Bar Refali is trying to make DiCaprio jealous

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 3:29 PM

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One reason I rarely date international supermodels anymore is because they can’t handle getting dumped. They’re used to everyone fawning all over them, so when I tell ‘em to hit the bricks they get all clingy.

The same thing might be happening to Leonardo DiCaprio, who is in Cannes this week, and was photographed on a yacht hugging Blake Lively. This is just one week after it was announced that he and Bar Refaeli had broken up.

So, guess who arrived in Cannes yesterday.

Bar has been making a concerted effort to make DiCaprio jealous this week at the Cannes Film Festival.
Wednesday evening, (she) hammed it up for the cameras, partying with George Clooney’s Italian girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis.
The ladies sipped champagne and got down on the dance floor with a gaggle of Refaeli’s model girlfriends.
One model pal tells Fox411 that Refaeli kept an eye for Leo all night and made sure she was photographed having a good time in the hopes of making her ex beau jealous.
“It is a little desperate,” she told us.

If the dress she wore to the premiere of ‘the Beaver’, which did the impossible and made her ass look even better than her amazing tits, didn’t make him jealous, and the gold mini dress she wore last night didn’t work, earlier today she went on her twitter and posted that bikini pic in the headline (full size here). If none of that made him jealous, maybe letting me fuck her in the ass might help in some way. We’ve got to try something, Bar!

Arnold Schwarzenegger had two sons born the same week

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 1:46 PM

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As you may have noticed, something would have to have acid for blood in order for Arnold Schwarzenegger to not fuck it, and now the whores are coming out of the woodwork with the revelation that he had a child with his maid 13 years ago. One has even hired the worlds most punchable lawyer, with more perhaps on the way.

Fox news says…

The incident returned to the public’s attention numerous allegations made over the years that Schwarzenegger was a notorious womanizer.
It also threatened to bring forth more women with allegations against Schwarzenegger.
On Wednesday, Los Angeles attorney Gloria Allred confirmed she is representing Gigi Goyette, a former child actress who has said she had annual trysts with Schwarzenegger at a bodybuilding competition he sponsored in Ohio.

Fox also says Arnold was pretty busy during the last week of September in 1997, because not only did his wife Maria Shriver give birth to their youngest son Christopher, but his maid gave birth to their nameless bastard. Jesus, even Lil’ Wayne spaces it out more than that. Remember on ‘Threes Company’ when Jack would have two dates with two different women at the same restaurant, and he’d have to run from table to table? I like to think this was like that. “Yaa, goood, dats a good baby, I must go now!” And then Arnold would run to the next room where the other one is still in labor. “Yaa, puush, you are doing good! I go now!”

Elisabetta Canalis needs to think this through

By brendon May 19, 2011 @ 11:33 AM

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George Clooneys girlfriend Elisabetta Canalis (who still looks a little trannyish sometimes) spent another day lounging around on a yacht in a tiny bikini in Cannes yesterday, then did some modeling. Also on a yacht. But those pictures weren’t as good so they’re behind the bikini ones. Someone should maybe tell her that it might not be the best idea in the world to have her picture taken while laying on her back practically naked with her legs open for free, and then charge for pictures in a dress, considering that having her picture taken is her only marketable skill.

(note: fat bitch)

(image source = inf and bauer griffin and wenn and splash)

January Jones had an affair and got pregnant

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 6:02 PM

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It’s been almost a month since January Jones announced that she was pregnant, but she still won’t say who the father is, and according to the Daily, that’s because he’s married and they had an affair while filming ‘X-Men: First Class’. Which seems like a pretty good reason.

So of the big names on ‘X-Men’ who are married, there’s director Matthew Vaughn, who is married to Claudia Schiffer, Kevin Bacon, who is married to Kyra Sedgwick, and James McAvoy, who is married and has a son. There’s also Jason Flemyng, who isn’t as famous but you would know him if you saw him, and Oliver Platt, who is fat so it’s not him.

Hopefully it’s one of the other ones though. For now I guess we just have to wait for January to talk. That’s why I’m gonna go ask her about this, ask her who the father is, then slip her a $20 bill and say, “maybe this will jog your memory.”

Kanye West is not dating Kate Upton

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 2:27 PM

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Over the weekend, Kanye West was spotted on his hotel balcony in Cannes kissing an unknown blond girl (pics here and here). I mean, I’m sure he knows who she was, but no one else did.

So yesterday, the Sun decided to say the girl was 18-year-old Sports Illustrated model Kate Upton (seen here in Beach Bunny’s 2011 bridal bikini collection. Because bridal bikinis are apparently a thing that exists now). Luckily, Kate went on her twitter not once but twice to clear things up.

“Hey I said I wasnt in Cannes come on that girl doesn’t even look like me… I’m not with kanye.”

I just realized I wrote “luckily” before explaining that Kate wasn’t kissing a black guy. But don’t worry, I only phrased it that way because I’m astoundingly racist.

(image source = beach bunny swimwear and bauer griffin)

Arnold has pretty weird taste

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 1:18 PM

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I try not to ever say anything mean about people who aren’t public figures and who never wanted to be in the spotlight, but the new pictures of Mildred Patricia Baena, the maid Arnold Schwarzenegger got pregnant 13 years ago, are really putting that to the test.

Umm… holy shit.

I’ll just mention again that Arnold Schwarzenegger, one of the biggest stars Hollywood has ever had and the greatest bodybuilder of all time, had sex with this women. Repeatedly. And risked everything to do it. I can relate to that guy who fucked a thousand cars more than I can to this.

the first picture of Arnold Schwarzeneggers son, mistress

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 10:48 AM

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(UPDATE: now with new and better pics, and more here)

It was very noble of the LA Times when they refused to release the name of the woman Arnold Schwarzenegger had an affair and child with over a decade ago, or maybe they just knew tabloid sites like TMZ and Star would do it for them. But not even they are showing a picture of his son.

But I’m not here to help, so that’s him.

Her name is Mildred Patricia Baena, though she goes by the name Patty. She’s now 50, 13 years younger than Arnold, and she worked as a housekeeper for Arnold and Maria Shriver for 20 years. The son she had with Arnold is now 13. TMZ says…

We are not revealing the identity of the boy, however his features are eerily like Arnold’s (with) striking similarities, especially the mouth and teeth.

Which is maybe the nicest thing anyone could say about that headline picture.

George Clooneys girlfriend is better in bikinis

By brendon May 18, 2011 @ 9:40 AM

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George Clooneys girlfriend, Italian model Elisabetta Canalis, was in a bikini on a yacht in Cannes yesterday, and my favorite part was when she was crawling around on her hands and knees. Another sexy model did the same thing on Mel Gibsons yacht later in the day, but only because he had just punched her, so it wasn’t quite as hot.

(image source = splash news and bauer griffin)