Look, I was born and raised right outside New Orleans, and I love Louisiana more than anything, but New Orleans is a complete shithole. 20 percent of it is beautiful and charming. 80 percent of it is dirty and terrifying, and those parts are literally blocks away from the nice parts. You’re never out of stray bullet range. It’s only fun if you like the adrenaline rush that comes after running for your life. One reason for that is the corrupt and/or useless local government, so suffice to say this is the worlds least surprising story.
Cage was arrested for alleged domestic abuse and disturbing the peace after an allegedly drunken argument with his wife in New Orleans last month, won’t be prosecuted.
“The New Orleans District Attorney has confirmed that no charges of any kind will be pursued against him,” Cage’s attorney Harry Rosenberg tells PEOPLE. “After their investigation, the DAs refused all charges against Nick and the matter has been closed.”
Movies bring a lot of money into town, so just because Nic Cage got drunk, made the cops chase him around the French Quarter, possibly yanked his wife around by her arm and made a woman with a baby in her arms beg for her saftey is no reason to get carried away and place him in jail. What’s done is done, just let sleeping dogs lie. Instead of “to protect and serve”, the motto written on cop cars should be, “that aint none of my business.”
Katy Perry boarded a private jet to Australia today, and as you can see she was carrying a blanket and wearing pajamas. Is this bullshit supposed to be cute? And more importantly is that what she wears to bed with Russell Brand? If so I assume that means he’s turned on by retards or little kids, and good luck figuring out which one is worse.
X MEN: FIRST CLASS – has 3 new character trailers for Beast, Banshee, and Havok, also known as, “Oh I Thought That Was Young Cyclops”, “Who?”, and “The One Who Humps Out Laser Hoops”. (mtv)
CONAN THE BARBARIAN – has a new trailer out today, and at the end it mentions that this was shot in 3D, as if you couldn’t tell by the stunning percentage of pointy things flying at the screen. (yahoo)
COLUMBIANA – stars Zoe Saldana as an 80-pound lethal assassin, but it’s from the director of ‘Taken’ so I’m sure that’s all explained and it’ll make sense. (yahoo)
KELLY BROOK – is in the new UK Esquire, but unlike yesterday the issue is now out and so here are all the pictures. I sure would love to come across a girl who looks like this. So to speak. (esquire)
I hope Maggie Q sees this, because I shan’t be masturbating to ‘Nikita’ anymore, not after these pictures of her going for a walk in her neighborhood today with no makeup. TV gave me the impression she was naturally perfect, but they played me for a fool. It was all a big lie. I swear to God I’ll get you for this, TV!
The good news is that Cameron Diaz looks pretty good for a 48 year old, as you can see on the new cover of Cosmo. The bad news is that she’s only 38, and that picture is photoshopped to a degree where you can’t even call it a picture anymore. It’s more like a drawing, of some completely new person.
All of which is lost on Cameron, who thanks to weed and arrogance, thinks she’s better than ever.
“I think you get better as you age. You know what you want, and you become stronger mentally, emotionally and physically,” she tells Cosmopolitan. “But also, things have happened recently that have pushed me to grow. My father died, and having gone through that really made me think about my life and how I want to live it.”
“I don’t care what other people think,” the former model continues. “It’s my life, and I live it the way I want to.”
“So shut up! Go away, I hate you! I must return to my home under the bridge and plot my revenge on those three devious billy goats!”
Cheryl Cole isn’t a household name in America, but she’s a superstar in England, and she might be one here too soon because Simon Cowell officially named her as the third judge on ‘the X Factor’ today. Meaning I’m gonna watch the hell out of that stupid show.
“I’m thrilled for Cheryl. She is massively excited about this show, and has been fantastic to work with. She is also a complete brat! Most importantly, this girl can spot talent.”
There’s still one more judge to come, and most people assume it will be Paula Abdul. Although god knows why. When she was on Idol, if she ever said anything even remotely related to what had just happened on stage it was by sheer random chance. I say more insightful stuff after I get my dick caught in my zipper.
Yesterday was slow as hell, but today is off to a much better start because UFC ring girl Arianny Celeste was nice enough to strip down to a bikini and prance around on Miami beach. She was there with current UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones and her boyfriend, former UFC welterweight fighter Tiki Ghosn. For the record, I think it was rude of them not to identify themselves before I slapped her ass and then asked, “What are you fags gonna do about it?”
Literally anything. Thats what this post is, because Holy Christ there is nothing going on today. So let’s selectively choose something about Vin Diesel so we can laugh at him. Like this video from 1986, before he was calling himself Vin Diesel and still going by Mark Sinclair, and making breakdancing videos set to the worst music you’ll ever hear. At least until you go to Soundcloud and listen to Vins rap demo that they somehow found and uploaded this week. It’s hard to always understand what he’s rapping about, but I assume it’s his life of celibacy.