morning headlines

By brendon January 21, 2011 @ 10:48 AM

Hilary Duff Leaving Neiman Marcus In Beverly Hills

MEL GIBSON – is facing up to 4 years in jail for hitting his ex. It’s probably a good thing he didn’t know that because if he did I bet he would have hit her even harder. (sun)

AMERICAN IDOL – is down 13 percent in the ratings from one year ago, which was the lowest rated season in the shows history. And this is crazy because everyone loves Jennifer Lopez so much. How could this have gone wrong? It’s a real mindbender. (ew)

TAYLOR SWIFT AND JAKE GYLLENHAAL – dated briefly around Thanksgiving, then broke up, but now may be back together. They might as well be. They’re never gonna find anyone else this bland and boring, so don’t even bother. (people)

KESHA – has said in countless interviews that that she doesn’t know who her father is, but it might her father, whom she had a very cordial relationship with until she was 19, but then stared telling people she doesn’t know who her father is. Just once it would be nice to find a girl who wasn’t completely fucking nuts. (star)

HILARY DUFF – is pregnant according to Star, but not pregnant according to Hilary Duff. So either Star is lying, or she’s lying, or she wanted to wait and tell me our big news in person. (star, twitter)

Kim Kardashian > fat dumb hillbilly teen moms

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 5:12 PM

Kim Kardashian

Kim Kardashian went on her blog yesterday to post about the high school in Memphis that has had 90 teen pregnancies in the past year, and how it might relate to the MTV show Teen Mom, and said some fairly obvious things that shouldn’t even need to be said, such as…

“…while I’m not saying that no teen is in the position to raise a child, having a baby so young shouldn’t be seen as the trendy thing to do.
Girls, please, think very carefully before you make these kind of decisions.”

Only a feeble minded dolt would try to equate having a child with making a sex tape, and so that’s exactly what Teen Mom “star” Amber Portwood did in her oh-so-clever rebuttal…

“Last time I checked, Kim Kardashian had a sex tape floating around on the internet and I’m pretty sure she made a lot of money off of it,” says the mother of 2-year-old Leah. “She made a sex tape when she was younger and she wants to bash the girls on Teen Mom?”

Listen you hillbilly whore, Kims sex tape isn’t gonna rob and shoot me in 15 years because it was raised by some dimwitted loser. If you have a kid at 16 it should be taken away and you should be turned upside down and filled with cement because you’re an idiot and a menace to society. You might as well just chop off one of your own feet since you’re so determined to make your life ten thousand times harder than it needs to be for absolutely no reason.

(image source = inf daily)

Rihanna got another haircut

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 4:49 PM

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Rihanna was out in Hollywood last night with what popeater refers to as a “wig”, but I don’t know if they mean that literally or if that’s just what todays young people are calling a hairstyle. Either way, what the fuck why. This is what you’d wear at Holloween if you went as a toilet brush.

(image source = splash news online)

Kim Kardashian has a racy new leaked picture

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 1:17 PM

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The New York Daily News says today that they have a private candid picture of Kim Kardashian, naked in bed with her new boyfriend, though to be honest that probably makes it sound hotter than it really is.

Gatecrasher has secured a photo of (Kim) and her rumored BF, New Jersey Net Kris Humphries, that a source tells us was once the b-baller’s BlackBerry Messenger photo.
In the steamy head shot, where the two appear to be in bed together, a bare-shouldered Kardashian smiles provocatively at the camera, with her mouth open and tongue out, while Humphries licks the side of her face. Going from a sex tape to a foreplay photo counts as progress, we guess.

It feels like it should be about time where everyone stops mentioning the sex tape every time Kim Kardashian does something even remotely racy. Just the fact that it’s referred to as a “tape” makes it feel like a 50 year old story. Like she’s gonna be on there in black and white, doing the Charleston.

(image source = splash news online)

morning headlines

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 11:05 AM

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SUPERBOWL XLV – will have at least 13 ads for movies, including what should be the first real footage from Super 8 and Capt. America. No word yet on what PuppyBowl VII will have ads for. Dog food? (variety)

RACHEL WEISZ – is the choice for the female lead in the new James Bond movie, which is weird bc she dates Daniel Craig, who of course plays James Bond. It’s always a solid idea to make plans for a year from now with a girl you just started dating. What could possibly go wrong. (the sun)

AMERICAN IDOL – had it’s season 10 premiere last night, with Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler as new judges, and overall it’s getting pretty good reviews. Especially from Tyler, who found a way to meet new teen pussy. (la times)

ANNALYNNE MCCORD – played with a full bred wolf on the set of 90210 yesterday. Did he kiss her, then roll on his back and spread his legs? Of course he did. Wouldn’t you? (pacific coast)

at least Charlie Sheen can count on Jim Norton

By brendon January 20, 2011 @ 10:07 AM

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If not for the out of control drug addiction, paranoia, violence and crime sprees, Charlie Sheen would be pretty cool. Or at least fun to hang out with. The trick is block out everything else and focus all your attention on the prostitutes and whores.

Luckily that’s what Jim Norton of the Opie and Anthony show is best at, as proven once again in todays New York Post

“As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house.”

I should probably stop having Jim Norton quotes on the page, at least in the morning, because let’s not kid each other, it’s all downhill from here. If this were a relay race, he’d have taken the lead, handed me the baton, my pants would fall down, I’d drop the baton, trip, and somehow have it go right up my ass when I fell down.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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SELENA GOMEZ – is reportedly in a topless phone pic being shopped around, but her reps are denying that it’s her. And yes that’s the picture in question in the headline. I’m sure it’s fake but it’s hard to tell. I haven’t seen Selena Gomez naked as many times as you might think. (celebuzz)

THE OFFICE – will have a huge guest star next week when Ricky Gervais appears as David Brent (who of course was the main character in the original version of the Office in England). Though now that I think about it, all this does is make me want to watch the original. Which was way better. It would be like if you went on a date with a girl, and she brought a hotter, sluttier friend with her. Way to go NBC. (aint it cool)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – reportedly cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn a few months ago, and now he may be texting her again, claiming his relationship with Biel is through. In his defense, it might be true. Not in his defense, he’s a little weenie. (huff post)

MEL GIBSON – will probably face criminal charges for hitting Oksana Grigorieva, but his attorney Blair Berk had a meeting late Tuesday afternoon with the DA to try and get out of it. She should have given herself a black eye before she went, then said, “please, please don’t make me go back there with bad news.” It probably wouldn’t work, but I mean he’s screwed anyway so why not go for it. (radar)

Jennifaa Yopez threatened Ricky Gervais

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 5:02 PM

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As you know, Ricky Gervais didn’t exactly endear himself to some people in Hollywood Sunday night as host of the Golden Globes, because they felt his jokes crossed some line and were too mean or too personal.

So when it was her time to go on stage and present an award, Jennifer Lopez, an egomaniac who can’t handle any criticism, went and told Gervais she would jump him after the show if he said anything bad about her.

Lopez said: “I was sitting in the audience and was thinking, ‘Oh my God, what’s he gonna say about me?’
“So I went backstage and I got him, right before we were about to go out. I can’t say everything I said – because you’d have to bleep me – but I told him, ‘Listen, I’m from the Bronx, I fight, my husband fights – we’ll beat you up after the show. I mean it!’
“He was like, ‘No, it’s not that bad. I promise you’ll like it – it’s funny!’ But I scared him.”

Shut your mouth little girl. My dick weighs more than Marc Anthony, probably taller too, so please, by all means, have him come fight me. And I would never ever advocate hitting a girl, but I would definitely push Jennifer Lopez if she tried to punch me. Hard. Hard enough where she’d roll, at least twice. And that is not a girl built for rolling. That ass probably hits the ground like a sandbag, so you can imagine how hard I’m gonna push her.