‘Gossip Girl’ stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester presented the Emmy for Best Guest Actor in a Comedy last night, and Leighton is super hot of course, but she looks exactly like porn star Tori Black (here and here. Can anyone even tell them apart? I would pay 10,000 dollars for every time they kissed). And since Regular Tori Black doubles as Slutty Tori Black, Leighton needs to do more than just look like Regular Tori Black. Maybe she could hold a flashlight under her chin and be Telling A Ghost Story Tori Black. Something like that, except, you know, not retarded.
Every single thing Ricky Gervais does is funny, and last night as he presented the Emmy for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series was no exception. You can just look at him and tell he’s about to do something funny. Just like you can look at someone with their jeans hanging beneath their ass and tell they’re about to break one or more laws, probably upside your ass.
‘Mad Men’ star Christina Hendricks is definitive proof that huge breasts are the ultimate tie-breaker. She’s at least 30 Hollywood pounds overweight, but no one cares because her enormous rack brings so much joy to the world. Specifically, the part of the world around my crotch.
I’ve never seen ‘Two and a Half Men’ but I still know it sucks and I hate it (even though they’ve had the good sense to guest cast Megan Fox and my beloved Paget Brewster, who is tied with Amy Poehler as the best comedy actress alive). It may seem presumptuous to hate something I’ve never seen, but I’ve never witnessed a family being burned alive in a car either and yet I’m confident when I say I bet it’s unpleasant.
Point being, Neil Patrick Harris probably should have won the Emmy for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy, so he was right to throw a hissy fit when he didn’t. This video (part 2 on the other side) is moments after he lost to Jon Cryer of ‘Two and a Half Men’. I would have done the same thing, except with way more profanity and more than likely the N-word a few times because I get nervous in front of crowds and make inappropriate jokes.
Shortly after winning the Emmy for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy, spinner Kristin Chenoweth had to be seen by paramedics as she started to suffer from a migraine. But it turns out she was fine. My source for this is any of the over 2400 news articles about it on google news. Awesome, right? In a related story, a house burned down during the Emmys but it wasn’t Kristins it was someone else’s so she’s okay house-wise too. Oh I know. My heart was in my throat from all the tension.
Why do people keep putting these award shows up against football? And last night was the premiere of ‘Bored to Death’ on HBO. If there was any possibility of watching the Emmys, that went right out the window when they opened with singing and dancing. But apparently I should have watched that because the awesome Neil Patrick Harris was awesome. That dude can do anything. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like him. He’s a more convincing cool ladies man than I’ve ever been, which is extremely troubling considering he’s gay and I’m not.
Still the Emmys are fuckin retarded. They never recognize anything good. ’30 Rock’ over ‘Flight of the Conchords’? Fuck you. The winner is always some lowest-common denominator mush. If ‘Best Painter’ were an Emmy category, Thomas Kinkade would be holding his trophy on stage and plugging his website while Marcel Duchamp sat in the audience smiling politely.
Vincent D’Onofrio created one of the best characters ever on ‘Criminal Intent’, he might be the best actor on earth, and I don’t think he was ever even nominated. Same with Kathryn Erbe on that same show. The first 4 years of that show were amazing, the story arc they had with Olivia D’Abo as Nicole Wallace is some of the best things ever put on television and no one even noticed. More recently, how many years in a row does Shemar Moore have to be awesome on ‘Criminal Minds’ before someone gives him his due? That dude should be a huge star. And what about Randy Watson as Joe the Policeman in the ‘Whats Goin Down’ episode of ‘That’s My Momma’? Where’s his trophy? I’m all for people having their own interests and opinions, except when they conflict with my own and then in that case you’re wrong and I hate you and I hope you die.
And I don’t have any segue for this but Olivia Wilde looked awesome.
The Megan Fox movie ‘Jennifers Body’ opens today, and it would seem someone has a lot to learn about marketing because these pictures of her in a cheer-leading outfit have only just been released (hq jump here). They should have been dumping copies of these out of planes like Allied propaganda during the war. They should have emailed everyone on earth 5 copies, then made a list of everyone with no email to call on the phone and then held her picture up to the receiver. Hearing a picture of her crinkle isn’t as good as seeing one, but Megan is hot enough that even that will make people wanna see the movie.
When LA Laker star Lamar Odom was playing college basketball at the University of Rhode Island, he would often disappear for days at a time as he suffered from crippling bouts of depression, doubt and low self esteem. In a possibly related story, now he’s marrying Khloe Kardashian.
It’s been about a month since Khloe Kardashian and L.A. Lakers forward Lamar Odom began dating, but the couple plan to marry, and are currently planning their wedding, two sources confirm to PEOPLE.
Earlier this month, (Kim Kardashian said), “They’re very, very happy. They’ve been together a few weeks, and are literally inseparable. Khloe thinks he’s amazing and makes her laugh and smile constantly.”
The good news is that Odom is 6’11”, and when together he makes Khloe relatively human looking by comparison. The bad news is, if they have kids, those monsters will literally block out the sun and life on earth will cease to exist.