and the nominees are…

By brendon February 02, 2010 @ 10:44 AM

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The Academy Award nominees were announced just moments ago in LA, and what jumps out is ‘The Hangover’ for Best Picture, a category that has expanded this year to include 10 nominees. Also noteworthy is Kathyrn Bigelow (James Camerons’ ex-wife) for Best Director, making her just the fourth woman to ever be nominated and the first one that I kind of want to have sex with.

BEST PICTURE
- “Avatar”
- “Up in the Air”
- “Inglourious Basterds”
- “The Hurt Locker”
- “Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire”
- “The Blind Side”
- “Up”
- “District 9”
- “An Education”
- “The Hangover”

The fact that ‘Precious’ includes ‘Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire’ in the title makes me wanna punch somebody. It serves no purpose, it’s just smug ‘New Yorker’ liberal “look how fancy we are” bullshit. How GD specific do they think I need to be when buying a movie ticket. I guess if i just said ‘Precious’, WHO KNOWS what movie I might end up going to. It would be pandemonium.

BEST DIRECTOR
- “Avatar,” James Cameron
- “The Hurt Locker,” Kathryn Bigelow
- “Inglourious Basterds,” Quentin Tarantino
- “Up in the Air,” Jason Reitman
- “Precious,” Lee Daniels

‘Basterds’ is fanfuckingtastic, Tarantinos masterpiece, and ‘Hurt Locker’ is the best movie of the year, but Hollywood has spoken; if your movie isn’t in 3D, fuck you. 3D 3D 3D!!!

BEST ACTOR
- Jeff Bridges, “Crazy Heart”
- George Clooney, “Up in the Air”
- Morgan Freeman, “Invictus”
- Colin Firth, “A Single Man”
- Jeremy Renner, “The Hurt Locker”

I only saw one of these, so I guess you could say I wasn’t impressed by the other 4. Therefore Renner wins.

BEST ACTRESS
- Gabourey Sidibe, “Precious”
- Sandra Bullock, “The Blind Side”
- Meryl Streep, “Julie and Julia”
- Helen Mirren, “The Last Station”
- Carey Mulligan, “An Education”

I’m a little surprised Zoe Saldana isn’t here for ‘Avatar’. She was getting lots of attention. It’s not easy to do good work under those conditions. Hollywood can be pretty shady but they should be commended for their color blind casting. A black actress can win any part and be a big star, like Zoe, Halle Berry or Thandie Newton, just as long as they have enough white features to not frighten the old people who run Hollywood.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
- Matt Damon, “Invictus”
- Woody Harrelson, “The Messenger”
- Christopher Plummer, “The Last Station”
- Stanley Tucci, “The Lovely Bones”
- Christoph Waltz, “Inglourious Basterds”

Waltz is even more of a lock for this than Ledger was last year. Harrelson better OD immediately.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
- Mo’nique, “Precious”
- Anna Kendrick, “Up in the Air”
- Vera Farmiga, “Up in the Air”
- Penelope Cruz, “Nine”
- Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart”

I didn’t see any of these movies but Gyllenhaal should win because then I can call her The Sad Cartoon Turtle some more.

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monday afternoon headlines

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 6:56 PM

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KRISTEN BELL - is engaged, and I’ll tell you who the lucky fella is when we come back. And we’re back: Dax Shepard. (wonderwall)

SCIENTOLOGY - is profiteering in Haiti. “Yeah, no wonder Travolta was over there, haha,” Brendon said to buy time while he looked up if “profiteering” was good or bad. (gawker)

KATY PERRY - might have a “clothing optional” wedding, which is to say she might be naked. I can’t wait to find out if she does it! Oohhh, I wonder what the answer will be?! I bet it’s surprising! (people)

LADY GAGA - wore this as her third outfit at the Grammys last night. She looks like the mascot for some shitty minor league baseball team. (getty)

joe jackson might be the devil

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 5:24 PM

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Prince Jackson and sexy Austin Powers his sister Paris were forced on stage last night at the Staples Center in LA to accept a Grammy for their dad Michael, their first public appearance since his televised funeral in June. Which, by the way, was also held on that same stage at the Staples Center.

Now we can go back and forth all day as to whether you should push a 12-year-old boy in front of millions and have him relive his dads very recent funeral, but that would lead us nowhere. Maybe you should, maybe you shouldn’t. Ripping apart a child’s open wounds wasn’t the important thing about last night. I think we can all agree that the important thing was the chance to rehabilitate Joe Jacksons reputation. The Hollywood Reporter says…

(Michaels) kids, Prince and Paris, whom he draped in bee keeper’s hats and masks to keep them out of the public, took center stage and accepted his Lifetime Achievement Award at the 52nd annual Grammy Awards.
Yes, they were poised and articulate. But their remarks were scripted. And when Prince Michael spoke, it was worth examining what he said. He acknowledged both his “grandma” — Katherine Jackson, his legal guardian — and his “grandpa,” Joe Jackson, whom Michael hated. Joe Jackson is currently suing Michael’s estate to get a $20,000-per-month allowance. Michael would have returned to being black before he would have let his kids have anything to do with Joe Jackson. Praising him in public? Never. And poor Prince didn’t realize he was shilling for his “grandpa.” That part was sad.

So Joes plan to convince the world that he’s not a monster who uses kids was to take some kids and bombard them with video and thoughts of their dead dad, so that they could publicly thank Joe. Holy shit. This guy might as well pull mice out of a cage and swallow them whole he’s so creepy. The only way this could get any worse is if he hired a Michael impersonator to whisper into their ear at night about how great Joe is.

christine hendricks knows how to dress

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 3:26 PM

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‘Mad Men’ star Christina Hendricks was one of the presenters at the Directors Guild Awards Saturday night, and she took to the stage in a dress that hugged her unique shape. By that I mean it was cut low as hell and pushed up her huge breasts to very very very effectively distract from her big ass. So all that medical advice about exercise and proper nutrition being the key to looking good are a bunch of lies as it turns out.

(source = getty images)

lady gaga gets it

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 2:11 PM

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This was the second outfit Lady GaGa wore at the Grammys last night, and AHHHH WTF! To be honest I really do appreciate that she’s at least trying new things, she’s at least trying to be different and original and that’s all I can ask for, but good lord she is unpleasant to look at. No wonder she hangs out with Perez. It’s the only time she’s ever the good looking one. If she ever got pregnant and he was the donor, I would just start punching her in the stomach and wouldn’t stop until we got to the delivery room and a little ghost came out of her and floated up through the ceiling.

this is gonna be a good movie

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 1:23 PM

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Celebuzz has a contest up today where you can win a date with Whitney Port as part of the promotion for the movie ‘She’s Out Of My League’ (red band trailer for that here). I’m not here to help, but if I were them I would have had a contest based around the stars of the movie, namely Alice Eve and her huge breasts.

I don’t think they realize how internet famous she became after she had one two three nude scenes in ‘Crossing Over’ (the movie, not the talk show with ghosts). This chick is terrific, they need to make the advertising campaign about her. It would be like if Ford had a new car, and they told you it was a hybrid with bluetooth and wifi, but when you read a little more it turns out the glove compartment bakes cookies, and there’s a hose under the steering wheel that gives blow jobs.

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todays top story

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 11:29 AM

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Katy Perrys outfit for the Grammys pretty much sucked (pictures here, here, here), but she made up for it with this low cut dress at the EMI after party, guaranteeing her a place on Tyler and a night full of stilted conversations while guys pretended not to stare at her tits.

Unfortunately her limey boyfriend was there too, pawin all over her with his grubby little scurvy infected hands, and I could only crop him out so many times. So for this one I took her out and put her on a date with Captain America. Suck on that, England!

look at me everyone

By brendon February 01, 2010 @ 9:55 AM

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Lady GaGa was of course the center of attention last night at the Grammy Awards, even though her only wins came for Best Dance Recording and Best Dance Album. She was shut out of the big 3 categories, Record of the Year (Kings of Leon), Album of the Year (Taylor Swift), and Song of the Year (Beyonce – Single Ladies).

Nonetheless all eyes were on her because she wore 3 different shocking outfits, each one more shocking than the one before. I even hyperventilated and then blacked out for a while after I saw the third one, on account of how shocked I was. This was the first one, a dress designed by Niels Bohr. It looks like a old timey drawing of an atom and electron. And stuff. This isn’t especially relevant but just so you know what kind of page this is, I have no idea what an electron does.

(source = getty images)