can i get you a coat, ma’am

By brendon February 18, 2010 @ 10:05 AM

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Seriously. Are you serious? Isn’t this joke about over? Apparently not. The Sun says…

The 42-year-old looked ravishing in a barely-there silver swimsuit modelling for the RICHIE RICH A-Muse Autumn/Winter 2010 collection in New York.
The mum-of-two dazzled fans on the runway as she strutted her stuff – leaving little to the imagination.
And the plunging neckline gave a whole new meaning to the word cleavage.

Well, I’m pretty sure that’s still the old meaning but whatever. I at least take comfort that she was at a fashion show. At this point it seems just as likely she did this at her kids graduation or something.

(source = getty images and splash news online)

tiger woods will apologize on tv this friday

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 5:42 PM

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In two days, for the first time in over 10 weeks, Tiger Woods will make a public appearance that will be aired on live television, during which he will apologize for his infidelity, among other things. His agent says…

Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at 11 a.m. (EST) Friday at the TPC Sawgrass clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL.  Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future and he intends to apologize for his behavior.
This will not be an open media event.   However, it is understood that there are many media who are interested in what he has to say.  In order to accommodate as best we can, we are working to arrange pool coverage of Tiger’s remarks.
There will be a network pool camera providing coverage of his talk. The feed will be available live to any network or station that wishes to air it.  A limited number of print and wire service reporters will be in attendance and will share their notes, color and background on a pooled basis. 

Holly shit this is gonna be awkward. For everyone. He should come out in a crown and a long leopard-spotted velvet cape, and on the screen it would say, “TIGER WOODS: KING OF BITCHES”. And then Tiger could say he was just joking, and people would be like, “hey, his joking around has really put me at ease.”

lady gaga + vagina = bad (update)

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 5:34 PM

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The Brit Awards (the UK’s Grammys) were held last night in London, and the big winners were Lady Gaga (who won 3 times) and everyone who wanted to maybe see her vagina.

For a while yesterday, Gaga actually canceled her appearance on the show, still too shaken up by the death of her friend, fashion designer Alexander McQueen. He’s the one who made her goofy outfits like last nights Gozer the Gozerian one. She of course thanked McQueen during her speech and even dedicated her performance to him. “What about me?”, asked Vinz Clortho. “I’m the keymaster. Where would you be without your keys?”

UNCOMFORTABLE UPDATE - “maybe” just went right out the window. BAM.

(picture source = getty images)

snooki is writing a book

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 3:48 PM

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The Smoking Gun has all the details today about a new book to be penned by Nicole Polizzi, better known as ‘Jersey Shore’ star ‘Snooki’. They also say she’s applied with the federal government to trademark her nickname. There was one other thing notable about their post, but now I can’t remember what it was. Oh well. I’ll update later if I think of it.

dont ever fly with kim kardashian

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 3:35 PM

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian took a flight from LA to New York last night, and according to some reports she was seated next to the top-secret undercover air marshal. And by “some reports”, I mean “her twitter”. Which is what she used to tell over 3 million people about it before the flight.

I’m on the airplane…love wifi! I am sitting next to an Air Marshall! Jim the air marshall makes me feel safe!” she tweeted.
Twitterers were less than thrilled about Kim’s decision to reveal the identity of someone whose ability to keep passengers safe hinges on his anonymity, so she told them to keep quiet.
“RELAX I just told u guys the Air Marshall is sitting next to me, highly doubt anyone is twittering like me on this flight! shhh,” she tweeted.
Kim wrote that her sleuthing skills, and not Jim’s lack of integrity, were responsible for blowing his cover before ending the discussion by logging off.
“Air Marshall’s are supposed to keep their identity concealed. He did! I am just a private eye & assumed, so I asked him & he was honest!” she wrote. “OK I hope I don’t get in trouble…logging off now! xo”

Jim the air marshal makes me safe too. I can’t help but be impressed by the way he immediately surrendered and gave up confidential information. He keeps his cool in any situation, right up until some one asks him a question. Then his ‘fight or flight’ instincts kick in and it’s every man for himself.

(image source = inf daily)

pete wentz really is a jackass

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 3:02 PM

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Up until last night, if you wanted to wear a t-shirt and slim jeans and canvas high tops, you had to make them yourself, because no one on earth had ever thought of that. It took about a month and cost several thousand dollars. But then Pete Wentz premiered his line for Clandestine Industries by Pete Wentz. My friends, this changes everything.

As you can see, his idea were so nonconformist and revolutionary, they must have thought he was crazy. Leggings? A warm-up jacket, with jeans?!? If he would have had a chain that goes on your belt and holds your keys, I think I would have died, overcome by fear that I somehow transported 500 years into the future.

UPDATE – ohhh my heart!

mtv is being sued over ‘jersey shore’

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 2:16 PM

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The bad news for MTV is that they’re being sued by an Italian activist group for their negative portrayal of young Italians on the show ‘Jersey Shore’. The good news for MTV is that the two most famous people on the show aren’t actually Italian. The group says…

“The use of words like ‘Guidos’ and ‘Guidettes’ is racial stereotyping in the worst possible sense and they are portraying young Italian Americans in the worst possible light.”
“They would not try and get away with the same tactics if it was show full of young African American or Jewish kids so why is it acceptable to portray Italian Americans in this way?”

You’re in luck…

Jersey Shore stars J-WOWW and Snooki recently confessed that they in fact have NO Italian blood in them.
During an interview on Fox’s Strategy Room J-WOWW confessed that she is Irish and Spanish
while Snooki revealed that she is actually Chilean.

In fairness to this group, not all Italians do steroids and tan and get drunk all day. Many make spaghetti (or cannolis) and join the mafia. The rest throw pizza dough in the air and drive gondolas.

(picture source = getty images)

hahaha, you suck jennifer aniston

By brendon February 17, 2010 @ 12:18 PM

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10 days ago Jennifer Aniston spent her birthday in Mexico with some friends, including rumored boyfriend Gerard Butler, and she went on Access Hollywood and talked about how wonderful he is and then listed all the reasons why he’s so wonderful.

Gerard Butler did not go on Access Hollywood. Instead he went to Rio and surrounded himself with gorgeous women who seem to think shirts are made of poison. Oh and also Nicole Scherzinger, who by the way just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. The Sun says…

Fresh from his Mexican trip to celebrate JENNIFER ANISTON’s 41st birthday, the Scottish lothario hightailed it to the Rio de Janeiro carnival.
And it didn’t take him long to pick up a bikini-clad A-lister in the form of PUSSYCAT DOLLS babe NICOLE SCHERZINGER.
Can’t imagine these two have too much in common.
That said, it doesn’t take a genius to work out what Gerry might see in perfectly-formed Nic…

I’m sure if you looked close enough you could find Aniston in these pictures, 20 yards behind Butler, in a poncho and sombrero and a big bushy mustache. Crying. Because this clingy bitch bonds like cement to every poor bastard unfortunate enough to bang her.

(image source = splash news online)