Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn went public

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 3:26 PM

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Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn have been sneaking around together for a few weeks now, going on secret and no doubt boring dates. But Jim Toth is Scarletts agent, and since he got married to Reese Witherspoon this weekend, and since guys love going to weddings with girls they just met, Scarlett brought Sean as her date. Popeater says…

“Scarlett is Jim’s client, but no one, including the bride, knew she would have turned up with Sean Penn,” a friend of Scarlett’s tells me. “Turning up at a wedding with your boyfriend is definitely a huge statement, especially that wedding. What it’s doing is announcing to the whole of Hollywood that they are serious.”
“Scarlett is head over heals in love with Sean,” a friend of the actress tells me. “She normally tries to hide away from public attention, but when she’s with Sean she doesn’t care.”

Scarlett must be kinda dumb because you really need to know someone before taking them to a wedding. You really need to feel comfortable with them, and them with you. That’s why, when I see a new girl that I might want to ask out, I follow her, then break into her house and look around, dig through her stuff to see if we have similar hobbies and interests.

Reese Witherspoon got married

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 1:42 PM

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Reese Witherspoon and her agent Jim Toth got married at her ranch in Ojai Saturday night in front of about 120 guests, including fancy Hollywood stars like Sean Penn, Ryan Phillippe, Scarlett Johansson, Renee Zellweger, Robert Downy Jr., Tobey Maguire, Matthew McConaughey, Alyssa Milano, Isla Fisher and Sacha Baron Cohen. Granted these pictures only show a few of them and they’re pretty blurry, so they don’t prove much. Except for the existence of doves, if you were still on the fence about that.

Brooklyn Decker is in a bikini

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 12:57 PM

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Sometimes bikini pictures will show up and I’ll vacillate for quite a while trying to decide if they’re any good, on whether or not I should post them.

Brooklyn Decker and her fantastic tits on Miami beach this weekend was not one of those times.

(image source = inf daily)

Britney Spears is a good dancer

By brendon March 28, 2011 @ 10:30 AM

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Britney Spears gave two well-publicized “surprise” shows this weekend, one Friday night at the Palms in Vegas and one Sunday afternoon in San Francisco, which for some reason were hosted by Good Morning America as part of the promotion of her new album, “Femme Fatale”.?

All things considered she looked pretty good. Obviously I think she looked way hotter, especially her body, when she was a teenager, but that’s really more of an indictment of me than it is her, and probably not the kind of thing I should be saying out loud.

(image source = fame)

JWoww is a good host

By brendon March 25, 2011 @ 4:59 PM

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JWoww put on some tight clothes to host a party at a club in Philadelphia last night, then stood almost motionless the whole time, as if she saw the disco ball and mistook it for Predator. Someone should go check and see if she’s still there.

Lindsay has a foolproof plan for staying out of jail

By brendon March 25, 2011 @ 4:23 PM

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The reason so many people felt Lindsay Lohan should have taken the plea deal in her felony theft case is because the first thing the new judge will do is have a hearing to determine if there’s enough evidence to go to trail. If she concludes that there is, then Lindsay will automatically be found guilty of violating her probation. And after that…

“Judge Sautner will most likely order Lindsay into custody immediately … The DA would likely only ask for six months in county jail for the probation violation but, Judge Sautner could go above and beyond that.”
“Judge Sautner is very, very tough. Yes, she is fair, but when dealing with repeat offenders, she shows no mercy.”

Ahh, but if that happens to Lindsay, this wily ol’ fox has what Radar calls a “secret plan to stay out of jail.” And here it is…

Lindsay’s attorney will ask that Lindsay not be remanded into custody.

See. Told you she had a plan. She’s gonna ask not to. Phase II of the plan is to say she didn’t do it. That’s the whole plan. The judge is gonna say, “hey, you, with the freckles… go to jail,” and Lindsay is gonna say, “but I don’t want to” and the judge is gonna be all, “oh well ok then.” I bet all the other lawyers are gonna be like, “aw shit why didn’t I think of that!”

Doutzen Kroes is already back in a bikini

By brendon March 25, 2011 @ 2:36 PM

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Victorias Secret supermodel Doutzen Kroes had a baby just 8 weeks ago, but yesterday she was already back in a bikini, and a few days ago she was already back at work, on the beach in Miami in some slutty little shorts.

So there you have it. Here’s the proof. When women say it’s hard to get back in shape after having a baby, they’re liars, and need to be treated as such. They’re being lazy. According to women, if you put an 8 pound baby inside something, it gains 50 pounds. Come on, please, I’m not stupid.

(image source = fame and splash)

Madonna is a mean old bitch

By brendon March 25, 2011 @ 1:52 PM

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Let’s recap…

– when Madonna applied to adopt a little girl from the impoverished African nation of Malawi in March of 2009, the director of Malawi’s Human Rights Consultative Committee called her a “child kidnapper” and a “bully”, claiming she was using her money to influence the people who would make the decision. (3.31.09)

– a few days later a judge denied the adoption because Madonna didn’t meet the eligibility requirements, specifically, she didn’t live in Malawi. (4.3.09)

– Madonna wants to build a home in Malawi, and spend $15,000,000 building an extra fancy private school for girls! So, see, that first guy was way out of line. (4.10.09)

– They gave her the little girl. (6.12.09)

– Ummm… (6.13.09 through 2.11.10)

– She had the government give her land, and kick off the people who were living there, so she could build the school. (2.12.10)

– She wore several thousand dollar outfits to the now spacious, wide open land and posed for pictures. (4.7.10)

That brings us to today, and an article in the New York Times. Guess how it’s going.

…the plans to build a $15 million school for about 400 girls in the poor southeastern African country have been officially abandoned.

When Madonna posed for that picture in the headline, at the ground breaking in April, you could see the slogan for the school was, “Dare to Dream”. It was supposed to be, “Keep Dreaming. Because I’m Not Givin You Shit,” but that wouldn’t fit on the brick.