Victoria Silvstedt is a pro at this

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 7:17 AM

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I wish I had been born as a tall sexy blond and then got big fake tits, because lounging around a pool in a bikini for a living looks like something I could do.

(who: Victoria Silvstedt.  where: Marbella, Spain.  when: 5-2-09.  image source: Flynet)

Is that … oh no

By brendon May 05, 2009 @ 5:26 AM

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I don’t know when this page turned into some geriatric lust fetish site, but last week it was Helen Mirrens breasts, yesterday it was Kelly Ripa and her three kids(*), today it’s Goldie Hawn slipping out of her dress.  It’s not as bad as you might think, but look here you daffy bitch, you’re not 20 anymore, you’re not even 60 anymore, put a GD bra on.  I think a good general rule would be that anyone born while WWII was still going on needs a GD bra.  And before anyone defends the way she looks – BAM.  So thx to Goldie for reminding us that we all slowly turn into monsters.

(*)and yes I realize Kelly Ripa has no business being on that list but I need three or it’s not really a list now is it.  image source = splash news

oprah gave jenny a talk show

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 3:23 PM

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Jenny McCarthy first got famous in 1993 when she showed her vagina in Playboy, but really found her calling when her 2-year old son was diagnosed with not-autism then not-autism then not-autism then autism (1). So clearly her son had autism, and she blamed vaccines for giving it to him. Specifically the measles vaccine, which up until 1999 contained mercury. Jennys son was born in 2002 and did not receive a vaccine with mercury (2), but she spoke out to have it banned anyway. Again. Extra-banned, and for kids like her son who didn’t get it in the first place to not get it even more in the future. Because now he’s cured. But not really.  Or maybe he never had it to begin with. Either way, all that public speaking has led Oprah Winfrey to give Jenny her very own talk-show!

McCarthy has inked a multi-year overall deal with Winfrey’s Harpo Prods. to develop projects on different platforms, including a syndicated talk show that the actress/author would host.
McCarthy talked to the chat queen about her struggles with her son’s autism in conjunction with the releases of her best-selling books “Louder Than Words: A Mother’s Journey in Healing Autism” and “Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds.” McCarthy also was part of Winfrey’s Friday Live panels twice, including this past Friday.

The worst thing about Jennys baseless hippie ramblings is that it gives people false hope.  People like me, because I live next door to this couple with two little cunts who stand outside and scream all day. If I thought for one second the measles vaccine could miraculously transform them into nearly invisible mutes I would stab them in the heart with it.

megan fox is underutilized

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 11:32 AM


As part of the promotional push for “Transformers 2”, Megan Fox has a new video up exclusively on Esquire.com. Which is another way of saying Megan Fox has a video completely ruined by Esquire.com. Esquire and GQ have a unique talent for never ever doing anything right. Here we have Megan Fox in a bra and panties waking up in bed. And they still manage to queer it up. No matter what, those two always fuck it up. I’m genuinely surprised a basket of snakes didn’t dump on top of me when I hit “back”.

Please dont do that Kate Moss

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 10:41 AM

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Sometimes in fables the Devil will grant someone a wish in exchange for their soul, but of course he’s gotta be a dick about it and give the person what they asked for but with some cruel twist.  Like you ask to be rich and he makes you rich in wisdom or some useless shit like that.  These pictures show what you would get if your wish was for a world famous supermodel, sunbathing topless on a yacht bigger than the high school I went to, and also there’s another girl who is also topless, and they start to do yoga together and the other topless girl starts rubbing the supermodels back and shoulders, perhaps telling her to relax and let go of all her inhibitions.

Pretty hot, right?  Do you remember the part about the cruel twist?  Ta-da.

the Sad Cartoon Turtle found love

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 8:54 AM

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I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging but “The Sad Turtle Finds Love” would be a pretty good title for a children’s book. Something about never giving up, and how you never know what this day may hold. 20 minutes before you met the true love of your life, you had no idea that you were about to meet the true love of your life. That day could be today. Jesus Christ I’m gonna be rich.

Point being, Maggie got married this weekend to actor Peter Sarsgaard, who I always think is the professor from “Good Will Hunting” but it’s not. I don’t know who he is. You might try the library, they might know.

One time someone asked me if I was forced would I fuck Maggie or Jake. And I said, “… uh … J …. Maggie.” And then they said well what about just deep kissing. And I said, “aww God dammit”.

Kelly Ripa is a hot bitch

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 8:20 AM

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Some things to take away from these pictures of Kelly Ripa yesterday, down in Miami with her hunky husband and their three kids, in town to film “Regis and Kelly Live.”

Picture 4 – Yeah, yeah you like that?  You like rubbin it all over?  Well I got some white stuff you can take on your face right here, baby.  It’s the Night Essential moisturizer from Shiseidos “The Skincare” line.  It’s so light but Oh – My – God.

Picture 5 – No Running!   MA’AM, NO RUNNING!

Picture 7 – This hot bitch has three kids?  What did she, find them in the fucking woods, look at the abs on this slut.

Picture 14 – To top it off she pounded drinks all day like it was last call.

Picture 23 – Three kids.

Picture 27 – Nice goggles tough-guy.  Where’s your water wings and nose clip?  I hope they don’t fog up so you can find your inhaler or rape whistle in case of an emergency, you fag.  Don’t you have some dishes to wash.

Picture 28 – Look at him, hiding in the shadows, taking pictures of little kids in swimsuits.  I think he likes it.  Perv.

Picture 34 – Three kids.

Picture 44 – I think she just passed out with a drink in her hand.

(image source = mavrix Online)

Beyonce seems reasonable

By brendon May 04, 2009 @ 7:39 AM

I’m not sure if this is gonna post either, but if so, you’re getting a nice reminder that you better do exactly what Beyonce wants or she’ll lose it on your ass. In this clip from her show in Rotterdamn, she freaks out for no apparent reason. At the 45 second mark, she sings “Lights! Someone gettin’ fired.” Everything seems okay, it’s not like she was stumbling around with a candle, but whatever. I don’t get it, she seems so friendly on that Nintendo DS commercial. That must have been pulled from 30 hours of her sitting on the couch with her arms crossed as the cameras rolled with the game snapped in half next to her. “Yeah I heard you. You ain’t the boss of me. How bout this, since you so god damn smart, you film the motherfuckin commercial.”