afternoon headlines

CELINE DION - is in talks to buy the NHL’s Montreal Canadians. And maybe after that Bette Middler can buy the UFC, and we’ll just fag up all the good sports one by one. (source = reuters)KANYE WEST - "South Park" ripped him apart last night, and on his blog he wrote that... read more

does madonna have any friends

Madonna has been nothing but a mean spirited bitch ever since they split, but still Guy Ritchie is the one she has turned to after her failed bid to adopt a little girl in Africa last week. The Sun says...Madge was devastated after being told three-year-old Malawi girl... read more

avril is a drunk

Avril Lavigne had to be half-carried to her car last night by a friend and then two friends because that miserable bitch was too drunk to walk. With any luck they then dumped her in some haunted mystery spot from which there's no escape, that bends our laws of reality.... read more

nice

Lindsay made her first good decision in 6 years last night when she went to a salon and had her hair dyed back to it's hot ass natural color. Or at least close enough. Girls with dark red hair and big tits are the best. This look on her face also helped. To the best of my... read more

im as surprised as anyone

“Good Will Hunting” came out in 97, and from then until 04 Ben Affleck was in 25 movies. Since 04, he’s been in 6. For 7 years the dude was in anything on film, even like security cam footage from bank robberies and he led the Channel 5 Trouble Shooter Team in Denver for... read more

britney is high on life

Britney brought her "Circus" tour to Vancouver last night, but stopped the show for 45 minutes after just three songs because she thought she smelled marijuana. Radar Online says...(She) left the stage dark and empty from about 8:30 p.m. until 9:05 p.m.; at about 8:45... read more

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hahaha, you suck ashlee

Yesterday Ashlee Simpson was beaming with pride as she posted a new picture with her baby on Twitter. Ashlees husband Pete Wentz wasn’t in the picture with them, because the night before his band had a concert at the Palms in Vegas and then he got drunk with dozens of... read more

brace yourself for adventure

At first I thought Megan Fox was basking in her time with the paparazzi because it looked like an old lady passed her on the street, but then I saw a sign in the background and realized the pictures as I found them were simply in a backwards order. Point being, if you’re... read more

this would be a good ad for rice

Having an NFL cheerleader and contestant from “the Bachelor” on a show called “Dancing With The Stars” really pushes any rational definition of the term “stars”, but as of today Melissa Rycroft is definitely a star in my book. My book is entitled, Girls I'd Like To Fuck.... read more

lindsay cant take a hint

Lindsay should snap for sure by the weekend, if what she tolda camera crew from X17 about her relationship with Samantha Ronson is any indication. To recap, Samantha broke up with Lindsay, hired five bodyguards to keep her away, changed the locks on her house and looked... read more

guess whos gettin it on

The always wildly entertaining Star magazine says today that Britney and Kevin Federline were caught by his current girlfriend in (a presumably steel-reinforced) bed. Not only that, but Star says the two have been doin it all over the place, even on the desk you’re... read more

"i am so alone"

I bet almost every one of us have had our heart broken at one time or another. It’s part of growing up. Those first few days it feels like the end of the world, and all you want to do is a cover story interview with Us magazine. "It's absolute hell," Lohan told Us on... read more

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