elin hit tiger in the head with a golf club, part 2

By brendon December 14, 2009 @ 3:13 PM


Last week someone on the PGA Tour told me Elin Nordegren grabbed a golf club and went after Tiger Woods as if he was filled with candy when she found out about his affairs on November 27th, and that was why he never had any control of his car when he left the house and why he crashed into a neighbors tree (more here).

Last Thursday, the Sun reported that Tiger had a tooth knocked out that night, and that’s why he hasn’t made any public appearances.

This is all just rumor of course, but the Florida Department of Children and Families seems to think she hit him too, because police notes and sources say she did, and now they have an open investigation to see if it happened in front of their kids. Radar says…

Florida’s Department of Children and Families has an open investigation that it is actively pursuing into a possible domestic violence incident – with a weapon — between Tiger Woods and his wife.
RadarOnline.com has exclusively obtained a police document that provides proof and details of the investigation.
The document  – police dispatch notes – details that the investigation centers on possible domestic violence between Tiger and his wife taking place in front of their young children. Using police code, it also spells out that a unknown weapon may have been involved. A source close to the situation (said) the weapon is a golf club.

Domestic violence is never funny under any circumstance, unless it’s a girl beating up a guy, in which case it’s hilarious 100 percent of the time. Girls are small, weak, and punch like they’re doing the dog paddle, so even if she trained a bear to shoot a gun at you, it’s embarrassing to get beaten up by one. This crazy bitch is like Laura Croft, except this time, the game is for real!

alessandra ambrosio is too good to be true

By brendon December 14, 2009 @ 2:02 PM


Alessandra Ambrosio finally did some swimsuit modeling for Victorias Secret during her trip to St. Barths, and these are the pictures we’ve all been waiting for. And by “we” I mean, “me and my balls”. There’s awesome and then there’s awesome, and then there’s this.

If I were this guy holding the screen, even if a shark snuk up behind me and bit my crotch and then shook me back and forth by my crotch as his dagger like teeth sank deeper and deeper into my crotch, and then he dragged me away and ate my seemingly delicious crotch, it would still rank as the greatest day of my life.

which one is lindsay?

By brendon December 14, 2009 @ 1:10 PM


When the BBC decided to do a documentary on child trafficking in India, they naturally called Lindsay Lohan. She would be the ideal host because she can’t form a sentence, doesn’t know anything about India or child trafficking, will probably get lost or high or high and then lost, and she has a long history of taking credit for things she didn’t do.

Guess how the trip is going so far. The Telegraph UK says…

An Indian charity has accused Lindsay Lohan of claiming to have helped to rescue 40 child labourers in New Delhi when she was not actually in the country.
In a series of posts on Twitter, Lohan, who has undergone treatment for alcohol abuse, appeared to boast of her role in the rescue and suggested that it had changed her life.
“Over *40 children saved* so far…… Within one day’s work…… This is what life is about….. Doing THIS is a life worth living!!!” she said. She later added: “Focusing on celebrities and lies is so disconcerting, when we can be changing the world one child at a time…. hope everyone can see that.”
But according to the charity which organised the raid, neither Lohan nor the BBC, were present (during the raid).

But she is helping though, right?

Her comments caused a stir in India and anger among those who led the raid.
A leading social activist and lawyer accused Lohan of portraying dangerous child rescue operations as superficial events, which could be carried out in a day by passing celebrities.
“She was not even in the country when this raid happened.”
Ruchira Gupta, an anti-trafficking campaigner, said: “If celebrities do it to get publicity then they are trivialising child-trafficking.”

But at least she’s not just hiding in some fabulous hotel room. She’s even wearing a bindi or tilaka on her forehead. A tilaka is religious in nature, associated with Hinduism, meditation and spiritual enlightenment. A bindi is more ornamental these days, but at one point they were used to tell you about the person. They signify age, marital status, religious background or ethnic affiliation status, just like how stickers on bananas tell you if they’re fresh, where they come from and the price. Bindis essentially were used to signify social status. In America we do that with gold teef.

(image source = fame pictures)

tara reid does playboy

By brendon December 14, 2009 @ 11:22 AM


The Sun has gotten the first look at Tara Reids Playboy cover, as well as a glimpse into the worlds most poorly thought out fake excuse.

She was left with unsightly scars following botched surgery but after a tidy up, Tara is now confident with how she looks.
“I got it fixed and now I’m OK, and I want people to know that I’m OK,” she explained in a recent interview.
“I’ve been OK now for the last five or six years but people only show old pictures which is so unfair and that’s part of the reason why I did the Playboy shoot – to show the world this is me and this is what I look like.”

When she says “old pictures”, Tara is referring to (NSFW) these. From 2004, when her dress slipped off her shoulder revealing the implants her surgeon put in while wearing mittens and balancing on a ball. But this picture is from July, and she looks like hell there too. When you get lipo then regain the weight, your skin gets those ripples or can hang loose. It that July picture she sort of looks like a penis. She’ll no doubt look amazing in Playboy, but the same amount of photoshopping could have rounded off her legs and made her look like a penis in sunglasses, as if it were an ad for condoms or a really terrible PSA.

NAKED UPDATE – now with her Playboy pics, starting here.

holy crap! tiger woods just quit golf!

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 8:47 PM


Yesterday the Sun reported that Elin Nordegren had given Tiger Woods an ultimatum. If he wanted to save their marriage after his seemingly endless cheating scandal, he would have to take a leave from golf and focus on repairing the damage he’s done.

“They have agreed to try and rebuild their marriage, but Elin will be the one calling the shots. It will be a long time before he’s travelling the globe playing golf unless Elin’s by his side.
“Tiger will have to work long and hard to get her to trust him again. Quitting golf shows he is willing to sacrifice something he loves so much to protect his family.”

And now that’s exactly what he’s done, announcing the move less than an hour ago on his website.

I am deeply aware of the disappointment and hurt that my infidelity has caused to so many people, most of all my wife and children. I want to say again to everyone that I am profoundly sorry and that I ask forgiveness. It may not be possible to repair the damage I’ve done, but I want to do my best to try.
I would like to ask everyone, including my fans, the good people at my foundation, business partners, the PGA Tour, and my fellow competitors, for their understanding. What’s most important now is that my family has the time, privacy, and safe haven we will need for personal healing.
After much soul searching, I have decided to take an indefinite break from professional golf. I need to focus my attention on being a better husband, father, and person.
Again, I ask for privacy for my family and I am especially grateful for all those who have offered compassion and concern during this difficult period.

ABC News says Tiger is on his way to Sweden so his now uninterrupted ass kicking can begin. Aw this poor bastard. Why Sweden? He’ll be surrounded by the same kind of blonds he’s been banging for 5 years. This is like locking up a bear in a cage filled with pots of honey.

you can nail one of tigers whores for $600

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 7:42 PM


The big update in all the Tiger Woods news is that, not only was he sleeping with whoever he could pick up in clubs, but he was paying for prostitutes as well, sometimes two at a time. This according to Michelle Braun, who ran a call girl ring for 15 years, up until 2007. The New York Daily News says…

Braun revealed (that Woods) was particularly smitten by a gorgeous Playboy model from Long Island named Loredana Jolie.
“He went out with her four or five times. She took part in group sex. They met up in 2006 or early 2007. I’d say he paid $15,000 for her.”

And E! Online says it was Braun who arranged for Woods to meet Holly Sampson and Jamie Jungers, though Jungers appeared on the Today show this morning and denied this.

Two of those former employees, Braun claims, were porn actress Holly Sampson and onetime Trashy Lingerie model Jamie Jungers.

With all this mind, I put on my detective cap and went searching for more information about Holly Sampson: Professional Slut. Unfortunately my investigation quickly led to a bunch of porn sites and within 9 minutes I had masturbated and was taking a nap. But then by random coincidence, one of the sexy readers emailed me exactly what I was looking for: Holly Sampsons rate sheet and contact info, with reviews by total strangers who fukced her, thankfully included.

Read more >

todays top story

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 4:12 PM


Victorias Secret would be insane to go to St. Barths and shoot without Alessandra Ambrosio. But they’re not, and so they didn’t. Although the bikini pictures are her just hanging out with her long time boyfriend and the father of her child. At least I think that’s him. It probably is because Alessandra is good, and doesn’t whore around like some other famous girls. If Lindsay Lohan ever gets AIDS, she’ll kill more people than cancer.

critics really love ‘avatar’

By brendon December 11, 2009 @ 3:42 PM

James Camerons ‘Avatar’ had it’s world premiere last night in London, and according to the first reviews (more under the cut), this could be the event that changes movies forever.  Or at least the movies about 10-foot talking blue cats in outer space. The Sun says…

It’s a movie people will look back on in years to come to comment on how it transformed cinema.
In Avatar, everything feels real – and it’s as if you are immersed in the action. And what action!
The final battle scene is 20 minutes long and absolutely mind-blowing.

This movies true event status will only be known on opening day. If lots of dorks are in line wearing pointy ears and blue glitter makeup, it will be a good sign. If not, I’ll go right back home and take off my pointy ears and blue glitter makeup. I’m in no hurry to relive that Star Trek beating, thank you very much.

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