Manti Te'o Turns to Fake Dead Girlfriend in Wake of Dramatic Drop in NFL Draft

Where would you turn? This Heisman hopeful and all but certain NFL first round draft pick just a few months ago was skipped over entirely by all 32 teams in the coveted first round. Your coaches aren't going to understand. Your family who's been counting on this day... read more

JWOWW Is An 'Actress' Now, But It's Not Porn

Now that Snooki has become a huge success at being a human bobblehead doll, her castmate from Jersey Shore Jenni Farley, AKA JWOWW, has also figured out what it is she wants to be when she grows up. Because it takes practically no talent at all, JWOWW has fit right in as... read more

Why Do They Always Boo the First Pick in the NFL Draft? (VIDEO)

I've got a couple theories on this. They're both stupid. Mostly I assume the guys who go to the draft to watch it live are extreme fanatics. Either their team just picked somebody they think is a wasted first pick, or, the team they hate just picked the guy they wished... read more

Michelle Rodriguez in Cosmo (For Latinas)

I didn't even know there was a Cosmo magazine just for Latinas. I feel kind of gypped. Cosmo has all those great articles on how men really do appreciate soft touches up and down their spine during lovemaking and other advice certain to leave you wondering why your man... read more

Edward Norton Finds Even Bigger Dick and Hurts His Finger

Edward Norton crossed paths with an even bigger dick than himself yesterday and had to bust the dude's finger up. That's just how Edward Norton rolls. It's primal. Alain Becerra-Calderon (that dude just sounds like a dick) was quite innocently pestering the shit out of... read more

Chloe Green in a Bikini

I'd be lying if I didn't say I find rich girls more attractive than poor girls. Yeah, being the bread winner for a struggling-to-pay-her-rent girl is a chivalrous dream. But I'll take the life of leisure only a girl whose daddy is worth a billion dollars can provide.... read more

Jessica Alba Wore Two Sweaty Girdles

I wore a double corset day and night for three months. It was sweaty, but worth it. So says Jessica Alba to net-a-porter magazine in handing out simple post-partum body beautiful tips to fellow new moms. 'It was brutal; it's not for everyone,' Why not for everyone? Why... read more

A.J. Clemente Debuts His Mole (VIDEO)

A.J. Clemente, the news anchor from North Dakota who was fired because he was terrible at his job, was on Letterman last night and Jesus, check out his mole. He tongued it a couple times and it looked like a gecko trying to drink dew from its eye. It was fascinating. AJ.... read more

Kim Kardashian See-Through Right to Her Gentle Soul

Depending on which shock gossip blog you read, pregnant fatty Kim Kardashian is either collapsing in tears from Kanye's abandonment of her during her time of need, or, Kanye is dying to marry Kim before their bastard baby pops fresh from Kim's moneymaker and nobody gives... read more

Gwyneth Paltrow Goes Commando

Gwyneth Paltrow was recently crowned the World's Most Beautiful Woman by People Magazine, to which everyone except bored rich housewives who actually shop at goop rolled their eyes and continued to the CVS counter with their condoms and Klonopin prescriptions. At least... read more

Europe Will Always Suck More Than The U.S.

As admittedly lame and puritanical as the U.S. is when it comes to female nudity (the U.S. government will remove your license to broadcast if you show a titty or say the word 'fuck' lest we all suffer thehellfire from above), Europeans are far worse with their idiotic... read more

Good Luck Ever Selling That Car, Chris Brown

Chris Brown may be a douchebag, but he wants to remind everyone that he's the king of all douchebags thanks to the new makeover that he ordered for his 2005 Lamborghini Gallardo. Just like his other Gallardo, Brown wanted to make sure that this one stood out when he... read more