um, hey there Madonnas daughter

By brendon August 26, 2011 @ 12:17 PM


The last time we saw 53-year-old Madonna with her 24-year-old boyfriend Brahim Zaibat, it was mentioned that he reportedly gets along well with her kids. At the time I had no idea that her daughter Lourdes, who is 15 now, woke up one day with those awesome tits.

So now this relationship makes way more sense. They all went swimming yesterday in Eden Roc, France. This is what Madonna wore. This is what Lourdes wore. Obviously Brahim is planning to kill Madonna so he and Lourdes can have her money, and obviously someone needs to stop him. Because that was my plan too.

(nice to see she finally did something about her unevolved brow, btw.)

(image source = splash and pacific coast)

Lady Gaga is into bondage

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 6:01 PM


According to the biography that Lady Gaga is following step by step, Madonna posed for some scandalous naked bondage pictures at about this point in her career. “Well then that’s exactly what I’ll do,” Gaga proclaimed after realizing she doesn’t have an original thought in her head.

(NOTE: actually these are newly released outtakes from a shoot she did with Vogue Japan in 2009, but you get the idea. these are all SFW, albeit barely. i had to host the three NSFW ones here and here and here)

Courteney Cox doesnt need make up

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 4:18 PM


Courteney Cox went out with no make up on last night in West Hollywood, and I bet she’d be really flattered to know that even after all these years, I would still do it with her, make up or not. It would be my honor.

If she could put some on when she met my friends however, that would be terrific.

(image source = inf)

Alec Baldwin has finally found love

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 4:03 PM


Alec Baldwin and Hilaria Thomas must be Hollywoods most unlikely couple. He’s 53 after all, so you would think he wouldn’t be interested in a 27 year old yoga instructor. What could they have in common? What would they talk about? But he’s overlooked all that and recent pictures show her wearing a promise ring, with sources saying he has plans to get engaged. What a touching story! True love conquers all!

(image source = fame)

Rihanna is ready to swim

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 2:52 PM


Rihanna put on the orangest life jacket money can buy today to go snorkeling off the coast of Portofino, Italy, and see the Christ of the Abyss. And also to reinforce every single stereotype about black people and swimming. Are you sure you have enough stuff on, Ri? Maybe you should wear two of those life jackets, and some water wings on your arm, and one of those inflatable rings that go around your waist with a Micky Mouse face.

(image source = inf)

Ashton Kutcher is a snazzy dresser

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 12:33 PM


Ashton Kutcher was on David Letterman last night, and after that he went to the Dress Like A Douche Championships. SPOILER ALERT: He won!!!!

(image source = inf)

Jim Carrey is insane, hearts Emma Stone

By brendon August 25, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

As far as I can tell Jim Carey has never even met Emma Stone, but, no, really Jim, please don’t let that dissuade you in any way from telling the entire world how badly you want to fuck her.

Here’s a transcript.

“I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re all the way beautiful. Not just pretty, but, you know, smart and kindhearted. And if I were a lot younger, I would marry you, and we would have chubby little freckled faced kids. We’d laugh all day long and go camping and play Yahtzee and tell ghost stories by the fire. And the sex? Everyday for the rest of your life, you would thank God that I was the appropriate age for you. But I’m not. I’m 49. I have lines on my face, sometimes a little grey in my beard, and it takes me a little longer to pee than it used to. Those are the only discernible signs of aging that I can find so far.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. You’re pretty special, and I wish you continued success and artistic fulfillment, but most of all, I wish you love and contentment. That’s all.”

She’s 22 by the way. So yes, Jim Carrey, who is 49, went on youtube because he really wants to fuck a 22 year old stranger. And he assumed the best way to accomplish that was to tell several million people about his erection and hope one of them tells her so she can take care of it. I would assume it’s a joke but Jim Carrey is insane, and he has hundreds of millions of dollars, so Emma better hide somewhere good before he kidnaps her and holds her hostage on a plane that never lands, it just refuels in mid air and he never touches the ground like that rich guy in ‘Contact’.

Rihanna has a sex tape. Maybe.

By brendon August 24, 2011 @ 6:27 PM


I have absolutely no idea who J-Cole is, but hopefully the name rings a bell with Rihanna because Hustler is claiming she made a sex tape with him. And that they have a copy.

“Hustler are in possession of the Rihanna and J-Cole tape. We have seen it and we do not know what we are going to do with it yet.”
While they refused to disclose any further details of the tape … a source close to Rihanna is still denying it exists.
“Rihanna is surprised because there is no sex tape.”

So apparently this guy Cole did some of his “rapping” on her Loud tour last year, and she was even in a video of his for a song called ‘Can’t Get Enough’. So if this is true they should consider the sex tape a sequel and call it, ‘See. Told You.’