Alec Baldwin Sticks It to Authority

By Lex May 27, 2014 @ 9:21 AM

Alec-Baldwin-Bike-Riding-in-East-Village
You don’t jack around Alec Baldwin and not expect some kind of response. It’s like poking Godzilla in the ass with a Bikini Atoll survivor. When the long arm of the fascist state arrested Alec for riding his bike the wrong way on Fifth Avenue, they didn’t stop a man, they started a war. A war of ideals that all men, most especially Alec Baldwin, have certain inalienable rights. Including the right to order liquor store deliveries after midnight and some others important ones he can’t remember right now. You could smell the middle finger to authority as Alec put on his big boy action face and rode his bike the wrong way across an East Village street. Even his cold pressed juice in its environmentally friendly blue reusable tote looked ready to tussle . Some say Alec’s drinking kale, others, wheatgrass with ginger. I say Alec Baldwin is drinking pure fuck you. Whichever direction Alec Baldwin rides is the right way.

Photo credit: Splash News

Alec Baldwin Calmly Explains Schwinn-Gate

By Lex May 14, 2014 @ 6:19 PM

Alec-Baldwin-and-His-Gay-Hairdresser

The difference between the asshole and the narcissist is about 140 characters. So it goes that Alec Baldwin took to Twitter to explain what really happened during his arrest yesterday for wrong-way biking and being a man-bitch to the cops.

I asked both police officers today to ticket me. If they contend that I asked for special treatment, they are lying. If you don’t have ID in NY when they write you a summons, they can take you in. Officer Moreno did not know me. Officer Weinstein did. Moreno shouted, ‘Let’s do this the right way!’ And handcuffed me. I told both officers I was happy to accept the summons and go. One officer seemed inclined toward that. Moreno did not. I think handcuffing some1 4 riding a bicycle in the wrong direction is ridiculous. Report of disorderly conduct is a distortion by Moreno.

Whoa, not so fast there, bloated biker boy. Do you realize how many people would have had to pretend to like you if you’d been killed riding the wrong way on Fifth Avenue? The Buzzfeed lists alone would have cost countless minutes of remotely employed journalism major time. Yes, law enforcement officers are bound by Isle of Manhattan constable code to know Alec Baldwin, and apparently Moreno fell short in this regard. Also, nobody can deny that the cops are out to get you. Along with the right wing media, your ex-wife, and Schamus the Red, the vengeful 16th century pirate who shadows your every move after your fifth cocktail. Still, you can’t go around calling the cops a bunch of liars. Especially when you keep referring to the the female officer as Moreno, even though her name is Montero. Alec deftly wrote that mistake off as him still being shaken from his false imprisonment and Spanish chicks all looking like the same fucking pain in the ass.

Alec Baldwin Is Being Mistreated Again

By Lex May 13, 2014 @ 4:13 PM

Alec-Baldwin-Arrested

I laugh from the belly when somebody who adores lots of little bullshit laws gets busted for something trivial and pisses and moans like a martyr. It’s even more amusing when that certain whiny bitch is angry Alec Baldwin on a Schwinn. That drunk fucker was riding his bike the wrong way on Fifth Avenue. When 5-0 stopped him and asked him for ID, he went all up in his fat angry white MSNBC guy shit about living in a police state. Alec demanded to know the police officer’s name and badge number, the classic sign of taking responsibility for your actions. Alec retweeted his anger so you could live for but a moment in his world of unjust treatment:

Twitter-from-Angry-Alec-Baldwin

Alec is particularly angry that he and his family are innocent victims of the faggot cocksucking coon media while the police stand idly by, just waiting to arrest him for jaywalking or being a huge dick. It’s hard not to see his point. We as a nation need to stop targeting Alec Baldwin for persecution and start focusing our police resources on people with viewpoints inconsistent with Alec Baldwin’s superior understanding of the world. It’s really so simple. No wonder Alec gets so frustrated.

Alec Baldwin Is a Quitter

By Lex February 24, 2014 @ 3:44 PM

Alec Baldwin's Cover Story 'I Give Up' In New York Magazine
I can’t help but feel we had many more liquor fueled rants and fist-fights and ‘faggot’ slurs from the steely-eyed old fellow. But, no, Alec Baldwin declared he’s quitting. Nobody’s clear yet on what Alec is quitting exactly, but in a new heavily publicized magazine cover story he laments publicity and hints at leaving his beloved Manhattan for good. If you check the moving company records, you’ll see that self-righteous progressive hypocrites move into the city far more often than they move out. Alec has even considered leaving show business altogether to get away from the the scrutiny of the paparazzi who don’t always follow the commands of his paid publicists:

If quitting the television business, the movie business, the theater, any component of entertainment, is necessary in order to bring safety and peace to my family, then that is an easy choice.

Read that as, there’s no way in hell he has the testicular fortitude to make this move. Despite being fired from a talk show on network that only has twenty-seven viewers, Alec continues to rake in the bucks, the attention, and the drama Irish drunks crave from the bottom of their glasses. He can’t leave the action. It’s like Jordan quitting basketball or more aptly, Lamar Odom quitting the rock. Self-pity is Alec’s crack. He’s not going anywhere.

Photo Credit: New York Magazine/Twitter

MSNBC Fires Alec Baldwin for Being a Dick

By Lex November 27, 2013 @ 3:40 PM

Alec Baldwin Leaves His Apartment In New York City

In a move nobody cares about by a network that nobody watches, noted gay rights activist and homophobe Alec Baldwin has lost his late night talk show, Up Late. Alec Baldwin apologists are quick to point out that the firing is not directly related Baldwin’s ‘fag’ slurs in public, and actually more a result of his kicking a woman with cancer out of her makeup room at 30 Rock. The fallout from the show cancelation will be tremendous as up to eight people will become disappointed on Friday nights when MSNBC adds an extra hour of lesbians shanking each other in prison, more formally known as The Rachel Maddow show. Yeah, I know, I went long on that one.

Here’s pictures of Alec’s hot daughter, Ireland, who I will comfort after the gay mafia kills him in some fabulous manner.

Photo Credit: WENN, Ireland Baldwin/Instagram

Ireland Baldwin’s Daddy Is Not Homophobic, Okay?

By Travis November 18, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Ireland Baldwin is the rare Hollywood double threat these days, in that she’s becoming more and more famous not only because she’s the daughter of famous people, but also because she posts a lot of pictures of herself in bikinis to Instagram. But now that she’s 18, she’s proving that she’s so much more than online jailbait by finally speaking out about her father Alec Baldwin’s love of dropping homophobic slurs in his hissy fits against the paparazzi that tease him into exploding at them. In a Twitter rant on Saturday, Ireland claimed that Alec is “far from a homophobe or a racist,” and that he just gets really emotional because he’s trying to protect his infant child. And just as I was starting to think she might have a point, she Tweeted some bullshit about Willow Smith and Lady Gaga and completely lost me.

Photo Credits: WENN.com