Jamie Foxx is disgusting

By brendon May 22, 2009 @ 12:18 PM

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I don’t even wanna think about this so let’s just get to it.  Extra and IMDb say…

Kirstie Alley has a thing for a leading Hollywood man: “I want a booty call with Jamie Foxx — for real,” Alley dished to People magazine. “I’ve always had a bit of thing for him” … Foxx admits Alley does meet his criteria of ideal women. He says, “I do like them thick (big)… (and) she is thick.”

Unless I could come back from the dead like Jesus I wouldn’t F this tub of shit even on a dare because I would very definitely kill myself from the shame afterwards. Brace yourself for the shock of a lifetime because the very first place I checked (fame images) had pictures of her going to a restaurant. Although in this picture it appears she’s been locked out, no doubt justifiably. They also had pictures of her in her private zoo.

Kirstie has a variety of pets ranging from dogs, lemurs, and even sugar gliders.

I don’t know what the hell a sugar glider is but we both know Kirstie thought that was some kind of cookie when she ordered it. And she ate the first 15 just to make sure. Also I don’t think it’s called a “zoo” when someone this fat has one. I think it’s just called “the pantry”.

Orlando Bloom is a real sicko

By brendon May 22, 2009 @ 9:38 AM

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I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.

Hey did you hear Orlando Bloom rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.

Hahaha, you suck Hayden

By brendon May 22, 2009 @ 8:25 AM

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I don’t know who the hot piece is with the thong and huge implants, but I bet Hayden is real jealous and pissed off that she got to go on the yacht. Stumpy midget transsexuals are always real jealous of sexy people like me and that goddess with the big tits.

(NOTE: Hollywood funnyman Joe Rogan seems concerned. SECOND NOTE: not really.)

(image source = splash. jump to hq here)

Fergie sure is sexy

By brendon May 22, 2009 @ 6:18 AM

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Despite mountains of evidence to the contrary, people still pretend that Fergie and her crocodile skin are sexy. And who knows, maybe she is, maybe this is like Dorian Gray, and in real life she’s amazing but her pictures age super fast and reflect her sins. I know that’s completely retarded but it makes at least as much sense as the notion that Fergie is attractive in any way.

NOTE – if you think Fergie is hot, maybe you and this guy can be new best friends. He looks pretty cool.

It’s all lies

By brendon May 22, 2009 @ 5:37 AM

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Sometimes paparazzi pictures are taken from really far away, and so the pictures are real grainy or blurry. I bet the people responsible for tricking the public into thinking that girls in Hollywood actually look like they do in movies wishes this was one of those times.

(who: Anne Hathaway.  where: NYC.  when: 5.21.09.  source: pacific coast)

Seriously. What the hell?

By brendon May 21, 2009 @ 3:19 PM

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I don’t know if these two pictures of Britney on vacation this week have been photoshopped or what, but she looks incredible here, so to be honest I don’t actually care.  This is how I want her to look, and this is how she looks, and so we’re good.  In fact if she wants to make me some glasses with either one of these pictures taped to the inside, she can just stop working out altogether.

(image source = X17. direct to full size here)

How on earth does this happen

By brendon May 21, 2009 @ 1:26 PM

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I could have sworn that Britney didn’t have any tits 24 hours ago, when she was wearing virtually the same thing. I’ve given up trying to figure out how women do this, how their bodies change so dramatically from one day to the next. It’s like dating some kind of fairy shapeshifter. Don’t be surprised if tomorrow she has DD’s and a tail, and the day after that she’s Asian. For a guy it would be like having a normal penis one day, then a tiny penis, and then three penises.

(exclusive image source of Britney in the Caribbean = Mavrix Online)

Make up your GD minds

By brendon May 21, 2009 @ 11:49 AM

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Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn got married in 1996, which might be news to all the girls Penn has slept with since then. Robin filed for divorce in 2007, then changed her mind. Sean filed for divorce in 2008, then changed his mind. She filed for divorce again two months ago. Okay now try to guess where this is headed. People.com says…

Sean Penn filed a request Thursday to dismiss his legal separation case, Marin County, Calif., court records show.
“This appears to imply that they’re reconciling again,” says L.A. divorce lawyer Lynn Soodik, who is not involved with the case. “It’s unlikely Sean Penn would request a dismissal for any other reason.”
A lawyer for Sean Penn didn’t immediately return a call for comment. Wright Penn has been at the Cannes Film Festival, where she’s a member of the jury, since last week.

I’m hopeful that these two can work things out. Or that they both die today. Either one really, just as long as I stop hearing about them.