sandra bullock is still kind of hot

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 3:52 PM

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Sandra Bullock stopped on the way into her house yesterday after working out, and she didn’t look amazing or anything but she looks good considering she’s 45. And she’s one of those people who is crazy good looking in person. Like, way more attractive than you might think. It’s probably because she doesn’t have any kids. Kids really suck, they ruin everything. That’s why when I go on dates I hide a morning-after pill in the girls food when she’s not looking. I just can’t afford to be tied down right now.

(NOTE – I forgot to mention the naked screencaps of her in ‘the Proposal’. That’s how exciting they are.)

(source = splash news online)

sean penn (and his red cup?) save more lives

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 2:58 PM

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After Hurricane Katrina turned New Orleans into Atlantis on August 29th of 2005, Sean Penn and his red cup arrived to save the day. And by “after”, I mean on September 4th, when the water had gone done and things were under control.

He was only there for 9 hours, wore a bulletproof vest (the only one who did, btw) and almost immediately began to sink, but the photographer he brought documented it all as he was “pulling people out of the water”. Really short people apparently, since there was only about 8 inches of water left by the time he got there (picture).

Now he’s moved on to save Haiti. And, surprise, he’s doing it according to him!

Penn traveled 90 minutes outside Port-au-Prince to rescue a woman and child trapped in the rubble caused by an aftershock. Once he freed them, he reportedly drove them to the University of Miami hospital camp and is staying with them until they have a safe place to go.

Sean Penn has really inspired me. Not to go save people in Haiti, but to say that I did. Hey, did you guys here I saved some people in Haiti? There was an aftershock, and people were trapped, and I took a dozen old cars and built a robot that I call Carzilla and lifted the building up and threw it into the ocean. I’m a hero too!

angelina jolie is fantastic

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 12:49 PM

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The next few months are gonna suck because Angelina Jolie is in Paris filming ‘The Tourist’, and next week her co-star Johnny Depp is expected to arrive to begin their scenes together. So we can all look forward to endless tabloid stories about them doin it. Not that I would blame him of course. She’s fantastic looking. Any guy who can be in close contact with her for more than a few minutes without trying to slam his penis into her when she’s not looking is either gay or a martian or more likely a gay martian.

jerry seinfeld is back on tv

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 12:40 PM




Has it really been 12 years since the finale of ‘Seinfeld’? That was rhetorical by the way because yes it’s been 12 years. But Jerry Seinfeld returns to television this Sunday on ‘the Marriage Ref‘, where, “disputes between real-life couples are revealed, examined, and judged … audiences will be able to look at these fights, analyze them and declare a winner.” The show is filled with comedians so it should be funny, but also exciting, because the loser is fed to a giant snake.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . SPONSORED BY NBC . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

simon monjack really is an asshole

By brendon February 26, 2010 @ 11:09 AM

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Drugs are a form of drugs, which is news to Simon Monjack, because he told Radar yesterday that he feels vindicated by the result of Brittany Murphys autopsy after no street drugs were found in her system. If she had been smoking weed instead of taking 6 sedatives and/or pain killers all at once, she’d probably be alive right now, but Monjack is too busy writing love letters to himself to do that kind of math.

We are vindicated in that we always said Brittany never did any kind of illegal substances and that the medication she was taking was the medication found in her system.

Actually what he said was, “In all the time I’ve known her, she has never, and I repeat never done drugs. She was anti-drugs. There are no drugs involved.”

…the truth is, unfortunately, Brittany died of pneumonia and the drug intoxication turned out to be Vicks inhaler combined with the menstrual cramp medication that we never denied she took.

Oh and don’t forget the penguin cartoon. Warner Brothers firing her from Happy Feet 2 killed her too. The coroner must have looked and looked and looked again for script pages about a dancing penguin, but alas, there was none to find.

the good news is they found that guy…

By brendon February 25, 2010 @ 8:08 PM

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Vancouver police have scheduled a press conference to begin at 5pm PST, and are expected to announce that the body of Andrew Koening was found this afternoon inside Stanley Park. No other details are available. Police have asked that all media present not refer to him as “Boner”, because they would probably start to giggle.

brittany murphys autopsy is complete

By brendon February 25, 2010 @ 6:35 PM

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When Brittany Murphy died, her husband Simon Monjack was adamant that it was a shocking tragedy, and was baffled when asked for any explanation.

“This is what’s killing all of us? How did it happen?”
Asked point-blank if a drug overdose was a possible cause of death, Monjack replied, “I can get rid of that one right now,” he says. “She has never, and I repeat NEVER, done drugs. There are no drugs involved.”

Ahem…

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office released the full autopsy report for Brittany Murphy on Thursday, which revealed new details surrounding her death and drug use (and) a breakdown of what drugs were found in her system.

And those are: Propranolol (a sedative), Hydrocodone (a morphine-like pain killer), Phenazopyridine (pain killer generally taken after surgery), Fluoxetine (aka Prozac), Dextromethorphan (in some doses it’s cough syrup, in others it’s a hallucinogenic), Chlorpheniramine (allergy medicine), and methamphetamines (methamphetamines).

I have to say, for a girl who let this tub of shit flop around on top of her, I’m surprised she only took 6 sedatives and/or pain killers. I would have done all that, chased it with scotch and then had someone drop a safe on my head.

jenny mccarthy is an idiot

By brendon February 25, 2010 @ 4:46 PM

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Jenny McCarthy is back in Time magazine this week to warn more parents about vaccines and blaming medicine for giving her son autism, even though there’s no scientific evidence of any kind to support those statements, and mountains of data proving she is 100 percent wrong. Let’s keep an eye out and see if she can kill her 500th kid. Time writes…

During her appearance on Oprah in 2007, she launched a typical fusillade: “What number does it have to be … for people just to start listening to what the mothers of children who have autism have been saying for years … I told my pediatrician something happened … after [he was vaccinated] ?… Boom — the soul was gone from his eyes.” Later, when Oprah read a comment from the CDC stating that the vast majority of the science to date did not support her assertion, McCarthy replied, “My science is Evan. He’s at home. That’s my science.”

Actually that’s the exact opposite of science. It’s just something that happened. It would be like if a goat was choking on a gold coin, and then Jenny wrote a book claiming gold coins come from goats. If a dog barks and later it rains, the dog didn’t make it rain by yelling at the cloud. It was coincidence combined with the fact that you don’t really understand what you’re looking at. These doctors must shake their head and think, “I can’t believe I’m arguing with a chick who is only here because she sold pictures of her vagina to a magazine.”