Judd Apatow has a pretty good resume with comedies, yet when Lindsay Lohan was offered the lead in “Knocked Up”, the role that went to Katherine Heigl, Lindsay turned it down. Todd Phillips also has a pretty good resume with comedies. His latest, “the Hangover”, has made $270 million worldwide in 4 weeks. Oh but you’ll never guess what savvy actress decided that script “had no potential”.
A source tells Us that director Todd Phillips approached Lohan to star in the hit flick after their mutual agent campaigned on the actress’ behalf.
“The agent tried hard to get Phillips to consider her,” says the source, “and when he finally agreed, Lindsay said she didn’t like the script!”
The role went to actress Heather Graham.
This is all good news for “the Hangover”, because Lindsay would have been a pain in the ass. I’d rather having something stolen from one of the pyramids on my set than Lindsay Lohan. Like a mask or something from a pharoahs tomb, one with a warning that a curse will strike down all who lay eyes on it. There’s no way that could be any worse than Lindsay Lohan.
Mena Suvari is in Mexico this week with her tiny boyfriend, and I can’t explain why but I hate that dude. I have no idea who he is but I guarantee he sucks. He acts real tough. Says, “be-lee dat” and thinks Entourage is a really good show. But if he was walking down this beach later today and stepped on a jellyfish, Mena would be wiping away his tears and kissing him on the cheek in three hours as they leave the hospital. “Would you like some ice cream? I bet ice cream will make you feel better.”
The Michael Jackson memorial was as stupid and pretentious as most thought it would be, but sitting through it was worth every second to get to this guy. This guy is the absolute best. Number 1. Him and his crazy eyes and sinister expressions. It’s like we’re on a spaceship now. And we have a secret and this guy needs to know what it is and so we’re taken to his room when we walk in he’s picking up a live mouse by its tail and then he swallows it whole.
MORE APPROPRIATE UPDATE – okay so I changed out the music. Original is on the other side.
I’m just gonna add pictures and updates here all day. All the networks are running live coverage of course. In fact one just said if the dam were to break, thousands would be killed almost instantly. But that’s because I was watching Mega Disasters on The History Channel instead.
9:54am – Michael Jacksons golden casket has just arrived at Staples Center. The memorial will not be on time, but is expected to last well over 90 minutes. There appears to be no new information about the dam. Won’t someone help those poor people!
It would be awesome if those drums were Decepticons waiting to pounce on everyone involved with Michael Jacksons memorial later this morning. Seems unlikely. Hopefully you’re fascinated by all this because today is gonna be dominated by Michael Jackson like it was a drugged up little boy. Here’s the latest:
- The memorial from Staples is expected to begin in just over one hour, at 10am pct, 1pm ect.
- Family and friends arrived at Forest Lawn cemetery just about an hour ago (8am pct, 11am ect) for a private memorial. He will not be buried obviously, as his body will then be taken to Staples Center and placed on stage for the public memorial.
- Jacksons body will be escorted from Forest Lawn by a SWAT team, or maybe even flown on a fire department helicopter if the already “heavy” police escort is not enough.
- Mariah Carey, Jennifer Hudson, the surviving Jackson brothers, Stevie Wonder and Usher will all perform, and rumor is John Mayer, Lionel Richie, Smokey Robinson, Beyonce and Whitney Houston could as well.
The public part of all this – the escorts, police presence, securing the freeways and area around Staples – is expected to cost well over 4 million. That of course will be paid for by the City of Los Angeles. 4 million is a lot of money to throw away on a private citizens funeral, but considering none of the Jackson actually live or pay taxes there, it makes sense.
“Hayden Panettiere” can be a tricky name to spell correctly, so if you’re one of those internet dorks who carry on and on about how hot and sexy she is, a good trick is to replace the words “Hayden” and “Panettiere” with the words “Spider” and “Man”. The end result is the same. Saying you love Hayden or saying you love Spiderman both just mean you’ve never touched or talked to or maybe even seen a human girl in real life.
When she went on Letterman yesterday she wore a dress that won the gold medal in the category of Giving Me An Erection, and you other celebrities need to be more like her and put some GD effort into your public appearances, but she’s still boring and average. There’s nothing wrong with her per se (other than maybe having a penis bigger than mine) but there’s nothing great about her either.
You ever been to a car show and when they announced Best of Show the winner was a beige 2004 Camry with 130,000 miles on it? No? Exactly. That’s Hayden. She’s the beige Camry of Hollywood.
Ashley Tisdale is in Hawaii today. Or something. I think it’s Hawaii. I uploaded these like 30 hours ago so who knows at this point. I mean it’s Ashley Tisdale. Who cares. She’s the third most talented one from “High School Musical”. How humiliating. That’s like being the third most talented manager at Arbys. She’s average in every way. Completely forgettable. I’m actually the guy in the picture and I’m in Hawaii with her right now, she just went to get ice, and even I forgot who she was. I was on the fourth picture before I said, “… hey wait a second.”
When you look at these pictures of Jenna Jameson in a bikini, spending the Fourth of July in LA with her boyfriend Tito Ortiz, it’s hard to believe that a girl could do hardcore porn for 15 years and still look fresh-faced and healthy and pretty. By that I mean, Jenna Jameson does not look fresh-faced or healthy or pretty, so if someone were to say, hey I bet a girl could do hardcore porn for 15 years and still look fresh-faced and healthy and pretty, that would be hard to believe, considering these pictures.