Paris Hilton Is Your DJ of the Year

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The DJ world was turned on its head last night when Paris Hilton was named the best female spinner in the universe by a group of daisy-chained French metrosexuals. The competition was stiff and included several other girls nobody has ever fucking heard of with sweet house music playlists on their iPods. A cynic might […]

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Britney Spears Has Love Contract

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Britney Spears made the trust fundy bearded dude she is dating sign a Non Disclosure Agreement before they even met. Charlie Ebersol apparently didn’t mind signing the document, which would make it illegal for him to talk to his friends about Spears’ meds or even her opinion of the McRib. It appears the one thing […]

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Gwyneth Paltrow Says Untrue Things

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gwyneth Paltrow says she is proud of her wrinkles and doesn’t care about makeup or her face. This is atypical for someone who is exceptionally vein and obsessed with aesthetics right down to the hand crafted toilet paper holders she hawks. It is particularly outrageous when you realize she endorses several cosmetic products: “I’m not […]

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Asian Chick Obsessed With Being Asian (VIDEO)

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Joy Regullano has a web series called White Fetish in which she attempts to explain the horrific plight of being a young Asian woman in America. Other than having above average income levels, above average education levels, and no longer needing to eat the draft horse during the cold winter starvation cycle like grandma did, […]

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Mel Gibson Owes Robert Downey A Favor

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

When Robert Downey Jr begged Hollywood to forgive Mel Gibson people were torn. Gibson represented a bigoted overlord oppressor type while anyone in the LA area would let Robert Downey cum in their hair just so they could tell their friends they are cool with him. Downey’s plea helped as Gibson’s pariah status has lessened […]

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Kim Kardashian Naked and Unpaid, What the Fuck Happened to America?

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Kim Kardashian was not paid for her Charlie McCarthy like like full frontal cover shoot for Paper Magazine since Paper Magazine is not a legitimate magazine and does not have the money to pay their cover models. Hence their willingness to put a lubed up silicon injected case of steatopygia on their cover. The New […]

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Emma Stone Is Now Legit

November 13, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I don’t particularly understand musical theater. Whenever somebody around me breaks out into song, my natural inclination is to want to punch them in the face until they can’t sing any longer. I don’t need the Postman or the Nightclub Owner or the Prostitute emoting to music. It just makes me anxious that I never […]

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Fake Female Social Experiment Number 873 (VIDEO)

November 13, 2014 | video | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

There’s now a cottage industry around girls with large racks walking the urban landscape with hidden cameras for the purpose of showing the world what the world already knows. Some percentage of dudes are skeevy predators. You don’t say? I can’t even tell if this video is completely staged or only mildly staged and biased in […]

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