Sofia Vergara at the SAG Awards

By brendon January 31, 2011 @ 12:17 PM

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The Screen Actors Guild Awards were last night of course, and from the film side it was telling that the Kings Speech, Colin Firth, Christian Bale and Natalie Portman all won (full winners list here), because most assume they’re a lock for Academy Awards as well.

From the TV side, the big winner was everyone out of Sofia Vergaras line of sight so they didn’t have to pretend as if they weren’t staring at her huge jugs.

Though, as a counterpoint, this really hot and really skinny girl I know said, “whatever. Who needs curves when you’ve got a tight pussy.” It was such intense sexual torture she might as well have just started wacking me in the nuts with a driver.

morning headlines

By brendon January 31, 2011 @ 10:48 AM

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THE SAG AWARDS – were last night, and they sucked, unless you follow supermodel Chrissy Teigen on twitter. “i saw jeremy renner after the globes and was very disappointed he didn’t have the neck tattoo from the town. fake ass.” “these social network doofs are aligned like the bars on my att phone. if i ever fucking had full service. so it’s just one jesse eisenberg.” She’s great. Unfortunately her boyfriend is John Legend, and he’s better than me by any reasonable standard. The only thing I have on him is the element of surprise, if you catch my drift. (twitter)

JAVIER BARDEM – has been offered the role as the villain in the next James Bond movie. After that he should play Jeffrey Dean Morgan in a movie about Raul Julia. (deadline)

HENRY CAVILL – has been chosen by producer Christopher Nolan and director Zach Snyder to play the next Superman, which means we now have British actors playing Batman, Spiderman and Superman. Luckily their characters won’t be British, because they’d just be a bunch of drunks using their powers on free kicks. (hollywood reporter)

Charlie Sheen enters rehab, Two and a Half Men on hiatus

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 7:53 PM

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The official story is still that Charlie Sheen was only in a hospital yesterday because of a hernia he got from laughing too hard, and yet, today he “voluntarily” entered an undisclosed rehab, and his CBS show Two and a Half Men will be temporarily shut down because of it.

Sheen’s highly successful sitcom, Two and a Half Men, is going on hiatus due to the star’s decision to enter rehab, according to a statement from CBS, Warner Bros. Television and executive producer Chuck Lorre.
“We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being, and support his decision,” they say in the statement.

Well, obviously he was forced to do this, because not only does he not care about getting clean, he thinks he’s cool. Earlier today, a source told People.

“He loves the attention, he loves to shock people, he loves that he gets away with all of this. And he can because there are no consequences – that’s the problem. It’s who he is, like it or leave it.”

Could someone please just introduce him to Lindsay so we can get this over with and move on with our lives.

PREDICTABLE UPDATE – In a text message this evening, Sheen said, “I’m fine. People don’t seem to get it…. Guy can’t have a great time and do his job also?”

Sofia Vergara looks happy. With good reason.

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 5:11 PM

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Sofia Vergara was at the Elle Women In Television event in West Hollywood last night, and OH MY GOD look at those tits. This is one of those girls who sets an unfair standard. I was talkin to a guy at the bus stop about this today, because I think it’s maybe why I can’t get an erection when I’m with a woman, but he just kept reading his magazine. Even though I don’t think there was anything in there about erections, so I’m not sure how it was gonna help.

(image source = getty)

Halle Berry knows how to dress

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 3:29 PM

Halle Berry And Olivier Martinez Heading To The Dentist

Halle Berry went to the dentist in Toluca Lake yesterday, and for some reason she did it her cock-teasingest shorts. Did that poor bastard dump her in high school or something?

(image source = flynet)

like nothing ever happened

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 2:16 PM

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Denise Richards, Martin Sheen, and Dr. Drew are all trying to get Charlie Sheen into drug rehab, but his body can apparently take it, his employer lets him do whatever he wants, and it’s not like the pussies in the LAPD would ever arrest a celebrity, so, no, he’s not gonna do that. Instead he’s gonna go home, hang out, and party some more, like nothing ever happened.

Charlie Sheen will be at work Tuesday on the set of “Two and a Half Men,” sources tell TMZ — and he’s NOT going to rehab.
Charlie is out of the hospital and recovering from Thursday’s 911 emergency.
The show is on hiatus this week, so the production schedule won’t be affected.

Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Tuesday is a loonng way away in Charlie Sheen time. His house could look like Jonestown by then.

morning headlines

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 1:01 PM

RICKY GERVAIS – reprized his role as David Brent on the Office last night, and it really was a great scene, right up until it began. (celebuzz)

TRACEY MORGAN – was live on Inside The NBA last night from Madison Square Garden, and when Charles Barkley asked him to choose between Tina Fey and Sarah Palin, he said, “Let me tell you about Sarah Palin man. That’s some good masturbation material.” Hopefully she’ll take that as the very flattering compliment that he intended. (ted williams head)

LEA MICHELLE – is the star of Glee, which is on Fox, and she’ll sing “America, the Beautiful” at the Superbowl. Which will be aired on Fox. Finally, they figured out a way to promote that show a little. (e!)

Charlie Sheen was in the hospital for laughing too hard

By brendon January 28, 2011 @ 10:00 AM

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Charlie Sheen is an asshole who beats up women, and that’s why I had my fingers crossed that he would die yesterday, but he didn’t, and now we’re gonna have to listen to a bunch of insultingly condescending explanations for why he was rushed to the hospital. Awesome. Officially, he’s in there for a hernia. And what caused it to flare up? Was it the 36-hour coke binge? Nooppe. Course not.

The Hollywood Reporter

One friend of Charlie Sheen has the most unusual reason for the actor’s hospitalization on Thursday — the Two and a Half Men star was laughing too hard.
Steve Brodersen, identified as Sheen’s friend by Extra, told the program that Sheen suffered a hernia injury while laughing too hard at the television from his home.
The report continues that Sheen may need surgery as soon as tomorrow to repair the hernia. Brodersen said that Sheen told him from the hospital bed, “I’m not dying.”

Is anyone in LA law enforcement gonna investigate this, by the way? At all? Witnesses are saying he had a briefcase full of coke. No one wants to look into that? Maybe swing by his house? No?

Okay fantastic.

I’m sure if there was a news report about my meter being expired and they could write me a ticket they’d have a team of forensics on the scene within the hour.