Lindsay Lohan only borrowed that necklace

By brendon February 02, 2011 @ 2:57 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Lindsay Lohan Arriving At Siren Studio

Hold on to your hats everyone, because there’s been a development in the “Lindsay Lohan stole a necklace” story, and it turns out Lindsay didn’t do anything wrong and this is all someone else’s fault and everyone else is lying. Those jerks!

Lindsay Lohan claims she did not steal the necklace … rather, she claims it was loaned to her and a stylist simply forgot to return it on time, TMZ has learned.
?Lindsay says her stylist is the one who returned it to the LAPD last night.
?Lindsay says, according to sources, “I didn’t have any part in the non-returning on time.”

This should go without saying, but the jewelry store is the one who called the cops. They don’t seem to think she borrowed it, and even if she did, if she never returned it, then it’s stolen. God this bitch is soo dumb. I’m starting to feel bad for her. I guess she should be proud to have even accomplished this much in life, considering that she’s practically retarded, but thats the kind of thing you normally say about Special Olympians after they drown.

Charlie Sheens mom is the product of a rape

By brendon February 02, 2011 @ 1:12 PM

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(NOTE: I should probably write TYLER EXCLUSIVE in all caps across the headline, because thats what this is, but it makes me look needy.)

The reason Charlie Sheen continues to get work in Hollywood despite a 20 year crime spree is because he’s apparently very likable in person. Unless you’re a girl who doesn’t want to have sex with him, in which case he can sometimes become a violent jackass.

Oh, hey, which reminds me, Charlie Sheen’s biological grandfather was a rapist. He raped Sheen’s grandmother and his mom was the product of that rape. Seriously. It’s apparently well known to those close to the Sheen family, at least according to someone I spoke with last night, someone very very much in a position to know this kind of thing.

Is that related to Sheen getting violent with women who won’t have sex with him, or his affinity for prostitutes who never say no? I don’t know, I’m not a psychologist. I can tell you this though; my moms dad was an Apostolic Christian missionary, and I’m a sweet little angel, so maybe that really is how these things work.

Anderson Cooper got attacked in Egypt

By brendon February 02, 2011 @ 12:10 PM

Anderson Cooper and his crew were attacked during the riots in Cairo yesterday, with one CNN reported tweeting that Cooper was punched in the head ten times. The Huffington Post says…

The incident came as pro-Mubarak supporters attacked protesters calling for the Egyptian president to step down. Speaking on “American Morning” after the attack, Cooper said that he and his crew had been trying to go to a neutral zone between the two groups.
“We never got that far,” he said. “We were set upon by pro-Mubarak supporters punching us in the head.” Cooper said that he and the crew tried to escape, but that the crowd only grew: “the crowd kept growing, kept throwing punches, kicks…suddenly a young man would look at you and punch you in the face.”

Well, I dont condone Anderson Cooper getting punched, but what did he expect. He’s a handsome rich American in some stone age shithole who hates all three of those things, in the middle of a national riot. It would be like if Lexington Steele went to a Klan rally, then an hour later was on twitter saying, “WTF!”

Lindsay Lohan stole a $2,500 necklace

By brendon February 02, 2011 @ 9:24 AM

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Rest assured, if you own something shiny, and it’s not protected by a giant 3-headed dog, Lindsay Lohan will steal it (here’s a list of other things she’s helped herself to). So, now she’s out of rehab and out of money, but she still likes nice things. Oh what will she do.

police obtained a search warrant for Lohan’s Venice Beach home because they suspected the Mean Girls star, 24 swiped a high end piece of jewelry from a store in Venice Beach on January 21.
“Lindsay is being accused of stealing high end jewelry, including a necklace,” one law enforcement source with knowledge of the situation told Radar.
“A search warrant was requested Tuesday at the Airport Court to search Lindsay’s house for the item of jewelry in question.”

Late last night a friend of hers turned the necklace over to police, where it is now classified as evidence, and it will be up to the DA to pursue charges. Until then we can wait for Lindsay to go on her twitter and say how crazy this is and how she didn’t do anything. Her most recent tweet was to thank Nicki Minaj for mentioning her in “I’m the best”, though to be honest Lindsay is easy to work into lyrics because so many things rhyme with “slut”.

Hennifaa Yopez is not happy that Steven Tyler is so popular

By brendon February 01, 2011 @ 8:39 PM

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Back in August of 2008, while Michael Phelps was right in the middle of winning 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics, Jennifer Lopez was training for a mini triathlon, and while on the set of GMA one morning she was overheard complaining because no one was talking about it, even though she was, “the big story right now, not the swimmer.”

Point being, Jennifer Lopez does not enjoy sharing the spotlight, even if that other person is much much much much better at essentially the same thing.

And now lets fast forward to her doing American Idol with Steven Tyler. Popeater says…

“This was meant to be Jennifer’s big comeback. The entire re-branding of the show was built around her, but now it’s all about Steven 24/7.
She’s mystified at how this happened and has made it very clear to the producers that the cameras need to spend a little more time adoring Jennifer’s favorite idol — herself!”

Wow, who would have guessed that Jennifer Lopez was a self centered cunt? Not me! First I’ve heard of it!

the Vanity Fair Hollywood issue is here

By brendon February 01, 2011 @ 6:30 PM

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The 2011 Vanity Fair Hollywood issue has arrived (with, from left to right, Ryan Reynolds, Jake Gyllenhaal, Anne Hathaway and James Franco on the cover, then Jennifer Lawrence, Anthony Mackie, Olivia Wilde, Jesse Eisenberg, Mila Kunis, Robert Duvall, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Andrew Garfield, Rashida Jones, Garrett Hedlund, and Noomi Rapace inside), and it’s a big deal because pictures of famous celebrities are still a fascinating novelty, and it’s always fun to see where the single person of color will get to stand. Oohhh, it’s a black guy this year, and right on page 2, how progressive!

Martin Sheen wants a conservatorship over Charlie

By brendon February 01, 2011 @ 2:46 PM

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Just to be clear, Charlie Sheen is not some adorable scamp, he’s a piece of shit with a long history of violence against women, but if he wants to get high and apologize to prostitutes all day, by all means go for it. As long as he doesn’t…

- Shoot the girl, like he did to Kelly Preston. (imdb)
- Hit her in the back of the head if she refuses to sleep with him, like he did to a student at UCLA. (people)
- Fling her to the ground and split open her lip, which would require 7 stitches, like he did to Brittany Ashland. (e!)
- Hold a knife to her throat, like he did to Brooke Mueller. (daily mail)
- Threaten to kill her, like he did to Denise Richards and Capri Anderson. (people, daily news)

As long as he stops doing that, I could care less about how much coke he does or the jenga of STDs in his body that apparently void each other if you acquire enough. But his dad does apparently, and so he’s gonna try to get a conservatorship on him. Radar says…

“Charlie looks awful… he is very, very depressed and feels like the world is going against him. Charlie’s parents are discussing getting a conservatorship of their son. Martin and Janet know that it’s highly unlikely their petition would be granted, but they are trying to do whatever possible to save Charlie’s life.”
“Charlie is coughing a lot, and he doesn’t seem to care what he is doing to his body… Charlie truly thinks he is invincible, and that he can do as much drugs as possible with no ramifications.”
Martin Sheen recognizes “that Charlie isn’t rehabbing at home. That term just doesn’t exist. Charlie is calling the shots, he hasn’t surrendered to sobriety, and until that happens, this cycle won’t end. Charlie is absolutely refusing to go to rehab. He is a 45 year old man, and no one can force him to go. That is why his parents are exploring what legal options they have if any to save his life,” the insider told us.

Ok, whatever, but can we all agree that if he hits one more girl, we get to put a stick of dynamite in his ass and blow him up? Honestly, it seems fair at this point.

morning headlines

By brendon February 01, 2011 @ 12:20 PM

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CHRIS EVANS – is on the cover of the new issue of Empire, and only a country as bad ass as America could have a superhero like this. What would the French one be, some pedophile in a smock holding a baguette? You can suck it, France! (empire)

RICKY GERVAIS – has been asked to host the Golden Globes again next year, because the ratings were up again, but doesn’t think he should because he doesn’t think the show could have been any better. Here’s a suggestion: trap doors for the losers. (hollywood reporter)

TYLER PERRY – is famous for playing a sassy old lady, but now he’ll play the lead in I, Alex Cross, the character originally played by Morgan Freeman in the movies Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. I have to assume the producer agreed to this while duct taped to a chair and with Perrys agent forcing the pen in to his hand. That dude is a good agent! (variety)

JOAQUIN PHOENIX – may unretire to play the mentor in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, with Benjamin Walker playing Lincoln. Rule 1 with vampire hunting: just go out there and have fun. (deadline)