Emma Stone looks worse in Spider Man

By brendon December 09, 2010 @ 12:31 PM

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Emma Stone has naturally glorious red hair, and no girl with red hair should ever ever dye their hair blond because white girls with blond hair are boring, but she had to for Spider Man 4 or Spider Man 1 or whatever the hell they’re calling it, which began filming yesterday in LA. Because she’s playing Gwen Stacy, who has blond hair. And if someone just said, “Oh hi Gwen Stacy”, while looking directly at Emma Stone with red hair, it would be pandemonium. “Where’s Gwen Stacy,” the audience would scream. “Is she behind that fox with the red hair? What’s going on, what’s happening? THIS IS NOT WHAT I’M USED TO! AAAHHHHH!!!!”

Britney Spears is sad. Possibly hungry.

By brendon December 09, 2010 @ 11:18 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Britney Spears Having A Really Bad Day

The Sun says Britney Spears spent the day walking around a mall and crying yesterday. Maybe because she passed a mirror and saw what she was wearing.

BRITNEY SPEARS cut a despairing figure as she vacantly perused shop windows in LA yesterday.
The troubled star nibbled on her finger nails looking like a little girl lost after she was spotted leaving her lawyer’s office in floods of tears.
Brit hightailed it to the Westfield Mall after her traumatic legal appointment, but even the lure of clothes failed to lift her spirits.
Whatever went down within the four walls of her attorney’s place, it left the volatile Toxic star in a terrible state.

Well, in these pictures, the same ones they have, she’s not crying and she’s not overtly upset. So I have my doubts, but if it really happened then it’s sad. For the record this is also my policy about the Holocaust. 5 million? Come on.

Jessica Simpson is getting a prenup after all

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 6:47 PM

SEMI-EXCLUSIVE: Jessica Simpson And Eric Johnson Arriving At LAX

Just yesterday it was reported that Jessica Simpson is worth 100 million dollars based on her clothing line alone, so maybe it’s not coincidence that today Us has a story saying there will very definitely be a prenup in place when she marries Eric Johnson.

Slamming a tabloid claim to the contrary, a source close to the engaged couple says that Johnson, 31, “is not a gold digger.”
Exhibit A, the source points out: “There will definitely be a prenup” for the pair.  “Jessica has said she wants one. Jessica and Eric have talked about it.”,
”[Eric] understands that there needs to be a prenup,” the insider explains. “He’s supportive of it.”
”He really loves her,” the source continues. “He’s a low key guy. He’s not into the glitz and materialism of Hollywood at all.”

Oh please. You have no idea what I go through to find pictures of her without that doofus in them. He clings to her day and night, especially on every red carpet. They’re practically conjoined, I bet if she were to masturbate, he would cum.

Lindsay Lohan is naked (no not really)

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 4:56 PM

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There’s a picture everywhere today (uncensored full size copy here), purportedly showing Lindsay Lohan topless in a promo for Inferno, a movie that never really existed but one that she got fired from anyway.

In reality, the picture shows Tamara Mellon, the millionaire founder of Jimmy Choo who was at one time attached to star in this pretend movie, and I guess that was enough for the hack director to make her pose for naked pictures. I guess that’s his thing. He pretends to be a director and gets some sexy girl to take her clothes off. It’s a pretty sleazy move, and any girl should run in this situation. Unless I’m the director, in which case relax baby. Look, I put out fresh fruit and everything, it’s all very classy.

(NOTE – Tamara Mellon is also the girl who was on St Barts all last summer, on the island with her occasionally topless ladyfriends for some sun and a box lunch, if you catch my drift.)

Jennifer Aniston told Chelsea Handler to shut up

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 2:46 PM

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Jennifer Aniston is upset with Chelsea Handler for calling Angelina Jolie a home wrecker and a cunt, because, as we all know, Jennifer has tried so hard to keep her feelings about Angelina private, and the last thing she wants to do is to keep reviving stories about her and Brad Pitt.

No seriously that’s what this says. As you can probably tell, it makes a lot more sense if you haven’t read anything about Jennifer Aniston in the past 5 years. A source tells Popeater…

“Jen has gone out of her way to keep her private feelings about that woman who stole her husband private and has always asked her friends to do the same. She is furious with Chelsea for bringing the whole situation back to life again and landing her on the cover of a weekly magazine tomorrow with a Brad headline.”
Sources tell me Jen hasn’t felt this betrayed since John Mayer held a “press conference” to announce he was breaking up with her. Yeah, that was pretty bad.
“Jen doesn’t just let these sort of people in her life,” a friend of the actress tells me. “She hates drama or unnecessary attention and certainly doesn’t want to ever see her face on a tabloid again with a headline about Angie or Brad.”
“Even so, she’s happy Chelsea made it clear her rant had nothing to do with her and wishes she’d just keep her big mouth shut in the future.”

Yeah you shut your mouth little girl, or else you get the back of the hand. Just leave Jennifer alone. She’s got enough to deal with. Like the big solitary tournament on line, and she has to finish knitting her cats Santa costume. Ooooo, the big day is right around the corner!

Christina Aguilera has new leaked, sorta naked pictures

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 11:56 AM

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Christina Aguilera has a new movie, a new boyfriend, and a (pretty good) new song with T.I., but she still seems to be depressed lately and filled with self doubt. She needs to feel like a woman again, for the world to see her as a sex object again, so here are some new leaked candid pictures of her in some weird outfit where she’s pinching her nipples while 98 percent naked. You’re Welcome Christina!

(NOTE – its hard to know how old these are, but in the first 2 pics she’s in her outfit from the Not Myself Tonight video, which came out in April)

Katy Perry is changing her name to Katy Brand

By brendon December 08, 2010 @ 11:00 AM

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“Get ready to adjust your iTunes.” said the Huffington Post (“Not gonna be an issue,” replied every straight male on earth) because Katy Perry will now be known as Katy Brand following her marriage to alleged comedian Russell Brand in October.

When asked by Ellen DeGeneres (in an appearance that will air today) if she’ll take Brands last name, Perry said she already has.

She’s called Brand, she told Ellen, “sometimes when people try to get my attention. Like if I’m at an event or something like that and they want special attention. They go, “Mrs. Brand!” and I go shwoosh [looking back].”

Wow that was a really good story Katy. I’m glad you went on TV and told it. Someone said your name and you turned around? GTFO. They should make a movie out of this amazing tale. I bet it would win First Prize at the Adrenaline Awards, in the No Fucking Way! category.

Kelly Brook is photogenic

By brendon December 07, 2010 @ 6:33 PM

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Kelly Brook was the star of tonight’s British Fashion Awards Zolo at The Savoy in London, wearing a dress that showed off her awesome legs and boobs. I mean, look at her. She looks great right? Any man would rush the red carpet if they saw this right? My new friends in the cell here all agree she initiated all this by being a total cock tease.