply apologize to anyone who might have been offended.”

Hey did you ever see ‘Charlie Wilsons War’? Well the girl who played the dancer (video here) is the daughter of the Cowboys coach. Holy Shit, this website is fascinating!

(ironically, Jess looks pretty good lately, and only somewhat confused.  hq jump here.  source = fame and pacific coast)

Read more >

scarlett johansson for mango

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 1:35 PM


Is there really a clothing line named Mango? That was rhetorical by the way because apparently there is. And it would seem Scarlett Johansson works for them now.

Ryan Reynolds semen must contain some sort of tranquilizer because this bitch has pretty much disappeared since they got together. Not an insult, by the way. You used to hear all kinds of wild stories about her (sex in an elevator with Benencio Del Toro, for example) now she’s only in the news when it’s related to work. So next time Lindsay or whoever blames the paparazzi and say bloggers make a normal life impossible, remember Scarlett. Turns out that someone simply going to their job every day is not that interesting. Except for my job, which involves me being dropped being enemy lines with nothing but a knife and a map while a General tells the media I’m only an urban legend.

theyre gonna sell a lot of these

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 12:46 PM

Pamela Anderson

It’s surprising that Richie Rich isn’t the most popular fashion designer in the world. He has such amazing clothes. Like this outfit Pam Anderson wore yesterday in Miami to promote their fashion line ‘Amuse’. He took a bathing suit out of her closet, then marked her vagina with crime scene tape and had her hold up a scary clown mask. Hopefully girls will print some of these out so they can go to the bikini store and tell the sales clerk, “I’d like to look like the terrifying woman in this picture please.”

(hq jump. source = inf daily)

Tina Fey was a 24yo virgin

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 10:52 AM

Tina Fey was on David Letterman last night, and after talking about her fabulous fashion magazine covers, she confirmed an article that claimed she was a virgin until the age of 24.

As Dave read a list of people who stayed virgins from a tabloid, like Brooke Shields (22) and Adriana Lima (27), Fey’s name came up as having been 24. “[I] Couldn’t give it away,” Fey sighed. “That’s just good, Christian values, or, being homely.”

Jesus Christ would it kill this chick to say something funny for once. If she and Jack Black had a kid, it would be so devoid of joy and happiness the nurse would stumble backwards at the delivery, knocking over a tray of supplies, making the sign of the cross and saying “SANTA MARIA!” or whatever it is Spanish women say when they think they’ve seen the devil.

Point is, I very much do believe her when she says she was a virgin at 24. Someone sent me these pictures (here and here) years ago, I can’t even remember why but if you’re reading this thank you. It’s Tina as a bridesmaid. I’m not good with numbers so I don’t remember how old she was. 40? Maybe 10. Between 40 and 10.

when did this happen?

By brendon October 15, 2009 @ 10:45 AM

ivanka trump book 141009

Ivanka Trump held a book signing today and something something something, Holy Crap look at that rack! I’m not sure I’ve never even considered her before, but now that I think about her huge tits and looming inheritance, I realize she’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and possibly the most perfect being to ever live. Oh I’ve been a fool! Forgive me Ivanka!

jennifer love bacon got dumped

By brendon October 14, 2009 @ 5:40 PM


Well not really dumped. Not yet. But it sounds like she will be, because Jamie Kennedy is apparently nailing his ex girlfriend on the side. Fox News says…

“Jamie is still hung up on Shannon and has been telling her that,” says the source. “He also told her he had zero desire to go to the Tao event with [Love Hewiit], but Jen insisted they go together to put rumors to rest. Jamie decided he at least owed her that, so he appeased her and accompanied her to the event even though he’s pretty much checked out of the relationship.”
It sounds like Love Hewitt is not totally in the dark, however, according to Jamie’s pal.
“Jen knows things have really changed with them, but the public appearance is all part of her damage control plan. Unfortunately for her, it doesn’t seem Jamie is going to stay with Jen ultimately.”

This is a big story so I tracked Jennifer to a hotel in New York.  I was tired of the lies.  I wanted the truth.  She said it was none of my business, and I said, “well okay then. I’ll just sit here and eat these donuts then.”
And then I took out a box of donuts. We both knew the stakes had been raised.
“What are you playing at,” she asked with a rage in her eyes.
I said, “Ooh nothin. Just having some … oops!”
And then I dropped the donut over the railing and down to the street below. It landed in an alley with a sickening thud.
She flinched a little and reached out to save the donut, but it was too late. The donut was gone. Then I took out another donut, a jelly with sprinkles, and threw that over the railing too.
“I’m a real butterfingers huh”, I said.
I put the box on the table between us. Two of the donuts were gone, it was too late for them. But ten more had yet to have their fate decided. I took another donut, a cinnamon dandy this time. I held it over the railing, then sent it back to hell.
“Why are you doing this?” she pleaded.
“Tell me what I want to know Jennifer”, I said as my hand went back to the box and hung over a chocolate bowtie.
I picked it up.
“Damn your black heart,” she said, then turned away and buried her face in her hands.
“What happens to this chocolate bowtie is up to you Jennifer. It can join the others in the trash, or…”
“No,” she interrupted. “Stop. I want to eat the donuts. I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

And, uh, well I forget what happened after that.