Who the hell is that

By brendon July 23, 2009 @ 4:50 PM

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Much has been made of the mysterious stranger who sat with the Jackson family during Michael’s memorial, directly in between Janet and Michaels son Prince. So who the hell was he? Mirror UK, is there something you’d like to say?

This is reportedly Michael Jackson’s secret son – a 25-year-old singer who’s said to be getting a DNA test to confirm whether he is MJ’s lovechild.

His name is Omer Bhatti, and until recently he lived in Norway. There’s a slightly better picture of him here, and I put a sombrero on him in case you couldn’t tell which one I meant. The sombrero is black because Omer is in mourning. I have no idea if this is true or not, but the Jacksons better be careful. People from Norway steal.

Look at me, everyone!

By brendon July 23, 2009 @ 3:35 PM

FILE PHOTOS: Bianca Gascoigne On The Beach In Spain (USA AND OZ

Bianca Gascoigne is a UK reality star and the daughter of a super famous soccer player. I’d like to direct your attention to the beaches of Spain earlier today, because rumor is she was there. But where? I don’t see anyone who acts like they would be famous for no real reason? Is she even real, or just a myth? We may never know.

(hq jump here. source = flynet)

Jude Law is kind of a prick

By brendon July 23, 2009 @ 2:47 PM

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Jude Law struck a female photographer in the back of the head last night as he left a bar around 12:30am. Law claims it was an accident, and despite all evidence to the contrary, his spokesperson told the Sun…

“This is all nonsense. Last night’s incident was an accident.
“Jude was blinded by the camera flashes when he left the restaurant, raised his hand to shield himself and inadvertently struck somebody standing very close.
“He apologized and left. Pictures of this sort can often be misleading.”

Umm, really? Misleading in what way? I haven’t had these analyzed by experts but that picture up top appears to show Law smacking a girl in the back of the head. When I shield my eyes, I shield my eyes. I don’t flail away at the source of the light. Like if it’s real sunny out, I’ll put on a pair of sunglasses, not close my eyes and blindly wave guns at the sky to shoot out the sun.

(hq jump here. source = splash news online)

ESPN ruins everything

By brendon July 23, 2009 @ 1:29 PM

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Having already defeated fans who would rather watch football than suffer through cutesy idiotic banter by their sportscasters, ESPN is now in phase 2 of Operation Go F Yourself. Now is the time to strike at their own employees, so they took a five-month-old video that no one had ever heard of showing an unidentified naked girl and told the world it was their sideline reporter Erin Andrews. Take that Erin! Page Six says…

NO one would have known that a sick voyeur had secretly videotaped ESPN reporter Erin Andrews nude in her hotel room, if the Mickey Mouse sports network hadn’t sent a letter to an obscure Web site demanding that it take down its link to a fuzzy video of an unidentified blonde. The video had gone largely unnoticed since it first went up in February. Last Thursday, NSFWPOA.com, which had linked to the Andrews shots, got a letter from ESPN counsel David Pahl demanding the “pictures of a young, blonde woman” be removed. It didn’t take long for Web sites to identify the blonde as Andrews — and her lawyer soon confirmed it.

If indeed the video is that old and her identity was only accidentally made public, that would strengthen the theory that the video was made by someone traveling with Andrews and working for ESPN. That seems logical since the video appears to show her in two different rooms. I can’t link to the video, but she kind of looked like this (NSFW). I had to add the curling iron, which I think may actually be a flat iron. Here (NSFW) is what it might look like if Erin Andrews was a hot Asian girl when she made the video , and here is what it might look like if LSU safety LaRon Landry was Erins girlfriend and that guy stole her curling iron (NSFQBs).

If none of that helped, here (NSFW) are 15 pictures of Gemma Massey doing a shocking recreation of the moments just before the tape was made. WARNING – these images may be unsettling if you’re a whiny little girl.

The Jacksons will sue. Someone.

By brendon July 23, 2009 @ 12:17 PM

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After a series of private discussions, the Jackson family have decided to bury Michael to sue the people responsible for Michaels death. Just as soon as they figure out who that might be, if indeed it was anyone.  Radar Online says…

While the Jacksons are likely plaintiffs, it is unknown at this point who the defendant or defendants would be … family members are taking a hard look at the doctors who treated Michael and want to sue whether or not the doctors face criminal charges. (A source says), “They are determined to sue, even if there is no arrest.”
Joe Jackson is leading the family charge on this, says the source, but Jermaine, Tito, Marlon and LaToya are with him.

That may seem like an all-star team of retards, but they’re serious, and Joe has already filed paperwork with the courts announcing his intentions. Although the paperwork was just a drawing of Joe holding bags with dollar signs on them next to a stick figure of Michael with X’s for eyes. There was also a hot tub filled with “bitches”, and above all that was a plane and a fire-breathing dragon. It’s not clear if Joe plans on getting a dragon proof plane or a dragon to guard his plane or a dragon to attack other peoples planes, but keep in mind this was just the first draft.

This hardly seems fair

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 6:17 PM

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Leighton Meester is at least as famous as her “Gossip Girl” co-star Blake Lively, and they both play spoiled rich girls known for fashion, yet somehow Blake is wearing expensive heels and a sexy dress with no bra, while Leighton is wearing purple and green with her hair slicked back like she’s the fucking Green Goblin.

I don’t know how Blake has managed to win this power struggle (blowjobs) but I think her strategy (blowjobs) could blow this job for Leighton if she doesn’t blowjob blowjob. And soon.

(14 more pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)

LeBron really did get dunked on

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 5:53 PM

About 30 minutes ago, TMZ finally unveiled the tape of LeBron James getting dunked on by a virtual unknown named Jordan Crawford. They say they “finally found the one SURVIVING copy of the moment LeBron became LeBitch”. There was already a much better copy out and I cut them together for this but whatever.

It took place last week in a casual game at a Nike sponsored camp, but Nike confiscated all footage of the play fearing it would cause damage to James’ rep. If they hadn’t freaked out this would be no big deal. James could just as easily claim he was trying to high-five Crawford as one of them is clearly wearing the wrong jersey and they look like teammates.

There’s no shame in this. If you see a guy named “Jordan Crawford”, that’s a dude who can dunk. Also if he has two capitol letters, an X or an apostrophe in his first name, those dudes can either dunk or run a 4.3 40.

Mickey Rourke might be insane

By brendon July 22, 2009 @ 4:19 PM

Mickey Rourke Leaving Wellington Club In London (USA AND OZ ONLY

Mickey Rourke left The Wellington Club this morning at 4:30am after a night of drinking with Leonardo Di Caprio at the Whisky Mist in London, but on the way to his car some hooligan traffic barriers started some shit with the voices in Mickeys head. Needless to say he taught them some manners, and you can bet it’s a mistake they won’t make again.

(hq jump here. source = flynet online)