Sarah Jessica Parker filmed more 80′s flashback scenes for the ‘Sex and the City’ sequel yesterday (just like Kim Cattrall the day before), despite the fact that she looks 95 years old, I don’t give a fuck how many bangle bracelets you put on her. This movies got some balls. You might as well put antlers on a pig and call it a deer. At least they had the good sense to hold back on the Madonna-style crucifix. Any religous stuff on someone this weathered and ugly would just make her look like some kind of demon hunter.
Ellen DeGeneres is a mean-spirited ungrateful bitch who many, many people in Hollywood genuinely despise (more on that here). She also has no practical experience in the music industry. Combine these two things and it only makes sense that she’s been named the fourth judge on ‘American Idol’. I’m lying of course. What. The fuck.
“DeGeneres will sit alongside Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi and offer her own unique perspective to the contestants throughout the competition,” Fox television says in a statement.
DeGeneres, 51, begins her stint after the audition rounds, which have featured a rotating group of celebrity guest judges including Shania Twain, Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Joe Jonas and Kristin Chenoweth.
All 5 of the people on that list would have been a better choice, and I don’t even know who 2 of them are. There is literally no one on earth that would have been this bad. If someone stood next to you and acted the way she does, with her annoying dancing and embarrassingly stupid jokes, you’d call the fucking cops.
Porn star Jenna Haze is in Hawaii this week wearing a scandalous little bikini. I’m a sweet boy, so I had to search around and it seems “porn” is what they call movies that primarily focus on men and women making love. I ran a search on this young lady and after reading several positive reviews, discovered a featured simply titled ‘Gangbang Auditions’.
The movie was okay (I figured out the ending pretty early on) but the title was a little deceptive. There was like 10 penises inside of her at once, so it was pretty obvious she already got the job as ‘Girl being Gangbanged’. How is this an “Audition”? I was all like, um, hello.
Audrina Patridge is the cover girl for the October issue of ‘Maxim’, and it’s good to see her doing more photoshoots mostly naked because her body is ridiculous. I’ve been pleading with her to do more of this for years. In hindsight I regret killing her pets to let her know I was done being polite, but love is funny like that sometimes.
Charlie Sheen has posted a make-believe transcript from a conversation he did not have with President Obama, in which the star of ‘Scary Movie 3’ lays out the “facts” regarding the US governments role in the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
The problem is that most of his evidence is laugh-out-loud stupid, and the voices in his head seem to understand that. Even the guy who tells me a simple little pill can make a certain part of my male anatomy larger has more evidence to support his claims, and that’s the dumbest god damn thing I’ve ever heard.
You can read the entire thing after the cut if you have nothing but spare time.
Are these science fiction movies or something? Because yesterday Kim Cattrall filmed a flashback scene for the ‘Sex and the City’ sequel, and it would seem she plays someone who was an old lady 25 years ago yet is still somehow alive today. Is she immortal? Is she some kind of dragon or something?
And are they still gonna pretend young hunks are lining up to have sex with these leathery old bitches and their dusty tombs wombs? Her vagina must look like something hanging out of a lions mouth. I’m pretty sure pictures like this are why I can’t get an erection.
The GQ Men of the Year Awards were held last night in London, and according to the list of winners it’s a bunch of faggity nonsense just like the magazine itself. I have no idea who the hell those people are, except for my beloved Lily Allen who won Woman of the Year. The big winner of the night was my penis because Kelly Brook wore this dress that probably caused her toes to turn blue but also showed off her comic-book-villain body. She almost looks as good as she did in Arena magazine (here). One time I masturbated so hard to those I actually died for three minutes.
Unless you consider being punched repeatedly “lucky”, Pam Anderson hasn’t had much luck with relationships. Probably because she keeps dating the same type of guy. So now she’s mixing it up a little and dating an electrician. People magazine says…
They say water and electricity don’t mix, but for eternal beach bunny Pamela Anderson, there’s nothing like taking a dip in the ocean with new surfer boyfriend Jamie Padgett.
A bikini-clad Anderson, 42, was spotted out at the beach in Malibu with her buff boyfriend, who’s an electrician. The pair reportedly met a few months ago at a trailer park where the former wife of Kid Rock was staying while work was being done on her house.
I thought Hollywood people only dated regular people in movies where they trade places with a commoner who happens to look just like them. Such as ‘Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties”. Or ‘It Takes Two’ starring the Olsen Twins. Or ‘Switching Goals’ starring the Olsen Twins. That was the last time they switched places and got into adorable mischief, and also their last popular movie. The message is clear: if your a twin in a movie, and you’re not switching places, fuck you.