Lindsay Lohan was secretly taken from jail to rehab

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 10:02 AM

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90 minutes before Lindsay Lohan walked out of jail this morning, famous Hollywood stylist Christophe arrived, all part of Lindsays big plan to take advantage of the spotlight.

But the deputy sheriffs are tired of looking like assholes (they’ve demanded that the Sheriff, “put a stop to his special treatment for celebrity inmates”), so, Forbes says…

She was released to a waiting vehicle and did not walk out the front entryway. That avoided a spectacle similar to when Paris Hilton was released after serving a jail stint in 2007.

And that’s why there aren’t a million pictures of her today. But she’s probably in that GMC Yukon, because police escorted it from her jail to UCLA where she’ll spend 90 days in drug rehab.

Hopefully the deputies let her spend a thousand dollars making her hair shine like a golden sunbeam as she watched the media grow and practiced different facial expressions in the mirror. And then when she dramatically stepped out of the bathroom and was ready to leave, they pushed her in a laundry cart and rolled it out back by the dumpster. In a perfect world they would have sealed her in a coffin, and she and her new friend would be taken to the morgue first, but the laundry cart is better than nothing.

(image source = pacific coast and getty)

Lindsay Lohan was released from jail

By brendon August 02, 2010 @ 8:27 AM

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Lindsay Lohan was released from jail at 1:35am this morning after serving just 13 days of a 90 day prison sentence. Officially she spent 14 days in jail, but that’s because LA county sheriff Lee Baca is a pussy who thinks it’s cute to play little paperwork tricks. She was discharged at 1:35am, but the process to release her reportedly began at 12:01am, and the sheriff counts that :01 as a new day in jail (*). This way both the sheriff and Lindsay can pad their stats while Lindsay gets inconvenienced as little as possible. I think we can all agree, that’s what matters most.

In Bacas defense, his instincts are uncanny. That’s why, on June 20th, his spokesperson said, “She is scheduled to be released on either Aug. 1 or 2 for overcrowding issues and good behavior.”

He knew even before she started that she was gonna behave herself. That’s amazing! (She didn’t behave but whatever.) It means that either LA has three precogs who can see how criminals will act in the future, or the sheriff is an incompetent asshole who somehow manages to keep his job. Either way, it’s damn impressive.

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Halle Berry was almost eaten by a shark

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 6:35 PM

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That headline is a lie, but Halle Berry is off Seal Island in South Africa for a shark movie called ‘Dark Tide’, and while filming today a Great White breached and ripped apart a seal decoy. Angry and with a growing hunger, it then disappeared back into the thing Halle has her foot in.

(heres a bigger copy of the first breach pic. you can even see the film they cover their eyes with just before an attack. other two pictures here and here. source = pacific coast news)

Snooki was arrested today for public drunkenness

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 5:16 PM

Nicole Polizzi, Snooki, Snookie

Even at her best Snooki looks like someone just drew a face on a thumb, but today the lucky residents of Seaside Heights in New Jersey got to see regular Snooki and drooling Snooki in handcuffs and with her diaper riding up to expose her ass. Because she was so drunk this afternoon she got arrested for public intoxication while filming season 3 of ‘Jersey Shore’. People says…

(She is) expected to be charged with disorderly conduct.
“She didn’t hurt anyone or get in a fight,” says the source. “She just needs to be in a drunk tank for two hours.”

She’s so ugly in this picture, it’s hard to even look away. It’s like those movies where kids try to hide a creature by putting a hat on it. If you printed that picture and put it under someones house, they would all die.

(source = splash news online and inf)

Lindsay Lohan continues to humiliate herself

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 4:14 PM

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It seemed impossible, but Lindsay Lohan has sunk even lower into the gutter, because just before she went to jail, and while she still had her SCRAM bracelet on, she filmed a scene for the Underground Comedy Movie, directed by and starring Vince the Sham Wow Guy.

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Tara Reid forgot something

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 2:08 PM

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Tara Reid got drunk and exposed her vagina in a brand new location last night, this time in Saint-Tropez, France, which is exciting news unless you know who Tara Reid is. For the rest of us, the only way these could be any less of a turn on is if she started peeing. The only winner here was the panties she took off and threw away.

(source = wenn)

tyler has sexy readers (but no vote this week)

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 2:00 PM

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So I used to post scandalous pictures of the sexy readers on facebook before the 500 dollar contest thing on Friday (details here), but facebook is run by nerds who have spent their lives with hot girls never ever having sex with them, and yesterday they exacted their revenge by shutting our page down. I wasted tons of time arguing with them this week. It screwed up everything.

But whatever. All that matters for now is that sexy reader Brooke does this thing where she pulls her panties down to the point where you swear you’re gonna see kitty, it’s impossible she’s still managing to cover herself, yet somehow she does. Does she even have a kitty? If someone stripped an action figure and tricked me I’m gonna be outraged. I just want to masturbate to pictures of headless teen girls, there’s no need to rob me of my dignity.

(WARNING – she’s not naked in any of the pics after the jump, but they’re still probably NSFW)

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Laurence Fishburnes teen daughter does porn now

By brendon July 30, 2010 @ 1:31 PM

Unless Laurence Fishburne is a huge fan of the 1990 Wilson Phillips hit ‘Impulsive’, he probably won’t want to watch this video of his 19-year-old daughter Montana announcing that she’s doing porn now. Because “porn” is those movies where men and women have sex. Also because there’s two dudes with Montana, one is terrifying and the other looks like he came here on a spaceship, and they probably banged her.

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