jlh loves the way she looks. wait never mind.

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 2:48 PM

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The article from People is a perfect microcosm of Jennifer Love Hewitt. It’s a looping combination of retardation and denial that only she could manage. Please trust me when I tell you that both these quotes are from the very same 300 word interview. We start here…

In a world that’s overly focused on body image, Jennifer Love Hewitt is urging young women not to obsess about weight – because it’s simply not worth it.
“When I meet young girls, I’m always like, ‘Just do me one favor,’ ” she tells PEOPLE in its new issue. “Love what you look like right now – and remember I said it 10 years from now because it’s the greatest gift I can give.”

But somehow finish here…

(Hewitt) still fesses up to dreaming about having a certain body type.
“I’d want to have Gisele Bundchen’s body. Even though she’s tall and skinny, she does have curves … and I think that’s hot,” says Hewitt. “Halle Berry also is kind of amazing.”

I don’t mean to dwell in the past but you just said girls should love their own body. Then you named two unattainable standards of beauty that no one could live up too and that you yourself envy.

But, whatever. Good. I’m glad she’s so transparently miserable. She should stop trying to make people feel like superficial dicks just because she let herself go to hell. Fuck her. She might as well done this entire interview by making little oinky piggy sounds.

megan fox is engaged again

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 12:20 PM

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While in Hawaii two weeks ago, Megan Fox reportedly got engaged to Brian Austin Green (for the second time), but really all this story will do is give the dorks and fatties and keyboard nerds another reason to make fun of her. Us magazine says…

Green popped the question to Fox (on) June 1. But in all the excitement, the happy couple somehow lost the ring.
“I saw her jumping up and down,” a witness (says). “Later, I saw a half dozen staff sifting through the sand.”
Alas, the 2-carat sparkler, which the pair picked out together from Excalibur jewelry store in Beverly Hills, remains MIA.
“Security and maintenance staff spent a couple of hours looking for it,” another source tells Us Weekly. “No one found it.”

Megan has been especially low profile lately, maybe because this is true and she is engaged and doesn’t want to be hounded about it. Or maybe she heard I went off the grid and is trying to hide under that hat. Oh silly Megan. When two hearts are meant to be together no hat or smart ass judge or manhunt can stand between them.

chris klein got a DUI (holy shit update)

By brendon June 16, 2010 @ 10:38 AM

Radar is reporting that Chris Klein was arrested early this morning, around 3:30am, on suspicion of drunk driving after being stopped on the Hollywood Freeway in Los Angeles.

And that’s all that’s known at this point. Because it’s Chris Klein. I doubt the internets top investigators were assigned to this one. He might be the worst actor alive, and seems like a complete douche. Which is why I really hope he goes to jail. He would think he was real cool and would try to hang out with the black guys, and walk up to them in the day yard while one guy bench presses 8000 pounds and say, “whats up man, I’m Chris Klein, the actor. Yeah, from American Pie. Whats up. I’m in here for some bullshit, you know what I mean. Fuckin pig cops. Yeah, look, look this guy over here, he knows what I’m sayin.” Later, as they rushed him to the emergency room and tried to figure out which part of his head was the front, his ass would look like a life preserver.

AMAZING UPDATE – now its being reported that Klein had a blood alcohol level of .20, close to THREE TIMES the legal limit. And that dick had a dog in the car.

tuesday headlines

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 6:10 PM

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CAMERON DIAZ – is in a bikini in Hawaii. Is she as fug and pale and flat chested as she seems? Let’s find out together my friend! (the sun)

AL GORE – filed for divorce recently, and now Star says he’s been having a two year affair with the ex-wife of Larry David. When asked for a comment, Bill Clinton nodded proudly. (star)

BIG BOI – has released a second single from his next record, and after I become a UFC fighter this will totally be my entrance music. (youtube)

CAMILA ALVES – and her husband Matthew McConaughey (image not available) walked around New York yesterday, and she’s actually not that great looking. It’s weird. And yet here I am, not caring. (splash news online)

twitter …….. facebook …….. refrigerator apartheid

Frankenstein Hilton says hes not stupid

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 4:41 PM

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(note – the pictures of Joy Riddle from my facebook aren’t relevant in any way but i feel really bad about two posts in a row on this creep, so she’s here to make this post tolerable.)

Disfigured blogger Perez Hilton has made a video about the Miley Cyrus incident (see it on USA Today here), and he asks if we really think she would go out without underwear and if we think he would be stupid enough to post pictures if she did. Yes. Yes.

He claims she was clearly wearing underwear. You may notice NO ONE else is posting these pictures. Try and guess why. And if she was clearly wearing underwear then there would have been no reason for him to take the picture down. And yet that’s what he did almost immediately Sunday night. If she’s clearly wearing underwear he should have no trouble hosting the picture again. When someone acts guilty, they’re probably guilty. Also keep in mind how he described the picture:

If you are easily offended, do NOT click here. Oh, Miley! Warning: truly not for the easily offended!

Doesn’t really sound like someone describing a picture of a girl in her underwear does it? I only mention all this to stir up as much heat as possible so maybe someone will do something. You have to tread very lightly when dealing with a teen girl. Later of course, when she gets married, you can do whatever you want because she becomes the mans property.  If she doesn’t like it, maybe her best friends the broom and the dustpan can talk some sense into her.

Frankenstein Hilton might be in real trouble

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 2:37 PM

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Disfigured blogger Perez Hilton posted an uncensored upskirt picture of teenager Miley Cyrus late Sunday night on his Twitter page, and it turns out that’s illegal. You can’t distribute pictures of a childs vagina, not even on the internet. And now, happily, he could be in real trouble (note: but won’t be of course because this is LA). PopEater says…

Read more >

hahaha, you suck lindsay

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 1:25 PM

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Lindsay Lohan has been on twitter lately, coyly campaigning for a part on HBO’s vampire show “True Blood”, and you may find this hard to believe, but the professionally run, critical and popular success is not in any hurry to add Lindsay Fucking Lohan to the cast.

Lindsay Lohan can drink all the True Blood she wants, but it doesn’t sound like the hit HBO series is very interested in having her on the show.
“Not in the forseeable future,” Ryan Kwanten told E! last night at Sony Playstation’s Move Lounge when asked whether Linds could be a guest star.
But then he sort of backpedaled when we inquired if she could play a blood-sucking vamp…
“Yeah, she could be a whole bunch of different things,” he hedged. “I’m not one to specify.”

That Lindsay is one sly boots. The rest of society uses perseverance and specialized education to get jobs, but that’s not Lindsays style. She’s made the rest of us look like fools. Like fools, I tell you!

(source = pacific coast news)

jennifer aniston is going topless. again.

By brendon June 15, 2010 @ 11:21 AM

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Jennifer Aniston has been topless in a movie before, but it was edited so you never actually saw anything (note – hooray for the internet). Now she’s reportedly doing another topless scene, this time in a movie with the unthinkably underused Colin Farrell. The Sun says…

Her role in Horrible Bosses alongside movie bad boy Farrell, 34, is said to be a “total departure” from her usual romantic comedy characters.
Jen, 41, has previously only appeared partially nude in a blurred scene in 2007 film The Break-Up.
A source said of the new film: “It was worked out before she signed her contract, so she’s committed.”
It is due to be released next year.

Anistons one and only good attribute is her body, and even that isn’t as good as the average 19-year old (or Tyler reader) so, if you have to be shackled with 2 hours of, “I’m over gesturing with my hands like this is a god damn shadow puppet show because I can’t convey emotion through my acting. Look, I’m wringing my hands now. Ggrrr, I’m very intense right now. I’m very worried or maybe hopeful but listen to the music… mostly worried. But wait, something’s happenig! Now I’m throwing my hands up and showing my palms! I’m happy now, yaaay, the challenging situation was resolved! Big circles with my arms now, LOL! I don’t know how comedy works!”, then you damn well better see some tits.